Play It Safe (31 page)

He took his time doing it; his expression absorbed then his eyes came to mine.

“You never cut it,” he noted softly.

“Never,” I confirmed.

“It’s longer now.”

It was. A lot longer.

“Yes.”

His eyes held mine and I saw something flash in his, more pain but understanding.

“You did that for me.”

I did. I never cut my hair except for trims and I did it for him.

“Yes,” I whispered.

“Didn’t have me, knew what that meant to me and did it for me.”

I pressed my lips together. His voice was rough, thick, it sounded tortured like he had to push the words out.

“Fuck, Ivey,” he whispered.

I closed my eyes and lifted my head to shove my face in his neck.

His hand squeezed mine then I felt him turn his head so he could say in my ear, “Gonna get off you now, dollface. You need to put your sweet nightie back on. We got shit to talk about and I want you to feel safe while we do it. Yeah?”

I pulled in a trembling breath, nodded, my face moving against his skin then he gently slid out, rolled off me and took me with him. Then he rolled out of bed, taking me with him when he did that too and setting me on my feet in the circle of his arms but he didn’t let me go.

I tipped my head back and looked at him to see he was looking down at me.

“You gotta know, I also want you to put that nightie and those panties back on because I like them a fuckuva lot.”

Then he grinned and gave me the dimple.

I had a nanosecond to make a choice. Take in that dimple for the first time in years, how it made his extreme masculinity so damned cute, remembering how much I loved it, feeling that love still, having it back and burst into uncontrollable tears again. Or take in that dimple for the first time in years while standing naked in his arms after he told me he still loved me then made love to me and keep my shit and move forward with Gray to put the past behind and move the fuck on.

I chose option two.

And therefore I grinned back. It was tough, the pain wanted to burst through so my grin trembled on my lips. But I did it.

He saw it, a shadow crossed his features but he made the same decision as me. I knew this when his head dipped, his mouth touched mine, he again lifted it and his arms gave me a squeeze.

Then he ordered, “Get dressed, honey.”

I nodded and moved to grab my nightie and panties. I pulled the nightie on over my head then moved to the bathroom, cleaned up, donned my panties and came out.

Gray was buttoning up his jeans, his chest was bare, the TV was off and the minute I moved into the room, his eyes came to me.

“Come here, dollface,” he murmured.

I went there. The instant I made it to him, he picked me up like a groom would carry his bride and he walked us to the bed. Then we were in it. He spent some time grabbing pillows to stack behind his back then he settled with head and shoulders against the headboard, me tucked to his side, my head to his pectoral, his chest all I could see.

God, was I really here with Gray?

To prove it to myself, my arm snaked across his flat abs and my leg lifted and tangled with one of his.

Yes. He was real. I was there with Gray.

“Do you think it’s weird that I sleep with my fake, gay boyfriend?”

That was me. I blurted it right out and for a second I wished I had the power to shove it back in but then I felt Gray’s body shaking and I knew he was laughing.

I lifted my head to look at his face and again got the dimple.

Damn, but I loved that fucking dimple.

And he was definitely laughing.

I loved that too.

Then he answered, “Yeah.”

I stared at him as it dawned on me.

Then I said, “It is. It is weird that I sleep with my fake, gay boyfriend.”

Gray’s body started shaking harder and the word was also shaking when he repeated, “Yeah.”

Great.

His arm around me tightened and he slid me partially up his chest so my face was closer to his still smiling one.

Then he said, “Shit that’s weird to a man from Mustang, Colorado is probably not weird in Vegas. There’s probably nothin’ you could do that would be weird in Vegas.”

I lived in Vegas for a long time therefore I knew this was totally true.

Gray wasn’t done.

“And he loves you near as much as I love you. And you love him. I see his play, I get it and the way you love him, I get why you’d give that gift to him. You got somethin’ outta it too and way he loves you, I get why he’d give it to you. You love someone, you do shit like that and that, Ivey, is
not
weird.”

Okay, well, good to know the seven years had not changed the fact that Grayson Cody was understanding, generous, kind and loving.

What he would say next would prove that seven years had not changed the fact that Grayson Cody was a serious macho man rancher cowboy.

And I knew this when the amusement shifted out of his face, it got serious, his arm got tighter and he stated, “That said, that shit stopped about half an hour ago.”

“Right,” I whispered.

“Right,” he whispered back.

Totally a macho man rancher cowboy.

Therefore, it killed me but I had to be honest and I felt it was fair to warn him, “You know, a long time has passed. I’ve changed. I’m not the Ivey you knew. You were right that night you saw me, I’m hard as nails. I’m not a pushover anymore.”

That was when he gave me the gift of Grayson Cody that I missed most of all.

His arm squeezed tight, his body shook deep and he burst out laughing.

I watched it. I loved it. I loved it no less than I always loved it but I didn’t laugh because I was being deadly serious.

Gray looked down at me, saw my serious face and pulled me further up his chest so we were eye-to-eye still, incidentally, chuckling.

Then he muttered, “Bullshit.”

“It’s true,” I told him.

He kept grinning and repeated a muttered, “Bullshit.”

My hand moved to curl around his neck and I whispered, “No, seriously, Gray, it’s true.”

Gray’s grin faded and he got serious too.

“They came to me, both ‘a them.”

“What?”

“Your fake, gay boyfriend and that mammoth black guy. They came to me.”

I blinked.

Then I whispered, “Sorry?”

“Keycard?” he asked and my body stilled as it hit me. “He gave it to me.” His hand came up, fingers sliding into my hair at the side, holding it back and he continued. “He told me everything, Ivey, everything about you. Both of them came but your fake boyfriend laid it out. Those two men would do anything for you. They’d walk through fire for you. You were hard as nails, those men, who they are, what they do, what they’ve undoubtedly seen, where they live, they would not give one shit about you. You were hard as nails; you wouldn’t take a coupla phone calls from Janie, hightail your ass up here and sort my shit. You wouldn’t give a fuck where Gran was stayin’. You thought I moved on from you in three months; you would not save me from losin’ my land. You thought everyone in Mustang thought you were trash; you would not protect their legacy. You are not hard as nails, Ivey. You’re just Ivey.”

“Shut up, you’re going to make me cry,” I snapped, fighting tears and again Gray burst out laughing, both his arms moving around me to pull me more on top of him and hold me tight. “Gray!  I wasn’t being funny!”

“Dollface,” he said through his continuing laughter, “women who are hard as nails do not cry at the drop of a hat and I’ve not spent a lot of time with you in seven years but a lotta the time I’ve spent with you, you’ve been bawlin’.”

This was true.

Shit.

“Well, when I see Lash and Brutus and you see me kick their ass, you’ll see my hard.”

His face got that near to tender look I also missed a whole helluva lot and he whispered, “You’ll give them attitude, no doubt, but you’re as devoted to them as they are to you and you know they did that shit for you so it’ll be a show and they’ll know that too.”

He was right.

I decided to change the subject, not to a better one but change it anyway.

So, hesitantly, I asked, “What did Lash tell you?”

“Everything.”

Fabulous.

Unfortunately, I needed detail.

“What’s everything?”

Gray didn’t hesitate. “That he knows you told me about him. That you took to heart that shit I spewed when I was pissed at seein’ you on that stage and I had to get my ass in gear or I was gonna lose you again. That your mother was fucked up, what went down that put you and your brother on your path, how your brother took your back which explained your loyalty to him, something, darlin’, I was glad to know because it was somethin’, no matter how much I chewed on it, which was a whole fuckuva lot, I never got. And last, that you mighta done what you did on that stage but there was no one but me.”

Well, there it was. Lash told Gray everything.

Therefore there was a lot to go over.

So, again hesitantly, I started, “So you know about who I am? I mean, where I came from, what Casey did, how I grew up?”

“Yep.”

And he was here.

Right then, moving on.

“You were seriously pissed when you saw me dance, Gray.”

“Yep.”

And he was still here but still, that concerned me.

“That happened,” I reminded him. “I can’t erase that from my past.”

“First, Ivey, I was seein’ you for the first time in three years after I thought you cleared out on me. Like I said earlier, my shit was fogged with what my mother did so I didn’t think about it. I didn’t think that maybe there was a reason and maybe I should look into that and find you. I just thought history was repeating itself. Did I like you dancin’ like that for a bunch ‘a men to watch, get hard, go home and jack off for probably the next ten years, eyes closed, thinkin’ of you?” he asked then didn’t wait for my answer, he answered for me, “No. I didn’t like it at all. But I was more pissed about seein’ the woman I love for the first time after she cleared out on me. You coulda been walkin’ down a street and I woulda been pissed. It just was not good you were doin’ what you were doin’ which aggravated my anger. Then you were how you were in that parking lot because you were hurt and pissed at me. If you were Ivey that woulda gone different. Fuck, I went there and waited for you not admitting to myself but definitely hoping that I’d walk up to you and under all that makeup you wore would be my Ivey and you’d give me back my girl. You weren’t Ivey. Your guard was up, understandably, I get that now, but that was all I could see. That pissed me off worse, I mouthed off, said stupid shit because
I
was pissed but,” his voice suddenly dropped soft and low, “I didn’t like what you were doin’, baby, not for a room full of people but you were beautiful up there. Amazing.” He grinned. “My girl, everything she does, every-fucking-thing, she does it better than anybody. We gotta get you some of those feathered fans but from here on out, you got a one man audience.”

I glared at him even though I liked all he said, I loved having that explanation and, as always, I adored his compliment. It meant the world to me.

Still.

“I don’t dance anymore, Gray,” I informed him.

He kept grinning and muttered, “Reckon I could get you to do it for me.”

He definitely could.

“Whatever,” I muttered back and his grin became a smile.

I rolled my eyes.

Then I gave up the fake attitude and smiled back.

Gray took in a deep breath and lost his smile as his eyes changed, their intensity burning into me.

And then he spoke and he did it gently, quietly but firmly, “Seven years we lost, dollface, we both did shit, we lived our lives and we’ve probably changed. But I know who’s in my arms and I know what I felt back then, what I felt for the years in between and what I feel now. You got a life in Vegas, friends who are devoted to you and I can see it’s a good life. But I cannot give that kind of life to you. You sortin’ my shit doesn’t mean I don’t have a shitload more problems but even when I see my way clear of that, I can’t give you a life like your fake boyfriend does. You also know I’m not leavin’ my land. So, the important shit we gotta talk about is that I want you back, in Mustang, in my home, in my bed. I do not want to spend time explorin’ that option before we get that. I’ve lost seven years and you have too. I just want you with me, in my house, in my bed. And you gotta decide, knowin’ what you got and knowin’ you gotta give that all up and knowin’ what I can give you, what you’re going to do.”

“Well, I think I should probably help Lash deal with my replacement but then I’m moving to Mustang,” I replied instantly and Gray’s arms got tight a second as he blinked slow.

Then he asked, “What?”

“First, I love you. Second, she’s bossy but I love Mrs. Cody. Third, Mustang was the only home I ever really had until Lash gave me one. But Lash is a good man and he has a lot of love to give. He will eventually find a partner; I know this, always have and always dreaded it. And it’s probably time he pulls his finger out, quits spending his time looking out for me and starts thinking about his own happiness. And last, something is happening in Mustang that something involves Buddy Sharp that something is not good and the target is you. Yesterday, I foiled his plans but if he’s still aiming punches at you after seven years then me doing what I did yesterday is not going to stop him. And Mrs. Cody is in a nursing home in a wheelchair, someone has to have your back and that someone is me. So, Gray, you get Ivey but I’ve been around the block. I’m an ex-Vegas showgirl. You might not see hard but no one fucks with someone I care about and I might be a pushover for you but Buddy Sharp better watch his shit because if he tries to fuck with you again, I’m gonna bring him down.”

Gray stared at me and he did it so long I wondered if I went a little overboard.

Then he grinned and murmured, “Fuck, darlin’, you’re cute when you’re tryin’ to be a badass.”

Trying to be?

“I’m being very serious,” I informed him.

“I see that, baby, you’re still cute.”

“Seriously, Gray, I was the headliner at a burlesque show with twenty other girls who hated me and spent their time trying to stab me in the back. Now, I run the floor of that burlesque show and I’ve got a bunch of waitresses and bartenders who keep bringing their personal lives into Lash’s club so I have to deal with their crap. No joke, when I get going, I can be hell on wheels.”