Place Of Her Own (12 page)

Her eyes widened. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t wait until morning.”

“You’re here now. What did you want to talk about?”

“Nothing specific, really. We just haven’t had any time since this morning and …” Her words trailed off.

“I missed you, too.” He opened his arms. “Come here.”

She stepped into his embrace. He inhaled deeply.
Lord, I love this woman.

She pulled back slightly and looked up at him. “I had a revelation. Well, I think it was a revelation. I was crying out to God today about my fear of love, and I decided to walk in faith. Then, as I stepped forward, I felt incredible crushing fear, like I have in the past. I prayed for God to remove it, and after a few moments, a gentle peace washed over me.”

“Praise the Lord! That’s wonderful.”

“I’ve done that before, but this time God’s peace felt a lot stronger. Or maybe I’m more confident in trusting it. I don’t know. But the oddest thing happened at the mercantile this afternoon. While I was there, my footing slipped and Mr. Hastings reached out and caught me from falling. In the past, I would have jumped out of my skin. This time I didn’t react at all. It seemed perfectly natural. I knew he wasn’t trying to take advantage of me, but simply offering a helping hand.”

“Oh, Katherine, I’m so happy for you. God is healing you.”

“Yes. And for the first time, I feel worthy of it. Thanks to you.”

“I’m glad. Now, tell me about the twins. I missed their first hours. How did they respond to their mother?”

Katherine leaned beside him against the rock and told him about the first hours of life for the new foals. Kate was a good mother; she’d raised a foal before. Shelton knew she’d do well with the twins.

He wanted to ask Katherine how many children she would like to have one day, but reminded himself that he had promised to take their relationship slowly.

“Katherine, would you be willing to look over a piece of property with me tomorrow?”

“I have a lot of sewing to do.”

He felt her wall of resistance spring up again. “That’s fine. I just thought I’d ask.”

They sat together for a while in silence. “Shelton, I’d like to go with you, but I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

“Of believing all this is possible.”

As much as he wanted her to help pick out their future home, he understood her concerns. “I tell you what. I’ll go ahead and purchase my ideal for a farm … one I can afford, of course. And when we are ready to get married, you can ask for whatever revisions you’d like on the house. Is that fair?”

Katherine stared at the ground. “It’s too much too soon,” she whispered.

“True, and I said I wouldn’t rush our relationship. All right. How about this? What if we set a time frame from when we become engaged to when we will marry. Let’s say six months …

or a year … whatever time frame you feel comfortable with.”

Katherine said nothing for nearly ten minutes. He prayed the entire time that she would open her heart to him.

Finally, she whispered, “I’m not being honest with you, Shelton.”

Katherine braced herself for anger. Hadn’t the men in her past been angry with her when she spoke her mind? Instead, Shelton was patiently waiting for her to speak. She let out a pent-up breath. “I purchased some items for my dowry.” She’d carefully wrapped the horse-pattern china dishes in a bundle of gingham cloth and slid them under her bed beside the linen tablecloth and matching napkins she’d made earlier. That’s where her wedding dress would go, too, when she was done with it.

Shelton’s smile lit up his face. “So you
are
hoping we’ll get married one day.”

“Yes,” she confessed, and stepped back.

He didn’t move. If his heart was anything like her own, he must want to kiss her. And he would, she knew, with the slightest encouragement from her. But she didn’t trust herself, so she let the chilly night air separate them.

“I’m honored, Katherine. I see it as another sign of God’s healing.”

“Me, too.”

“What did you purchase? If you don’t mind my asking.”

She felt the heat of embarrassment and looked down, not wanting him to see her flushed face. “May I keep it as a surprise for you?”

“I love surprises.” Shelton chuckled.

Katherine looked up and faced him. “I have another confession.” “Try me.”

“I …” She couldn’t do it.
I want to tell him I love him, Lord, but …
Just buying the china for her dowry had taken huge amounts of courage. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“That’s all right. When you’re ready to tell me, I’ll be here. What’s your favorite color?”

“Where did that come from?”

“I just want to get to know you better.”

Katherine laughed. “You’re incorrigible.”

“Yes, but you love that about me. Now, what is your favorite color?”

“I love a rich, vibrant green for clothing, but my favorite color for decorating would be light purples and pinks.”

“Hmm. Pink is not my favorite. But purple I could live with. In moderation.”

Katherine joined him back on the rock. “How do you feel about yellow and blue?”

“If it’s a mild yellow, I’m fine with it. Bright yellow, like a canary, would be too overpowering. But the yellow of a daffodil could be nice.”

“I agree.”

“I think we’ll find we have a lot in common. But we’ll also find we have a lot of differences. I like differences. I like mating my horses with ones that complement each other.”

“Like Kehoe and Kate?”

“Absolutely. Kehoe is fast, has good lines, and runs a race well. Kate is light on her feet and has a fire in her eyes when pushed. I hope the twins will inherit all of those qualities from their parents.”

Katherine mulled over the seriousness with which he treated his horses, especially in choosing which ones to mate for the outcome of new stock. She realized he might feel the same way about his future wife and children. “Shelton, I don’t come from good stock.”

“Nonsense. Look at your brother; he’s an honorable man. That same quality is in you. It has to be.”

“No, you don’t understand. Urias got that from the MacKenneths, not from our parents. I’m not like him at all. I’m self-centered. That’s why I can’t commit to you. I can’t trust myself.”

Shelton’s chest rose, then slowly deflated. She’d noticed him doing this often before he spoke. “You’ve given your life to help others. You sacrifice your own wants for the sake of others all the time.”

“Not really. I do things for people because they give me a roof over my head and food in my belly. I love them, of course. But my first desire every day is for me. For my own place. My own freedom.”

“Sounds normal to me.”

She started to interrupt. He placed a finger to her lips. The gentle touch seared her heart.

“Let me explain. As much as I love my family and will do whatever I can to provide for them, my first thoughts are always for myself. It’s how I respond to those thoughts that make me selfish or not. I’ll wager, if you ask anyone our age—perhaps even a bit older—they would say the same thing. I don’t know if our elders are beyond that. But I suspect most people are like that.”

“Like what?”

“We feed, clothe, and take care of our bodies. Like the Bible tells us, no man hates his own body, but cares for it. We have to choose to put others first, before our own desires. Sure, I feel obligated to help my family. But I do it from my love for them and my love of God and my desire to serve Him. You, probably better than anyone else, understand what it means to be a servant, to obey without question. I struggle with that all the time. I have to fight off my desires and seek the Lord’s desires every day.”

Katherine didn’t know what to say. She’d never liked the scripture verses about being God’s servant, because servitude caused a bitter taste in her mouth. But did Shelton have a point? Did she respond to God in a different way because of her past? Was that a blessing? How could it be?

She gazed up at him. He waited patiently for her response. “Why do you always wait until I’ve processed what you’re saying before speaking more to me?”

A slow smile rose on his face. “You’re not going to like my answer.”

Katherine braced herself.

“I’ve found that treating you like I would a skittish horse has been the most helpful approach.”

Katherine frowned at him. “You’re treating me like a horse?”

“Not exactly, but somewhat. However, I don’t think putting reins on you would work.” He chuckled at his own joke.

Katherine laughed with him. Then, with the intensity of a lightning bolt, a memory seared her mind. The image of her hands bound, ropes cutting into her wrists, holding her down … She shook her head slightly.

“Katherine, what’s wrong?”

Her body trembled. She leaned into Shelton and let him envelop her in his love.

“It’s all right, my dear, sweet Katherine. I’m here.” His loving words massaged the mounting tension unleashed by the triggered memory.

He’d done it again, said something that sent her back to that dark place. “What happened just now?”

Her body shook. “There was a time when I was tied to the bed …”

As Katherine poured her heart out to him, he fought back anger at what had happened to her while relishing in the joy of realizing she finally trusted him enough to expose the horrible events of her past.

“I’m so sorry you went through that.”

She sniffed. “Can you still …”

“Love you? How can you even ask? I love you even more.”

She caressed his face. “You’re such an amazing man, Shelton. I do care for you, deeply.”

He wanted to tease her into admitting that she loved him. But now was not the time. Her emotions were raw and exhausted. She had exposed the darkest, deepest secrets of her life to him. “I love you, Katherine.”

“I want to kiss you, Shelton, but I’m afraid.”

“I want to kiss you, too. But we’ll wait. Give yourself some time.” He took her hand. “Can I pray for you?”

She nodded.

He closed his eyes. “Father, fill Katherine with Your cleansing blood and peace. Protect her mind from the memories of the past; strengthen her to walk in Your strength and grace. Thank You for the healing You’ve done so far in her life. Thank You for allowing me to be a part of it. Bless us as we move forward in our relationship, and may it be founded in You.” He opened his eyes and gazed at her. “God’s been moving in a mighty big way today, Katherine.”

“I know. It’s terrifying.”

“I have to admit, I would love to get my hands on those men who hurt you and do some serious bodily harm to them. But I know that’s not what the Lord would have me do.”

She cocked her head sideways. “Why?”

“Why would I like to harm them, or why is that not what the Lord would have me do?”

“Both, I guess.” She nestled into the crook of his arm.

A whiff of her freshly washed hair caught in his nostrils, calming his raw nerves. “If I were to beat the stuffings out of them, they would have a momentary pain, but they’d heal quickly from it. While it would make me feel better, it wouldn’t change them. But God’s Word tells us of His vengeance against those who hurt His people. That vengeance would make your attackers realize the profound effect their actions had on you, and on others they’ve treated so horrendously.” He still wanted to pulverize them, but he kept that piece of knowledge to himself. That was a part of him she didn’t need to see.

The sound of a gun firing made them both jump. “That was close,” she said.

“Too close,” he agreed. “Mac,” he called out in the dark. “Urias!”

Hearing nothing, Shelton lifted his rifle and scanned the area. Nothing stirred. “I’m going to walk you to Grandma Mac’s house. Stay inside. I’ll come back when I know what’s going on.”

“All right,” she whispered.

He crept slowly through the dark, conscious of every movement and sound. They reached Mrs. MacKenneth’s house in ten minutes.

Back at Urias’s place, he scanned the perimeter of each house and pen but found no disturbance.

Urias appeared out of the dark. “We got him!” he announced. “Mac’s hanging him on a tree to make him ready for eating. Have you ever had bear meat, Shelton?”

“Can’t say that I have.”

“It’s good, but the gristle can break your teeth.” Bear meat and gristle were the furthest thoughts from his mind. “I need to go tell Katherine everything is okay.” Urias narrowed his gaze. “Are you and she …”

“She’s safe with me, Urias. I love her, and I’ll take care of her.”

“She’s been through a lot. I don’t want you to hurt her. If you’re not serious, I suggest you back away now.”

“I’m very serious, and I will be patient and wait on her. Tonight she told me everything that happened to her.”

“She told you?” Urias leaned on his rifle. “She’s never even told me.”

“You don’t want to know. I don’t want to know. But it had to get out in the open between us for our relationship to go forward.”

Urias stood up straight and grabbed Shelton’s shoulder. “You’ll give me your word you’ll be honorable to her?” “Yes, sir.”

“Then you have my blessing.” “Thank you.”

Urias left without saying another word.

When Shelton reached Mrs. MacKenneth’s porch, he took the steps two at a time and knocked on the door. Katherine opened it right away.