Play Me (10 page)

He dropped her hips back to the bed and shoved inside of her, his hands on her shoulders. When he withdrew and pushed inside of her again, she miraculously came once more. Her body had still been humming with the previous orgasm, and this one sent her flying over the edge. Still, he didn’t stop. He pressed his thumb against her swollen clit, deepening his strokes.

She buried her face in his shoulder, biting back the cry that almost escaped. She didn’t know whether she wanted him to stop or to continue, but she could feel another orgasm building. Could feel him bringing her to the edge again. She’d never had a double orgasm, yet alone more than two. The man was a miracle worker.

He kissed her gently, but his hands on her were rough. The contrast drove her wild. His mouth caressed her ear. “Come for me. Now.”

She moaned and let go. Let go of all her reservations. All of her fears. And she let him all the way in. And this time, when she came, he came with her. And she swore she heard him whisper he loved her, but she was too far-gone to know for sure. By the time she could breathe again, he was lying next to her, running his fingers gently over her belly.

“Wow.” She turned to him and smiled. “Just…wow.”

He didn’t smile back, but he splayed his hand on her stomach. “Is everything okay in there?”

“Huh?” She looked down at her stomach. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?”

He sat up and dragged his hand down his face. “I could’ve hurt you.”

She hugged her knees to her chest, swallowing hard. He didn’t exactly look happy that they’d made love. While she? She couldn’t be happier than she was right now. “I’m fine. We’re fine.”

“What was this about, Kiersten?” He looked at her, his eyes vulnerable. “Did you mean what you said? You want to try making this thing between us work?”

She took a calming breath. She was on the brink of something huge and deep and frightening, and she was scared she would screw it all up. “I did. I want to try.”

“I see.” Instead of pulling her into his arms and kissing her, as she expected, he flexed his jaw. “One more question.”

Why did he look so angry? “Anything.”

“Are you only doing this because Chris said to?” He turned to her, the vulnerability gone from his eyes. Instead, a glinting hardness had taken place. “Are you doing this for him, and him alone? Or because you want me?”

“Well…” She wasn’t sure what to say. Chris’s words had made her realize she was hurting him by refusing to give in to her weakness for Garrett. Garrett wanted it. Chris wanted it. But she wanted it, too.
“No. Yes.” She bit her lip. “I want to try. Does it matter why? Isn’t this enough?” No, that wasn’t enough. She needed to tell him more. He deserved more.

He let out a harsh laugh and stood. He jerked his jeans on. “I can’t do this anymore, Kiersten.”

She flinched. So she finally told him she wanted to try out a relationship—a
real
one—and he left her? See? She shouldn’t have listened to her feelings. “Can’t do what anymore? Me? Didn’t you hear what I said?”

“I heard you.” He gave her his back and ran his hands down his face. “But I can’t be a live-in booty call. And I absolutely refuse to be in your bed because your
son
wants me to be. I love him just like you do—but I refuse to stay here because someone else told you to sleep with me. It’s not happening.”

“That’s not what this was about,” she managed to say. “I…”

A million thoughts raced through her mind. A million ways for her to explain her feelings for him. But none of them formed into words. The words just wouldn’t come. She was like a deer in the headlights. Frozen.

He spun around and faced her again, his eyes haunted and empty. He thumped his hand on his chest. “This isn’t what I want. Do you have any idea how much it hurts when you push me away constantly, and then come looking for me when you’re horny? Or when someone else tells you it might be a good idea? If you don’t have feelings for me, then say it. And just leave me alone from now on.”

“But I want to try.” She clung to the comforter. “I’m ready to try. Isn’t that what you wanted from me?”

He looked at her closely. “It was. But you’re not. I can see it in your eyes. You’re not sure.” Shaking his head, he added, “You’re even gripping the bedspread like a shield.”

“But I think I am.” She dropped the blanket and held her hands out, trying to make him see what she wanted. See that it wasn’t just her desire to make Chris happy talking. “If you give me a chance—”

“When I said I didn’t want to be with you, I really planned to win you over. But now? I’m thinking it’s better we stick to the plan you admire so much.” He grabbed his shirt and headed for the door. “We need to keep away from each other. We’re no good together.”

“If that’s what you want,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “We can just be friends.”

He stiffened, his back muscles flexing. “It’s what I want now. I can see no other way.”

“Are—?” She tried to speak, but her voice broke off. After clearing her throat, she asked, “Are you still going to live here?”

She couldn’t believe her voice sounded so steady and unaffected. As if her heart wasn’t falling apart over the fact that she’d lost the one man who had always supported her. When had she gotten so good at hiding her feelings?

“I told you I wouldn’t leave you,” he said, his voice hard. “And I’m not a liar.”

And with that…he opened the door and left her room.

She flinched when the door clicked shut behind him. When she laid her cheek on her knees, she saw
What to Expect When You’re Expecting
sitting on her nightstand. When had he come in and put it there? And how had so many things gone so wrong, so fast?

She ached to go after him, but she didn’t move. Didn’t chase after him and tell him she wanted more out of life. Didn’t tell him she wanted
him
. Didn’t tell him she might even be falling in love with him. No matter how much she wanted to open up, she just couldn’t let go of the control she’d worked so hard to gain. So instead, she sat there and cried silent tears without chasing him down and begging for forgiveness or love or anything.

And she hated herself for it.

Chapter Eleven

It had been four days since Garrett had told Kiersten he didn’t want to try a relationship with her. Four days of him acting as if he was her brother, instead of the father of her child. He greeted her every day. Was kind and caring and loving. He did nothing wrong. But he didn’t touch her. Didn’t look like he even
wanted
to touch her.

And it was killing her.

When she
finally
decided to try and put her heart on the line, he wised up and realized she was a hopeless case. He’d made it perfectly clear he was done with her. Had followed through on that promise. Lately, he had even been coming home late at night smelling like beer. Was he out picking up women? Had he already moved on from her?

Could she honestly blame him if he had?

The door opened and shut quietly. “I’m home,” Garrett called out.

Kiersten looked at the clock. It was only seven o’clock. He hadn’t been coming home from the bar until after ten lately. She tensed and smoothed her hair. She was wearing baggy sweats and a frizzy ponytail without a stitch of makeup on her face. Go figure. “I’m in the kitchen.”

He came in carrying grocery bags. After a quick glance around the room, he asked, “Where’s Chris?”

“At Brianna’s house. Did you bring home the milk?”

“Yeah, and I got something else, too,” he said. “The other day, you were complaining about the baby wanting some ice cream. So I got your favorite.”

She pursed her lips, salivating at the mere thought of ice cream. “How do you know my favorite?”

“Do I look like an idiot?” He cleared his throat. “Never mind. Don’t answer that. But we’ve been friends long enough for me to know what you like.”

“I know yours, too,” she said, nudging him with her elbow. “Vanilla with hot fudge and bright, unmanly rainbow sprinkles.”

He flushed and pulled out a container, waving it under her nose. “You mean, like these?”

“Mmm hmm,” she managed, laughing. “Like those.”

Her stomach growled when he took the ice cream out of the bag and his mouth twitched. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen his smile. She missed it almost as much as she missed him. “Wanna skip dinner and go right to dessert?”

Her insides clenched, and her gaze involuntarily dropped to his mouth. Dessert brought something entirely different from ice cream to mind. Her body remembered his touch all too well, and she ached for him in more ways than one. When she met his eyes, she felt unable to disguise the pure need taking over her body.

His eyes darkened and he stepped back, his nostrils flaring. “Kiersten?”

“Huh?” She snapped herself back to reality, taken aback by how easily she almost forgot his new aversion to her. “Er, nah. Let’s eat and then have some ice cream. Better for the baby. What do you want for dinner? I could make ravioli if you want.”

Garrett gripped the ice cream, his knuckles white. He backed even farther away from her, his face pale. “Oh, you know what? I forgot that I have a basketball game with Mike and the boys, and then we’re hitting the bar. I’ll have to eat some later.”

After she was asleep, no doubt. That way he wouldn’t have to be next to her. Kiersten hesitated and reached out to grab his shoulder. “You don’t have to keep leaving. I can—”

“I’m not leaving because of you.” He gently moved out of her hold, his eyes lowered. “I have a game, and then we’re going out.”

“Are you going to do this when the baby’s here, too?” She crossed her arms, hating herself for asking. “I thought you wanted to be here for me. For the kids.”

He eyed her. “Chris isn’t here, so he won’t miss me. And the baby isn’t here yet. It’s just you and me.”

She wrapped her arms around her stomach. “Where have you been every night since we fought?”

“I told you. The bar.” His head snapped up, and his eyes were on her. They looked so…unapproachable. Cold. “I didn’t realize I had to run every aspect of my schedule by you.”

She tensed. “It would be helpful to know, in case there’s an emergency.”

“If there’s an emergency?” He held up his phone. “You can call me. I always have it on me now. I’ll be here in no time. You know that.”

She bit back the words fighting to come out. The ones that were begging to be asked.
Where are you going
?
What are you doing
?
Can I have a second chance to do this the right way?
But she didn’t have a right to ask those questions. She wasn’t his girlfriend. She’d spent years pushing him away and this time she’d succeeded. Yay for her.

God, she was such a fool. “Right.”

Something of the inner turmoil she was feeling must have been revealed in her voice, because he studied her. He pursed his lips, his head canted to the side. “What do you want from me, Kiersten? Seriously, what do you
want
?”

“I miss you,” she blurted out before she could stop herself. Even though she knew it wouldn’t help matters. Wouldn’t help
him
. “Will we ever be able to hang out again? To be together the way we used to be?” She steeled herself to ask the one question she was terrified having answered. Her voice came out strangled, as if the words didn’t want to be said. “Or maybe we could even try being together. Like you wanted.”

“Just stop. Stop trying to give everyone what they want. You always do that, but I won’t accept it.” He gave a harsh laugh, running his hand over his jaw. “You know what? I’m not doing this tonight. I told you I’m done having this conversation over and over again.”

She took a step closer, her heart quickening. “Do you miss me like I miss you?”

He grabbed his keys off of the island. “Of course I miss you. That’s part of the problem. It’s also why I need to go. We’ll be fine once the baby comes. But for us to get there? I need to get over you.”

Did that mean he wasn’t over her yet? That she stood a chance at making this right? She followed him without even realizing she was doing so. “I want you to stay with me.
Be
with me.”

He stopped walking, but didn’t turn around. His whole body hummed with impatience. He couldn’t wait to get away from her. Couldn’t wait to escape her. “I can’t. I have a game.”

She’d really, truly lost him.

He crossed the living room, but stopped with his hand on the knob. “Take it easy tonight. You look tired.”

She was tired because she couldn’t sleep anymore. Couldn’t stop missing him. Wanting him in her bed, holding her close.

Couldn’t stop thinking about him…and all that she’d lost.

She swallowed the aching lump in her throat.
The door shut behind him before she could do more than open her mouth to reply.

…

A few hours later, Garrett downed his beer and slammed the empty mug down on the bar. “Another, please?”

Mike shot him a look out of the corner of his eye and shook his head. “We’ve been here every night. I thought you were staying in tonight?”

“I was.” Garrett shrugged. “Now I’m not.”

He couldn’t keep sitting there, watching her move through her life without him. After their last session of “meaningless” sex, he’d realized that he didn’t just care about her. He loved her. Loved her more than he would have ever thought possible. But she didn’t want him and he couldn’t be okay with that.

He wouldn’t ever abandon their child, but he had to be done. Had to give up on any illusions he’d had about them becoming a real family.

Mike nudged him with his elbow. “What did she do to you now?”

Garrett closed his eyes. “She didn’t do anything at all.”

“Yeah, okay. And I’m Mother Teresa.”

“Hey, nice to meet you,” Garrett said, holding out his hand. “I admire your work.”

Mike slapped his hand away. “Fuck off. I’m not holding your hand. People will think we’re here
together
.”

“Please. You’d be lucky to be here with me.”

“Your modesty astounds me.” Mike rubbed his forehead and leaned against the bar. “How’s the roommate situation been going?”

And just like that, Mike was back on track. Talking about Kiersten again. Damn it. “We get along fine. Stop worrying so much.”

Mike eyed him. “And you’re still
friends
?”

Garrett clutched his beer tight. If he ever heard those words together again, he might punch the speaker. In fact, that sounded like an excellent idea right now, and Mike’s nose would be a great target. “Yeah. I’m done. Kick my ass if you want, but I’m just the roommate and the father of her child. And Chris, of course.”

Mike leaned back on the bar, looking nothing like he was going to kick anyone’s ass. “So you’re done trying to convince her you two would make sense?”

“Yes,” Garrett snapped. “I already said it like twenty times, man. How many more times you need?”

Mike’s jaw ticked. “And the baby?”

“I’m not leaving her or the baby. I’m still living with her.” He rubbed his temples. His head was pounding something fierce. “But I’m moving on. It’s that simple.”

Mike chugged his beer. “I see. Ready to storm the dating world again? Pick up a few chicks while my pregnant sister waits at home for you?”

Garrett groaned. “Can you shut up for once in your life? I’m not in the mood to talk about my feelings, for fuck’s sake. That’s not why I’m here.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Mike chuckled and took a swig of his beer. He remained quiet for all of two seconds. “You want to know what I think your problem is? No? Oh well. I’ll tell you anyway, free of charge. Sounds to me like you need to get laid.”

“Are you volunteering?” Garrett quipped.

Mike raised a brow. “If I am?”

“Thanks, but you’re not really my type.”

“No, but she is,” Mike said. He motioned to the woman approaching them, practically stripping Garrett naked with her eyes. She had dirty sex written all over her but all Garrett could do was watch in disinterest. She wasn’t short enough, had the wrong hair color, and wasn’t…Kiersten.

“You can’t possibly be serious right now,” Garrett said.

Mike looked at him and Garrett shifted uncomfortably on his stool. “Dead serious. You could go home with her if you wanted. You’re a free man, right? Ready to move on?”

This was a test. Clear and simple. And no matter what he did, he would fail. If he didn’t flirt with her, Mike would know Garrett hadn’t moved on and was deluding himself into thinking he had. And if he did pretend to be interested in the woman, Mike would kill him.

Damned if he did, damned if he didn’t.

“Not interested,” Garrett said.

Mike relaxed against the bar and took a swig of his beer. “Good. Then I won’t have to kill you tonight.”

He almost wished he would. It might be preferable to the aching hollowness inside of him right now. It would stop him from wondering if he should believe Kiersten when she said she wanted to try, instead of running from her. Because she had said it again today. That made twice, now.

But he couldn’t bring himself to hope she might be telling the truth this time. The letdown was too damn hard if she wasn’t.

The woman sat down and batted her eyelashes at him. “Hi, whatcha drinking?”

“Lager,” Garrett replied politely, turning back to Mike. “Have you talked to your sister lately?”

“Hello.” Mike smiled at the woman sitting next to Garrett. “Yeah, she’s coming to join us tonight. Chris is at a friend’s house. I think he’s avoiding you.”

“Probably. I’m not exactly his favorite person right now, but we’re getting closer.”
Shit
. He couldn’t get away from her no matter where he went, could he? “Why the fuck didn’t I know that she was coming?”

“It was a last minute decision. She called me a few minutes ago, looking to meet up, and I told her where I was,” Mike said, shrugging. “What’s the big deal?”

The big deal was that Garrett didn’t want to see her right now. The woman beside him caressed his arm, and Garrett tensed. He smiled at her—he didn’t want to be rude, after all—and said, “Look, you seem very nice, but—”

“Hi,” Kiersten said, looking first at the woman beside Garrett, and then following her arm to where she rubbed Garrett’s shoulder. Her jaw flexed, but otherwise she looked as if she hadn’t a care in the world. “Am I interrupting something?”

“No,” Garrett assured her, rising to his feet. “Come on, let’s go grab a table.”

Kiersten cast another glance at the stranger, not budging from where she stood. “Are you sure? I don’t want to ruin your night or anything.”

“Absolutely positive,” Garrett snapped, his heart wrenching at the lack of concern on Kiersten’s face at the thought of him picking up another woman.

Obviously he had been right to doubt her when she said she wanted him. If she did, she wouldn’t be practically pushing him at this other woman. She didn’t give a damn.

“Stay and talk to your friend.” Kiersten tilted her chin up. “We’ll go in without you.”

He clenched his jaw. That’s it. He was done. “I said I don’t want to stay and talk. I’m hungry.”

“Yeah. Let’s go,” Mike added, grabbing his sister’s hand. He shot Garrett a cautious look and tugged on Kiersten’s hand. She
still
didn’t move. “Come on.”

Kiersten leaned closer to Garrett. “Who am I to stop you? It’s obviously what you’ve been doing every night. At least now I
know
.”

“You don’t know a damn thing.” Garrett gritted his teeth. “And if I wanted to talk to her, I would. Knock it off.”

“I’m just saying…” She broke off and looked away from him, her shoulders tense. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

“I know what you’re saying. I got the message loud and clear,” Garrett managed to get out from his aching throat. If she said it any clearer, the whole room would hear his heart shatter into a million pieces. “And you’re right. It doesn’t matter at all, does it?”

She glanced at him in surprise. Maybe he hadn’t hid his pain well enough this time. “Garrett—”