Persona - A Disturbing Psychological Thriller (20 page)

‘Again,’ he demanded.

She repeated the action.

‘Do it harder and faster and don’t stop till I say.’

She did what he said, reacting through fear in the belief it was saving her life. He stayed silent as she prodded his back with her forefingers. After a short while she believed he had fallen asleep and prayed it was true. Gradually, she slowed her action until, convinced he was sleeping, she stopped.

She shot back and screamed when he grabbed her nightdress at the throat and then, in one savage, heart-stopping movement, rammed her up against the wall. The cotton had ripped and now he held her by her neck.

‘You fucking bitch,’ he shouted. ‘You fucking bitch! You think I’m scared
now
? Think you can torture me, you stupid cunt? I’m the fucking daddy now. I give the fear,
understand
? I give it!
Understand
?’

She couldn’t speak or breathe. His grip was too tight. All she could do was plead with her eyes.

‘Speak to me, bitch, speak to me, or I swear I’ll snap your fucking neck!’

She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

‘Still laughing at me? Still funny, eh? Amusing? Wanna die, bitch? Wanna die? Tell me you want to live. Tell me about the future. Tell me you’re happy…’

Silence…

He dropped her onto the ground and waited.

She choked and pressed her fingers onto her neck. She tried to speak, but just croaked.

‘One chance. One chance,’ he warned. ‘Tell me you love life. Tell me now and I’ll let you go.’

‘I…love…life.’

He laughed maniacally and pulled her to her feet. ‘Time to die, bitch. Life ends now!’ He pulled her hands from her neck.

‘Ryan,’ she wheezed. ‘I’m not Karen… I’m not your…mother!’

He hesitated and stared at her with venomous eyes.

She seized the opportunity. ‘I’m Sta…cey. You’re dreaming… I’m not…your mother.’ She coughed.

‘You’re lying, bitch.’ He pushed her into the corner and she fell to the floor. He felt confused.

She forced herself to speak, ignoring the pain in her throat and back. She knew it could keep her alive. ‘I’m your girlfriend, Stacey…You’re mistaking me with Karen…your mother…She tortured you when you were a boy…by poking you in bed.’ She stared at his dark, monstrous form and desperately hoped he understood.

He growled and leapt at her. She threw her fists at him, but they didn’t stop him. He lifted her clean off the ground and back against the wall. ‘Think you’re clever, don’t you, bitch? I’m too clever for you. How could you know about it unless you’re the cunt you are?’ He laughed in her face. ‘Last seconds… Enjoy!’

As he reached for her throat, she shouted at him, rage replacing fear, frustration replacing desperation. ‘Dave told Fay about your…mother. Fay told me… That’s how I know.’

Ryan struggled to think clearly. Dave wouldn’t have told anyone. Then he hazily remembered the confession Dave had made to him. He let go of her. Dave had said he’d only told Fay his name. Dave wouldn’t lie to him, would he?

A light came on which blinded him, and then he lost his balance as she slapped him hard across the cheek. He staggered into the dresser and stared at her. It was Stacey. Reality flooded back.

‘Sorry,’ he mumbled.

‘
Sorry
?’ she cried, holding her neck. ‘
Sorry
? You nearly
killed
me!’ She leant forwards and coughed.

‘Dave lied to me,’ he said, more to himself than her.

‘Is that all you care about?’ Stacey screamed, her anger overtaking her pain. ‘If he hadn’t told Fay, you would have
killed
me!’ She stared at him incredulously and then burst into tears. Then she lay down on the bed. Ryan lay down beside her, took her in his arms and kissed her wet cheek.

‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I’m really sorry, Stacey.’

She wanted to speak. She knew that right now he’d listen to her and tell her what she wanted to hear, but she was too exhausted, physically and mentally, to do that. Briefly, she felt annoyed with herself for forfeiting the opportunity, until she realised she was too obsessed with transforming Ryan. He’d tried to kill her for God’s sake. Her wellbeing came first. This was turning into a nightmare, sucking at her soul until nothing was left. She must relax. She deserved to rest once in a while.

She turned away from him and tried to settle her nerves.

An hour later, she still felt too tense to sleep.

The light was still on, but Ryan was sleeping. Stacey edged her legs over the bed and walked to the bathroom. She turned the light on, looked in the mirror and felt a shiver inside. She had to press her hands against the wall to keep her balance as she saw her neck was red raw.

She stormed out the room and pushed Ryan’s shoulder until he woke.

‘What you doing?’ he mumbled irritably.

‘We need to talk.’

‘Can’t it wait till the morning?’

Stacey waited for him to stop blinking. ‘Look,’ she said, pointing to her neck.

He sighed. ‘I said I was sorry. It was a bad dream.’

‘I want answers, Ryan,’ she said sternly. ‘You owe me that.’

He closed his eyes and re-opened them slowly.

‘Well lie down then,’ he said, not wanting her staring at him and sympathising which would piss him off. She sank into the bed. ‘What d’you want to know?’ he asked indifferently.

‘Tell me about Karen.’

‘I thought you already knew about her. Fay told you.’

‘She told me Karen used to poke you at night when you were a child. That’s all Dave would tell her.’

‘She tortured me. There’s nothing more to say.’

‘What else did she do to you?’

He turned his head towards her and smiled. ‘Do you really want to know? I don’t think you’ve got the stomach for it. I didn’t have a fairytale upbringing like you.’

‘I nearly died,’ she said coldly. ‘I think I can handle it.’ She had to be firm. It was the language he understood.

‘Okay.’ Ryan nodded. ‘When I was a little boy asleep at night, my mother would suffocate me.’ He stared at her, anticipating shock. Conversely, she appeared eager to hear more. ‘She pinched my nostrils together usually with a peg, and then sealed my lips with Sellotape, or something else.’

‘That’s sick,’ she said matter-of-factly. ‘Why did she do that?’

‘My reaction amused her. Watching me panic to open my airways. I suppose it fascinated her too, experimenting with different devices to see which one I’d remove first.’ He waited for a response, but there wasn’t one. ‘Once or twice she even glued my lips together. Not with superglue, thank fuck, but she definitely used Pritt Stick; I could tell by the smell.’ He looked at her. She was trying to stay calm, but her appearance betrayed her - she was as white as a sheet. ‘I think she sacked that idea because the dry flakes on my lips were too hard to get off before school.’

‘Oh my God!’ Her hand went to her mouth.

‘I don’t want sympathy, Stacey. It’s the past. It’s over. I’ve moved on. It means nothing to me. I’m telling you because you asked, not because I want to.’

She knew it was the key. But she wanted to hear more before she said anything. ‘Did she do anything else?’ she asked.

‘Well, obviously she knocked me around a lot. She beat me until I couldn’t move a muscle. She knew how to fight and was a fucking animal, but she’d only do it when Will was away. She knew he’d kill her if he found out, because he was moulding me into an identical version of himself, whereas she was turning me into a nervous wreck. My childhood involved conflicting extremes – Will pushed me towards masculinity, while she subjected me to fear.’

‘Did your father ever find out?’

Ryan grinned. ‘Where’s Will now?’

‘You said he was in prison.’ Stacey gasped and her hands clutched her chest. ‘He…killed your
mother
!’

‘Yep.’

‘Oh my
God,
Ryan.’

‘He avenged me and at the same time taught me another lesson.’

‘A lesson?’

‘Will’s commandments. There were ten. I learned number nine that night…’

He recited the events to her as he relived them in his mind…

Lying in the corner of his room where she’d left him, he wept. He knew it would take days for the pain to go away. He couldn’t move any of his limbs and felt dizzy. Everything was out of focus, as if he was looking through a broken pair of binoculars. He heard her running and forced his aching body into a ball, fearing further violence, but then he heard the front door open and realised she was away from him. He heard Will and beautiful warmth smothered him.

‘Please come and see me, Will. Please come into my room,’ he whispered.

He would never tell Will. She’d told him what she’d do to him if he did. Crippled with fear, he’d kept silent, and Will had got frustrated with his timid personality and punished him because of it - he’d have to walk further with more weight in his rucksack, or do more press-ups, heaves or sit-ups.

If Will found him like this, it wouldn’t be his fault…Or maybe it would…Suddenly he became very scared and prayed that Will would go away. She’d blame him and punish him, worse than she ever had before. He scrunched himself into a tight ball and hoped he’d become invisible. It had never worked before, but maybe Will would be fooled.

‘What are you doing back?’ he heard her ask. There was a softness to her tone that he didn’t recognise. Then he realised it was fear. She knew Will wouldn’t stand for her behaviour. Will would realise why his son was so nervous and jumpy and would punish her for it. That would only happen in his fantasies though. The truth was that he was far more scared of Karen than she was of Will, and she knew it, so everything would stay the same and he’d have to endure a miserable existence.

‘I’ve just been in the digger for six fucking months and now I’m home,’ Will told her. ‘You got a problem with that, bitch?’

‘Yeah, you could have phoned first.’

‘It’s my fucking house,’ Will shouted.

‘Yeah and I’m just your bitch.’

He knew she was trying to keep Will away from him and he hoped she’d succeed.

‘Why are you standing in my way?’

‘Let’s go out.’ Her voice suddenly sounded broken and feeble.

‘What the fuck are you talking about, you mad cow?’

‘Let’s go to the pub. I wanna beer.’

‘What’s happened? What’re you so nervous about?’

He heard no reply.

‘Answer me! Has something happened to my son?’ Will’s voice reverberated around the house.

‘No,’ she cried.

He heard Will’s footsteps thumping closer, the floor shaking with each bound. The light came on and turned his eyelids red.

‘Son! Son!’

Will ran up to him and he felt a throbbing pain as Will held his head. ‘Look at me, son. Look at me for fuck’s sake!’

He didn’t want to. He wanted Will to leave him alone.

‘Go away,’ he whispered. He tried to sound strong, but tears rolled down his cheeks.

‘Look at me, son!’ Will roared, and he would never forget the overpowering stench of tobacco. ‘I am ordering you to look at me or I’ll pull your fucking head off!’

Tentatively, he looked up.

‘Oh my fucking God! What happened, son? Tell me who did this.’

He said nothing. Will’s face turned red.

‘Karen!’ he shouted, but she didn’t reply. Will jumped to his feet and stormed out the room…‘You fucking bitch! You can’t run from me. I’ll hunt you down, cunt. I’ll find you.’ He heard Will run outside.

‘Stop that fucking car!’

Their car starting up…

A window smashing…

Loud revving and then a screech…

Screaming…

Getting closer and closer until it was inside the house…

Until she was in front of him, held above ground by Will, who’d clamped his hands around her neck and chin.

‘You dared do this to my son?’ Will’s voice sounded hysterical and blood dripped onto the carpet from a deep gash in his arm.

She stared at him on the floor and he shivered.

‘I didn’t tell. I promise I didn’t tell.’

‘You stupid little cunt,’ she sobbed.

Will carried her out of his room. Seconds later he heard the back door unlock and then slam shut. It seemed like a long time before it opened again and he felt petrified that Karen would return.

She didn’t. Will re-entered his room alone and looked a lot calmer.