Pewter Angels (16 page)

Henry began to feel the weight of their conversation settle over him. It was his life they were talking about.

“Always remember the big picture,” Mr. Engelmann hammered away, jarring Henry’s wavering thoughts. “God created marriage in which two people are united into one flesh, and it is there that sexual intimacy becomes whole and valid and secure. Couples give each other the gift of themselves without shame, fear or worry. Its purpose is realized and validated in the sanctity of marriage. God gave us the desire to procreate, but He also gave us the ability, power and will to harness those desires. Every time you say no to temptation—say no to something you know is wrong—you strengthen your will and your belief about what is right and what is wrong.

“Build your house on a rock so that when temptation comes knocking on your door, it will not be washed away like a house built on sand. So, think carefully, my son,” Mr. Engelmann said.

The pastor had spoken about the houses built on rock and sand in a sermon a few Sundays before. Now Henry understood what the scripture meant.

“As I already said, Henry, just like you and Jenny, Anna and I cared for each other very much. We decided not to have sex because the risk was too great. So we avoided situations or places that might tempt us and kept our minds always on other things.

Think on it this way. If a woman wants to lose weight, she doesn’t think about chocolate cake all day or set a piece in front of her to be tempted. No, she avoids sweets. She keeps them out of the house. She pushes it out of her mind and dwells on other things: how good she is going to look, and how much better she is going to feel physically and about herself.

“Remember, Henry, the thoughts we entertain lead to feelings of arousal or hunger or whatever, and eventually our feelings, driven by our thoughts, lead us to act—either like an intelligent person in control and guided by his beliefs or like an animal driven by instinct.”

As if to drive home Mr. Engelmann’s point, a dog started sniffing around the garbage cans in the back lane. There couldn’t have been a better visual reinforcement of what Mr. Engelmann had said.

Henry thought the discussion was over, until Mr. Engelmann muttered “Temptation” under his breath. Henry glanced up at Mr. Engelmann as he continued, “Yes, temptation can be very strong, especially in the area of sex. That’s why we refuse to carry a certain kind of magazine in our store. We could make more money by selling them, but we would be adding to the misery that already exists in the world. Those magazines exploit the sex drive within us. They take the act of loving one another out from under the umbrella of marriage where it belongs. Rather than picturing women as the wholesome, beautiful creatures they are, they become objects in those magazines, things used for pleasure. Their bodies are degraded, used and exploited.”

Henry and his friends had once snuck a peek at one of those magazines in the drugstore. He hoped Mr. Engelmann couldn’t tell that he had. He turned away from the sun, pretending to escape the hot rays in order to hide from Mr. Engelmann’s perceptive gaze.

“I remember once when a salesman came into the store wanting us to sell those magazines. As soon as Anna saw them, she got angry. My Anna is such a quiet, peaceful woman, she would never harm anyone or any of God’s creation—but when someone does or says something that goes against her beliefs or her sense of what is right, you better get out of the way! I will never forget how she picked up the broom and chased him out. That is one salesman who has never returned!”

Henry chuckled as he pictured frail Mrs. Engelmann chasing the salesman out of the store.

“Man has even devised a way to have sex and eliminate the fear of pregnancy,” Mr. Engelmann mused. “It’s called a condom. And I’ve even heard talk of a drug that might prevent pregnancy. These are just others ways of allowing ourselves to indulge in something that was meant for marriage.”

“But isn’t it better to prevent pregnancy?” Henry asked, finally thinking he’d found a flaw in Mr. Engelmann’s thinking.

“Yes, but it’s nothing more than a way to justify and cover up our weaknesses. If we have accepted our sinful nature and given in to temptation, there is no use even trying to avoid sex before marriage. I overheard one of our customers say she planned to give her son condoms to prevent him from getting his girlfriend in trouble. My, my, what is the world coming to?”

Mr. Engelmann’s voice rose as he sternly added, “Rather than instill proper values, the gift of virginity at marriage, respect for women and their bodies and the sanctity of marriage, we allow permissiveness and even encourage it!”

Mr. Engelmann let out a long sigh, “No, Henry, it is our responsibility to teach discipline, sound values and principles to live by, to teach the reasons for living a chaste life before marriage. We must do the right thing, not the easy thing that only encourages our self-indulgence and whims. God did not make us helpless creatures. Many, many people have chosen to live righteous lives!”

Henry had never heard Mr. Engelmann talk for so long on one subject: he was on a roll. Clearly it was very important to him and Henry silently agreed with most of the things he’d said.

Just then, the little girl from next door wandered into the backyard.

“Look at this young child, Henry. Would you be prepared to raise this girl, to provide for her?”

He was maybe only ten years older than she was, Henry suddenly realized. He was not ready to be a father. Seeing that young child made him realize his total lack of preparedness and maturity. A sense of righteous conviction stirred and he sat up straighter.

“Look how her mother is looking for her, so concerned, Henry,” Mr. Engelmann said, then called out, “She is over here, Mrs. Robinson!”

“Oh my gosh!” Mrs. Robinson exclaimed as she rushed over, “How quickly she got out of the yard! I hope she hasn’t been a bother to you.”

“No, no, in fact she has been a help,” Mr. Engelmann said, shading his face with his hand.

Mrs. Robinson frowned, a puzzled look on her face.

“Oh, not to worry. It’s just something Henry and I were just discussing.”

Mrs. Robinson looked at Henry, who just smiled, trying to hide his embarrassment and fervently hoping Mrs. Robinson wouldn’t guess what they had been talking about.

Mr. Engelmann and Henry watched Mrs. Robinson take her little girl’s hand and walk away. The little girl turned and waved goodbye and Mr. Engelmann waved back. Henry couldn’t imagine himself as the father of that young child.

“I cannot stress this enough, Henry. Only in marriage, only in an atmosphere of love and caring and respect for each other in which the man and the women become one, is lovemaking a blessed and sacred thing.”

And then he said something Henry would never forget.

“When we remove lovemaking from a marital setting, it is like inviting someone to a fine dinner and then giving them only dessert without the main course. It becomes a hollow act that only the sanctity of marriage can fill.” He paused, before continuing with excitement. “Henry, this world so desperately needs people who have thought things through and don’t go through life like a leaf tossed by the wind. We need, more than ever, strong people whom others will want to emulate because of the wholesome way they live.

“I have seen the way you and Jenny look at each other and want to help you to understand this whole matter, but I know from my own experience knowledge is not enough. Many times our problems are so big, or the temptation so great, that we need another form of help.”

Henry moved closer to the edge of the old grey crate, his mind totally fixed on what Mr. Engelmann would say next. Henry knew he needed help beyond Mr. Engelmann’s logic and reasoning. When the moment came, he doubted he would be strong enough to rise above his weakness like Mr. Engelmann was encouraging him to do.

“Henry, when trouble comes our way, or our loved ones get sick or die, who do we turn to?”

Henry knew the answer. He looked over to Mr. Engelmann. “We turn to God.”

Mr. Engelmann looked into Henry’s eyes. “Yes, that is what we do. When things are going fine, we have no need for God. But when trouble comes and overtakes us, all the knowledge or reasoning in the world just doesn’t seem to help us deal with the situation. To God—that is where most, if not all, of us eventually turn. God gave us free will so that we can direct our own affairs. But because we are weak, we are not perfect and are sinful in nature. We need to be dependent upon Him and His strength to do what is right.”

If Mr. Engelmann had said that right at the start, Henry was certain he would have tuned him out long ago, but now he knew the old man was right. In spite of all the knowledge and wisdom Mr. Engelmann had shared with him, Henry admitted to himself that he needed God’s help. His feelings for Jenny were just so overwhelming.

Mr. Engelmann squinted and looked up at the sky, his pose prayerful, then glanced at Henry once more. “That is why I start each day by praying and meditating and reading the Bible. I offer up the day to Him and ask for help to do His will and not mine. He knows what is good for me.”

Mr. Engelmann straightened his back. “Oh, I still sin—”

“But, how could you possibly?” Henry blurted. “You know so much and—”

“Yes, yes, Henry,” said Mr. Engelmann. “That’s the point. As you get older, you know more and so more is expected of you. You realize daily how you still fall short of being a Godly person. While we are not expected to be perfect, we are expected to do what is right—and if we fail, we ask for forgiveness and try again. God understands our weakness. He looks more at our hearts than at what we do. You will soon understand this. It is just food for thought. Which reminds me, I think we both need to eat.”

Henry nodded.

But instead of getting up and going back inside, they continued to sit in silence. It seemed to Henry that Mr. Engelmann did this on purpose so he could think about what had just been said.

Henry had to agree that he was tempted all the time, but had never really thought to pray unless he was facing a big problem or some huge calamity. Suddenly it didn’t seem right that he should only turn to God and acknowledge Him only in times of trouble. He should do it all the time. Perhaps if he prayed more and his mind was on better things, maybe he wouldn’t be so tempted all the time. And when he was faced with wrong choices, maybe he could deal with them better.

Anna surprised them both by appearing at the back door.

“Good Lord, what is it with you two men? It’s almost noon and here you are, still talking. I was getting worried about you!”

“Not to worry,” said Mr. Engelmann. “Just a little man-to-man talk.”

Anna smiled, eyes brightening as she gazed at them. “Well, don’t be too much longer. You both need your lunch.” She held her smile as she turned back into the store.

Mr. Engelmann pushed his hands against the crate, trying to stand and straighten out. “
Ach mein Gott
, help me up.”

Henry, too, was stiff from sitting for so long but he hurriedly stood and took hold of Mr. Engelmann’s arm.

“Thank you for talking to me, Mr. Engelmann,” Henry said as the older man stretched his back. “What you said about choices and what we believe in helps a lot.”

“
Ach
, Henry, that’s the heart of the matter. Making sound choices in life based upon values and principles is a most important lesson. You are and become what you believe in. But we have talked quite enough for today.”

As Henry moved to follow his employer back into the store, Mr. Engelmann spoke again. “What I am saying may not be popular, but I believe it is the right thing to do, Henry. In any case, just like the Lord, I am not here to take your free will away. I’ve told you some of what I know. Take from it what you wish. In the end it’s always up to you.”

Henry held the door open for Mr. Engelmann, feeling the midday sun heat his skull and shoulders, hoping the hot rays would burn this morning’s conversation deep into his mind. A final thought struck him before he went in. Something about what Mr. Engelmann said about getting older and knowing more and having more expected of you had created an awareness of responsibility that Henry hadn’t felt or acknowledged before.

He’d have to think about all of this some more.

Both Mr. and Mrs. Engelmann were standing behind the till when Henry entered the main part of the store. Henry sure hoped that Mr. Engelmann wouldn’t share their conversation with his wife—even the thought was too embarrassing to contemplate.

He addressed her politely, “Thank you, Mrs. Engelmann, for letting me and Mr. Engelmann have such a long talk.”

“
Tcha
. Not to worry, Henry. It was my pleasure.”

“I’ll go for lunch, now, and I promise to work hard this afternoon to make up for the morning.”

“Go, go on,” said Mr. Engelmann, “get something to eat. A strong man like you needs a good lunch.”

Henry smiled and darted out.

“You spent a long time
talking to Henry.”

“He needed me, Anna, and I could tell what he needed to hear. I was young once, too.”

“I know only too well,” Anna said with a wink.

“I hope he thinks over what I said. I told him the things I would have said to our own boy if we’d had one.”