PAYBACK (A Bad Boy Romance) (24 page)

W
as
it bad that I was getting used to Jameson walking into my house? Or was it worse that I looked forward to him darkening my door?

Jameson tossed the bag onto the couch and gestured for me to open it.

I knew what was in that bag and I wasn't all that interested in seeing what he picked out for me.

But I supposed if I was going to play a part, I needed the right costume.

I lifted the top and grimaced. “This doesn't leave much to the imagination, does it?”

“That's the point.”

“Are you expecting me to model this for you?”

His slow nod sent a shiver down my spine.

I gathered the bag and held it close to my chest. “I suppose I don't have much of a choice, do I?”

He didn't need to answer. We both knew the score. If only I could stop my heart from fluttering with mortifying eagerness.

Jameson was my kryptonite. It was difficult to refuse him. There was this need to please him that was hard to ignore.

I know how stupid that sounded. But the feelings I had for him were unexplainable.

I went to my bedroom to dress. I just slipped into the stilettos as Jameson joined me.

My bed was still mess from what we’d done last night. Having him in my space again, only accentuated the tension between us.

His hands spanned my waist and drew me to him. The hunger in his eyes sparked a hunger inside of me.

Wouldn't always be like this with us? Helpless against one another? Even though we both knew there was no future between us?

A sane person would say we were crazy.

What did it mean if I had begun to crave the insanity?

“You are hot enough to burn, baby girl,” he murmured with approval, his hands finding the plump curves of my behind. “You’re going to put all those wanna-be hotties to shame.”

“You think I’m sexy?” I asked, biting my lip against a smile. “Or are you just saying that to play to my ego?”

Jameson cupped my mound through the thin leather mini. The heat of his palm burned with sensual heat. “I don’t say anything I don’t mean.”

And then he captured my mouth, kissing me deeply until I wobbled on my stilettos, needing to grip his shoulders to steady myself.

“I want to fuck you again,” he said, almost as if he were desperately holding onto his resolve. “You’re like a drug, baby. I can’t get enough.”

I knew the feeling. I wanted to refuse him but I knew that wasn’t going to happen.

So when he pushed me back onto the bed, I went willingly.

The bedding was already tousled from earlier. My bed smelled of sex and Jameson.

And I loved it.

I never could’ve imagined the feminine power between my legs if it weren’t for the way Jameson seemed helpless to stop himself when he was around me.

His hands roved my body as if he couldn’t get enough. His gaze was hot enough to sear.

And that mouth…

I arched against his greedy lips as his tongue burrowed between my dewy folds to lap at my core, playing ardent attention to the swollen nub that ached for completion.

I shattered easily beneath his tongue. He lapped at my juices, sucking the sweetness from my lips as if it were his favorite flavor.

There was something so sexy, so primal about the way Jameson consumed me as if he needed me to exist.

This was the stuff obsession was created from.

And we were quickly succumbing to the madness.

Jameson threw my legs over his shoulders and quickly impaled me, pinning me to the bed with that brutal length, giving me no chance to escape.

Not that I would.

Who was I kidding?

I was rapidly becoming ravenous for the feeling of Jameson inside me.

I craved his touch, his seed.

When he was inside me, I wanted to be part of him. Our bodies meshed together as if created for one another, even if nothing else in our lives made any sense.

Jameson groaned. The sexy sound traveling my nerve endings and electrifying every sense. “
God, baby girl
….you fucking feel so good!”

I thrilled at the total abandon with which he thrust himself into the act. He was an animal, clawing at me, punishing me with each flex of his hips, nearly bruising me with the intensity.

As if he were marking his territory.

As if I could fathom allowing anyone else between my legs.

Another orgasm began to build, threatening to shake a cry from my lips as I thrashed, gasping and crying with the force of it.

Jameson came first, spilling his seed into me, filling me completely.

I followed with a keening cry that shook me to my core.

Sweat beaded my forehead.

Jameson, still embedded inside me, eased my legs from his shoulders and then pressed me into the bed with his body.

I liked the feeling of his big body against mine.

It felt like safety.

And that was something I’d never truly had the pleasure of enjoying.

Why I felt this way with Jameson I have no idea.

He was the
last
person I should feel safe with.

Maybe this was Stockholm syndrome or some variation of it.

He kissed me softly.

I moaned against his lips, unable to help myself.

“What are we doing?” I whispered.

Jameson sighed, pressing tiny kisses against my neck. “I don’t know,” he answered.

His honesty was a relief.

Jameson didn’t seem to be in a hurry to get off me but I liked the feeling of him on top of me.

As if the world disappeared and it was just he and I.

“I’m nervous about tonight,” I admitted.

“You’ll be fine,” he said, his gaze holding mine. There was something so intense about the way he held my stare, as if he could see into my soul.

Jameson slowly rolled off me and helped me to my feet. “Are you hungry?” he asked.

“Yeah, I could eat,” I answered, curious to know what he had in mind.

“I’m going to order a pizza. Got a preference?”

I shook my head. “I like anything.”

He jerked a nod and went to make the call.

Were we going to eat dinner together like a couple?

I mean, I knew we weren’t a couple but lines were plenty blurred as it was and I was confused as hell.

If I were smart, I’d give him the cold shoulder and discourage any more touching.

But the very idea of that left me cold.

How pathetic I turned out.

I saved my virginity only to lose it and turn into a wanton slut with the worst possible person.

“While we’re waiting for the pizza, let’s go over the details of the case,” he said.

“Can I change out of this ridiculous outfit?” I asked plaintively. “I feel ridiculous.”

“You look like a banging hottie but yeah, maybe it would be a good idea to change. Or else I’ll be fucking you again before the pizza arrives.”

I blushed and hurried to change even though I wasn’t opposed to another round. Jameson had made me insatiable.

Would I be this way with someone else?

I had no frame of reference.

As if reading my mind, he asked, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

I could tell him it was none of his business, which would be true but I found myself wanting to share.

“I dated a little. But when I realized they were just going through the motions to get into my pants, I got turned off real fast. I wanted someone to want to get to know me before we ended up in bed.”

Although, now saying that, made me realize that I’d been holding out for nothing.

Jameson had gotten into my bed without so much as a dinner date.

If he felt a twinge of regret for how things had turned out between us, he kept it to himself. Maybe it was better that way. I’m not sure how I would’ve reacted to seeing Jameson apologize for something.

Seeing him as a human being would be dangerous.

For now, I could see him as a manipulative bastard who seemed to have some kind of hold on me, which would pass as soon as I was no longer under his thumb.

If I started seeing him as someone with hurts and dreams like anyone else…I might start feeling something deeper than was prudent.

“How about you? Dedicated loner?”

“Seems better that way,” he admitted. “My job isn’t really conducive to happy ever afters.”

“Speaking from experience?”

“Yeah, I guess,” he said. “I had a girl once. We were pretty serious.”

“What happened?”

“It ended.”

Either he didn’t want to share because it was painful or he didn’t want to share something so personal with me.

I guess it didn’t matter one way or the other.

“Look, I know things are getting messy between us,” Jameson acknowledged with a grim look. “But as soon as this case is done, I’ll get out of your life and you’ll never have to see me again. You can go on with your business and forget this ever happened.”

“You know that’s not possible,” I told him, bemused that he would even suggest such a thing. “You took my virginity. I’ll always remember you.”

And he knew that.

Hell, he’d pretty much told her as much and she knew he wasn’t lying.

Every time she opened her legs for someone else, she would think of him.

It wasn’t fair.

I wasn’t even going to try and hope for a man strong enough to blot out Jameson’s memory — no such man existed.

Jameson was a force of nature.

A tsunami of hot sex, need, brutality, and desperation.

How could anyone else ever compete with that?

The fact of the matter was…no one ever would.

I’d just have to find a way to be okay with that.

T
he pizza came right
at the perfect time. Sweat had begun to bead along my hairline.

There were too many questions crowding my brain, forcing logic and reason to take a seat.

The thing was, Ivy was an enigma. She created feelings and thoughts in me that I’d never experienced.

I tore into a slice, if only to occupy my mouth so I didn’t say something I regretted.

No sharing of personal shit.

But I wanted to.

I wanted to tell her about my life.

What it was like growing up in my house.

How I never felt anyone had ever had my back until I joined the force.

Don’t get me wrong…I know I skirt the edge of disaster. I willingly flirt with devastation.

But Ivy made me want things I’d never even considered before.

Frankie was right about one thing — Ivy was a good person.

She would stick out like a sore thumb at Chester’s.

Even though I’d obliterated her innocence, she shone with an inner light that radiated through her eyes and found its way to her smile.

A lucky man could bask in that light forever.

But, fuck knew, I wasn’t that man.

Luck had never been my friend.

“What was her name?” Ivy asked.

I didn’t play stupid. I knew what she was asking. What was the name of the girl I’d let get away.

Or pushed away because I knew she deserved better than what I was offering.

“Roma.”

“What was she like?”

I didn’t like to dwell on the past. Especially when there was nothing I could do about the events that’d gone down.

“She was…everything you’re not.”

Ivy drew back, stung. “Oh.”

That’s not what I meant but it would be an easy thing to let her assume that it was. Maybe it might even simplify things between us.

We had scorching sex.

There was nothing else there.

But it wasn’t that simple. I chaffed at the obvious hurt in her expression even though she tried to hide it.

And I couldn’t let her continue to make assumptions.

“Roma was hot-tempered. One time she punched me in the mouth so hard, I bit my own lip.”

Ivy’s eyes widened. “Oh? She was violent?”

“I deserved it.” I pushed my plate away and wiped my mouth with the napkin. “Look, Roma was full-blooded Italian and she didn’t take no shit. But she was a good woman who deserved a helluva lot better than me. When she left, I didn’t blame her.”

“What happened?”

“The job,” I answered simply.

“What do you mean?”

“Undercover work isn’t a healthy place. In order to blend in with scumbags, you gotta do as scumbags do. When I’m undercover, I’m playing a part. I’m no one’s loved one. I’m just the job.”

“That sounds awful,” she said with a faint frown. “That’s no way to live.”

I shrugged. “Works for me.”

“You must have cared for her.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because of the look of guilt in your eyes. However it ended bothers you.”

I hated that she could read me that well. I was a master at shielding my thoughts and feelings but Ivy stripped me bare.

“Yeah, well, it didn’t work out.”

I didn’t want to admit that I’d pushed Roma away out of guilt and fear. I knew I was going to fuck up eventually, so why prolong the inevitable?

“You want the truth?” I said, almost desperately. “I told her I fucked around on her during a detail. It was part of the job. But no woman wants to hear that so it was better that she left.”

Ivy looked at me curiously, picking out what I hadn’t said. “So…did you cheat on her or not?”

“What difference does it make? It’s ancient history.”

“It matters to me.”

The breath squeezed from my lungs. Was it better to lie and let her think the worst of me? Hadn’t I already ruined any chance of any good feelings between us? What difference would it make if I layered on another coat of hatred?

“Yeah,” I lied without flinching. “I did.”

“I don’t believe you.”

I stared, uncomprehending. “What do you mean?”

“You’re lying. I don’t know how I know it but I do.”

I started, tilted on my axis by her keen observation. This was dangerous. I couldn’t have Ivy falling for me. I was no hero.

“Look, baby girl, just because I like fucking you doesn’t mean there’s something between us? Got it?” I made sure to hammer the point home. “Once this case is done…”

“Yeah, I get it. You’re gone.”

The edge to her voice cut. Why did she care if I stayed or went?

“We should talk about the case,” she said, releasing my gaze.

She was right. The whole point of coming over to her place was to prepare her for her role but I was dragging my feet. I didn’t want her to do this. The fact that I was reluctant to put her into play said a lot that I didn’t want to acknowledge.

I grunted in agreement, determined to get focused. “Play up to the manager. If Frankie does his part, you should be a shoe-in. They’re short-staffed so likely they’ll want you to start work right away. Our intel says that Rodrigo is meeting up with his Chinese contact tonight. Your job is to get in, make yourself available to Rodrigo and try to listen to what’s going down.”

She shuddered, plainly uncomfortable with her role. I couldn’t help but hear Frankie’s warning in my head about getting her killed.

The Cobalt Vipers were no joke. They were bad ass and they didn’t play.

Which was why I needed them off the streets.

“The first time I met up with the Cobalt Vipers I was following up on a homicide. At first blush, it was nothing anyone would care about. A young girl, probably about seventeen, shot in the head, execution-style. If anyone else would’ve been working the case, they would’ve chalked it up to a hooker who ended up getting killed by a john. But I knew this girl. She was a good kid.”

“What was her name?”

“Brianna Murphy,” I answered, the name bringing back a host of bad memories. “She was trying to get clean. Trying to get back to school and start a real life. But Terano wasn’t interested in letting go of his favorite girl. When she tried to make a break, he had her killed.”

“How did you know it was Terano?”

“The blue viper carved into her belly. I couldn’t pin it on him specifically but the Vipers don’t make a move without Terano’s say-so. We never were able to connect Terano to Brianna’s death.”

“That must’ve been rough,” she murmured.

Yeah, rough wasn’t the word. I went on a two-week bender disguised as vacation time. And then I threw myself back into undercover work.

I wanted Terano bad. But the fucker kept slipping through my fingers.

That’s why I’d busted Frankie early.

Desperation.

And I never acted without being sure that I could close the case.

“Why was she so special?”

“Because…” frustration ate at me. I’d asked myself the same question many times. Dead hookers weren’t new. But there’d been something about Brianna that had tugged at my sense of fair play. I wanted to help her find a new life. Maybe I just wanted to believe that second chances were real. But I wasn’t ready to share any of that. “Look, I just want to nail Terano to the wall. The fucker deserves it.”

Ivy nodded as if she could hear what I wasn’t saying.

“I’ll do what I can,” she said.

It was more than I could rightfully ask for. She had no reason to care beyond saving her brother’s ass.

But I sensed she was doing this for me.

Why?

I don’t know but a strange lump clogged my throat, making it hard to speak.

So I just nodded.

And then gave her a crash course on undercover work.