Plain and Fancy (21 page)

Eli shrugged. “Suit yourself, but if you need anything, don’t think twice about calling on her, you hear?”

She nodded and lifted her face for his good-bye kiss. “Have a good day.”

Eli left the house and headed straight for his folks’ house. Laura might think she didn’t need Mom’s help, but he could see how tired she was. Dark circles under her eyes and swollen feet at the end of the day were telltale signs that she needed more rest.

He found Mom in the kitchen, doing the breakfast dishes. “Shouldn’t you be heading for work?” she asked.

He nodded. “I wanted to talk with you first.”

“Anything wrong?”

He shrugged and ran his fingers through the back of his hair. “Laura’s been working too hard, and I think she could use some help.”

“Want me to see to it, or are you thinking of hiring a
maad?
”

“I’d rather it be you, instead of a maid, if you can find the time.”

She smiled. “I think I can manage.”

“Danki.” Eli grasped the doorknob, but when another thought popped into his head, he pivoted back around. “Do you think Laura’s happy, Mom?”

She lifted an eyebrow in question. “Why wouldn’t she be? She’s married to you, after all.”

He shrugged. “I ain’t no prize.” His eyebrows drew together. “Do you think she’s really content being Amish?”

Mom dried her hands on a towel and moved toward him. “Laura chose to become Amish. You didn’t force her, remember?”

“I know, but sometimes she looks so sad.”

“Ah, it’s just being in a family way. Many women get kind of melancholy during that time. She’ll be fine once the boppli comes.”

Eli gave her a hug. “You’re probably right. I’m most likely worried for nothing.”

A few days before Eli and Laura’s first anniversary, Eli arrived home from work one afternoon and found Laura lying on the sofa, holding her stomach and writhing in pain.

Alarm rose in his chest as he rushed to her side. “What is it, Laura?”

“I—I think the baby’s coming.”

He knelt in front of the sofa and grasped her hand. “When did the pains start?”

“Around noon.”

“What does my mamm have to say?”

“She doesn’t know.”

“What?” Eli couldn’t believe Laura hadn’t called his mother. She’d delivered many babies and would know if it was time.

“I wasn’t sure it was labor at first,” Laura said tearfully. “But then my water broke, and—”

Eli jumped up and dashed across the room.

“Wh–where are you going?”

“To get Mom!”

Laura leaned her head against the sofa pillow and stiffened when another contraction came. “Oh, God, please help me!” It was the first real prayer Laura had ever uttered, and now she wasn’t even sure God was listening. Why would He care about her when she’d never really cared about Him? She had only been pretending to be a Christian. Was this her punishment for lying to Eli, his family, and even herself?

Moments later, Eli bounded into the room, followed by his mother.

“How far apart are the pains?” Mary Ellen asked as she approached the couch.

“I—I don’t know for sure. About two or three minutes, I think,” Laura answered tearfully. “Oh, it hurts so much! I think Eli should take me to the hospital.”

Mary Ellen did a quick examination, and when she was done, she shook her head. “You waited too long for that. The boppli’s coming now.”

Eli started for the kitchen. “I’ll get some towels and warm water.”

“Don’t leave me, Eli!”

“Calm down,” Mary Ellen chided. “He’ll be right back. In the meantime, I want you to do exactly as I say.”

Laura’s first reaction was to fight the pain, but Mary Ellen was a good coach, and soon Laura began to cooperate. Eli stood nearby, holding her hand and offering soothing words.

“One final push and the boppli should be here,” Mary Ellen finally said.

Laura did as she was instructed, and moments later, the babe’s first cry filled the room.

“It’s a boy! You have a son,” Mary Ellen announced.

Laura lifted her head from the pillow. “Let me see him. I want to make sure he has ten fingers and ten toes.”

“In a minute. Let Eli clean him up a bit,” Mary Ellen instructed. “I need to finish up with you.”

“Mom, could you come over here?” Eli called from across the room. His voice sounded strained, and a wave of fear washed over Laura like a drenching rain.

“What is it? Is something wrong with our son?”

“Just a minute, Laura. I want Mom to take a look at him first.”

Laura rolled onto her side, trying to see what was happening. Eli and Mary Ellen were bent over the small bundle wrapped in a towel, lying on top of an end table. She heard whispering but couldn’t make out their words.

“What’s going on? Tell me now, or I’ll come see for myself.”

Eli rushed to her side. “Stay put. You might start bleeding real heavy if you get up too soon.”

Laura drew in a deep breath and grabbed hold of Eli’s shirtsleeve. “What’s wrong?”

“The child’s breathing seems a bit irregular,” Mary Ellen said. “I think we should take him to the hospital.”

“I’d like Laura to be seen, too,” Eli said with a nod.

Laura had only gotten a glimpse of her son before they rushed him into the hospital nursery, but what she’d seen concerned her greatly. The baby wasn’t breathing right. He looked kind of funny, too. He had a good crop of auburn hair, just like Laura’s, but there was something else ... something she couldn’t put her finger on.

“Relax and try to rest,” Eli said as he took a seat in the chair next to Laura’s hospital bed. “The doctor’s looking at little David right now, and—”

“David?” Laura repeated. “You named our son without asking me?”

Eli’s face flamed. “I ... uh ... thought we’d talked about naming the baby David if it was a boy.”

She nodded slowly. “I guess we did. I just thought—”

Laura’s words were interrupted when Dr. Wilson and another man entered the room. The second man’s expression told her all she needed to know. Something was wrong.

“This is Dr. Hayes,” Dr. Wilson said. “He’s a pediatrician and has just finished examining your son.”

Eli jumped to his feet. “Tell us ... is there something wrong with David?”

Dr. Hayes put a hand on Eli’s shoulder. “Please sit down.” Eli complied, but Laura could see the strain on his face. She felt equally uncomfortable.

“We still need to run a few more tests,” the doctor said, “but we’re fairly sure your boy has Down syndrome.”

“Are you saying he–he’s going to be handicapped?” Eli’s voice squeaked, and his face blanched.

“Quite possibly. The baby has an accumulation of fluid in his lungs. It’s fairly common with Down syndrome. We can clear it out, but he will no doubt be prone to bronchial infections—especially while he’s young.”

Laura was too stunned to say anything at first. This had to be a dream—a terrible nightmare. This couldn’t be happening to her and Eli.

“Once we get the lungs cleared and he’s breathing well on his own, you should be able to take the baby home,” Dr. Hayes continued.

“Take him home?” Laura pulled herself to a sitting position. “Did you say, ‘Take him home’?”

The doctor nodded, and Eli reached for her hand. “Laura, we can get through this. We—”

She jerked her hand away. “We’ve just been told that our son probably has Down syndrome, and you’re saying, ‘We can get through this’?” She shook her head slowly. “The baby isn’t normal, Eli. He doesn’t belong with us.”

Eli studied Laura a few seconds. “Who does he belong with?”

“If he’s handicapped, he belongs in a home for handicapped children.”

Eli looked at her as if she had lost her mind. “That’s not our way, Laura. We take care of our own—even the handicapped children.”

“But I don’t know how.”

“You’ll learn, same as other parents with handicapped children have done.”

Laura turned her head toward the wall. “Leave me alone, Eli. I need to sleep.”

He bent to kiss her forehead. “I’ll be back tomorrow, and we can talk about this then.”

As soon as Eli left the room, Laura reached for the phone by the side of her bed. It was time to call Mom and Dad.

“Meade Residence, this is Wesley speaking.”

“Dad, it’s me.”

“Laura, it’s good to hear your voice. Your mother and I were just talking about you. We were wondering how you’re doing and—”

“Is Mom there?”

“Yes, she’s out in the kitchen.”

“You’d better put her on the phone. I have something important to tell both of you.” Laura’s voice trembled, and he felt immediate concern.

“Irene, pick up the phone in there,” Wesley hollered. “Laura’s on the line.”

A few seconds later, his wife came on the phone. “Hello, Laura. How are you, dear?”

Laura sniffed and sucked in her breath, like she was choking on a sob. “N–not so good, Mom. The baby’s here, and—”

“You’ve had the baby? Oh, that’s wonderful. What did you have?”

Wesley shifted the phone to his other ear while he waited for Laura’s response. If she was only calling to tell them that the baby had been born, would she sound so upset?

“The doctors have some more tests to run, but they think David—our son—might have Down syndrome.”

Wesley winced as he heard his wife’s sharp intake of breath. “Laura, could you repeat that?”

“The baby was born this evening, and his breathing is irregular. He’s got auburn hair like mine, but he doesn’t look right, Dad.” There was a pause. “The doctors told us awhile ago that they suspect Down syndrome, and Eli expects—” Laura’s voice broke on a sob.

“Eli expects what, Laura?” Wesley prompted.

“He expects me to take care of the baby, even if he is handicapped.”

“What? He’s got to be kidding!” Irene’s voice came through the line so shrill that Wesley had to hold the phone away from his ear. “Laura, if the baby is handicapped, he should be put in a home.”

“That’s what I said, too, but Eli said it’s not the thing to do, and—” Laura coughed and sniffed. “I know nothing about caring for a disabled child, Mom. I’m not even sure I can take care of a
normal
baby.”

Wesley’s forehead beaded with sweat, and he reached up to wipe it away. “Do you want us to come there, Laura? I can see about getting some plane tickets right away.”

“Oh, but Wesley, I have a hectic schedule with that benefit dinner I’m planning for the hospital guild this week. It would be hard for me to find someone to fill in for me at this late date.”

He gritted his teeth. How could Irene think of a benefit dinner at a time like this? Didn’t she realize how much Laura needed them right now? “If your mother’s too busy, I’ll fly out there myself.”

Laura drew in a shuddering sigh. “Could you wait a few days—until we get the test results back on David, and Eli and I have had time to figure out what we’re going to do?”

“Sure, I can do that. Maybe by then your mother will be free to come with me.”

No comment from Irene. What was that woman thinking, anyhow?

“I’d better go,” Laura said. “A nurse just came into the room to check my vitals.”

“Okay, honey. Call us as soon as you have some news.” “I will. Bye.”

As soon as Wesley hung up the phone, he headed straight for the kitchen. If nothing else got resolved tonight, he was going to give his wife a piece of his mind!

The baby was brought to Laura the following day, and she could barely look at him. The nurse held David up and showed her that he had ten fingers and ten toes.

Fingers that are short and stubby,
Laura thought bitterly. She noticed the infant’s forehead. It sloped slightly, and his skull looked broad and short. The distinguishing marks of Down syndrome were definitely there. The doctor had been in earlier and explained that David might also be likely to have heart problems, hearing loss, or poor vision. He’d said that Down syndrome was a genetic disorder, resulting from extra chromosomes.

How could this have happened?
Laura screamed inwardly as tears rolled down her cheeks. She looked away and told the nurse to take the baby back to the nursery.

Laura was still crying when Eli entered the room, carrying a potted plant. “I got you an African violet from the Beachys’ greenhouse, and—” He dropped it onto the nightstand and moved quickly to the bed. “What’s wrong? Is it something about David?”

She hiccupped loudly and pulled herself to a sitting position. “I just saw the baby and was told earlier that he does have Down syndrome.”

Eli sank to the chair beside her bed and groaned. “I was afraid of that.”

“I called my parents last night.”

“What’d they say?”

“Mom said David should be put in a home.”

“No.”

“I think she’s right, Eli. A disabled child would take a lot of work.”

He nodded. “Jah, I know, but David has just as much right to live a normal life as any other child.”

“But he’s not normal, and I—I don’t know how to care for him.”

“Mom will be there to help whenever you need her.”

Laura shook her head as another set of tears streamed down her cheeks. “I can’t do this, Eli. Please don’t ask it of me.”

Eli rubbed his thumb gently back and forth across her knuckles. “God gave us David so He must have had a reason for choosing us as his parents. Now we’ll love him ... cherish him ... protect him...”

Laura’s eyes widened. “God was cruel to allow such a thing!”

“God knows what’s best for each of us. The book of Romans tells us that all things work together for good to them that love God,” Eli said softly. He pointed to the African violet. “Just like this plant needs to be nourished, so does our son. God will give us the strength and love we need to raise him.”

Laura closed her eyes and turned her head away from Eli. Was she somehow responsible for this horrible nightmare?

Laura went home from the hospital the following morning, but the baby would have to stay a few more days. The doctors said he might be ready to take home next week, so this gave Laura a short reprieve. She needed some time to decide what to do about the problem.

Eli had taken time off from work to hire a driver and pick her up at the hospital, but soon after the driver dropped them off at home and Eli had seen that Laura was settled in, he left for work. It was better that way. She wanted to be alone, and if he’d stayed home with her, they would have argued about Eli expecting her to care for David.

Laura poured herself a cup of chamomile tea and curled up on the living-room couch. Reliving her dialogue with Eli at the hospital, her heart sank to the pit of her stomach.

She closed her eyes and tried to shut out the voice in her head.
God is punishing me for pretending to be religious. I tricked Eli into marrying me by making him think I had accepted his beliefs and his way of life.

Laura’s eyes snapped open when she heard a distant clap of thunder. She stared out the window. Dark clouds hung in the sky like a shroud encircling the entire house.

“The sky looks like I feel,” she moaned. “My life is such a mess. I wish I had never met Eli Yoder. We should never have gotten married. I should not have gotten pregnant.”

The realization of what she’d said hit Laura with such intensity, she thought she had been struck with a lightning bolt. “Oh, no! Dear Lord, no!” she sobbed. “You’re punishing me for not wanting to be pregnant, not just for lying to Eli about my religious convictions.” She clenched her fists so tightly that her nails bit into her skin as she grappled with the reality of the moment. “That’s why David was born with Down syndrome—because God is punishing me.” Laura fell back on the sofa pillows and sobbed until no more tears would come.

When the wave of grief finally subsided, she sat up, dried her eyes, and stood. She knew what she had to do. She scrawled a quick note to Eli, placed it on the kitchen table, and went upstairs.

“Laura, I’m home!” Eli set his lunch pail on the cupboard. No sign of Laura in the kitchen. He moved through the rest of the downstairs, calling her name. She wasn’t in any of the rooms.

She must be upstairs resting. She’s been through a lot this week, so I’d better let her sleep awhile.

Eli went back to the kitchen. He would fix himself a little snack, then go outside and get started on the evening chores.

There was an apple-crumb pie in the refrigerator, which Mom had brought over last night. He grabbed a piece, along with a jug of milk, and placed them on the table. Not until he took a seat did Eli see the note lying on the table. He picked it up and read it:

Dear Eli,

It pains me to write this letter, even more than the physical pain I endured in childbirth. I know you don’t understand this, but I can’t take care of David. I just don’t have what it takes to raise a handicapped child.

I have a confession to make. I’m not who you think I am—I’m not really a believer. I only pretended to be one so you would marry me. I tried to be a good wife, but I could never seem to measure up.

Pauline was right when she said she would be better for you. It would have saved us all a lot of heartache if you had married her instead of me.

I hope you’ll forgive me for leaving you in the lurch, but I’ve decided to go home to my parents. I know I’m not deserving of your forgiveness, but please know that I do love you. I’ve always loved you.

The words on the paper blurred. Eli couldn’t react. Couldn’t think. Could hardly breathe. He let the note slip from his fingers as a deep sense of loss gnawed at his insides.
Laura wouldn’t pack up and leave without speaking with me first, without trying to work things out.

When the reality of the situation fully registered, he propped his elbows on the table and cradled his head in his hands. “Oh, Laura ... I just didn’t know.”

During her first few days at home, Laura slept late, picked at her food, and tried to get used to all the modern conveniences she had previously taken for granted. Nothing seemed to satisfy her. She was exhausted, crabby, and more depressed than she’d ever been in her life. Things had changed at home. Maybe it was she who had changed, for she now felt like a misfit.

Today was her and Eli’s first anniversary, and she was miserable. As she sat at the kitchen table, toying with the scrambled eggs on her plate, Laura thought about their wedding day. She could still hear Bishop Wagler quoting scriptures about marriage. She could almost feel the warmth of Eli’s hand as they repeated their vows. She had promised to be loyal to Eli, to care for him and live with him until death separated them, but she’d failed miserably. A painful lump lodged in her throat. She deserved whatever punishment God handed down.

Mom entered the kitchen just then, interrupting Laura’s thoughts. “This came in the mail,” she said, handing Laura a letter. “It’s postmarked ‘Lancaster, Pennsylvania.’”

Laura’s fingers shook as she tore open the envelope, then began to read:

Dear Laura,

Tears welled in Laura’s eyes and spilled onto the front of her blouse. Eli didn’t seem angry. In fact, he wanted her to come home. He hadn’t even mentioned her lies. Had he forgiven her? Did Eli really love her in spite of all she’d done?

Maybe he doesn’t believe me. He might think I made everything up because I couldn’t deal with our baby being born handicapped. He might want me back just so I can care for his child.

Laura swallowed hard and nearly choked on a sob. No matter how much she loved Eli and wanted to be with him, she knew she couldn’t go back. She was a disgrace to the Amish faith, and she had ruined Eli’s life.

The days dragged by, and Laura thought she would die of boredom. The weather was dreary and cold, and even though Mom tried to encourage her to get out and socialize, Laura stayed to herself most of the time. She thought modern conveniences would bring happiness, but they hadn’t. Instead of watching TV or playing computer games, she preferred to sit in front of the fire and knit or read a book. There was something about the Amish way of life she couldn’t quite explain. At times when she’d been living with Eli, she had felt a sense of peace and tranquillity that had calmed her soul like nothing else she’d ever known.

It was strange, but Laura missed the familiar farm smells—fresh-mown hay stacked neatly in the barn, the horses’ warm breath on a cold winter day, and even the wiggly, grunting piglets always squealing for more food. Laura was reminded of something Eli had once said, for much to her surprise, she even missed the predictable wake-up call of the rooster each morning. She missed her plain clothes, too, and felt out of place wearing blue jeans again.

By the middle of December, Laura felt stronger physically, but emotionally she was still a mess. Would she ever be able to pick up the pieces of her life and go on without Eli? Could she forgive herself for bringing such misery into their lives?

If God was punishing her, why did Eli have to suffer, as well? He was a kind, Christian man who deserved a normal, healthy baby. He had done nothing to warrant this kind of pain. How could the Amish refer to God as “a God of love”?

Laura sat on the sofa in the living room, staring at the Christmas tree, yet not really seeing it.
What’s Eli doing right now? Does he miss me, like he said in his letter? No doubt he and the baby will be spending the holidays with his parents. If I could turn back the hands of time and make everything right between me and Eli again, I’d even learn how to fix the pickled beets he likes so well.

Laura glanced at her parents. They sat in their respective recliners: Dad reading the newspaper, Mom working on Christmas cards. They didn’t seem to have a care in the world. Didn’t they know how much she was hurting? Did they think this was just another typical Christmas?

A sudden knock at the front door drew Laura out of her musings. She looked over at the mantel clock. Who would be coming by at nine o’clock at night, and who would knock rather than use the doorbell?

Dad stood. “I’ll get it.”

Laura strained to hear the voices coming from the hall. She couldn’t be sure who Dad was talking to, but it sounded like a woman.
Probably one of Mom’s lady friends or someone from Dad’s office.
She leaned against the sofa pillows and tried not to eavesdrop.

“Laura, someone is here to see you,” Dad said as he entered the living room with a woman.

Laura’s mouth dropped open, and she leaped from the couch. “Martha Rose! What are you doing here? Is Eli with you?” She stared at the doorway, half expecting, half hoping Eli might step into the room.

Martha Rose shook her head. “I’ve come alone. Only Amon knows I’m here. I left him plenty of my breast milk, and he agreed to care for baby Amanda and little Ben so I could make the trip to see you.” She smiled. “The bus ride took a little over twenty-seven hours, and Amon knows I won’t be gone long. Besides, if he runs into any kind of problem with the kinner, he can always call on Mom.”

Laura’s heart began to pound as she tried to digest all that Martha Rose had said. “What’s wrong? Has someone been hurt? Is it Eli?”

Martha Rose held up her hand. “Eli’s fine ... at least physically.” She glanced at Laura’s folks, then back at Laura. “Could we talk in private?”

Laura looked at Mom and Dad. They both shrugged and turned to go. “We’ll be upstairs if you need us,” Dad said.

“Thanks,” Laura mumbled. Her brain felt like it was in a fog. Why had Martha Rose traveled all the way from Pennsylvania to Minnesota if there was nothing wrong at home? Home—was that how she thought of the house she and Eli had shared? Wasn’t this her home—here with Mom and Dad? She studied her surroundings. Everything looked the same, yet it felt so different. It was like trying to fit into a pair of shoes that were too small.

When Wesley and Irene entered their room, Irene took a seat on the end of their bed and released a sigh. “I wonder what Martha Rose wants. I hope she’s not here to try and talk Laura into going back to Pennsylvania with her.”

“If she is, it’s none of our business.” Wesley leaned on the dresser and stared at her.

“You don’t have to sound so snippy. I only want what’s best for our daughter.”

His defenses rose, and he marched across the room. “And you think I don’t?”

“Calm down, Wesley. It’s not like you to shout like that.”

“I’m not shouting. I’m speaking my mind, which is something I should have done a long time ago.”

Irene’s chin trembled, and tears shimmered in her green eyes. The old Wesley would have succumbed to that pathetic look, but not anymore. He was tired of saying things just because they were what she wanted to hear. It was high time he stood up to her and said what was on his mind.

He took a seat on the bed beside her. “I love you, Irene, and I have ever since we met in college.”