Plausibility (24 page)

“Maybe I’m in love with her,” Aquilla offered.

“Are you?” Monica asked, alarmed. She wasn’t expecting that. How the hell did she handle that?

Aquilla laughed. “You sure you have a degree in psychology? You’re not very good at it. I just threw some off the wall shit out and you believed it. Relax. I’m not in love with Seri.”

Monica breathed a sigh a relief. Thank heaven above. “But you are in love with this Julius character?”

“I’ve known Julius my whole life. Of course I love him.”

“There’s a difference in loving someone and being in love with him. When did you fall in love with him?”

Aquilla hummed and shrugged her shoulders. “A long time ago
, I just didn’t know it until I was around 14.”

“So about three years ago?”

“No, four, I’m 18,” she insisted. She knew where Monica was going with this.

“You’re not 18, Quill. And you’re not Quill. You are Shelby Rimmer.”

“I am Aquilla Chavez. That is all I have ever known, and I refuse to be called something that I had no control over just because everyone else thinks that way.”

“What do you mean that you had no control over?”

“I didn’t choose to be kidnapped. I didn’t choose for Seri to come and fuck everything up, and I sure as hell didn’t choose to come here and live with the Brady bunch.”

“Do you even know who that is?”

“No, I just heard Seri say it,” Aquilla smiled over at her.

“Quill, what do you want?”

“You mean in a perfect world, a parallel universe?”

“Yeah, I guess so. What would make you happy?”

“Julius,” she answered with one word.

Monica knew that would be the answer before she ever asked. “Why? What is it about Julius that makes you so sure you would be happy with him?”

“Like I said, I’ve known him my whole life. I was always happy with him, well, maybe not always.”

“What do you mean? Let’s sit,” Monica offered with an open palm to the freshly mowed green grass.

“There was about a year that we couldn’t be around each other for five minutes without screaming at each other.”

“Why?”

Aquilla shrugged her shoulders again. She couldn’t believe that she was talking to her like she was. She had been telling herself for almost a week that she would be closed lipped and refuse, and here she was blabbering her whole life. What the fuck?

“I guess we were both fighting feelings that we were unsure of, trying to keep them in their place, afraid of what would happen if were around each other too much.”

“When did it change? How did it change?” 

“I don’t know. I guess at my graduation and birthday party. I got drunk and Julius did some things while he thought I was passed out. I knew after that night that he did want me as much as I wanted him.”

“He did sexual things to you when he thought you were passed out?”

“No not really, but he was fighting hard with it. He helped me undress and slid my panties to the side. He didn’t touch me, well, not really. I did purposely move, trying to get him to, but he freaked out and left.”

“He never touched you until you were 18?”

“Nope
, it was after my birthday before we ever did anything.”

“Is it love, Quill, or is it more like lust?”

Aquilla was biting her tongue as she pulled a hand full of grass from the ground. “That’s a really dumb question. Didn’t you see those guys looking at me when we walked over here? I’m pretty sure if I just wanted sex I could get it. What the hell are we talking about Julius for anyway? I thought you were supposed to help me accept my fucked up destiny.”

“I just want you to realize that there are lots of men out there that would treat you better than Julius did, and go to work at normal jobs, not training sex slaves or dealing drugs.”

“They weren’t sex slaves. They chose to be there. Nobody was ever forced to be there. And furthermore, I don’t want any other guys. I’m sure none of them could fuck like Julius.”

“That’s not true. How do you know if you insist on selling yourself short?”

“I don’t think I am selling myself short at all. Just ask Seri. She fucked him. She fucked him right in front of me.”

Aquilla smiled at the sudden stiff posture. She was sure that Seri hadn’t offered that information either. Seri was going to kill her.

“And you’re okay with that?” Monica asked.

“It was his job. He thought she was a chattel.”

Monica shook her head in disbelief. This girl was so Stockholm syndrome it was pathetic. She was going to be with this girl for months. She could feel it in her bones.

“Aquilla
, they kidnapped you. They took you from a family that loves you very much. Are you not the least bit pissed about that?”

“Not really. And Julius was ten. Julius did not kidnap me. You don’t know my father. He may have done some bad things, and yes, he took me away from my family. I get that. However, he was always good to me. I loved him
, and no matter what you or anyone else thinks, I will always be grateful for having him in my life.”

Monica got absolutely nowhere with her that day. She was tight and sticking to her guns. She wanted Julius and insisted that she was getting the hell out of there, first chance she got.

Aquilla ate her vegetables and tried her best to be sociable while they ate outside at the picnic table. Her grandma and grandpa asked her questions about school, sports, grades, and anything else that they could think of. Word vomit. That’s all it was, and she wanted them to shut up.

Monica closed the bedroom door to Seri and Quill’s room when Seri went in to get clothes for a shower.

“What’s up, Mo?” she asked, steeling a t-shirt from Aquilla’s bag.

“Did you fuck Julius in front of Quill?”

Seri snorted and closed her eyes. That girl had better not fall asleep. She was going to kill her.

“Sarah, you tell me now all the shit that happened in that house. I don’t want any more secrets.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s it.”

“How could you do that Sarah? I don’t even know who you are right now.”

“It was work. I told you. I didn’t even know who Aquilla was. I thought she was a chattel too. I knew you had to be 18 to be a chattel for Romano Chavez. I didn’t know, Mo.”

“God, Sarah. You fucked the guy she thinks she is in love with right in front of her?”

“Yup, that’s what happened,” Seri, admitted.

“I hope the hell he was worth it
, must of been some good dick.”

“That’s an
understatement, you should see this guy’s dick. Fucking huge, he makes you want to cum before he even has it all the way in.”

“So you did it with him more than that one time?”

“Hell yeah, every chance I got. That doesn’t need to be shared with Quill, though.”

“You’re crazy.”

“No, just horny, and if I don’t get out of here soon and get some, I’m going to go crazy.”

“I think you should leave after this week. Once her family goes back home, I think you need to go home and let her deal with her family without you around.”

“I am more than okay with that. You get it cleared with Houston and I will gladly hitch a ride back with you. You are staying the whole week, aren’t you?”

“I hadn’t planned on it, but I think maybe I should. We will stay here for a couple of nights and then go get a hotel. Maybe we can get lucky. I haven’t had any in a while either.”

Seri laughed, loving that idea.

<><><>

Aquilla spent most of her time hanging around with Monica and Seri. She didn’t want anything to do with her family. She couldn’t help it. She just didn’t feel like she belonged. She did go for a long walk with her mom late one evening. She answered all of her questions, but still didn’t feel like this was her family or like she belonged there. What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t just drink the Kool-aide and magically love her family. She hadn’t had one bit of time to herself to continue reading Julius’s note to her. She was fine with it for a couple of days. She needed to stay away from it for a day or two. Her emotions couldn’t take it.

“I’m kind of tired. Can we head back now?” Aquilla asked her mom after Liz hit a nerve. She had asked her about Christmas’s growing up. Aquilla didn’t want to answer. She felt that time was sacred and she wasn’t interested in sharing. She was just going to judge her father anyway.

“Sure, sweetie. Grandpa is going to build a fire. You want to sit out with is for a bit?”

Didn’t I just say I was tired?
“I don’t think so, maybe tomorrow night.”

Liz silently took a deep breath, feeling the wheeze in her chest. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know how to break the barrier that seemed to be forcing them apart rather than pulling them together.

Aquilla grabbed a shower and opened her shared bedroom, wearing a towel and stopping dead in her tracks. Seri didn’t have time to react. She quickly removed her fingers from her panties and sat up.

“Jesus, Quill. Can’t you knock?”

“It’s my room. Can’t you play with that thing in the bathroom?”

“Shut up
, like you don’t take care of it too.”

“I haven’t since you came along. You won’t leave me alone long enough.”

“That’s because I worry about you when you’re alone too long.”

“Because you think I’m going to run away?”

“No, because, I worry about you.”

“Why?” Aquilla asked as she pulled on a night shirt and panties.

“I don’t know why. I just do. I guess you’ve kind of grown on me,” Seri explained, moving to her side of the bed as Aquilla crawled in.

“You can take care of that if you need to,” Aquilla offered, switching off the lamp.

“Yeah, right, shut the hell up and go to sleep.”

“Why? It’s not like you don’t want to.”

“I think maybe you just want me to. Does that turn you on, Quill?”

“Yeah, it kind of does.”

Shit. She was expecting to get a
fuck you
. Not that. What the hell? She didn’t go both ways. Quill was the first. Fuck, she was turned on knowing Quill was turned on. Quill wasn’t turned on. Quill was confused. That’s what it was.

“I will if you will,” Aquilla offered, turning to her in the dark.

“You will what?” Seri asked the dumb question.

“Get off.”

Seri laughed. “You’re crazy. I’ve caused enough damage to your already fucked up mind.”

“Suit
yourself,” Aquilla countered, moving her hand to the wet folds of her pussy.

“Quill
, I’m leaving if you’re doing that.”

“Go ahead. You could just go across the hall to the bathroom and pretend that I don’t know that you play with yourself.”

“You need help. You need more help than Monica or I could possibly give you,” Seri assured her.

“I don’t need help. The rest of the world needs help. I’m fine being different. It’s the rest of you who think I should be the way everyone else is. Maybe I am the normal one. Maybe I don’t give a shit about what you or anyone else thinks about me.”

“You already know how I feel about you. You’re like a leech.”

“Seri?”
Aquilla warned with pant.

“Goddamnit, Quill. I’m leaving.”

Aquilla laughed as Seri jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of shorts before she had to listen to her call out in pleasure.

Seri walked out, closing the door behind her, shaking her head as she leaned against the closed door. She stood there for all of five minutes before Monica stopped on her way to her own room.

“What the hell are you doing?” she asked, wondering why the hell Sarah was just standing there.

“I’m done,” Aquilla called with a laugh.

“I fucking hate that kid,” Seri claimed.

“Done what? What’s she talking about?”

“How about you ask her that during your session tomorrow? I’m going to bed.”

Monica stared at the closed door confused.

“Feel better?” Seri snapped, pulling the covers clear to her neck, turning her back on Quill.

“I do. Do you?”

“Fuck you, Quill. Go to sleep.”

Quill laughed again.

They lay in silence for a while, Seri facing the window and Quill with her hands over her head staring at the dark ceiling. This was when it was worse. This was when she missed Julius and wanted to snuggle into his safe arms. Julius seemed to always get to her most during the dark, still night. She lay there thinking about how much more she could take. What was she going to do when Seri left her and she was even more alone at night?

“Seri?”
Aquilla quietly said.

“What, Quill?” she answered in a nicer tone than she had before. She could tell by the sound of Quill’s voice that she was finished being a brat. She detected the sad tone.

“Never mind,” Aquilla decided, rolling away from Seri. It didn’t matter. Seri wasn’t going to help her anyway. She may as well let it go.

<>

Aquilla joined her family for breakfast and then announced that she was taking her laptop and walking to the park, letting all of them know that she wanted to be alone. She was really only telling Seri and Monica. Liz gave her space, not because she wanted to, but still. She didn’t have to worry about Reese at all. She was too busy chasing boys with her annoying friend Lil.

“Let’s talk first, Quill,” Monica suggested.

“Let’s not,” Aquilla replied, leaving the table.

Liz started after her with a broken heart. She couldn’t help her. She didn’t know how.

“Reese, go over and visit with your grandparents for a while,” Liz ordered.

“Why?” Reese asked, scraping the last bit of her oatmeal from the sides of her bowl.

“Because I said to,” Liz scolded with a scornful look.

“Come on, Lil,” Reese coaxed, sensing the thick air.

Monica and Seri exchanged a quick glance, waiting for the storm.

“I think you two should head home when we do this weekend, back to your own homes,” Liz coldly stated.

“I was actually telling Seri the same thing. I know this is hard, Liz, and I would love to give you the easy advice that you’re looking for,” Monica explained. “I can’t. I don’t have any more answers than you do. She has opened up to me and we have talked quite a bit. I just can’t get her to open up about being here.”

“She doesn’t want to be here, does she?” Liz asked, moving to her purse. She could feel her chest tighten at the same time she felt the tears burn her eyes.

“Liz, it’s only been a week. You can’t expect her to come home and turn into the daughter you lost 14 years ago,” Monica assured her.

Seri didn’t say a word. She wasn’t a shrink. She wasn’t touching any of this.

Liz inhaled her medicine and smiled at Quill as she walked out. Quill gave her a fake smile back, trying not to roll her eyes as she walked out the door.

“Why is it that she wants to be with Seri? She doesn’t know Seri any more than she knows me. I don’t understand,” Liz continued.

“For some reason, Quill has taken Seri on as her security. She feels safe with Seri. I’m not sure why that is either, but I am hoping that getting Seri out of the picture will help. I will come two or three times a week and keep working with her. Don’t expect too much too fast, Liz. You’re doing all that you can by giving her space and letting her take the steps.”

“How long?” she wanted to know.

Monica knew what she was asking. “I can’t answer that either, Liz. This is all new to me too. We don’t really get the experience for kidnapped girls taken from their families’ years ago. I wish I had a better answer for you. I don’t.”

Liz dropped her head and covered her eyes with her hand. Great, neither Seri nor Monica did well with emotions. They hated to be around crying people. What the hell were they supposed to say? Seri nudged Monica’s arm with hers, nodding toward Liz for her to console her. Monica shook her head and nodded her own head toward Liz, telling her to go to her.

Seri brought her hand up and dared rock paper scissors. They secretly played the childish game. Monica lost. She gave Seri a dirty look and scooted from the table, walking to Liz.

“Seri and I are going into town tonight and staying in a hotel. I will talk to Quill today and give her a little homework while we are gone. You’ve just got to hang in there, Liz, and remember that she’s not purposely trying to be mean to you. This is hard for her. Very hard,” Monica tried as she circled her back with small circles.

“I’m sorry. I just feel so helpless. She’s my child and I can’t help her,” Liz stated, taking the tissues from Seri.

<><><>

Aquilla sat her laptop up on a picnic table. She watched the younger kids running around, playing on the swings and slide. She never had that growing up. She never got to play with a group of kids on a playground. She played with Julius. Julius played all the silly games that these kids were playing with her. She wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, she decided, logging onto the computer with the encrypted code.

Aquilla read for almost an hour. She laughed more than once as Julius reminisced about their upbringing. He talked about his dad beating his ass for tying her tooth to a string and slamming the door. It worked, and she got her first ten dollar bill that night.

He reminded her about their make believe wedding when she was seven, and the wedding cake that she insisted the cook prepare for their special day. Every stuffed animal she had attending their wedding.

They were all witnesses, Quill. So that makes it real. That makes you mine, always and forever. Mr. Frog said so.

Aquilla laughed and wiped the single tear that slid down her cheek. She missed him something fierce. She wanted him so bad and didn’t know if she would be able to stand it much longer.

I have tried to be a better person because of you, Quill. You always made me want to do better. That being said, there are a lot of things that I did that I am not proud of, including running drugs, training women, and most of all, not reporting your whereabouts.