Authors: Beth Wiseman
Rebecca’s dreams continued to wake her up during the night and stayed with her throughout her days. She feared she would never get any sleep unless she had a heart-to-heart talk with Miriam. She could tell her daughter was reluctant to travel to town with her—just the two of them. Miriam had scoffed when Rebecca mentioned it, and then she’d shuffled across the yard toward the buggy like she was being punished.
“Why aren’t we taking the spring buggy?” Miriam asked not long after they got on the road.
Rebecca enjoyed the topless buggy on a pretty day too, but today was a day for their covered buggy. “I need the room in the backseat for supplies, plus it’s going to rain.”
“It doesn’t look like rain.” Miriam’s voice was bordering on snippy as she turned to face Rebecca.
Rebecca just smiled. “We’ll see.” She kept the buggy at a steady pace and waited until they had crossed Lincoln Highway before she brought up the subject that was causing her so much grief. She decided to ease into it slowly.
“I saw Zeb Fisher and the two younger boys at church Sunday, but I didn’t see Saul.”
Miriam kept her eyes straight ahead as she spoke. “Ruben said that he was feeling poorly that morning.” She shrugged, then faced out her buggy window. “I haven’t seen or talked to Saul in four days.”
Relief flooded over Rebecca even though she hated to hear her daughter sound so sad. Maybe her worries were unfounded after all. She tried to think of a casual way to talk more about Saul, but before her thoughts could get organized, Miriam spoke again.
“I know you don’t like him.”
Rebecca waited for a car to cross in front of them, then flicked the reins until the horse picked up speed. She turned to face Miriam briefly, shocked at the way her daughter’s eyes cut into her, but she took a deep breath, determined to keep things pleasant between them. “Please understand, Miriam. . . I don’t really know Saul well enough to form an opinion of him, but the things I’ve heard. . .” Rebecca shook her head before turning to Miriam again. “All this talk about him leaving frightens me. If the two of you are close. . .”
“You don’t need to be frightened.” Miriam looked out her window to the right again. Rebecca couldn’t see her expression, but she heard the sadness in her voice again. “He doesn’t want me to go with him.” Miriam dabbed at her eye, but Rebecca was having trouble getting past the fact that they had actually discussed such a thing. “Saul is probably leaving, but I won’t be going with him.” Miriam faced forward and raised her chin a bit. Rebecca watched as Miriam blinked back tears, but as much as her heart hurt for her daughter, relief was still her primary emotion.
Mamm
sighed. “I’m sorry, Miriam.”
“No, you’re not.”
Instinctively Rebecca opened her mouth to reprimand Miriam for her harsh tone, but she didn’t. Instead, they rode quietly for a while. Finally, Rebecca spoke again.
“I’m sorry that you’re hurting, Miriam. But the thought of you leaving here. . . I just can’t. . .” Rebecca trailed off and shook her head, wondering when Miriam had gotten old enough for things to get so complicated between them.
Miriam twisted to face Rebecca, and while Rebecca kept her eyes on the road, she could feel her daughter’s eyes blazing into her again. “
Mamm
, it’s my choice. I choose whether or not to get baptized.”
Rebecca took a deep breath and tried to choose her words carefully, keeping in mind that Miriam was hurting, but also knowing that she knew what was best for Miriam. “I know that, Miriam. But your father and I can’t help but worry that you’ll be drawn to a world you know little about.”
“Worry is a sin,” her daughter responded flatly, in the same tone that was getting harder for Rebecca to ignore. She took another deep breath.
“
Ya
, it is. But I’m human, Miriam.” She paused. “Look at Shelby. She had troubles in her hometown, and now she’s bringing you troubles.”
Miriam scowled. “How is Shelby bringing me troubles?”
“You snuck out of the
haus
, Miriam. That is something you would never have done before. I’m sure that was Shelby’s idea.”
Miriam chuckled.
“You think this is funny?” Rebecca slowed the buggy as they neared the market. She braved a quick glance at Miriam, not finding humor in any of this.
“
Ya
. I do. Especially since Shelby is the one who tried to talk me out of it.” They were quiet again for a few moments. “And I think Shelby only shares her experiences with me as a way to help me not to make bad choices.”
Rebecca heard what Miriam was saying, but it was taking time for her words to sink in.
Have I been wrong about Shelby?
“I hear her crying a lot at night, after she thinks I’m asleep.”
Rebecca parked the buggy, then hung her head for a moment as she questioned what kind of mother figure she’d been for Shelby in the absence of her own mother. “Do you think she’s homesick?”
“I don’t think so. She just seems. . . lonely. I think she’s been angry about a lot of things. Her parents, her ex-boyfriend, her old friends, and. . . at God.”
Rebecca questioned her priorities for a moment as she stared at her only daughter. “You’re a
gut
girl, Miriam. Maybe you can help her to find her way.”
“God will do that.”
Rebecca nodded, then they both stepped out of the buggy. She tethered the horse at the pole outside of the market, then stared up at the dark clouds forming to her west.
I was right.
About the rain.
Shelby thought about the conversation she’d overhead between Rebecca and Aaron. On her hands and knees, she scrubbed the bathtub even harder. Ben, Elam, and John were with Aaron, and Shelby wanted to surprise Rebecca when she got home. She planned to have the entire upstairs scrubbed clean, and then she’d do as much as she could downstairs. Nothing was ever really dirty here. Rebecca saw to that. But with six of them in the house, the bathtub always needed a good scrubbing.
She wasn’t sure why Rebecca’s approval was so important to her. She’d be gone in another six weeks—back to her home, or what was left of it. To her surprise, Paradise had started to feel like home. She loved cooking in the evenings with Rebecca and Miriam, and was even starting to make it downstairs in time to help with breakfast. Gardening wasn’t her favorite thing, nor the lack of air-conditioning, but the freedom to not wear makeup or be judged by others—most of the time—made up for some of the inconveniences, such as not having a cell phone, computer, or television.
Aaron was a storyteller and often told tales in the evenings after devotion time, and everyone laughed. Despite the recent death in the family, there was still laughter in this house, something she couldn’t remember hearing at home—at least not in a long, long time. No one screamed at each other here, and for the most part, everyone did as they were told, worked hard, and didn’t complain. It was a simpler way of life that had started out as a punishment but had wrapped around her like a safe cocoon.
She wrung out the sponge, put it underneath the sink in the bathroom, then stopped and stilled herself when she thought she heard a knock at the door. Realizing she was right, she dried her hands on a towel, then headed down the stairs. When she opened the door, Jesse was standing on the porch holding a fishing pole.
“Jesse, hi.” She pushed the screen open. “Come on in.”
Jesse glanced around the yard, then looked over her shoulder. “Is Miriam here?”
Shelby’s heart dropped. She should have known Jesse was here to see Miriam. “No. I’m sorry. She went to town with Rebecca. I’ll tell her you stopped by to see her.”
Jesse repositioned his weight. “I, uh—I didn’t come to see Miriam. I came to see you.”
Shelby smiled. “Oh. Well, come on in.”
He looked over her shoulder again, then scanned the yard. “Is anyone home?”
“No. Aaron and the boys are out there.” She pointed to her left toward the back fields. “And Rebecca and Miriam went to town.” She pushed the door open wider.
“Maybe you could just come out on the porch,” Jesse said as he scrunched his handsome face up and nodded to his side.
“Oh.” Shelby joined him on the porch. “Are we not supposed to be alone in the house together?”
Jesse stood taller. “It wouldn’t be proper.”
Shelby loved Jesse’s manners and the formality of his speech. “Okay.” She sat down in one of the rocking chairs on the front porch and motioned for Jesse to do the same.
“I bought this for you.” Jesse pushed the fishing pole toward her. “You can’t keep using everyone’s hand-me-downs. You need your own pole.”
Shelby struggled not to burst into tears. It was the nicest thing anyone had done for her in a long time, and coming from Jesse, it warmed her insides even more.
“Danki,”
she said in his dialect.
“
Ach
, you learnin’ yourself the
Deitsch
?”
She laughed. “I’m picking up words and phrases here and there.” She thought about hearing the young men at the market and their inappropriate comments in Pennsylvania
Deitsch
.
“Does Rebecca say
kumme esse
?
Mei mamm
always says that at supper time.”
Shelby tapped her finger to her chin. “Hmm. . . no. I don’t remember hearing Rebecca say that. What does it mean?”
“‘Come eat.’ Tonight, tell everyone
kumme esse
, and they’ll think you’re converting.” He smiled, then stood up. “I best be gettin’ on my way. I’m on lunch break from my job at the City Dump.”
Shelby tried not to react, but her brows rose just the same.
Jesse grinned. “It’s a furniture store in Ronks.”
“Oh.” Shelby brought her hand to her chest. “I thought you looked awfully clean to work at a dump.” Then she squeezed her eyes closed and thought about how dumb that sounded.
“So when do you want to try out your new fishing pole? Saturday?” The beginning of a smile tipped the corner of his mouth, and Shelby felt like she was going to melt right there on the porch.
“Sure. Do you want Miriam to make us a lunch again? Maybe some chicken salad?”
Jesse looped his thumbs underneath his suspenders, and when he took a deep breath, it was hard for Shelby not to notice how well his broad shoulders filled out his blue shirt. “I—I was wondering if you wanted to go. I mean, just you. And me.” His mouth twitched as he waited for her to answer.
Shelby’s heart pounded against her chest so hard that when she finally did answer, it was more like a squeak. “Sure.”
Jesse smiled. “
Gut
. Then can I come for you at noon?”
“Sure. Okay.” She fought the swooning effect that overtook her. “Do you want me to bring lunch?”
“No. It is my invitation, so I’ll ask
mei mamm
to make lunch for us.”
Shelby put her hands on her hips and grinned. “You’re scared of my cooking, huh? Believe me, I can whoop up some sandwiches.” He laughed, then his expression stilled. “I ain’t scared of your cooking, Shelby. . .” He paused. “But you do scare me.” With a smile on his face, he winked, then turned and walked down the porch steps, waving when he got to his buggy.
She watched him maneuver the buggy down the driveway and onto the street. She couldn’t wait to tell Miriam that she had a date. With Jesse Dienner.