Perfectly Toxic (The Sterling Shore Series Book 9) (36 page)

ME: How’s your face?

RYE: I’ve done more damage to yours in the past. No worries.

ME: You should fix this thing between you and Brin before you’re drowning in a bottle of whiskey and crashing a crowbar through your car’s window again.

RYE: Things are fixed… Well, sort of. We’re taking a break from pranks, but everything else is good.

ME: Think again. Time to go drastic.

RYE: Drastic is kidnapping, and I’ll take those measures if it’s necessary. She’s not going any fucking where.

ME: I was thinking more along the lines of getting over your issues, because your girl wants kids. Maybe it’s just baby fever.

RYE: Thanks.

I have no idea if he’s thanking me for telling him, or if he’s being a smartass and thanking me for getting Bella pregnant and adding to the baby fever epidemic that is sweeping through our group since Fall was born.

Putting my phone away, I look up just as Brin and Allie wave at me. I don’t wave back. I’m just happy to finally have Bella all to myself.

When I reach the sofa, Bella forces a smile as she looks up at me. “You don’t have to stay. We can… um… talk about things later, if you want.”

No, that’s really not what I fucking want.

Chapter 71

BELLA

Ethan looks pissed, and I have no idea why. Instead of responding to me though, he just sits down beside me and tosses his arm around my shoulders.

“Tomorrow we’ll go to my house. Tonight we’ll stay here,” he finally says, but he’s not looking at me.

His jaw tics, and he tenses like he’s prepared for some kind of fight. I’m too tired to fight, and I really don’t want to. I need sleep, and I sleep so much better with him beside me…

Will he sleep beside me?

This is seriously not in the ‘what to expect’ portion of those books. Pretty sure they don’t make how-to books for situations like this.

“I just wanted you to know that I’m going to talk to Tria and Rain,” he says randomly, his eyes still on the TV. “About Edward, I mean. I’m going to tell them about what happened to him and to me.”

I don’t even know what’s playing on the TV.

“Okay. That’s… good,” I tell him. What the hell am I supposed to say to that right now?

He clears his throat and shifts awkwardly. “I just wanted you to know that, because it was you who thought I should. I listened to you, and I trust you. So I’m doing what you thought I should.”

Again, I have no idea why we’re discussing this.

“Kode might stop being miserable if Tria stops hating the idea of marriage,” I say, just making conversation at the moment. “I think understanding her father would help her with that.”

Ethan doesn’t look at me, but his hand gets tighter on my shoulder.

“Nothing happened between me and Star. I haven’t touched anyone, or even wanted to touch anyone, since I met you in the hospital that first day,” he states, shifting the subject with no preamble.

I get a little queasy just thinking about him and Star.

“I was drunk, I’d told her off, and she was helping me walk. I was going to pass out, but she wasn’t stepping foot in my room. I would have crawled to my bed before I let her in my room with me. I wanted you to know that. All the stupid shit I said was me being a fucking dick because my pride was hurt. Maybe even a feeling or two was hurt,” he says, trying to sound like he’s joking on that last sentence, but unable to smile.

He looks so vulnerable right now, as though he’s struggling to wait for me to respond. I put him out of his misery quickly.

“I believe you,” I say softly.

He seems to relax just a little, but not enough. However, I’m not exactly relaxed either.

“You need anything to drink?” he asks, even though it sounds a little awkward, as though he’s looking for anything to fill the silence.

“I’m good.”

Annnnnd
more awkward silence.

We both stare mutely at the TV until whatever show is on goes off, even though neither of could probably tell you what was on. Finally, Ethan breaks the silence again.

“The girls held an intervention with you because they thought you didn’t want to tell me… Because they thought you didn’t think I’d be a good father,” he says quietly, staring down at his hands.

“That’s not why they—”

“Some think it was because you didn’t want to disrupt my life,” he interrupts, still not looking at me.

I swallow hard as he takes a breath.

“Allie said she thought you wanted me to tell you I loved you before you confessed,” he states, bringing his eyes to meet mine. “Now tell me the real reason and put me out of my misery.”

I’m a horrible person. The look in his eyes makes me hate myself right now. I should have just told him from the beginning.

“A little bit of option two and three. Never option one,” I say without looking away from his eyes, hoping he sees the honesty there. “You gave up ten years of your life to handle your father’s company, even though you hated it.”

He grimaces. “I didn’t hate it, Bella,” he sighs. “I hated the hours I had to put in. There wasn’t ever time for anything else.”

I nod, trying to understand. “A baby takes up a lot of time. There’s rarely time for anything else.”

His lips twitch. “I’m aware. I’ve seen Tag. But I can handle that. I liked the company. I never loved it. I
do
love our baby.”

My heart flips over in my chest. We don’t even know the sex of our baby yet, and we both love him or her.

“And you wanted me to tell you I loved you before you told me about the baby?” he asks hoarsely.

I shrug, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks. It sounds so pathetic in retrospect. “It would have been nice to hear it before there was any duty behind it. You’re an honorable guy. I knew you’d always be here for your child.” I don’t mention that I had doubts after the Star debacle, since that will just hurt him for no reason. “But I also had an image in my head that didn’t consist of shared custody and arranged visitation. It was easier to hold onto that image as long as I didn’t tell you.”

He leans closer, still keeping eye contact, and his thumb strokes my cheek. “What sort of image?” he asks in his deep rumble of a voice.

I try to look away, but he grabs my chin and turns me to face him.

“You didn’t expect a baby, Ethan,” I say instead.

“I also didn’t expect you, and I couldn’t give you up no matter how insane you made me,” he says with a straight face. “The last thing I wanted was a serious relationship, yet I chased you around like I couldn’t catch you fast enough. Things change.”

My heartbeat speeds up, and I swallow hard once again.

“Tell me, Bella,” he says again.

Shit.

“Fine,” I say, rolling my eyes as the discomfort mounts. “I wanted the picture perfect family… I wanted to feel that kind of love from you that never goes away. I wanted our child to grow up being grossed out by their parents because we were that in love. I wanted a family dinner that always ended in a fit of laughter. I wanted family vacations that made us want to pull our hair out, but gave us funny stories to share for a lifetime. I wanted family game night, where we were all sore winners but never sore losers. I wanted—”

My words die when his lips are suddenly on mine, kissing me hard and deep. His tongue delves in, and I moan into his mouth. His fingers tangle in my hair as he pulls me closer, and I shift toward him. But he breaks the kiss too soon, and I’m left leaning into air, feeling dumbstruck.

“I’ll get you a notebook to write all that down,” Ethan says, amused. I can feel him grinning when he kisses my cheek.

I wasn’t expecting him to be grinning right now.

When I open my eyes, he’s leaning down, and my breath catches in my throat when his face is suddenly level with my stomach. Tears prick my eyes when he kisses my belly, and his hand rubs along the side, as though he’s soothing our child from outside the womb.

“Hope you like family game nights. You have two of the worst sore winners as parents ever,” he says to my stomach, and it becomes pointless to hold back the tears. “I’ll also teach you to play poker with the guys, and it doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or girl; we’ll still let you play. I’ll learn to cook, so that your mom isn’t stuck doing it all the time. I doubt living on takeout is too healthy for a kid. Don’t worry; I’ve bought some damn books, and I’ll be reading up on what you need. As for family vacations… I’ll be in charge of the road trips. I hate the way your mom drives.”

He flashes a grin up at me, but he’s a big blur through my tears. When his attention returns to my middle, I try to stop myself from sobbing like a lunatic.

“As for how much I love your mom… It’s going to embarrass the hell out of you. I’ll never be able to keep my hands off her, and she’s the only person in the world to ever get me. Just like I’m the only one to ever truly get her. Even though we’ll always have something new to learn about each other, because that’s just who we are. We’re complicated, but not impossible. I’ll never leave her, and I’ll never leave you. You’re both too important, and I
want
to spend every second I can with you.”

He kisses my stomach again, and I swat away the fresh onslaught of tears. Holy shit, I’ve never cried so much in all my life as I have these past few days. I only thought I couldn’t love him more, then he goes and talks to my belly… To the little peanut growing inside it... To
our
little peanut.

He raises back up, and I try to resemble a human being and not a water fountain as I force the tears back.

I expect him to kiss me, but he stands instead. I’m on the verge of blurting out how much I love him… About how I’ve never been in love until I fell for him… About how much it all hurts when he’s not here…

But he bends and scoops me up instead. My smile spreads, knowing we’re about to go to the room and cement our makeup, but instead, he’s carrying me toward the front door.

My smile falls.

“Where are we going?” I ask as he walks out to his car and deposits me into the passenger seat.

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he runs back, locks my door, then returns to the car to take the driver’s seat. When he whirls out of my driveway, I decide to ask again.

“Ethan, where are we going?”

“It’s not finished yet, but I’m taking you anyway. Telling you I love you isn’t good enough. Telling you I’m ready isn’t good enough. You’ve always been more focused on actions rather than words,” he says cryptically.

But as his words process, my grin reforms. He told me he loves me again… Well, sort of. I think.

Damn confusing man.

“I need my crutches,” I tell him, hoping he’ll drop a hint as to where we’re going.

I decided quickly that walking was a bad idea, since the stitches are ready to pop out with too much mobility.

“I’ll carry you,” he says, giving me no indication as to where we’re zipping toward. But I’ve figured it out by now.

We’re pulling up at his house, and there are several cars in the yard.

Ah hell. My eyes are red and puffy, my cheeks are streaked with tears from the Ethan/baby moment, and we’re about to see people?

Ethan doesn’t speak as he gets out and walks around to my side of the car. When he opens the door, I don’t argue or voice my vain concerns. He lifts me out of the car, grunting dramatically like I’ve gained weight since we left the house.

When I narrow my eyes at him, he grins and starts carrying me toward the door. It feels less awkward now with that tiny bit of playfulness from him.

As soon as we reach the front door, it swings open, and Arlene is greeting us… with a frown.

“What are you doing here?” she asks.

“It’s sort of my house, and I wanted Bella to see it.”

I’ve seen his house. Numerous times. Hell, I lived in it for a few weeks.

Arlene’s frown deepens. “But it’s not finished.”

“She needs to see it now,” Ethan says, shrugging as he holds me.

She almost looks like she’s pouting, but her eyes water when she turns her gaze to me.

“I hope you know how happy you’ve made me,” she states randomly. Then her smile grows. “I’m finally going to be a grandmother!”

I’d laugh, but I’m too confused at the moment.

“Yeah, and she danced for twenty minutes to celebrate,” Ethan grumbles, walking by her as he starts carrying me inside.

The house looks… wrecked.

There are boxes everywhere that have been ripped open, and all the packaging is strewn across the floor. I don’t get a good look at anything, because Ethan is briskly walking through the house.

As soon as we reach his guestroom, Arlene pushes open the door, and a fresh bout of tears hit me when the confusion clears.

Allie is on her knees, struggling to pull off some painter’s tape. Tag and Wren are in the floor, putting together the most expensive looking crib I’ve ever seen. Rye is holding Brin on his shoulders as she pulls the tape down from the top.

The room is a soft gray… Almost white. All sorts of little frames and artwork are in a pile in the center. But my eyes land on a rocking chair that is off to the side… The only finished piece in the massive room.

There’s a tiny quilt folded across the arm of it. It looks old and worn, but absolutely beautiful. I also remember seeing it in one of Ethan’s baby pictures. It was
his
quilt made by his mother.

“I’m sure you’ll make your own,” Arlene says as she steps up beside me, swiping away her tears as she follows my gaze. “But I thought you could use that one when the other needed washing.”

I’d thank her, but my voice is lost. One word will set me off.

Instead, I just gaze into her eyes, hoping she sees the appreciation there. She pats my cheek and kisses my forehead before beaming at me and walking off.

All eyes turn to us when they spot us in the room. Rain and Tria are tangling with a changing station, but their eyes jerk up, taking notice of us as well. Raya and Kade put down the trash bags they’re holding, and Kade clears his throat.

“We’ll give you two some time alone,” Kade says, taking Raya’s hand.

Allie stands and walks toward me, but she just pats my arm on her way out. As all our friends leave the room, my eyes take in everything. Ethan probably bought the entire store. Or Arlene. Or someone.