Perfectly Broken (33 page)

One Friday, he rode the light rail back to town
after work, facing another long weekend alone. He had promised to
visit his grandmother on Saturday, but that wouldn’t take long. It
left long, torturous hours to agonize about his lost love. A somber
prospect.

At the stop in center city, Tomas stepped off as
he did every day and, still in thought, began walking. His heart
was heavy, and there was no spring in his step. Gazing down at the
sidewalk as he headed home, he hardly noticed anyone around
him.

When he looked up, his heart skipped a beat.
Half a block away, Susanna walked toward him. At first, he thought
he’d missed her so much that his imagination was playing tricks on
him. But Tomas realized that she knew the route he took from work
to home, so she must be intending to meet him. She looked
different, yet still unmistakably Susanna.

Her red hair was secured at the nape of her
neck, and a knit scarf was draped over her shoulders, hanging down
in front. She wore a beige coat, jeans, and the walking shoes he’d
liked so well. Though she had the row of silver rings in the curve
of her left ear, there was a distinctive lack of Gothic.

She didn’t appear dark, just thoughtful. Maybe
he picked up a look of trepidation. And why wouldn’t she be timid
to confront him? Their last conversation hadn’t gone well. Tomas
had thought about that encounter many times, wondering how he could
have handled it differently, but had come up with nothing.

Susanna saw him looking at her, and stopped.
Tomas walked toward her, longing to be close. Emotion flooded
through him, and he wondered if her reappearance in his life meant
what he hoped it did. Standing a foot away, he waited with his
heart pounding.

Her vulnerability touched him. “Hello,
Tomas.”

Hearing her voice was music to his ears, and she
looked so darn beautiful. Those blue eyes were going to be the
death of him. “Hello, Susanna. It’s good to see you.”

She looked down at the sidewalk, and then back
up at him. “I was nervous about coming to see you without calling
first. I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me.”

“I always want to see you.”

“Can we talk? There are some things I’d like to
tell you.”

Tomas wasn’t sure how to take that. It could
mean many things, but he intended to find out. If there was a
chance they could be together, he would take it. “Yes, sure. Let’s
walk over to the park.” He started in that direction.

It was later in the season, but spring in Dublin
was only slightly warmer than winter. He buttoned up his coat and
walked beside Susanna until they were in the wooded area. Spotting
a bench, he guided her over to it. Lost among the trees and ponds
right in the middle of town, Tomas felt close to her.

The sun dimmed in the sky and clouds were
overhead, but the foliage blocked any wind. It was private enough.
No one would interrupt them while they talked. Tomas gave her time
to get her thoughts together, noticing that she was as anxious as
he was.

She looked over at him with her hands in her
pockets. “A lot has changed, Tomas.”

He stopped breathing. “Can you tell me about
it?”

Susanna looked resolved—if cautious—about what
she wanted to tell him. “When you walked away from me that day, I
lost it. The weeks after that weren’t pretty.”

He wanted to pull her in his arms and protect
her. But he just listened.

“It took me a while to realize something,
Tomas.” She took a deep breath. “You see, I hadn’t had sex with any
other man but you since that first afternoon in your hotel
room.”

His heart surged with love.

“It wasn’t that I wanted to be with any other
man except you. I didn’t.” She paused. “And I don’t.” She bit her
lower lip. “But I’d lost faith in myself. So I couldn’t promise you
that I wouldn’t weaken and betray you.”

“I’m listening.”

Once talking, Susanna poured out her feelings.
“But I realized that
you
had faith in me. You had from the
start. I decided if you thought I was worthy of your love, and of
your trust, that I needed to regain confidence in myself. I needed
to change.

“And I’m trying to, Tomas. I want to be the
woman for you, the woman you are convinced I can be.” She reached
out and touched his cheek, her fingertips grazing his goatee. “I
love you, Tomas. There is no other man I want. Just you.”

His pulse raced.

She rested her hand on his forearm. “If it’s not
too late, I’d like to make that promise. Whatever I need, I’ll come
to you. I want to be with you, more than anything. And you won’t
find me in the arms of another man.”

Tomas hardly knew what to say. She put it so
eloquently, and spoke from the heart. “I love you, baby. I loved
you every second you were away. And I love you now. That will not
change.” He opened his arms to her. “I’m so glad you are back.”

Susanna smiled and went to him. Tomas pulled her
onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. Lifting her chin, he
kissed her, trying to convey in his touch how glad he was to be
with her. And how much he wanted her.

She leaned back a little and smiled. “And you
should know I’m getting help. Rowan helped me find a therapy group,
and I’m starting to understand my addictions. And what to do to
ensure I don’t backslide.”

He smiled. “I’m so glad to hear that.”

“I was on the right track with my walking. So
I’ll be doing a lot more of that. And yoga is good for relaxation
and centering. I’m doing it at the Y now.”

“You’re in yoga classes?”

Susanna nodded. “I can do the classes because
I’m part of the staff there.” She tilted her head. “The gift shop
fired me. I won’t go into that now. But I got a job at the
reception desk at the Y.”

He brushed her hair behind her shoulder. “You
have been making changes.”

“It’s only the beginning.” She furrowed her
brow, looking adorable. “I know it’s a risk, being with me. And
I’ll understand if you need more assurance that I won’t regress
before we are together again.”

Tomas placed his palms on her cheeks. “Baby,
having you here, and knowing you’re mine, is all the assurance I
need. I didn’t intend for you to fight through everything alone. I
want to do it with you.” He grinned. “I’ve always enjoyed risk…I
like the rush.”

Susanna smiled, and looked happier than he’d
ever seen her look.

He kissed her again, wanting more; the urge to
have her naked in his arms was overpowering. “It’s cold out here.
What do you say we go back to my place?”

Her eyes sparkled. “I was hoping you’d ask.”

*****

In the warmth of his apartment, Susanna trembled
with anticipation. She had missed Tomas so much. Before coming to
see him, she had worried he might have found someone else. She
remembered his parting statement that he would always love her, and
without her, he would be alone too.

But he was such a hunk; she hadn’t been
oblivious to the admiring gazes from other women. With his broad
shoulders and chiseled muscles, the sight of him made her weak. And
when he looked at her with his lust-filled green eyes, she trembled
under his gaze. He was here with her. And he was hers.

Tomas reached for the velvet wrap in her hair
and pulled it loose. Her curls drifted over her shoulders like a
sensual caress. Their eyes locked, and then he pulled her close,
giving her a lip-bruising kiss. Susanna delved into his mouth with
her tongue, loving his taste.

He swept her into his arms and carried her to
the bedroom. As he undressed, Susanna looked at the tattoo etched
between his shoulder blades. She stood behind him and raked her
fingers over it. “You are
dangerous
, you know.”

Tomas turned, his eyes blazing. “I should have
warned you.”

His deep voice and stern tone sent a tingle over
her skin. Susanna wanted him, needed him to take her. She needed
his power, his strength, and his control. He stood naked before
her, and his virility made her weak.

“Strip naked,” he commanded. “Now.”

Heat flooded her veins, and Susanna’s hands
shook as she undressed. Tomas watched every motion she made. When
she was undressed, she turned to him, bared to her soul. When he
reached for her, Susanna opened to him, craving the intimacy they
shared. Wanting only to submit to his love, and to his control.

Lovemaking was fierce and passionate. Tomas knew
her desire, and took care to satisfy her need. And equally so,
Susanna found ecstasy in satisfying his. Sex was hot with a touch
of the forbidden, just how she liked it. And how he preferred
it.

Tomas didn’t tire, getting hard again while
Susanna had barely caught her breath from the explosive climax
they’d just shared. Her heart ached with love, and her body sang
with pleasure. Draped over his chest, with Tomas stroking her
spine, she looked into his eyes.

She ran a fingertip over his lips.

“I’m yours, Tomas. Only yours.” She glowed with
the warmth of intimacy. “I will always be yours.”

His eyes turned a darker green, and he kissed
her, long and sensually. Pulling back, he dug his hand into her
hair. “I love you, baby. I treasure the gift you offer me. The gift
of your love, of being with you, and being the one man to give you
the pleasure you deserve.”

*****

Well after midnight, Susanna drifted off in his
arms. But they woke up a couple of hours later, starved. She put on
one of his cotton shirts, which was too big for her, and Tomas
pulled on his briefs. In the kitchen, they made scrambled eggs and
toast.

After they cleaned their plates, they relaxed
and sipped coffee. Tomas gave her an odd look. Then he went to a
small desk in the corner and retrieved an oversized leather-bound
book. Sitting down, he handed it to her. Susanna read the
title.

She touched the soft leather, and admired the
gold-embossed lettering. “
Celtic Fairy Tales,
” she said.

Tomas smiled. “Yes, I bought it for you. Do you
like it?”

“It’s lovely.” Then she eyed him carefully. “Are
these the
real
stories?”

He laughed. “You never know.”

She opened the book and flipped through some of
the pages.

“I thought you could read them to the kids,” he
said.

Susanna was touched. “I will. I definitely
will.” She leaned over to kiss him. “Thank you, Tomas. It’s the
best gift anyone has ever given me.”

With their hunger sated, they took a hot bath
together, exploring each other’s bodies and finding pleasure
beneath the fragrant water. Tomas took time to dry her all over,
kissing as he went. Then she did the same for him.

Then Susanna snuggled into bed with Tomas curled
around her, his chest pressed to her back. He wrapped her in a
strong embrace and nuzzled her hair. She hadn’t experienced such
security or happiness before, and felt so lucky. She fell instantly
asleep.

* * * * *

The next morning they slept in, then dressed and
went to Café Java for breakfast. While Tomas devoured his crispy
bacon and brown bread, Susanna nibbled on her scone and sipped her
foamy latte. They sat on the front sidewalk patio. She found the
brisk air invigorating.

While they ate, she filled him in on her college
plans. Tomas was pleased that she’d enrolled, and pried every last
detail out of her. “When do you start?”

“Next term, but I can do some classes over
summer session. Which is good. That will give me a chance to get
used to studying again. I’m woefully out of practice.”

“Good idea.”

Susanna held her coffee cup in both hands. “I’ll
be learning about people, and about inner emotions and responses.
I’ll understand better the effect early childhood events have on
how a person develops.” She sipped her drink. “I’ll be learning
about myself, Tomas, while I learn how to help other kids.”

He nodded. “Yes, you will.”

“If I can prevent another child, even one, from
going through what I did, it will be worth it.” She smeared butter
on her scone. “I’m thinking of working with foster care. Seeing
that system do its job, and care for children that cannot be with
their parents, is dear to my heart.”

“I can’t think of a better career for you.”

She was thoughtful for a moment, then continued.
“And I’ll only be twenty-five when I graduate. I’ll have the rest
of my life to assist children from my position as a social worker.”
She paused. “I just want to offer what I can.”

Tomas squeezed her hand. “You have a lot to
give, baby. And since you know firsthand what it is like to be a
child at the mercy of the system, you’ll be all the more
valuable.”

Susanna saw the phone vibrate on the table and
Tomas picked it up. “It’s a text from Alaina,” he said. After a bit
of back and forth to catch up with each other, Alaina posed the
question on her mind. Tomas held the screen up so Susanna could
see.

Is the disappearing woman back?

Yes, she is with me now.

“
Let me talk to her.”

Susanna typed in her greeting.
Hello,
Alaina.

Nice to meet you. Are you real?

Susanna giggled.
Yes, very real.

I want a picture of you with my brother so I
can see. Then I will believe you.

Alaina’s text was followed by a smiley face.

Tomas texted another comment or two, then ended
the conversation. Holding the phone in front of them, he sat next
to Susanna and took their picture. Then he sent it to his
sister.

“You can’t blame her for wanting to see you with
her own eyes.” He laughed. “You did have a habit of vanishing.”

Susanna laughed. “Not anymore.”

The waitress brought a coffee refill for Tomas
and took away their empty plates. “By the way,” Susanna said, “we
have a date next Saturday with Rowan and his new girlfriend,
Gwendolyn.”