Pent Up (43 page)

“You never lecture—”

Ruben held up a hand. “What I’m saying is, nothing is free. Not one thing. We get the life we pay for.”

Andy shook his head.

“I don’t mean money or accidents. I mean by standing up. Working hard. Taking lumps. Telling the truth.” Ruben sniffed. “Serious.”

“Put your foot down.”

Ruben smiled and squeezed his hand. “Exactly. One step and then another. Peach used to say—” He smiled at the memory. Menthol smoke curling in his mind. “Sobriety isn’t an excuse for being a dick.”

Andy stood, watching him warily.

“I used to believe that money fixed shit. Wrong. I figured growing up with all this, having toys”—Ruben waved at the penthouse—“made things easier.”

“Yeah, no.”

“Well, I get that now. Duh. For all my price tag bullshit, I never thought about what it cost. Cost
you
, I mean. Changed you.”

“Ruben, it’s different now. I’m different.”

“Nah. We’re all exactly the same. We never change, really, down at the bone. We shed our skin, but we’re still snakes underneath, all of us, always.”

“Goddammit! Will you stop?” Andy pushed a hand into his hair and scratched his scalp roughly.

Ruben sighed, grabbing his nerve before it slithered back into hiding.

“I feel like you’re about to say something horrible.”

“I am.” Ruben laughed and fell silent.

To his credit, Andy let him take the time he needed to look at the sky, to take that breath, to count his heartbeats and take one final step off this glass cliff to face the hard ground rushing at him.

“I love you, Andrew Bauer.” Finally Ruben looked up.

Andy’s jaw clenched. His blue-gray eyes looked enormous.

Ruben smiled, weak with relief. “Which has to be the weirdest, craziest, dumbest, smartest thing I ever did. I love you in a way that makes hard work easier. Makes bad choices clear. Makes me safe from myself. And that shit’s not easy. It’s sharp, like a serrated knife, and it hurts. You cut away everything that isn’t me. But I’m not saying that to guilt you into anything or make a scene. I’m saying it because it’s the truth and you deserve to hear it from me. Okay? I’m being
serious
.”

Andy nodded, not a smile back exactly, but the dimple did its thing. “You oughtta punch me and beat tracks. Run for the hills. I’d say you’re an idiot to care about me at all.”

Ruben frowned. “Why?”

“I’m not what you think I am, Rube.”

“Likewise, jerk. Who is? That’s part of the deal, I think. Two people get so tangled up there’s no pulling them apart.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Well, luckily
I
get to decide. It’s my hurt. My heart. And I don’t want it to stop.”

Andy smiled. “Well, me either.”

“You know what I mean.” Ruben swallowed. “Loving you.”

“Oh.”

Silence.

Andy reached and laced their fingers.
Cream and coffee.

Sun licked their limbs and, for the first time, they were touching in the light.

Ruben squinted at the sky, suddenly conscious of the street sounds and the breeze playing across his skin. “The whole world can see.”

“Good.” Andy sighed with undisguised contentment. “They should.”

The penthouse floated above all the surrounding buildings. Ruben remembered Daria’s relatives sitting in their windows and understood why architects called these buildings high-rises. He and Andy had climbed a mountain.
Safe.
Unless reporters swooped by in a helicopter, and if they did, who cared?

Not me.

Andy started to say something, but Ruben caught his eye and barely shook his head, asking for a chance to stand there together in the sun outside the glass walls.

He smiled up at the sky.

Andy squeezed his fingers. “Next step?”

“Steps, huh?” Nod. He missed Peach just then. “I think I’ve got more than a couple. It’s gonna take a while to put my foot down.”

Andy asked, “What about a job?”

Ruben looked at the penthouse around them. “Uh, I think you’re okay on finances.”

“I might get bored. Idle hands. Who knows what I might get up to in your absence?” Andy raised his hands, tickle-ready.

Ruben laughed and swatted at Andy’s jabbing fingers. “Well, I mean to keep you out of trouble. You’re good with accounts. My brother might need a bookkeeper.”

“That’s not half-bad.” Andy laughed and then stopped. “Nine-to-five actually sounds fun.”

“Only because you’ve never done it. And I need to find an apartment.”

Andy didn’t break. “I gotta place. Maybe you can crash.”

“And burn.” Hand on Andy’s arm. Ruben squeezed and pulled. Face-to-face in the hot light.

Big grin. “Sounds great to me.” He leaned forward, but let Ruben erase the space between their mouths. The kiss was solid and simple, with a puzzle-piece calm that made the world stop spinning.

Ruben broke first to whisper, “S’pose I’m gonna have to keep an eye on you,
pintón
.”

“One eye.” Andy grinned. “That all?”

“Hardly.” Ruben knocked him back against the wall of glass, and raw pleasure skittered over Andy’s face.

Andy spoke with undisguised contentment. “Help. Stop. Don’t.”

The sun touched their skin gently. Ruben took a deep breath and exhaled in happy relief.

“That was some sigh, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

“Gonna sound paranoid, Bauer, but I’m pretty sure I’m in terrible danger.” The smile stretched Ruben’s face.

Andy grinned back and leaned forward with lazy confidence. “Why?”

“Just a feeling.” Ruben tapped his heart.

“Good.” Andy stepped in, trapping his hand there. “I’ll protect you.”

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