Pep Talks (Pepper Jones #4) (16 page)

After the day we’ve had, the mile-long walk feels like an endurance test. We can hear music blaring from several blocks away, but it seems to take forever before we reach the house. By the time we get there, I’m both hungry and thirsty, and since there’s no food around, a beer seems the best solution. I’ve never actually craved a beer until now, and it goes down easily.

“Damn, girl,” Trish says in awe as I finish my first one without coming up for air.

“I didn’t know you could chug beer like that,” Lexi says, handing me another.

“Me neither,” I admit.

It takes the edge off the ball of nerves building inside me. Since we broke up, I haven’t seen Jace in a setting like this one. We’ve only run into each other in safe, predictable places like Chapman Hall or the gym. If his teammates are getting him drunk tonight, like Wes said, I have no idea what to expect.

Well, maybe I know exactly what to expect, and that’s what I’m so afraid of. I don’t know if I can handle seeing a drunk Jace, with girls hanging around, and having no claim over him.

Wes has already disappeared, as he typically does when he hits a big party like this one. I stay with Trish and Lexi, unwilling to get lost alone in these crowds. I’ve never been to a party with this many people. Or maybe it just seems like more because everyone is inside. It’s too packed to move and I find a wall to stick by in order to avoid getting jostled by passing bodies.

It’s one in the morning, but it doesn’t look like anyone is going home any time soon. Instead, it’s the time of night when it’s perfectly acceptable, in college at least, to act outrageously stupid. I keep seeing people wearing nothing but underwear, and it takes a while to realize they are members of the cheerleading squad and football team.

“Dude, why are all these people covered in marker?” Lexi whisper-shouts in my ear.

I shake my head, dumbfounded. Drawings and obscenities are on every inch of skin on the nearly-naked bodies.

Trish takes in our confusion, and leans in so we can hear her explanation. “The football team had a highlighter party thing,” she says, as if that explains everything.

“I thought you were supposed to wear white to highlighter parties,” Lexi responds.

Trish shrugs. “Must not have had time to get white clothes.”

“I think people just like being naked,” I observe. Besides, despite the frigid temperatures outside, it’s a sauna in here. I’ve already taken off my sweater and I’m still hot.

“That too,” Trish says with a grin. “I’d totally strip down right now if I was drunk enough not to think about it.”

Lexi raises her eyebrows. “Well, then. I say we need some shots.”

I shake my head, unwilling to find out what wild Pepper might bring out tonight. But Lexi has already taken our hands and is dragging us through the throng of people as if she knows exactly where she’s going. Before I know it, she’s taking us up the stairs and down a hallway. It’s still crowded up here. It seems bodies are packed into every square inch of this house. When she opens the last door in the hallway, I’m surprised to find Clayton standing on the other side.

He’s not alone. There are a few others sitting around a coffee table, but we’re obviously in someone’s bedroom. It’s a very large room with a balcony and four-poster bed. I have the distinct impression this was once meant for the Sig Beta president, and that means it’s likely that Clayton, captain of the baseball team, lives here now.

He smiles widely when he sees us. Though I’m happy to get away from the crowds for a moment, I really hope Lexi isn’t planning on making herself comfortable here.

“Hey Lexi, it’s been a while, but I see you took me up on my offer from a ways back.” The people on the couch watch us curiously and I have little doubt you don’t just show up here without an invitation.

She walks toward him with a confidence I admire. “You did say you had the best liquor selection in the house, and we’ve been in season until a few hours ago, so I never had a chance to see if you were telling the truth.”

Harmless flirting comes naturally to Lexi. She’s giving Clayton the attention he wants, but she manages to do it without sending out vibes that she’ll be doing anything more than talking and maybe having a drink. If only I had such finesse.

“Well, let me fix something for you. Shots for the National Champs?”

He starts to pull out bottles from a cabinet. Lexi asks, “Do you have tequila?”

“Lexi,” I protest.

Clayton shows Lexi two choices of tequila, and it doesn’t escape my notice when he blatantly checks me out, probably wondering if the alcohol will get me dancing with him again. I don’t want to do something I’ll regret, but I also need some liquid courage to face Jace tonight. Because I know I will.

I sort of want to throw caution to the wind and see what happens. It’s probably a little stupid and careless, but Trish and Lexi do it all the time, and sometimes I wish I could be more like them. They have a little of Zoe Burton in them, and Pepper Jones needs that in her life.

I watch carefully as Clayton pours the shots. After having my drink spiked last year, I’m exceptionally vigilant about what goes in my drinks. Even if it’s tequila, I at least want to control my night of getting out of control. The others in the room join us, and Clayton lifts a toast to the women’s cross team before we throw them back. He’s not stingy with his liquor, and he’s poured us each another shot before I have a chance to contemplate if I’m prepared to let my wild side out for the night. Too late, I think, as the fire spreads from my belly to my limbs, and then to my head.

“Can I check out the balcony before we leave?” I ask. I don’t know why I suddenly want to go outside, but before I know it Clayton is opening the door and the others are yelling at us to shut it because it’s freezing.

I didn’t exactly want anyone out here with me, and I hope Clayton doesn’t think I’m trying to make a move on him or something. We stand holding the rail, looking out at the street and the buildings beyond. We’re actually standing pretty far apart, and he’s not trying to move closer, so I let down my guard.

“Brockton looks like a real city from up here at night.” The bright lights against the dark sky are mesmerizing.

“What do you mean? Brockton
is
a real city.”

“Yeah, I guess. But I always think of it as a small town, you know?”

I glance over at him and he’s studying me. “I know. It’s home.” He looks back out at the view. “It’ll be weird leaving this place.”

“Where are you going?”

He shrugs. “Not sure. Somewhere to play baseball, hopefully.”

I remember what I learned last year about the team, that a lot of them did steroids. Jace told me it’s pretty common on baseball teams. Maybe it’s the tequila, or maybe it’s that Clayton helped me out not once, but twice, last year, but I boldly ask, “Do you do steroids, Clayton?”

He laughs. Really hard. Like, full-on, gasping-for-breath laughter. And I don’t think it’s because he found my boldness amusing, although that might have something to do with it. Finally, he answers, “Not anymore, Pepper. People change.”

“Believe me, I know.” Jace has changed so much over the past few years, I sometimes feel like I don’t even know him anymore. For most of high school, we were best friends and nothing more. Then I started dating Ryan, and Jace went all delinquent on me. Ever since Jace and I got together, I thought he’d begun to let go of that dark place inside of him. Maybe part of it was being with me, and part of it was his mom returning to Brockton, but that progress stopped abruptly months ago when she left.

It’s like there are always two roads for him, one dark and the other light. He can switch from one to the other too easily, so maybe they are the same road, just one side is in the shade. I think I might have had too much to drink.

“It’s freezing, let’s go inside,” Clayton says, opening the door again. Did I say all that out loud?

Wes opens the door to Clayton’s room at the same time we come in from the balcony. His eyes zero in on us like laser beams, taking in the way Clayton is standing beside me, closing the door behind us. I shrug. No one has a claim on me anymore, and I can talk to boys on balconies if I feel like it.

Wes looks away, and I notice the girl with him. I gasp. Dramatically. The others in the room turn to look at me, and their gazes swing between me, Wes, and Veronica Finch, who will always be known to me as pigtail girl. I vow to never wear pigtails. She is friends with Savannah, possibly even conspired with her to hurt me, and therefore she is an enemy. Tequila helps to clarify good and evil, I think.

I march over to Wes. “Do you know who she is?” I ask, pointing at Veronica. Subtlety is not a goal of mine at the moment.

Wes hesitates for a moment, and I wonder if he actually knows that this was, may still be, Savannah’s best friend. “Yeah, Vanessa. We just met.”

Ah, no wonder he hesitated.

Veronica begins to clarify that her name is not Vanessa, but I interrupt her. “She’s friends with Savannah.” I’d elaborate, but there’s no need. Wes stiffens and points to the door.

“Yeah, okay, well, see you later,” he dismisses her.

She puts her hands on her hips. “Are you kidding me?” She looks ready to say more, but Clayton puts a hand on her shoulder and not-so-gently guides her out of the room.

“You’re not wanted here, Finch. And it’s
my
room.”

I don’t even feel sorry for her when she struts out of there like she’s hot stuff. She is kind of hot, I guess. I mean, in an evil sort of way. I feel powerful, and totally justified. Girls like that are bad news, and she doesn’t deserve a piece of Wesley Jamison.

After Veronica leaves, and with Wes in the room, I decide I much prefer it here to the rest of the party. Lexi and Trish seem happy enough as well, each flirting with a baseball player. Lexi stopped hooking up with Brax at some point, and I’m not entirely sure why. I think they were both too afraid to admit their feelings to each other and they couldn’t keep doing what they were doing and pretending it was meaningless. I have a feeling that kind of thing happens a lot in college, and it makes me sort of sad.

At some point, I notice that the number of people in the room is growing. It’s still not as crowded as it was downstairs, but while the room is big for a bedroom, it’s not exactly large enough to host a party. I’ve designated myself the room’s DJ, and I’m actually enjoying myself as I sort through the music collection and chat with random people. When I spot Melanie the redhead across the room, mixing a drink, I push down the ugly feelings as best I can.

Only a moment after I see her, Jace enters the room. I’ve heard people say things like,
I felt him before I saw him
, and for the first time, I actually experience that sensation. But unlike when it’s a serial killer or something in the room, my body flashes hot instead of cold. My head snaps up against my will, seeking him out.

Sure enough, he’s wandering over to Wes, wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs, with marker all over his back, chest and arms. I have little doubt his teammates had something to do with his attire. I notice he doesn’t appear drunk, and though I haven’t seen him drunk in a very long time, for some reason I expected it tonight. If I’m honest, I was actually looking forward to it. I think I was secretly planning to corner him and grill him on what happened with us, with the hope that he’d let his guard down. I don’t know why I thought that was a good idea, or that it would be at all fruitful. 

Even with Clayton and Wes in the room, there’s a shift in energy with Jace’s arrival. Sometimes I wonder if I imagine it, but right now it’s unmistakable. People turn their bodies toward him, look his way, track his movements. I wish I was immune, but I’m just as affected as everyone else. The boxer brief situation is not helping.

This time, though, I won’t wait for him to come to me. I won’t be the coward in this relationship. My steps falter at that thought. There is no relationship. But I charge forward anyway.

“Hi, Jace.”

“Hi, Pepper. Congrats on the big win today.”

“Yeah, you too. And the MVP award. That’s awesome.”

“Thanks.”

“Nice outfit.”

Jace glances down and sighs. “Yeah. Couldn’t get out of it.”

Wes looks back and forth between us, clearly amazed that it’s possible for things to be this awkward. Yup. It has come to this. We are acting like acquaintances. Like we have no history at all.

I stay for a few minutes, looking for an opening, any opportunity to go deeper, but the conversation remains surface level. Finally, I can’t stand it.

“Why the bracelet, Jace?” I hold up my wrist. “What was it all about?”

I scour his reaction for any sign of what he’s feeling, but I come up short.

“Oh, I’m glad you liked it. Did you wear it at the race?”

I nod.

“I guess it was good luck after all, then.”

I blink rapidly, trying to comprehend how he can act like this means nothing.

“Yeah, I guess so,” I whisper.

It’s time for me to go. I can’t get out of the room fast enough. I thought he’d come up to Clayton’s room for me. To see me and talk to me. But he probably came for Melanie. I feel so stupid. I thought I had accepted that things were over. I thought I had decided not to shed another tear over him.