Place Of Her Own (16 page)

“You’re forcing your father to make some hard choices,” Parson Kincaid said.

“I know. But I don’t think he’ll change if I keep providing for him and bailing him out of all the jams he gets into.”

“You mean like he did for you when you were younger?”

Shelton thought back on that time. His father had tried to help. It wasn’t the right kind of help, but at least he did try. “Every time he tried to step in, he made the wrong choice. Money doesn’t solve all our problems. It’s the heart that matters.”

“And has your heart hardened toward your father?”

“No, Parson. I still love him. That’s why it hurts so much to see him like this.”

“Has anyone threatened to have him arrested for his debts?” Parson Kincaid asked.

Shelton sat on the rail. “Not here. But back in Hazel Greene he would have gone to jail if not for me. I took care of things for him. But I see now that didn’t really help. Perhaps I made things worse for him. I don’t know. I just know that I’m not doing him any favors by letting him live here for free.”

“Then may I suggest another alternative?”

“What do you have in mind, Parson?”

Katherine felt miserable. She couldn’t imagine life without Shelton. But now she knew she couldn’t trust him. In her mind she’d gone over what Shelton said again and again, but couldn’t get away from the fact that he should have told her sooner. His confession now led her to be suspicious of him. If she hadn’t heard the words of his father, would he have ever told her?

“Lord, this is nonsense,” she moaned.

“You got that right.” Grandma Mac had a way of sneaking up on a person. “Tell me, child, what happened the other night?”

Katherine took in a shaky breath. “Shelton has a past.”

“Don’t we all?” Grandma Mac sat down on a nearby rocking chair.

Katherine continued to press the pleats of the outfit she’d made for Elizabeth Katherine for Christmas. “Hiram Greene is a beast.”

“What did he do?”

“He’s a horrible drunk.” “That isn’t so extreme.”

Katherine put down the iron and took the little dress off the board. She folded it neatly and set it aside. She wasn’t nearly as mad at Hiram Greene as she was with Shelton. “Shelton had an … indiscretion.”

“What did he do? When?”

“When he was sixteen.”

“I see. And that makes you feel, what? Foolish because you felt so sinful compared to him?”

“Yes.” Foolish. Betrayed. Katherine had so many emotions swimming around in her heart she couldn’t trust her own thoughts, much less her words or actions.

“Tell me, my dear, before you became comfortable with Shelton, didn’t you think of yourself as being more sinful than most people?”

“Well, yes.”

“So Shelton becoming a part of your life had nothing to do with how you felt about yourself.”

“His presence made it worse … at first.”

“Did it? Or did it simply force you to deal with unresolved hurts, pains, and matters of trust between you and the Lord?”

Katherine thought for a moment. She had to admit, her relationship with Shelton had helped bring her to a place of genuine healing.

“It seems to me that you’ve been unable to trust for a long time. You’ve held on to the bondage of past sins rather than go through the painful process of letting go and letting God free you. When Shelton came along, you forced yourself to face those painful memories and give them over to the Lord once and for all. Am I right?”

Katherine groaned. Did Grandma Mac have an ear horn against the door every time she poured her heart out to the Lord? “I don’t like it when you’re right.”

Grandma Mac gave a hearty laugh. “You mean when God’s right. Child, I’m an old woman. I’ve seen a lot of things in my life. Age and experience have given me a perspective that’s more straightforward than I had when I was younger. Oh, I made mistakes when I was young, and I’ve had to battle with my emotions until I completely surrendered them to the Lord. After I did, I wondered why I took so long to do it. Foolish pride, I guess. Only the good Lord knows. But our God is a God of action and change. He’s forever moving, and He wants us to move forward in our lives. You’ve broken through the bondage of the past. The question is, are you going to forgive and move forward into the relationship God has designed for you?”

Had God really designed Shelton for her? Were they meant to have a life together? A couple of weeks ago she wouldn’t have questioned it. Did it really matter that Shelton did something he was ashamed of, that he repented of? “You don’t mince words, do you?”

“I’m glad it hurts, dear. Giving up our ability to retreat and lick our wounds always hurts. We must allow God to dig deeper and help us rid ourselves of all the memories that will fester and become ugly unless the Lord lances our wounds. Think about it, pray about it. But most important, do what is right and holy in God’s eyes … not yours, mine, Hiram’s, or Shelton’s.”

She didn’t want to admit it, but Grandma Mac made sense. If she gave in to all her anger and embarrassment, she would be right back where she’d started.

Grandma Mac stood and patted her shoulder. Then she shuffled out of the room without saying another word.

Katherine went back to ironing her Christmas presents. Working with her hands seemed better than dealing with the words Grandma Mac had just spoken. But she couldn’t stop thinking about them. She replayed the conversation over and over. Then she remembered Shelton saying that one day he would tell her about his past and how unworthy he was.
He had said that.
He wasn’t trying to hide this from her.

“Dear Lord, can Shelton and I have the kind of relationship you designed for a man and woman? Can we ever have the completeness that will make us one? Or will our pasts always get in the way?”

“Katherine, I need to speak with you,” Shelton called from outside her bedroom door. He’d waited for three days to talk to her. Now, after the recent visit from Parson Kincaid, he had no choice. “Please, Katherine. Something has come up.”

“I’ll be right there.” He heard her scurrying about in her room.

Shelton stepped back and waited. When she peeked out the doorway, he felt thrilled to see her crown of red curls. “Do you have a minute?”

She looked into her room, then back at him. “Sure. Wait for me in the sitting room.” She closed the door.

Shelton nearly skipped toward the sitting room.
At least she didn’t throw something at me.
He grinned. He sat on the sofa, then jumped up and paced before the fireplace.

Katherine came in with her hair straightened.

“Katherine, I’m so sorry.”

“Shh. I’m sorry. I overreacted.”

“I don’t think so. One day soon we’ll discuss what happened in greater detail, but right now I want to speak with you about something Parson Kincaid just suggested.” She sat on the sofa. “All right.”

“I know we talked about waiting to get married until we were ready, but Parson Kincaid thinks we might want to change those plans.”

“Why?”

“He thinks I was being less than generous to give my father only three days to make a decision about how he was going to live his life. But he had an alternative.”

Shelton sat beside her. “The parson believes that if we marry now, we may be able to help Father stop his gambling habit. It would take a long time and a lot of work. We’d have to watch over him constantly and not let him out of our sight.”

“And what does that have to do with our getting married?”

“Parson Kincaid knows we’re planning on getting married eventually anyway. His suggestion is that we do it sooner rather than later. Between the two of us, we can keep a better eye on him. And we could find strength in each other.”

“But Parson Kincaid doesn’t know about my past. He doesn’t know how difficult the adjustment will be, especially in our first year together. I think adding your parents’ issues and your father’s gambling habits into the mix would be foolhardy.”

Shelton leaned back in the sofa. “You’re right, he doesn’t know about you. But he knows about me.” “How?”

“My father, in his anger, blurted it out in front of my mother and the parson.” She took his hand.

“Father’s blaming me for his problems.” “Then he’s not ready to stop gambling.” “No, he isn’t. So he’s going to have to move out of my house.

Mother insists on going with him.”

“Does she know how bad your father’s problem is?”

“Yes. That’s what perplexes me. Why does she want to stay with him?”

Katherine smiled. “Because she loves him.”

“Well, there is that.” Shelton’s shoulders slumped. “What should I do?”

“They’re not children. You can’t order them about. You have to let them make their own choices—right or wrong.” “But he’ll gamble again.”

“No doubt. But isn’t there a church right down the street from the saloon?”

“Yes.”

“Maybe if your parents have nowhere to go and no one to fall back on, they’ll make the right choice.”

“I still don’t like it.”

“I don’t either. But maybe that’s what it’s going to take. We’re not so far from town that we can’t keep tabs on them.”

Katherine stuffed her hands in her pockets to warm them. She felt the piece of paper Mr. Hastings had given her. “Oh, I almost forgot. Mr. Hastings gave this to me the day I found your father. Apparently he’s been charging at the store.”

Shelton took the crumpled piece of paper and read. “My father charged fifty dollars’ worth of merchandize to my account.”

“Oh, my. I think before they move into town, you should advise the businessmen that you are not responsible for your father’s debts.”

“You’re a wise woman, Katherine.”

“I’ve been around a lot of gamblers.”

He placed his hands on her shoulders. “Would you go to my house and tell my parents they can stay for another night? I want to go into town and talk with the business owners right away. If I go speak with my parents now, I know I’m just going to blow up at Father. I need to know how far he’s put me in debt before I speak with them. Ask them to stay for one more night. I’ll see them in the morning.”

“All right.”

Shelton took her hands into his. “Katherine, will you still marry me?”

“Is that a proposal?” she asked.

“I just want to know if you’re ready.”

“Not quite yet, but I’m getting there. With you in my life, I don’t care what other nonsense I have to deal with. I just want you by my side.”

He smiled.

“Kiss me before I say something foolish,” she encouraged. And he did.

Katherine prayed the entire trip from Grandma Mac’s house to Shelton’s. She had no idea what she would find when she arrived, or how Hiram Greene would respond to her.

“Hello,” she called out as she entered the front door. “Is anyone home?”

Elizabeth Greene came from the front parlor, her eyes puffy and red.

“Mrs. Greene, Shelton asked me to come over and let you know that you can stay for one more night.”

“We’ll not be taking any more charity from him,” Hiram gruffed as he entered the room. “As soon as the boy tells us which wagon is ours, we’ll be on our way.”

“Shelton will be back late this evening. That’s why he suggested you leave tomorrow.”

Hiram turned to face his wife. “Let’s just take one, Elizabeth. I can’t stand to be in this house another minute.”

Before she could answer, Katherine said, “I’m sorry you feel that way, Mr. Greene. Shelton worked very hard to help you.”

“What do you know about it?” he sneered.

More than you want me to know.
“Mr. and Mrs. Greene, why don’t we make some tea while we wait for Shelton?”

“Hiram, please.” Elizabeth placed a loving hand on his arm.

“Oh, all right.”

Katherine went to the kitchen, followed by the Greens. “Have you packed away your kitchen belongings yet?”

“No,” Elizabeth said. “Since we don’t know where we’re going to stay, I thought we’d leave them here for now. I hope Shelton won’t mind.” “I don’t think he will.”

“What gives you the right to tell us what our son is thinking?” Hiram spat.

Katherine squeezed her eyes shut and prayed for God’s grace to help her say something that would reflect God’s mercy and grace. “Mr. Greene, I took your abusive tongue when I was your servant. But I am not a servant any longer, and I will not be spoken to in that tone.”