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“You think something’s wrong?”

“No.” His voice was calm. “But the baby is a little early and just to be safe, Leah needs to get to the hospital right away.”

I looked into his eyes, searching to see if he really thought everything was fine. He gave me a reassuring wink but didn’t smile, and the early signs of a panic attack made themselves known in my perspiring palms.

‘
Back off,’
I said internally and very firmly.
‘I don’t have time for your shit right now.’
My best friend was in labour and after a quick assessment of the situation, I realised it would probably be down to me to get her to the hospital.

“I can’t!” Leah shrieked. “I need Radleigh, and what am I going to do about Jamie?”

Again, I looked to Bryce for answers and he stood for a moment, probably figuring out the logistics.

“Okay. Since everyone’s here we can just stay for a while and take care of Jamie. I’ll call Sarah and ask her to pick the girls up early, and maybe Bree can watch Jamie tonight?”

It made perfect sense since, out of all of us, Jamie was most familiar with Bree but Leah shook her head. “I think he’ll freak out when he knows what’s happening and want to come to the hospital, or he’ll want his mum and dad and they’re bloody miles away!”

“We’ll call them and let them know what’s happening. If we can get Jamie to agree to it, are you okay with Bree taking care of him?”

“Sure, but she’ll need to stay here. Jamie will feel better if he’s somewhere familiar.”

“Okay.” Bryce looked at his watch. “Call Radleigh right now. If you catch him before the game he can try and get a flight out tonight. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be. Then you need to call the hospital and let them know you’re on your way.” Bryce turned to me again. “Can you take Leah to the hospital?”

“Of course. Leah, do you want me to tell Jamie before we go?”

“Please.” She clutched her stomach again, pausing to take another few deep breaths. “Bryce can you grab my phone? It’s in the living room on the coffee table.”

Bryce nodded and swung to action, and as he left the room I said, “Will you be okay for a few minutes?”

“Yeah. I’m going to ring Radleigh as soon as Bryce brings me my phone.”

Her face had paled significantly over the last few minutes and I leaned down and gave her a hug. “Don’t worry. We’ll get everything organised and then you can worry about bringing your beautiful baby into the world.”

In the chaos, she seemed to have forgotten the reality of what this was all about, and the reminder made her smile. “This is why you’re my best friend.”

I returned her smile and gave her another hug before heading back outside.

Talking to Jamie about this was going to require calmness and patience, but before I approached, I quickly told Isabelle what was happening so she could inform Jesse. Bryce could tell Bree after I’d dealt with Jamie; I needed a calm atmosphere and that was the last thing Bree would provide. She was a sweetheart, but way too excitable to stay cool in this kind of situation.

“Jamie,” I called, when I reached the side of the pool again. “Could you come over here for a second?”

He tipped himself off the inflatable alligator, which was immediately pounced on by Peyton, and swam over to me. When he’d clambered out of the water I led him away from the noise of Bryce’s daughters laughing and splashing each other then kneeled down in front of him.

“Okay,” I began, not sure how to broach the subject. Jamie was just a kid; did nine-year-olds even know where babies come from? He had to have at least a little understanding since he had a little sister. Maybe I should have left Bryce to do this; he knew how this worked better than I did. “You know Auntie Leah is having a baby soon?” Jamie nodded. “Well, it seems to be coming a bit sooner than Auntie Leah was expecting. Like… now. I have to take her to the hospital.”

Jamie’s face fell. “Today?”

“Mmhmm. Right now.” I took his hands in mine. “Auntie Leah is going to call your mom and dad and they’ll be here as soon as they can but until then, Bree is going to take care of you, okay?”

His little chin wobbled and he shook his head. “I want to go to the hospital with Auntie Leah.”

“I know, honey, but it’s better if you stay here. There are lots of things for you to do here, all those movies to watch and games to play. At the hospital there will be lots of waiting around.”

Jamie’s lower lip trembled and my heart broke. Poor thing. With everyone he knew best far away, it must have been scary for him, but at least he knew Bree pretty well. He was quite taken with her, so if anyone could take his mind off Leah, it was her.

“Come here,” I said gently, and pulled him into a hug.  He clung tightly to me, his firm grip letting me know how afraid he was. “I’ll call you from the hospital later, and I’m sure you’ll be able to talk to Auntie Leah too. Bree will take good care of you, I promise.”

“Will she let me watch movies all night?”

I laughed. “Probably. And,” I added, pulling away from him a little, “I know Bree is very good at making your favourite hot chocolate.”

Jamie smiled. “Can I see Auntie Leah now?

“Sure thing. You go ahead, I’ll be in soon.”

I watched him as he ran across the grass towards the kitchen, hoping he’d be okay when we left. With a sigh, I peeled my tank top away from my skin slightly; it was wet from Jamie’s hug. I really didn’t need to worry about it though. By the end of the day, I knew I’d look a whole lot worse.

Chapter 12 - Clarity

Two and a half hours later, after many phone calls, lots of tears from Jamie, and a battle with the traffic, Leah was finally settled in a private room at the hospital she and Radleigh had chosen; one of the perks of being rich and famous. The room had a TV, DVD player and a stereo system; all the things necessary to attempt to distract a first time mom from the discomfort of labour. After a quick scan to make sure the baby was okay, the nurses were happy to leave Leah with me as the birth was still a long way away.

I sat on Leah’s bed while she paced the room with her hands on her stomach.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” she said, stopping for a moment to look out of the window. There wasn’t much of a view, though. Just the parking lot. “Why today?”

“You know how it goes. Everything must always be done the most awkward way possible.”

“That’s life, huh?” She chuckled then turned to me. “Do you think Radleigh will make it back in time?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. If the flights are on time and you have a slow labour, he might make it.”

In truth, it was going to be a stretch. Without delays, his plane would land in LAX a little after two a.m, and the hospital was a long drive from the airport. It would be almost three in the morning before he reached us. Leah had been in labour for an hour, and by the time Radleigh arrived, she’d have been at it for thirteen hours.

“I need him here, Freya. I don’t want him to miss this.” Tears filled her eyes. “This is all so insane. Do you know where we were a year ago?”

I cast my mind back twelve months and gasped. It really had been a crazy year. “You were in England.” I shook my head. “Doesn’t seem possible.”

“I know. Exactly one year ago, Radleigh was just the asshole who broke my heart, and now look at us. Still a million miles apart, except now he’s not an asshole and I’m about to have his baby.”

“You’re not nearly as far apart now as you were then, and I don’t just mean the physical distance.”

She smiled as a tear slid down her cheek. “Having a baby has put us to the test. I’ve been a nightmare to live with, and we’ve fought over the stupidest things but we’re better at talking things through now. We’re in a really good place and I’m not scared anymore.”

As if on cue, Leah’s cell phone rang and she waddled to the table beside the bed to pick it up. After answering, she switched the call to speakerphone and Radleigh’s voice sounded in the room.

“Hey, beautiful. How are you feeling?”

Leah swiped her tears away and smiled at me; her relief from just hearing him made my heart flip over. In spite of their ups and downs, they made a brilliant couple.

“I’m okay,” she told him. “The baby’s heartbeat has been checked and it’s all fine but I’m only three centimetres dilated so there’s a long way to go.”

“Can you tell the baby to wait for me?”

Leah laughed softly. “I already did.”

“Did you talk to Josh?”

“Yeah. He’s still trying to find a flight. He said he’ll call me when he’s sorted it. I need to ring Jamie in a little while, too. I know he’ll be fine with Bree but he’s worried about me. I don’t think he’ll sleep much tonight.”

“We won’t either. You should try to rest now if you can.”

“I’ll try in a while. I need to calm down first. This is happening too quickly.”

“I know. It’s gonna be okay though. I’ll be home soon.”

“And we’ll be taking our baby home with us.” Leah smiled again at the thought.

If it was possible to hear a smile, I was sure I heard Radleigh’s as he said, “Yes we will.”

“I love you, Radleigh.”

“I love you too, baby.”

As Leah put the phone down I shuffled over so she could sit beside me and her head flopped onto my shoulder. “Do you want to go home for a while? This is going to take some time, so if you want to-”

“Are you kidding?” I gently poked her in the side and she lifted her head.  “If you want to get rid of me, you’re gonna have to call security. If Radleigh can’t be here then I will be. If you want me to be.”

She nodded. “I need you but I didn’t want to assume-”

“Some questions don’t need to be asked, honey.”

What followed felt like the longest day of my life but I didn’t regret my decision to stay with Leah one bit. I sat with her through every contraction, tried to distract her with the DVDs she’d brought to help her take her mind off the pain, rubbed her back, held her hand, breathed with her. In between all those things, I drank coffee, fended off hourly phone calls from Bree checking whether the baby had arrived yet, spoke to Josh, Jamie, Bryce, Radleigh, Radleigh’s parents. The list was endless, but through it all, my attention stayed on my best friend. Seeing her in so much discomfort wrecked me but I did what I had to do. I stayed strong. To my relief, Radleigh arrived right on time, when Leah was just getting to the pushing stage. Leah said I could stay in the delivery room, but it was their moment and I didn’t want to intrude. After twelve hours of being unsure whether Radleigh would get there, they needed to do this together, without me, so I went out to the waiting room and sat in the chair closest to the coffee machine.

Perhaps it was all the caffeine in my system, or the adrenaline pumping through my veins at what I’d been a part of, but I wasn’t tired at all. It was past three in the morning, I’d been awake for nineteen straight hours; I should have been ready to crash. I couldn’t wait until Miguel got home so I could tell him everything about my day, and all the craziness from the moment I first saw Leah panicking in her kitchen up to when the baby was born.

Miguel.

Warmth mixed with guilt inside my body, making a shiver ripple down my spine. Will wasn’t the first person I’d thought of and I closed my eyes, waiting for the shock to pass.

Did this make me a terrible person? For thinking of someone other than Will first? Had I really gotten over him already?

When my insides clenched, I knew the answer. I wasn’t over him, I was letting reality in. I couldn’t tell Will what had happened because he wasn’t there. No amount of sitting beside his grave and talking to him would change that. I knew that all along, but at first, it had been the only thing that made me feel connected to him. I’d been hanging on to nothing, but I made it into something because I missed him so much. I couldn’t deny crippling guilt had kept me away from the cemetery over the past few weeks, but since I’d allowed myself to start living again, I’d let go of the impossible and embraced being around my friends.

I didn’t miss Will less; I’d accepted he was gone.

Knowing something and accepting it is the difference between living in reality and living in a bubble. The initial pop was excruciating as I moved around without the layer of denial wrapped around me. I stumbled, I crashed; sometimes I fell down and felt unable to get up, but I
did
get up. I kept on standing, and even on shaky legs, I took the steps forward to find myself again.

I never expected to find Miguel. Never thought I’d get tingly when he put his hand on my back or brushed my hair from my face. The timing was awful, the situation strange, and I’d had many sleepless nights trying to figure out if it was him, or if I was just lonely and filling a void. Strange how, after yet another sleepless night at the end of a busy and stressful day, the answers started to appear.

I’d been lonely without Will; not just as my boyfriend but as my best friend, my partner in crime. But Miguel wasn’t the only single man in my life. God, I’d spent hours in Bryce’s arms, talking, crying, and just letting him hold me. On occasions, before he hated me, Cody had stayed by my side when we all hung out together. He’d held my hand and looked out for me. Even Ethan, who I was still just getting to know, had been sweet and considerate. I felt nothing for any of them.

If our link to Will was what brought Miguel and I closer, was it so bad? Maybe to some people; maybe even a little to me because it had happened so quickly.

None of these realisations helped me decide what I’d do next, but it did allow me a little peace. A bit of silence in my busy mind where I could hate myself a little less.