Pewter Angels (34 page)

Behind the large picture beside the liquor cabinet was a wall safe. Ted swung the painted landscape aside and entered the combination. The heavy steel door swung open. If only he could find the key to all his troubles and unlock them as easily.

Ted looked down at the two envelopes in his hands one last time. “Someday, perhaps, you will find your destinations, but for now …” He put the envelopes at the back of the safe behind other important documents, then shut the door with a thunk of finality, hiding it behind the picture once more.

So be it,
he thought.

He gazed at the picture thoughtfully. The serene landscape seemed to have captured more light somehow. Was the painting … glowing?
Nah, it’s gotta be the vodka
. Still, the thought that the angels somehow had the power to escape the confines of their chamber to fly to their intended recipients wouldn’t leave his mind—and for a split second he imagined he saw them streak across the painted sky. Ted immediately pivoted on his heel and strode to the liquor cabinet.

This was getting ridiculous.

He poured the remaining contents of the vodka bottle into another glass and raised it to his mouth, downing it in one gulp. He hesitated, then cracked the seal on a bottle of Canadian Club, filling the glass halfway. He hoped a third drink would settle whatever demons were swarming around him.

In a way, he thought muzzily, he
had
done the right thing. He hadn’t sent off the letters, but he hadn’t destroyed them either. He’d found a kind of balance. It would be his secret.

And he consoled himself with the thought that at least the letters and their angels were together.

E
very day in January,
when her father arrived home, Jenny asked him, “Is there a letter from Henry?”

And the answer was always the same. “No, Jenny, I’m sorry. There’s nothing for you.”

Jenny couldn’t believe that Henry hadn’t responded in some way to her letter and her gift. She’d been so certain there would have been
something
. Not even praying to her guardian angel could appease her longing heart. It was as if Henry had vanished from the face of the earth, his love for her as temporal as mist in the wind. Some days Jenny wondered if he had even been real.

The only things that reminded Jenny of their relationship, and the fact that one had actually existed were the little notes Henry had secured under the elastic on her fence-post. Without them, there was no concrete evidence of their time together. Jenny read and reread the notes almost daily; they’d become worn and ragged.

Having not heard from Henry by the end of January, she was so frustrated she decided to tear the notes to shreds. All they did was remind her of broken promises, and kept alive a memory that only added to her pain and longing.

In the end, however, Jenny couldn’t bring herself to do it. They were just too precious. She still felt Henry’s words so deeply, and the thought of his touch on the worn and tattered paper was her sole small comfort. Most days she hardly ate her dinner, and afterwards went directly to her room, not emerging until the next morning for school. Her appetite was nearly gone and she was as fatigued as she was apathetic. Lately the only thing that roused her curiosity was why her school clothes suddenly didn’t seem to fit.

Her mom and dad had noticed the change in her and made an appointment with the family doctor. Surely Jenny’s problem was more psychological than physical, or perhaps it was simply hormonal. Jenny was reluctant to see the doctor but gave in to make her mother leave her alone.

Her dad drove them into Ottawa on his way to work. After a morning of shopping and a brief stop for lunch, they walked over to the doctor’s office. No sooner had they sat down than the receptionist called for Jenny. Her mother looked up from her magazine to say she would wait in the reception area unless the doctor wanted to talk to her.

Jenny attempted a small smile, “I’m sure everything’s fine. Don’t worry, Mom.”

Edith smiled back, but Jenny could tell she wasn’t convinced.

Jenny followed the nurse to an examination room and plunked herself into the chair indicated by the nurse. She tapped her feet as she waited for the doctor.

Dr. Breck was middle-aged and completely bald. He looked at Jenny and smiled warmly. The wide gap between his two front teeth made him somehow less intimidating and Jenny began to relax.

“Hello, Jenny, I’m Dr. Breck. What seems to be the problem?” He flipped through a couple of pages in his chart. “Says here your mother thinks you’re not yourself lately. Is something bothering you?”

Jenny looked at the doctor, reluctant to tell him about Henry and how much she missed him. Instead, she decided to talk about something else that had been bothering her. “Well, I am concerned about the fact that I seem to be gaining weight, even though I haven’t felt like eating much lately. Actually, I haven’t been feeling too well for a little while now.”

Dr. Breck looked at Jenny for a long moment. “Would you please take off your sweater and lie down on the table?”

When Jenny complied, Dr. Breck pressed down on her abdomen. “Does it hurt here? Here?”

Each time Jenny said, “No.”

Dr. Breck stopped and looked down at Jenny. “When did you start menstruating?”

“Oh, about two years ago—”

“And when was your last period?”

Jenny thought for moment. She had been so preoccupied with the move and not hearing from Henry she hadn’t given it much thought. It had all been so stressful… “Now that you mention it, I don’t think I’ve had a period this month yet … and maybe not last month either … I’m not sure. I can’t remember.

And sometimes it’s so minimal.”

Dr. Breck’s next words shocked her to her core. “I’d like you to have a pregnancy test.”

“A …
what?
! Are you serious?” Jenny sat up.

Dr. Breck didn’t answer right away. He could see Jenny was truly surprised. “Jenny, let’s just do the test and we’ll go from there, okay?”

“But, Doctor, I assure you …”

Jenny’s words trailed off as Dr. Breck filled out a form and handed it to her.

“Here, Jenny, go to the lab for both blood work and a urine test. The results will give us an idea what may be going on here. Have the receptionist make an appointment for you next Friday. We should have the results back by then.”

“Are—are you sure that there isn’t something else that might cause weight gain and prevent my period?”

Dr. Breck considered, but Jenny could see he didn’t think it likely. “Well, let’s rule this out first, shall we? Perhaps after we meet next week, we might need to look at other possibilities. For now, go down to the lab on the second floor and get these tests done. Take this form with you.”

The paper trembled in Jenny’s hand. She slid off the table and pulled on her sweater.

“A pregnancy test is just ridiculous. It’s just impossible. I’ve never …” Jenny looked at the doctor. Their gazes met for a brief moment and Jenny felt heat rush to her face. She turned and walked briskly out of the office.

Her mother’s eyes brightened when she saw her. “So? What did he say?”

“Dr. Breck wants me to take some tests down at the lab on the second floor. He’ll tell me the results next Friday. I’m supposed to make another appointment and go to the lab right now.”

“Did he say what the trouble might be?”

Jenny couldn’t even say the words. It was just too absurd to discuss.

“No, he just wants me to have these tests done.”

“What kind of tests?”

“Oh, just a blood test.”

Jenny approached the receptionist before her mother could ask anything more. She made an appointment for the following Friday and walked out the door to the elevator. Her mother followed.

That night Jenny flung herself
on her bed and cried. She was so upset with Henry for not writing, and now something was really wrong and she didn’t know what. That pregnancy test had been a complete waste of time. She rolled on her back and felt her stomach. It seemed normal. What on earth could Dr. Breck have felt?

Jenny thought back. She hadn’t had sex with Henry, even though she’d wanted to … but what about that night when those guys dragged her off after the movie? She’d always felt a little uneasy about that night, and not entirely sure what had happened after they’d forced her into the car. She didn’t even remember it very well, though sometimes she dreamed of a heavy weight on top of her, pushing … but she’d know if he’d been inside her, wouldn’t she? She shuddered at the thought. Sure she would know. And Henry had been so quick to find her, after all. As soon as he had, the guys had taken off. There hadn’t been any blood on her panties when she’d taken them off later that night—she’d have remembered that for sure.

But the doctor’s question about when she’d had her last period burned in her mind and her heart twisted in her chest. She hadn’t had her period since then.
Was I … raped
?

Nausea overcame her and she rushed to the bathroom where she threw up in the sink. She fell to her knees and threw up into the toilet again and again. She gagged until she was out of breath.

The full impact of what had happened to her simmered in the recesses of her mind, but the thought of carrying that awful guy’s child inside her was unbearable. She wanted it
out
. She heaved and retched until she was totally exhausted.

Her stomach ached. Her chest ached. Her heart ached.

An icy tension hung over
the car as Edith, Ted and Jenny drove into the city the following Friday.

Over the last week, Jenny had sometimes wondered if her mom suspected she was pregnant. She had asked several times about the blood tests, and Jenny had done her best to put her off and protest her ignorance.

But she knew her mother didn’t believe her.

Jenny was so nervous she could hardly walk when the nurse called her into the doctor’s office.

When her mother asked if she could come in too, Jenny’s response was an immediate “No!”

As soon as she was in the exam room, she collapsed on a chair. Her legs felt rubbery and weak. Jenny crossed and uncrossed her legs and tapped her fingertips against the arms of the chair as she waited.

Footsteps stopped outside the room and the doorknob turned. Jenny’s heart nearly burst with anxiety as Dr. Breck walked in.
At least if I have a heart attack, I’m in the right place,
she thought with a humour born of desperation. She gazed long and hard into the doctor’s eyes, searching for some clue that would deny what she already feared was true.

Dr. Breck wheeled his chair in front of Jenny. He sat down and looked at her compassionately.

Jenny’s mind flashed back to the park that night, and in a sweeping replay, she saw it all. All doubt and questioning were gone. The naked truth of what had happened was written in Dr. Breck’s eyes and Jenny fell forward in a dead faint.

Dr. Breck called loudly for a nurse.

Edith heard the urgency in the doctor’s voice and hastened after the nurse to find Jenny unconscious in the doctor’s arms.

“Help me get her onto the table, Betty. This young lady fainted.”

“What’s wrong?” Edith cried.

“Please, Mrs. Sarsky, wait in the reception area.”

“No! I want to know what’s going on. I’m her mother for God’s sake!”

Dr. Breck and the nurse lifted Jenny onto the exam table.

Edith stood there, waiting for an answer, scanning the doctor’s face much as her daughter had only minutes earlier. Dr. Breck avoided her eyes. He went to the sink, wet a cloth and brought it back to Jenny. He put it on her forehead and silently waited for the girl to revive, hoping she would tell her mother that she was with child.

“Are you sure she’s asleep
up there?” Ted asked later that evening, waving his drink in the direction of the staircase.

“Yes.” Edith’s voice was tense and weary and mechanical. Her nerves were just about shot. Ted wasn’t the only one who could use a drink. Her greatest fear had come to pass and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it. “I gave her the sedative the doctor prescribed,” she added, “but she was so exhausted she probably didn’t need it.”

“And what’s this story she was trying to tell you? It wasn’t Henry, she was
raped
?”

“Yes,” Edith sighed, shaking her head in disgust, “she said the night she and Henry went to the movie, some boys attacked them and took her to the park and raped her. How she could possibly come up with such a ridiculous lie is beyond me. I told you this would happen!”

“Surely if there was any truth to it she would have told us when it happened,” Ted said.

“That’s what
I
told her. I’ve confronted her over and over with the fact that it had to be Henry. But she’s adamant that it wasn’t and got so upset she was nearly hysterical. She claims she was so frightened that night in the park she fainted. By the time she came to, Henry and some man and woman had rescued her. Jenny said she didn’t really think anything had happened, it’d all been so fast. Apparently she was more worried about upsetting us than what happened—can you imagine!—and didn’t want to cause any trouble so she and Henry decided to keep it to themselves. I don’t believe a word of it!”

Edith paused for Ted to agree with her and when he merely tossed back another swallow she went on, words clipped and tight. “Actually, I don’t know what to believe. After her fainting spell in the doctor’s office, the doctor did a thorough examination and couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary, and he told us that even Jenny’s hymen membrane was still intact!”

Ted got up to refill his glass, waving a hand at his wife as if to stop the flow of her words. He didn’t really want to know this. Any of it. And yet it didn’t make any sense to him either. “But how could she conceive if the boy didn’t penetrate her? How is that even possible?” he finally asked.

Edith shook her head in disbelief at her husband’s ignorance.
This
was why she’d taken charge of protecting Jenny,
this
was why she had tried to nip things in the bud; the man knew nothing!

“Ted, all it takes is proximity. And apparently,” and here she gave a shudder of distaste, “there was proximity aplenty.””

“But even so, how could his sperm pass through the membrane?”

“For heaven’s sake, Ted, don’t you kno—”

“Now Edith, I’m sure most men and probably even a lot of women wouldn’t understand that. Why get so riled?”

Edith took another deep breath and looked at her bewildered husband. “I’m sorry Ted, I’m just so upset and annoyed by it all … the membrane is porous to allow menstrual fluid to come out—obviously, Ted, it’s porous to sperm as well.”