Perfecting the Odds (42 page)

On her
short walk in from the beach, Karis decided she and her children would stay, if only to repay Charley for her invitation to share the day with her family. She had done her best to help Karis see the light. But Karis would have to open her eyes to feel its warmth, and she kept them firmly shut.

Karis
’s issues now on the back burner, she had to find Robby. She followed the sound of a television in the den. “Robby, honey, are you in here?”

             
“Yes,” he answered quietly. She stared at him sitting on the couch next to Michael. She wasn’t surprised to see him. She knew they had grown close since the afternoon he picked him up from school. How would Robby react when yet another man in his life would leave? But this time, it was his mother’s own fault. She shut down that emotion as soon as Robby and Michael rose and walked toward her.

“Mr.
Finn said I could stay in here and watch television,” he said, glancing at Michael, who nodded.

             
“I’ll leave you two alone,” Michael said softly before kissing her temple and exiting the room. She wanted desperately to ask what Michael had said to him. In fact, maybe she should have just turned around and left them alone. It seemed Michael was far better at connecting with her son than she was.

             
“Robby, I’m not angry that you’re in here, especially if Michael said it was okay.”

             
“But, you are angry, aren’t you?”

             
“No, Robby, I’m not angry; I’m scared,” she admitted, shocking herself. Karis expected Robby to ask why.

             
Instead he responded, “I know.”

             
“I don’t want to lose you, Robby. Flying an attack helicopter is such a dangerous profession.”

             
“You do know it’s safer than driving,” he said wryly.

             
Karis waved her hands to dismiss the fact. “Whatever. It has far more devastating consequences.”

             
“Yeah, and includes more gunfire and explosions, too.” He grinned.

             
“Jeez, Robby!” But her anger at his imagery quickly turned into a fit of laughter when she saw his grin. He was such a
guy
. And her men read her like a book, knowing exactly when to lighten the mood, toss some humor into a tense situation. “A helicopter pilot, huh,” she asked, placing her arm around his shoulders.

             
“Yep, cool, huh?” he said, leaning into her side.

             
“Not a teacher?”

             
“Hell no, mom. I see how hard you work. That’s just crazy.” Karis threw her head back and laughed as they made their way to the dining room.

***

              “This is the best apple pie I’ve ever tasted,” remarked Lily, Michael’s youngest sister. Karis took her praise to heart considering she had spoken only one other time the entire day.

“Thank you, Lily. It’s my mom’s recipe. She said her grandmother passed it to her
and her grandmother before her. Supposedly, all descendants of More woman were amazing bakers.”

“
More?” Michael asked, furrowing his brow.

“Yes,
her maiden name.” Michael laughed, and Karis sent him a questioning look. What the hell was so funny about that? “John Donne’s wife was Anne More.”

Her interest in
everything literature-based peaked, she asked, “She died giving birth to her twelfth child, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Tragic for him…He composed Holy Sonnet seventeen because of her death, correct?”

Michael
then turned to Karis. “Yes…
Since she whom I loved hath paid her last debt

To Nature, and to hers, and my good is dead,

And her soul early into heaven ravished,

Wholly on heavenly things my mind is set.

Here the admiring her my mind did whet

To seek thee, God; so streams do show the head;

But though I have found thee, and thou my thirst hast fed,

A holy thirsty dropsy melts me yet.

But why should I beg more love, whenas thou

Dost woo my soul, for hers offering all thine:

And dost not only fear lest I allow

My love to saints and angels, things divine,

But in thy tender jealousy dost doubt

Lest the world, flesh, yea, devil put thee out.”

“
I have no idea what he just said, but that was flippin’ hot,” Eve whispered shamelessly. Karis smirked, along with Michael’s sisters and mother, in her direction.

Hot, scorching hot
, Karis thought. The man knew what reciting that poem would do to a nerdy girl like her, and with his deep, velvety voice the words filled the room like a band of silk. She couldn’t have him feeling too good about that little act of conceit.

“I think you messed up line
twelve,” Karis muttered before smothering a smile. He hadn’t, but she couldn’t resist.

Michael leaned in to whisper in her ear. “
I’m becoming quite accustomed to your spiteful ways. You act like a child when you’re turned on.” Karis blushed then discreetly pressed her heel into his foot. She heard his muffled groan.

“No, that was childis
h,” she whispered then winked. He threw his head back and laughed.

“Well,
Karis, you, your children, and Eve are welcome here any time,” Charlotte remarked with a reassuring smile. “Especially since your pies are so delectable. Thank you. I suspect we’ll have them again in the near future,” Charlotte added before rising to return to the kitchen.

Karis
rose with her. “Please let me help with dessert dishes. You’ve done so much. I insist.” Charlotte nodded and walked into the kitchen, Karis in toe. Robby and Grace made their way to the living room to play cards before their walk on the beach; Eve and Scott and Michael’s sisters and brothers in law excused themselves to the sunroom, and Michael was left to clear the table.

Soon he made his way into the kitchen to find the two women he loved most in this world washing dishes. He stood in the doorway and watched Karis’s head tilt back with laughter at something his mother had said.  His chest tightened unbearably. Karis was his everything. Intelligent, beautiful, witty, determined, funny, and so goddamn stubborn. But unlike every other time he watched her lovely face, at this moment it radiated something new. She was practically glowing.

Michael walked to her and placed his hand on the sma
ll of her back, making her jump. “Ack! You scared me.”

“Sorry,” he whispered in her ear. “Are you ready for that walk?”

She turned to look at him and flashed him a smile. He lost his breath for a moment. “Absolutely, I’m almost finished here. Why don’t you gather the kids?” He returned a grin of pure joy, his eyes wetting just slightly. She palmed his cheek. “What wrong, Michael?”

“Uh, nothing. I’ll go get them,
” he said, turning away from her. He hated to feel her hand leave his face, but nothing would wipe off the face-splitting grin. She said
kids
so naturally, as if they were the family, Michael’s greatest wish. Walking away, he realized what he saw that he couldn’t place. Washing dishes next to his mother, Karis was at ease, stress-free. She let down her defenses and that glow around her was pure, uninhibited
joy
.

***

Sunny and unseasonably warm at about fifty-five degrees, the beautiful late afternoon served as a lovely finale to a tumultuous day. The waves crashed white and foamy on pebbled sand, covered in the ocean’s gifts of little shell slivers and current-smoothed rocks. Those remnants prismed in all directions as the sun bounced rays off the sand.

About twenty yards in front of
Karis and Michael, Robby and Grace raced the waves, trying their best not to get hit with the frigid water. Michael and Karis laughed at their failed attempts, allowing the same waves to crash onto their bare feet.  Karis giggled each time, and Michael grinned at that sound. They turned to look at each other every few steps, watching their arms sway in rhythm, nearly touching each time.

Michael didn’t try to hold
Karis’s hand, but he was close enough to collect little wafts of strawberry, peach, orange and honey. His mind drifted to that one amazing night they shared, and he shut his eyes briefly to store the memory.

“Michael—despite
recent...uh...events, I still would like to thank you for inviting me to Thanksgiving. Honestly, it’s been one of the best days I’ve had in a really long time...aside from that crazy widow who kept ranting and blubbering.” She smiled shyly to herself, afraid to look at Michael.

“She is crazy, isn’t she,” he
smirked, glancing askance at her.

“Yep, crazier than a loon sometimes. But her intentions are always good. She just needs to get her head together
,” she agreed, dragging the sand between her toes.

Michael
brushed his fingers against hers briefly. “I’m sure she will. She’s the strongest, most intelligent woman I know,” he said before grabbing her hand. She flinched but then sighed softly. Their connection hadn’t dimmed at all. Damn if fireworks didn’t explode every time they touched. He squeezed her hand in acknowledgement of them, and she couldn’t restrain her grin.

“
Karis, remember that first night I met you?”

“
How could I forget,” she answered with mock anguish.

“Remember Chad?”
She furrowed her brow. “The short, drunk guy who tried to get you to kiss him?”

She laughed. “
I’d almost forgotten,” she said sarcastically.

“
I know I said I fell in love with you when I first saw you, but I’m now pretty sure it was the moment you rejected him.”

“Oh, yeah? How’s
that,” she asked.

“I’ve never heard a woman reject a man so effectively in all my life. Even though you rejected him, your words weren’t necessarily callous. You used humor. He was pissed
because of his insecurities. If you had said that to me...about your being contagious, I probably would have grabbed you right then and claimed that sexy mouth of yours, bogus disease and all.”

She nudged him lightheartedly.
“Michael, I would have never said that to you. But if I recall, I did reject you. I was a married woman, you know.”

“Yeah, that’s the one part I hated
about you,” he sneered and dodged Karis’s playful punch to his arm.

“You respected me, though. I
cherished that...more than you know. I can’t deny that I felt both your desire and restraint. It intrigued me even then.
Boy
, if I’d been single, mmm...” She winked at him, and he grinned wide.

The children were
still far ahead of them, so this time was a good time as any to make her final statement. Karis inhaled the last bit of confidence she needed, fearing it wouldn’t be enough. “Michael, I love you with all my heart, and I always will. And I’d be lying if I didn’t say it devastated me to hear you had cancer. I wished I could have been there to help you through it.” She squeezed her eyes shut once to squelch the burning behind her eyes. “I want you to know if my life were different, I would have forgotten he lie the moment you confessed. But you know more than anyone else how my life has unfolded.” She stopped and turned to him. The waves crashed against her feet, splashing up her calves, a chilly reminder of how cold her following words would sound to both him and her. She didn’t want to touch him, but she couldn’t help herself this one last time. She placed her hands on his face, the stubble beneath reminding her of passionate kisses on every part of her. The worry and pain was clear within his eyes, nearly melting away every decision she’d already made. But her decision was for his own good, and he said it himself: all that matters is that the one you love is happy.

“Michael, you are a
magnificent man. Truly I think you’re the best man I’ve ever known. You are intelligent, kind, funny, sexy, persistent, accepting, giving, patient, loving, and so sexy.” He smiled at her standard double-sexy comment. “I tried to compare you to Robert, but honestly you’re incomparable. You are two different men, and I love both of you for entirely different reasons. Michael, I have never felt more loved in my whole life than I’m with you. I have never felt more desired than when we make love. You love with your body; you love with your heart; you love with your entire being. I need you to know those things because all that remain are my own issues. They stand like a wall between us. I can’t bear to think I could bring any more despair to your life before I get my own under control.” She was surprised she’d kept it together so long, but choked on the sob that finally escaped. “But it would be unfair for me to ask you to wait for me. And, frankly, I won’t let you wait for me.” Tears trailed now. When he heard no response, she opened her eyes and found an expression she’d never seen on Michael’s face. But it was all too familiar to Karis. She’d finally made him angry, and she cringed at how it looked on him.Karis stared at him and braced herself for his response. His face had changed from anger to disbelief to impassive. “Michael, please say something.”