Persephone (The Lily Harper Series Book 4) (12 page)
Bill was too busy shaking his head and puffing out his chest to hear me. “I knew it would come down to this! You were always after Pollyanna for somethin’, weren’tcha?” he ranted, poking his index finger into Tallis’s stomach. “Yeah, you thought you’d take the ol’ virgin out for a spin, only to make a quick sexit, didn’t you? Yeah, I know you did!” he railed, nodding all the while. “But once Gingerlicious was like fuck-to-the-hells-no! You ain’t ready for this jelly, you had to move to plan B! And plan B was all about the dinero, wasn’t it?”
“Bill,” I started, but he held his hand up to indicate he wasn’t finished. I should have known better; once Bill started one of his tirades, there was no stopping him.
“Yeah, it was!” he insisted as he started poking Tallis again. “You figured you found yourself a little nerd-do-well, an’ thought you could hijack all her funds! So you show up here in your jeans and your clean shirt, lookin’ all lumbersexual an’ when she doesn’t lay down an’ part her Red Sea, you decide you’re gonna off her!”
“Shut yer geggie!” Tallis shouted at the much smaller man. He grasped Bill’s index finger from his chest and shoved Bill backwards, nearly sending him careening into the wall.
“Leave my geggie the hell outta this!” Bill yelled back, throwing his hands on his pudgy hips as he righted himself.
“Yer off yer bleedin’ heid!” Tallis roared as he pointed to my hands. “Ye think Ah would try tae kill her by attackin’ her hands, ye bludy walloper!”
Bill was about to say something, but apparently thought better of it. Biting his lip, he glanced over at me, and more specifically, my hands, which I still held under the flow of the faucet. He studied me for a few seconds before he noticed all the broken glass littering the floor and shrugged. “Whatevs.” Then he started for the hallway that led to his bedroom. “I ain’t got time for this anyways; I gotta shit.”
“Lily, are you all right?” Dee asked as she carefully tiptoed over the broken glass and approached me, reaching for my hand so she could assess my wounds. From the corner of my eye, I saw Tallis looking for something to clean up the glass.
“There’s a dustbin and a broom in that closet,” I said while pointing to the closet in question. He didn’t say anything, but simply nodded. “And I’m going to be fine, Dee,” I said, smiling reassuringly.
“Let me help you,” she offered, taking my right hand as she started pulling the shards of glass free from my skin. I winced a little and she gave me a smile of consolation. “This is going to hurt a bit.”
“It’s okay,” I said as I reached for a paper towel to help staunch the flow of blood.
“Sorry for the bro paux, dude,” Bill apologized to Tallis once he appeared in the hallway a few minutes later. “I just saw all the blood an’ figured you finally had your fill o’ Gidget.”
Tallis glanced over his shoulder at Bill as he continued to sweep. One of his eyebrows was raised, although he didn’t say anything. Bill walked around the couch before throwing himself onto it and propping his feet on the ottoman. Then he glanced back at Tallis over his shoulder.
“And, dude, you should lose the outfit. You look freakin’ weird.”
Before Tallis could answer, not that I was so sure Tallis
would
answer, my phone started buzzing from the table beside the couch, announcing an incoming text.
“Bill, can you see who that is?” I asked.
“Dude, can’t a man ever get any leisure time around this damn place without you needin’ somethin’ all the time?
Bill, can you do this? Bill, can you do that?
” he mimicked me in a high-pitched voice that sounded nothing like me. Reaching for my phone, he flipped it open as he unlocked it.
“Who is it?” I asked, not bothering to address his previous comments.
“Ah, fuck,” he muttered with a heartfelt sigh. “Just when I thought we could get us some freakin’ downtime.”
“What?” I asked as my heartbeat started to increase. “Who is it?”
“Skeletorhorn with our next mission,” Bill answered with another sigh. “Looks like we’re gonna be technocampin’ in the freakin’ Dark Wood again. That means no e-mail, no texts, no match-dot-com, and no freakin’ high speed downloadin’ off porn hub.”
I felt my stomach drop down to the floor as a sense of foreboding washed over me. “Where is this mission taking us?” I asked in a hollow voice.
“To level six,” Bill answered, shaking his head. “The graveyard.”
“Round me he gazed…”
- Dante’s
Inferno
After four long, arduous days of traveling through the Dark Wood, we arrived at the gates of the Underground City with heavy hearts. We left Dee back home because this wasn’t her mission and she was more than happy to play the part of house sitter.
As far as our trip through the Dark Wood was concerned, it was not without incident. In this case, the incident reared its ugly head in the shape of two man-creatures created by Alaire to patrol the haunted forest. Like their predecessor, “Fugly Number One” (as Bill had affectionately termed him), both of these beasts appeared faintly human. They walked on two legs, possessed two arms and a single head with two eyes and one mouth, and both were sans fur. But that was really where any similarities to humans ended.
The first creature we encountered this time around was far more humanlike than “Fugly Number One.” This creature, whom we titled “Fugly Number Two,” clearly possessed human skin, although it was striated with prominent red veins as well as rough, pink patches that persisted all over its body. It looked like it suffered from psoriasis. Its eyes were white and bloodshot, and its pupils were just as white, making it appear blind. But it was not. In fact, it seemed to have uncanny night vision, leaping from tree to tree like a flying squirrel. Its mouth had only a bottom row of five teeth, which were terribly overgrown, misshapened and appeared very sharp. And bloody. By the time we encountered it, it had gorged itself on an unlucky passerby. We found the body not too far from the hideous creature, torn to shreds.
Fortunately, Tallis prevented me from viewing the carnage and swiftly buried the unfortunate Retriever in an unmarked grave. Of course, he first dispatched the hideous predator by severing its head with a single slice of his broadsword.
The next creature that we met along our journey was much larger than either Fugly Number One or Two. Fugly Number Three probably reached eight feet tall and was the least humanlike of all three “Fuglies.” Its body was hairless too, but its skin was leathery in appearance and blotchy. The texture resembled snakeskin. This abomination was ultra-muscular and its hands and feet terminated in sharp talons. Its repugnant face had a turned-up snout, and beady, little eyes that were too close together and glowed an unnatural green. Like lime Jell-O green. Its mouth was simply comprised of two enormous fangs that ascended from the bottom of its jaw, giving it an underbite to end all underbites. Its chin was covered with coarse, white hairs that looked like a scruffy beard. Stranger still, it sported a gold hoop earring in one of its flap-like ears.
Luckily for all of us, directly after our encounter with Fugly Number Two, I was far more prepared. I quickly slipped my whistle around my neck so I could rely on it if the need arose. As soon as Fugly Number Three appeared, I wasted no time in blowing my whistle. Not once, but five times! After the first high-pitched shriek from the whistle, however, the creature immediately turned around and hightailed it back into the haunted forest from whence it came. It didn’t even bother to glance back at us. I had to hand it to Alaire for training his monsters well.
“According to Dante,” Bill started as he glanced down at
The Inferno,
which he held in his grubby hands, “in order to reach the graveyard, we gotta go via the City of Dis. It’s s’posed to be some kinda sub-city of the Underground City.”
“Aye,” Tallis answered with a brief nod. Meanwhile, I fished through my backpack for the skeleton key that we needed for entry into the gates of the Underground City.
“The City of Dis,” Bill repeated while playing his fingers against his chin like a piano. “I wonder what the hell that stands for?” He was quiet for a few seconds as he ostensibly pondered the question. “The City of
Dis …
cord?
Dis …
gust?
Dis …
grace?” He beamed a broad grin as if his vocabulary were impressive.
“
Disem
bowelment,” Tallis responded with a hearty chuckle.
“The City of Disembowelment?” Bill asked as he frowned at the bladesmith. “Really? Are you shittin’ me? That’s what it really stands for?”
“Nae,” Tallis answered, shaking his head with a rare smile. “Ah’m joost playin’ yer game with ye.”
“Oh, cool story, bro,” Bill replied with a genuine grin. Nodding enthusiastically, he glanced up and to the right like he did whenever he was “deep in thought.” A few seconds later, another wide smile illuminated his round face. “
Dis …
grace,” he said to Tallis, holding his palm out as Tallis high-fived him. Then Bill pretended like his hand exploded and even added a “Boom!”
“Aye, guid one,” Tallis answered with a nod. “
Dis …
embodied.”
“On point, Bladesmith, on point,” Bill said with a wink and another encouraging nod. “
Dis …
turb!”
“Och aye!” Tallis replied heartily. He seemed as caught up in this idiotic game as Bill was. “
Dis …
locate!”
“Dude, yours all describe fuckin’ people up,” Bill noted as Tallis faced him blankly.
“Aye?”
Bill’s smiled broadened. “Right on, man, it’s like
dis …
turbing!” Then he whispered to himself, “Fuck, yeah! Billy-my-man, you’re like en fuego with this shit!”
“
Dis …
membered!” Tallis chimed with a rumbling chuckle.
“Okay, guys,” I started, holding my hands up in mock surrender. “I can’t deal with this idiocy anymore.” But neither one of them even spared me a glance. Instead, they faced each other like they were long lost lovers, or something worse.
“Dude, Tido, you’re like super good at this shit!” Bill continued, giving Tallis another high five, not an easy task, given the huge disparity in Bill’s height compared to Tallis’s. “If me an’ you are ever on a dick date, playin’ Scrabble, you’re totally on my team!”
“Aye, Stookie Angel, aye …” Tallis answered with a brief nod before growing quiet for a couple of seconds. When he spoke again, his voice was louder and his smile was wider. “D
is …
figured!”
“Enough!” I railed with an angry expression as I threw my hands on my hips. “I have one word for you both:
dis …
engage!”
Bill glanced at me with a frown before facing Tallis again and pointing at me indifferently with his thumb. “Dude … such
dis …
respect.”
“I can’t deal with anymore of this crap!” I continued, my tone of voice rising. “We are wasting time! We still have a mission to complete. That means we need to get in and out of the Underground City ASAP! In order to do that, I need you both to pay full attention!”
Bill faced Tallis with another smile. “
Dis …
couraging!”
“You’re lucky you’re an angel and I can’t kill you,” I muttered, shaking my head. I pushed the skeleton key into the lock on one of the enormous gates and cranked it to the right. When I didn’t hear a click, I cranked it all the way to the left. Then I pushed on it before the ancient gate creaked a horrible, tinny, grating sound as I heaved it open.
Tallis was the first to walk inside the Underground City. He grasped the iron bars of the gate and continued to push it open, holding it wider for Bill, who was right behind him. I, on the other hand, couldn’t afford to be as swift. Owing to my “innocence and purity,” I couldn’t just set foot into the Underground like Tallis and Bill. Instead, I had to pollute myself. Otherwise, I would be doomed to die a most painful death upon entering the city’s walls.
There were various ways to pollute myself, but I was only concerned with one at the moment—the vial of liquid given to me by Alaire. Per his instructions, the vial’s liquid would allow me to continue living while traveling in the Underground City. The one stipulation? The liquid inside the vial would only work when in very close proximity to The Underground City. That meant I had to be within a few feet of the Underground when I swallowed it. So there went any planning ahead on my part.
“Hurry it up!” Bill called to me from the other side of the gates. “Don’t make us wait too long, or we might get
dis …
tracted!” he finished. With a loud chuckle, Bill started to elbow the bladesmith in the ribs, but Tallis merely sidestepped him, thwarting his feeble attempt.
Breathing in anxiously, I slowly breathed out, and my expression should have conveyed that I wasn’t amused. I started fishing the vial out from my backpack, and upon retrieving it, I popped off the cork and downed the contents in two gulps. The liquid tasted an awful lot like grape-flavored Dimetapp. Not great, but there were plenty of flavors that would have been way worse. I glanced down at the vial and noticed it already refilling itself, just as Alaire promised it would. With a deep breath, I threw the vial back into my pack and started my journey into the Underground City.
“Stop,” Tallis commanded me before I could step through the gates. “Give yerself ample time fer the liquid tae hit yer stoomach!” A smirk appeared on his lips. “Ootherwise, ye may be in some
dis …
comfort.”
“Yes!” Bill laughed as he slapped his thigh. “Is this the greatest game ever, or what?!”
“Why am I suddenly wishing I’d come here on my own?” I grumbled, shaking my head with annoyance. “How long do I have to stand here?” I asked Tallis as I started to wonder whether or not the Dimetapp stuff would actually work in time. What if I’d have to stand here for an hour or more?
“The tincture is charmed, so it works at ah mooch faster rate than any other medicine ye are accoostemed tae takin’,” Tallis explained.
“Okay, that’s great to know, but what does it mean in terms of time?” I demanded testily.
“Give it another minute, lass, an’ ye should be fine tae cross over,” Tallis replied. Seeing no trace of a smile on his face, I became hopeful that he would take things more seriously now.
I stood at the gates for another minute before Tallis reached for my hand. That was my signal that he believed I would be safe. I stepped over the threshold of the gates with my heart lodged tightly in my throat, hoping and praying that the same intensity of pain I’d experienced when I’d first stepped foot in the Underground City many months ago would not return.
It felt like slow motion as I watched my foot touching down on the asphalt. After another second or two, I happily realized I didn’t feel even a pinch of pain. So far, so good.
“Are ye well?” Tallis asked as he eyed me inquisitively.
I nodded, taking a deep breath. “Never better.”
“Then we’re off to see the wizard!” Bill sang in a high voice. He faced Tallis. “Yo, dude, and afterwards we can stop at Sears an’ see if they have any …
dish …
washers on sale!”
“Boo!” I said to Bill while shaking my head.
“What?” Bill protested with a shrug, throwing his hands in the air with frustration. “Dishwasher starts with
dis
!”
“Negative!” I said to Bill, failing to hide a smile as I finally saw the fun in their moronic game. “Bill Angel, minus one!”
“Screw you guys!” Bill yelled while waving us both away with an uninterested hand as he took a few steps ahead of us.
“Oh, Bill, don’t get
dis …
gruntled!” I called after him with a laugh, turning to face Tallis who was smiling at me.
***
The only way to access the City of Dis was by traveling to the opposite end of the Underground City and from there, taking a train, which terminated at the sixth level, or the graveyard. But reaching the opposite side of the Underground City was no easy task. First, we had to walk three miles to reach the subway, which took us to the train station. The three-mile walk lasted over an hour, although we did try to do it quickly. However, each of us were on high alert, our swords and eyes at the ready in preparation for whatever might prefer to see us dead.
Luckily for us, the only creatures we saw were the watchers. As I mentioned earlier, they were the eyes and ears of the Underground City. Their only responsibility was reporting what they saw to Alaire. The watchers didn’t pose much of a threat, unless you considered Alaire’s knowledge that we were within his city walls a threat. When I considered that angle, however, the watchers could very well have been the most threatening of all Alaire’s creatures.