Past Regrets: Love and Friendship, Book 2 (22 page)

“Alex.” He sounded scared, and anger at the mystery mother swelled inside her.

“Are you tired?” A rhetorical question because his thumb had crept into his mouth. “Why don’t you lie down, and I’ll pull the covers over you.”

“I want Eddie.” His bottom lip trembled as he looked around the room.

Suddenly the clues made sense. She scanned the room, her gaze alighting on two bags. In one, she found a battered teddy bear. She held it up. “Is this Eddie?”

Alex nodded, reaching for the soft toy. He settled back, the bear clutched in his arms. His thumb drifted back to his mouth and his eyes fluttered shut. Julia backed from the room, leaving the door ajar so they’d hear him if he woke again.

Caleb and Ryan were in the lounge, both holding a beer and speaking in low voices. They stopped on seeing her, faces blanking, and she knew she’d been the topic of conversation.

“Is he asleep?” Ryan asked.

“He was crying because he didn’t have his soft toy.”

“Hell, I never thought of something like that. He didn’t say. Was there a toy with his stuff?”

“A teddy bear.”

“Thanks. I poured you a glass of wine,” Ryan said, gesturing at the glass on the wooden coffee table.

Caleb stood. “I’ll leave the two of you alone.”

Julia took a sip of the white wine. It was crisp and tart and delicious. She wandered over to the window and made out the brick wall of the building next door before taking a deep breath and turning to face Ryan. “Alex takes after you.”

His expression turned rueful, but when he focused on her there was an edge of caution, as if he worried about her reaction. “It felt like jumping back in time and looking at my reflection.”

“What happened in Sydney?”

He puffed out a breath of air and rose from the leather couch. “I received word of the DNA test results. My lawyer rang with them. As soon as it was official, Alex’s mother delivered him to my lawyer like a damn parcel.” He sucked in a quick breath, anger echoing in his voice. “Her lawyer drew up a legal document, and she signed away her parental rights. Evidently, her fiancé doesn’t want to raise another man’s baby.”

“She gave him away.” Julia struggled to understand a woman who rejected her child because he was an untidy interruption in her life. Adoption at birth—sure—but Leah K had kept Alex until it suited her, then disposed of her son, casually tossing him away in exchange for the man and the perfect life she sought.

“Yeah.” Ryan sighed again and nailed her with a determined look. “I’m keeping him, raising him as my son. He’s an innocent kid. None of this is his fault, and he shouldn’t suffer for it.”

Julia nodded, agreeing with him even as familiar anguish brought a rush of moisture to her eyes.

“Will you stay the night?”

“I…” Thoughts tore through her mind, tangling and tripping over each other. This was too much to take in right now. “No. I need to get back to the club and I want to check on Mum.”

“You’re running away.”

The words, stark and true, drew her up, sparked her temper. “What do you expect? You’ve thrust your son on me without warning, and I feel as if I’ve had my feet ripped out from under me. I need to think, to work things out in my own way.”

Ryan stared at Julia, aware of the fear rushing into him. From the moment he’d seen Alex in the lawyer’s office he’d known he couldn’t walk away. Yeah, he’d suspected Julia would be upset, but he’d thought once she saw Alex and heard the details he’d manage to talk her around.

Fuck, how the hell was he meant to know Julia was dealing with all this other stuff, still grieving for the loss of their child?

Emotions shifted inside him, blindsiding him with their rawness. His hand tightened around his beer bottle while he struggled to find solutions, to battle the pissed sensation he experienced every time he thought about Julia’s confession.
Damn it!
Giving up Alex wasn’t an option, but he couldn’t lose Julia over this either.

He glanced at her pale face, took in the tense lines of her body. Part of him wanted to draw her into his arms and offer comfort, but her expression screeched
back off
. Hell, maybe she was right. They both needed time because the other part of him wanted to rip into her, to tell her he’d had a right to know about the miscarriage. It had been his child. His loss too. The familiar twangs at his temples signaled an oncoming headache.

“How long do you need to think?” Agreeing to her suggestion was a bad idea. Time apart was what started this cluster fuck.

She managed to meet his gaze this time, and the grief in her eyes almost buckled his knees. They needed to get past the hurt.
Honesty
. Yeah, they both needed a good dose of candor.

“I’m worried if I back off and give you too much time to think, you’ll decide divorce is the only option for us.” His words shimmered in the air between them—a softly spoken gauntlet. “The one thing I am certain of in all this bloody mess is that I’ve never stopped loving you. I want you in my life.”

Some of the tension left her shoulders, and she angled her body toward him. “I didn’t realize marriage was so hard.”

A bark of laughter escaped him. “Ditto on that, sweetheart.” Their shared grin, brief as it was, released some of the pressure in the lounge.

“Just a few days,” Julia said. “I promise I won’t run away or do anything stupid.” This time Julia’s manner was easier, and when he closed the distance between them, she didn’t remind him of a wild animal, intent on escape.

He took her wine glass and set it and his bottle aside. “A few days, but we talk every day.”

“I promise.”

Relieved she’d conceded that much, he tugged her into his arms, ignoring the sharp darts of his headache. She relaxed against him and some of his dread dispersed. Something about this woman called to him. Even when his memory had let him down, he’d known she was there, waiting for him. After all that, he didn’t intend to walk away and lose her, but he wouldn’t reject his son either. Alex was the innocent in the middle of the mess, and he had to do right by him.

Chapter Twelve

“Julia, visitors!” The jerk of Susan’s head indicated the entrance of the club.

Julia clicked off the music and her dancers came to an abrupt halt. The newest one at the end of the row gave a sigh of relief and bolted for a water bottle.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Ryan said.

Julia grabbed a towel. “Take five,” she said to her dancers and went to join Ryan and Caleb. Alex clung to Ryan’s hand, trying to hide behind his legs.

Ryan leaned in to kiss her cheek. “I rang Mum this morning to let her know about Alex. She wants to see him, so I thought I’d take him down for a visit.”

She’d wanted time, she reminded herself, biting back her instinctive protest. “For how long?”

“A week. Maybe longer,” Ryan said.

She gulped at the
maybe longer
, and he must have seen some of her anxiety.

“Our deal still counts. We talk via phone instead of face-to-face. What’s the best time to ring you?”

“Maybe around ten in the morning. Around ten at night would work too.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you tonight,” Ryan said.

She should say something, but her brain had turned sluggish. Instead she stared at him, one of those stupid blocks in her throat. Caleb made a sound, a sort of a growl, and Ryan shifted his weight, his expression hardening.

“Mum is expecting us for lunch, so we’d better head out.”

Julia nodded. Ryan gave her a quick kiss on the lips, and they were gone.

“The kid looks like Ryan,” Susan said.

“Alex. Yeah, he does.” She clapped her hands, feeling as if she’d made a huge mistake in letting Ryan leave. “Let’s get back to work on the new routine.”

The next morning Julia sat at the breakfast counter, nursing a mug of coffee. Her apartment echoed with emptiness, despite the background music and the cheerful prattle of the breakfast radio jock. She’d gone to bed early for her— around three in the morning—and tossed and turned, finally falling asleep cuddling the pillow Ryan had used. His scent had both comforted her and made her aware of his absence, of how her request for time and space loomed like a mistake.

What if he decided not to come back? What if he gave up on them?

The two questions twisted together in the small hours of the morning, tangling into a multitude of scenarios, none of them ending well.

The phone rang. A glance at her watch told her it was ten, and her heart started to race.

“Hello.”

“Hi, Julia,” Susan said. “I have a question.”

Julia hunched her shoulders and lowered her head.

“Julia?”

“Hit me with your question,” she said, forcing herself to focus.

“Since the
Farmer Wants a Wife
competition is coming up and I’m fed up with working at Barker and Johnson, I thought I might hand in my notice. Could I work at
Maxwell’s
on a more permanent basis?”

“Of course you can,” Julia said, not even needing to think about it. A no-brainer since Susan was a natural. “I need help with the office work too. I’d be a fool to turn you down.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. You can work for me for as long as you want. You’ll need time off during the contest, but I knew that already.”

“Thanks. What are you doing this morning? Christina and I are going to do some quick window shopping along Queen Street. We’re both looking for an outfit to wear to the initial interviews. Do you want to come?”

“I’d love to. Do you want to meet here?”

“See you in half an hour,” Susan said.

Julia raced into the bathroom and jumped into the shower. The cool water and citrus shower gel gave her a lift, and once dressed in jeans and a casual blouse, she felt more alert. She glanced at her silent cell phone, hesitating before dropping it into her handbag. Ryan hadn’t rung.

There’s nothing to stop you ringing him
. She reached for her phone and hit speed dial.

“Julia, I was just about to ring you,” Ryan said.

“Great minds think alike.”
Stupid. Tell him you miss him
. “How’s Alex?”

“He’s still quiet and withdrawn, but he’s taken to my parents. He’s in the kitchen helping my mother do some baking.”

“That’s good.”

“I told my parents about you.”

“You did?”

“I figured I’d get it out all at once. A wife. A kid.” Humor laced his voice this time, his husky tones curling through her.

She found herself smiling. “How did they take it?”

“Pretty well. I told them the mugging had made me lose some of my memories. They already knew that because they’ve had to remind me about a few things. Luckily, there aren’t as many gaps now.” He paused then whispered. “I got off lightly with my parents’ reaction considering. They want to meet you.”

“Do they know about the club?”

“Yes. I said that’s why you couldn’t make the trip with us.”

The doorbell buzzed. “Hold on a sec, Ryan. Christina and Susan have arrived. I’ll just let them in.” She buzzed in her friends and waved them toward the coffeepot before continuing with her phone conversation.

“Mum wants us to stay for longer. She thinks it will be good for Alex.”

“But you are coming back?”

“Of course we are.” His voice softened into the intimate tone he used when they were alone late at night. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“We’re going to the beach this afternoon.”

“Have fun.”

“Talk to you later, sweetheart.”

He hung up before she could reply, but just hearing his voice eased some of her fears. He’d sounded glad to hear from her.

“Ready to go?” Christina asked, her bracelets doing a musical tinkle when she picked up her brown handbag.

“All set,” Julia said. “Ryan told his parents about me.”

“They didn’t know?” Susan asked.

“We’d intended to tell them and perhaps go down for a visit together, but Alex happened.” Julia signaled a passing cab, and they piled inside.

“Queen Street, Downtown, please.” Christina sank back against the leather seats of the luxury taxi. “I guess you both had a lot to sort out first.”

“Yes.” If Ryan had told his parents about their marriage, he intended to stick around. He wasn’t playing games. No, that wasn’t fair. Ryan had never played her, which was why she’d liked him so much. His straightforward manner was the reason she’d agreed to marry him—that and her feelings for him. The distrust had come from her side.

Something to consider
.

The cab slowed for a red light, and Julia glimpsed a poster advertising a women’s magazine. A photo of the members of
French Letters
decorated the cover. She turned away, not wanting to read the headline. “What did you have in mind for your outfits?”

“Something classy, yet not too sophisticated that it scares off our farmer,” Christina said. “We don’t want him to think we’d refuse to get our hands dirty.”