Perilous Pleasures (8 page)

But in the light of a new day, things were clearer. What happed was perfectly logical. Her reaction to Stefan had been brought on by finding a tiger cub in her room, followed by a disturbing dream, followed by a half-naked man coming into her stateroom and sitting on her bed at a time when she was vulnerable. When he kissed her, she responded like any woman would to the feel of a man as virile and commanding as Stefan, holding and caressing her. Nothing more...

...you need to know these things before it's too late, before you fall in love...

It was still not too late. And she would not let it happen. It was as simple as that.

She dressed in a pair of knickerbockers and an over tunic and prepared to jog from the landing to the lot, a vacant area near the river, on the outskirts of Greenville. But before leaving her quarters, she opened the door and peered out, hoping to slip away unnoticed. She didn't want to face Stefan and chance him breaking down her resolve. Once back with Gene and Otto and up on the bars, things would be different. She'd view her whirlwind attraction to Stefan in the light that it was. An infatuation over a strikingly handsome man.

Hearing nothing, she slipped down the passageway and opened the door to the salon separating the passageway from the promenade deck. She looked both ways. Finding Stefan nowhere, she hastily crossed the room and stepped onto the promenade deck. At the railing, she looked down and saw Stefan on the landing, talking to his assistant trainer, who held a strap with the tiger cub straining on the end of a harness. As she toyed with the idea of leaving the steamer while the men were talking, Stefan turned and headed up the stage in long strides. She quickly darted into the salon and rushed back to her stateroom. After a few minutes, assuming that Stefan had returned to his cabin, she opened the door to peek out. To her shock, he was standing in the passageway. Offering a bland smile, she said, "I didn't expect to see you."

Stefan's brow knit with a frown. "You act like you're trying to avoid me."

Joanna nervously batted her eyelids. "I don't know what happened last night," she said, "but it won't happen again." She brushed past him and dashed down the passageway.

"Wait," Stefan caught up and fell into step with her as she rushed across the salon. "Why shouldn't it happen again? It's the natural course of a growing relationship."

Joanna quickened her pace and started down the stairs. "I'm not ready for a growing relationship," she said. "My response to you last night was a reaction to a disturbing dream, and dreams are founded in a world of unreality. This is the real world." She crossed the cargo deck and started down the stage to the dock.

Stefan lengthened his strides to keep up with her quick paces. "You're ready," he said. "You just haven't accepted it yet."

Joanna felt her blood pumping. "It's not a matter of accepting it. It's simply a matter of coming to my senses. A relationship with you would be too complicated."

Stefan took her arm and pulled her to a halt. Looking into her eyes, he said, "You talk like there is no relationship. I know what I held in my arms last night. I also know you're not the kind of woman to allow a half-naked man to sit on your bed, take you in his arms and kiss you, and then kiss him back like there was no tomorrow."

"That is precisely the problem," Joanna said. "There may be no tomorrow. At least not for you. I'm not used to being told my dreams before I dream them."

Stefan studied her intently. "What do you mean?"

"The dream. It was like your grandmother said. Falling from my trapeze... clouds of brown dust."
 
Joanna drew in a shaky breath. "But I wasn't the one in danger. You were."

"Me?" Stefan stared at her.

"You were in the clouds of dust, and your lions and tigers were viciously attacking you and—" Joanna stopped abruptly as the image surfaced. Tears welled. "It was... horrible."

Stefan tightened his hands on her shoulders, and bent down to look directly into her eyes as he said, "You were upset because of me?"

Joanna's eyes moved restlessly over his face. "I was upset because it was so real. Everything in the dream was just like it is, the platform and my trapeze at the top of the pavilion, the big cage with your lions and tigers." She closed her eyes, wishing the scene would vanish. When she opened them again, Stefan was smiling. "I'm glad you find it amusing," she said, annoyed that he seemed to derive satisfaction from her distress.

"I'm not amused with your dream," Stefan said, "I'm just glad to know you care." He brushed his finger lightly over her swollen lip. "And next time we'll be more careful."

"
There won't be a next time!"
Joanna said, her voice shooting up. "I mean it, Stefan. This has to stop. No more kissing."

Stefan smiled. "And maybe the sun won't rise tomorrow." He pressed his lips to hers.

She let out a little moan of acquiescence, curved her arms around him and kissed him back. Frustrated with her inability to resist him, she turned and ran toward the show grounds, anxious to put some distance between them, distance she vowed to maintain.

But already she missed the feel of his arms around her, his body against hers. And all she thought, as she moved away from him, was how much she wanted to turn around and rush into his arms and kiss him again, even though her lip was bleeding once more. Dangerous thoughts she had to suppress. She was thankful that Greenville was a one-day stop, and that their next stop would be Vicksburg, where she would at last see Matthew who had always been the pragmatic one, and who would finally bring her to her senses.

***

Joanna stood outside the grounds watching for Matthew's phaeton. As she waited, heat from the cobblestones penetrated the soles of her walking boots, and the sun's rays beat down on the thin fabric of her olive-green walking costume, with its puffy sleeves that she'd hope would alleviate the heat. She had anticipated the days getting warmer as they travelled south, but this particular day promised to be uncomfortably hot, and she didn't relish spending a sultry night in her stateroom aboard the steamer. Thankfully, she would not have to worry about Stefan coming in if she propped the door open because he would be staying in his wagon near his animals.

Idly she twirled her parasol, feeling melancholy over how little time she'd have with Matthew and his little family, and how long it would be until she'd see them again. Five performances in three days, and the
Aurora
would churn its way down the Mississippi to Natchez. She looked toward the menagerie where earlier, Stefan had been directing the unloading of animals. To her surprise, he was standing in front of a cage, watching her. The thought that she was the focus of his attention brought a flurry of flutters to her chest.

"
Joanna
!"

She turned and saw Matthew climbing down from a phaeton pulled by a dapple gray. "It's you!" she shrieked. Lifting her skirt, she rushed over and was caught up in his arms and whirled around before being set on the ground. She scanned a lean muscular frame clad in a tan Norfolk coat and knickerbockers, and peered into brown eyes accented by russet-brown brows. "You look wonderful!" she said.

Matthew held her at arms length and smiled his Cheshire-cat smile. "And you, Jo Livingston, are as pretty as—" he stopped short, shaded his eyes with his hand, and stared at her mouth. "What happened to your lip?"

Joanna ran her tongue over it, finding it tender and swollen. "I... umm... bit it when I was... uh... jogging... on my way to...
 
umm... I can't remember...
 
I just keep biting it because it's swollen..." She realized she was going on, and not making much sense.

She glanced over Matthew's shoulder to where a small, blond woman sat smiling at them. "Libby!" she yelped, glad to be away from Matthew's close perusal. Gathering her skirt, she darted around Matthew and climbed into the buggy. She hugged her sister-in-law, then looked down at the baby in her arms. "Robbie!" she said, gazing at a round face with chubby cheeks and frowning young eyes. Leaning over, she kissed the baby and caught the fragrance of rose-scented powder. "I'm your Auntie Jo," she said. The baby studied her intently, until Joanna tickled his lip. Then he smiled, and the frown faded. "Can I hold him?" she asked, reaching out.

"Sure. Go to your Auntie Jo," Libby said, handing the baby to Joanna.

Robbie settled against Joanna, the warm weight of him in her arms filling her with a profound longing. He curled his tiny hand around her finger and held tight, and as she looked into his wide innocent eyes, she knew she would never again be contented traveling around the country, that without children, a husband to love her as Matthew loved Libby, and a home of her own, she'd feel a void. She returned Robbie to Libby and climbed down from the phaeton. "I'll wait here," Libby called after her. "I need to feed Robbie."

Joanna nodded, then ushered Matthew through the entrance to the grounds. As they approached the exhibition pavilion, Matthew asked, "How are Gene and Otto?"

Joanna shrugged. "Good old Otto never changes. But Gene... well, he's ambitious, wants to drop the nets so the act will be more exciting."

"What!" Matthew looked at her in alarm. "I hope to hell you're not considering it."

A cool sweat broke on Joanna's brow with the thought of flying without nets. "No," she said. "But I don't know how long Gene will be satisfied with the act the way it is."

Matthew braced a hand on her shoulder. "Look, if you want out of Porter Brothers, I could use another instructor at the academy. That is, if you don't mind living in a house and staying in one place."

"A house... in one place," Joanna said, in a thoughtful tone, surprised to be considering the idea. Yet, flying was what she'd worked for all those years. "I'll keep it in mind. It all depends on Gene. He's getting a little hard to work with, but he's not impossible yet." Although she had no intention of quitting the act, she could not help feeling that Matthew had everything. A healthy son, his own home, a wife who adored him, and a career that allowed him stay in one place. Pondering that, she said, "You always claimed that you'd one day own your own gymnastic academy. How does it feel?"

Matthew gave her a confident smile. "It's a good life, everything I always wanted." He eyed her closely. "And you? Is traveling with a vaudeville show everything you want?"

"Yes," Joanna said. "But you may have noticed that we no longer have top billing."

"I wondered about that when I saw the placards around town. What happened?"

"Karl Porter is what happened." Joanna reflected on the year before when Porter Brothers had come to Vicksburg and she'd introduced Matthew to Karl. Although Karl had been considerate, he's shown the first signs of jealousy. A small comment, but he'd made it clear she'd spent too much time with Matthew, and far too much time away from him.

"He seemed like a nice enough chap," Matthew said. "We rather liked him. But I suppose some men cannot take rejection."

"You're right about that," Joanna said. "He warned me that The Flying Marquis would be through if I broke our betrothal, but I didn't believe him. I thought he was just hurt and angry. I failed to realize he was also spiteful and vindictive. But The Flying Marquis are definitely on their way down."

Matthew folded his arms. "I also see that the king of the gypsies moved into your spot. I suppose that makes it kind of a double insult."

"What do you mean by that?" Joanna asked, abruptly.

Matthew eyed her dubiously. "I don't mean anything. It's just that gypsies don't have a very good name and—"

"There's nothing wrong with gypsies," Joanna broke in. Catching the suspicious look in Matthew's eye, she added, "I mean, they are not all beggars, thieves and liars."

Matthew stared at her. "Since when do you know so much about gypsies?"

Joanna shrugged. "I've been talking to... some of them."

"Them?" Matthew arched a brow. "How many are there?"

"Stefan has a sister, two brothers, his mother, a grandmother, and several cat handlers with him."

"Stefan?" Matthew eyed her with concern. "That doesn't exactly sound casual."

Joanna felt her heart hammering in hard staccato beats as she explained, "Stefan Janacek's stateroom is across the passageway from mine so we see each other... frequently. And... I've talked to him some... well, maybe a lot. And I've watched him working with his cats...
 
and... we've spent some time on deck and...That's all."

Matthew's gaze dropped to her lip, and she knew from the look on his face that the subject of Stefan Janacek had not been dismissed. She also suspected he was beginning to put things together. Her explanation about her lip was dubious at best. Her extended response to his simple statement about her relation with Stefan a dead giveaway.

As they crossed the midway, smoke drifted from the food pavilion, carrying with it the aroma of roasting chicken. Joanna looked at Matthew and said, "I hope you and Libby can stay long enough to eat."

"I'm afraid not," Matthew said. "The gymnastic team arrives for warm-ups in thirty minutes, but we'll be back for you later."

Joanna glanced to where Otto and Gene stood with other troupe members who were gathered around several huge grills. "At least say hello to Otto and Gene."

"I'll have to make it quick."

After a brief reunion, Matthew looked at Gene and said, pointedly, "Joanna tells me you're pushing to drop the nets."

Gene shrugged. "We wouldn't have lost top spot if we'd dropped them months ago."

Matthew glared at Gene. "You wouldn't be flying with Joanna either."

"Wait!" Joanna interjected. "No one's dropping the nets. Right?" She looked at Gene for confirmation.

Folding his arms, Gene said, "Toby Jensen rides his unicycle on the rail, without nets. The
Lindemann's
work the tight wire, without nets."
 
Muscles rippled in his jaws. "The problem is you're going to have to choose between the act and the gypsy king."

"Stefan has nothing to do with this and you know it," Joanna clipped, feeling a flush of resentment that Gene would mention Stefan in front of Matthew.