Player in Paradise (16 page)

Mandy arrives at my apartment with an abundance of alcohol and ice cream as promised. I usher her in and she heads straight for my miniscule kitchen. I get out the glasses and bowls in preparation for our girls’ night.

“What am I going to do?
” I ask her. “No one’s going to hire me now! And I don’t have enough money saved to pay next month’s rent. I’m so screwed.”

She
hands me a large glass of wine and follows me to the couch. “Maybe you can find another entry-level PR job and they won’t need to ask for a reference.”

“Come on, you know how hard it is to find a job in this town. There’s so much competition from all over the world.”

“I know, but you’re smart. I bet you could find one quick.”

“Thanks…I guess I’ll start looking tomor
row.” I take a big gulp and set the glass on my coffee table.

“So is it true?” Mandy asks between
spoonfulls of chocolate chip cookie dough.

“Is what true?”

“Is Cassidy really pregnant?”

Cassidy’s shocking confession has
been replaying in my head all day.

“You heard
that?”

Mandy nods and her eyes
widen, begging for more information.

“I guess,” I respond.
“I mean, I don’t think she would make that up. At least I’d hope not.”

“So, who’s the baby daddy?” Mandy asks.

My stomach churns as I entertain the thought in my head. “She claims that it’s Austin’s.”

Mandy’s jaw drops
. “Oh my God. Do you think…could it be his?”

“I hope not, but anything’s possible, right? I mean, she did tell me that they, in her words, ‘used to fuck a lot.’”

“Ew.”

“I know.” I take another big sip of wine.

Mandy pours herself a glass as well and before we know it an hour has gone by and we’ve killed an entire bottle. I’m feeling buzzed and less depressed about my horrible day when there’s a knock on my door.

I jump up to
answer, grabbing hold of the back of a chair for support, and make my way to look through the peephole. It’s Austin, of course. I’ve been ignoring his texts and calls all night…you’d think he’d get the message.

“I’m not leaving till you let me in,” he shouts from the other side.

Mandy shakes her head from across the living room, motioning for me to come back to the couch, but I can’t just leave him out there.

I slo
wly crack open the door, but leave the chain lock intact so that he can’t burst through.

“I just want to talk to
you. Please, Olivia, let me in,” he begs.

I study
him through the small space that the door chain allows. He stares back at me with red, glassy eyes, and that’s all it takes for the tears to start streaming down my cheeks. I have to close the door fast. I have to shut him out. I don’t want to think about what’s going to happen now that I’m jobless and broke and Cassidy’s having his baby. I sit on the floor with my back against the hard wood with my head in my hands.

My ph
one buzzes from my back pocket and I open the text.

“
I’m not leaving. I’ll wait here all night if I have to.”

Mandy tip toes over, but I motion for her to sit back down as
I try to pull myself together, gathering my thoughts. I open the door again -- this time without the chain lock connected, and Austin pushes his way through, immediately engulfing me in his large, protective arms. He kisses the top of my head, then pulls back, wiping away the moisture from my eyelids with his thumbs.

“I meant what I said this morning. I love you
, Olivia. I love you so fucking much that it hurts. Do you understand? When you ran out of the office without a word, my heart felt like it was literally being stabbed. Like it was torn from my chest and bleeding. Heartache is fucking real and I want it to stop. Just talk to me.”

I sniffle and rest my head
against his hard chest, listening to his broken heart race. I lean back to face him. “I love you too, Austin. I honestly do. I just don’t know where to go from here. I don’t have a job. You’re going to be a father. If I don’t find a place to work, then I might have to move back to Florida…and I might never see you again.” I take another step back as the realization of the enormity of the situation hits me. “I can’t do this. I can’t have you here. I just can’t do this.”

He tries
to pull me toward his body again, but I resist.

“It’ll be fine,” he says, reassuringly.
“You can live with me. I can pay for whatever you need. And Cassidy’s baby is not mine. I promise.”

“How can you promise me that? I know you guys were screwing around before you met me.”

He grabs my hands, squeezing them tightly. “I’m always careful, always. It’s not my baby, I just know it. Please believe me. You have to believe me.”

“There’s no way you can know for
sure, and that’s the truth. And, I can’t live with you. I don’t want you to be responsible for cleaning up my mess. It’s my fault…all of it. I never should have broken Priscilla’s rules.”

Austin
swallows hard. “Is that how you really feel? You wish you never broke her rule?”

Of course I don’t regret the amazing times we’ve had together, and the way I feel about him is like nothing I’ve ever felt before…but would my life have been easier without him in it?
Probably…

“
You wish that you never met me?” he continues. “Have I screwed up your plans for your perfect little life?” His face turns blotchy as he drops his hands from mine and stares at the ceiling.

“No….I…I don’t know! I don’t know,
” I say, choking on the words. “I need time to figure things out. Please, you shouldn’t have come here.”

“You promised you wouldn’t leave me.
You made a promise, Olivia.” He turns and grabs the door handle. “I guess I should have known better...”

He’s right. I did make him that promise, but that was under different circumstances. Or w
as that supposed to be an unconditional promise? That no matter what, I would never leave him? No matter if I’m homeless and he’s having a baby with another woman…

I don’t respond. H
e thinks his heart’s been stabbed, but mine feels like it’s been pulled out of my chest and stomped on by Priscilla’s 6-inch stiletto heel.

He runs his fingers through his tangled hair and opens the door
to leave. “Goodnight, Olivia.”

I’ve applied to 75
jobs, had 10 phone interviews, four in-person interviews, and one follow-up…but zero job offers. I’m running out of time. My rent is due in one week and if I can’t pay it, then I’ll need to give the landlord my deposit as a last month’s rent and leave.

Mandy offered that I could crash on her couch for as long as I needed
to, but I would feel bad being a freeloader. Besides, without a job, what am I going to do all day?

I
know what I have to do, but it’s not going to be easy. It’s time to make the call…

“Hi, Mom,
” I say as cheery as possible.

“Olivia! Why haven’t you called lately? It’s been too long. I thought you were dead. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, Ma, everything’s…uhh…it’s…”

“What’s wrong
?” she asks.

“…
I was fired.”

“Fired? What do you mean fired
, Olivia? What happened?”

Of course she’s freaking
out; I knew she would freak out.

“
I don’t know…LA’s not a good fit for me. I think I need to come back home for a little while.”

“I told you Hollywood
was full of crazy people, didn’t I?”

My m
om’s never left the South; she thinks everywhere else is full of danger and weirdos. Little does she realize that the South has a dense population of pretty messed up people too. But she hated when I left home, so I’m sure she’s ecstatic that I want to come back.

“I know, Ma, I know…I learned my lesson.”

“I’m sorry, sugar. Well, you’re always welcome back here. I didn’t touch your bedroom; everything’s just the way you left it.”

“Thanks. I’ll book my flight and send you the information.
I should be there in the next few days.”

“That sounds perfect.
Safe travels.”

“Ok
ay, see you soon.”

That wasn’t as bad as I thought, but I’m sure she’s keeping in
all her burning questions until she sees me in person.

I book my ticket to Jacksonville and start packing my things, but everything I look at reminds me of him.
I fold up the dress I wore on the red carpet when we met. He used to slide his fingers through the belt loops of the denim shorts I pull out of my drawer. And the swimsuit on my drying rack is the one I wore on the Jet Ski in Hawaii.

Mandy
calls in the midst of my reminiscing and begs me to have one last night out on the town before I leave. The last thing I want to do is be surrounded by Hollywood meatheads in a loud, crowded room.

“Come on, it will help you shake Austin out of your head,” she says.

It’s true – I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him for one millisecond since I last saw him three weeks ago. At first he constantly called and left countless text messages, but as the days went on, and I didn’t respond, the number of texts diminished and the calls ended completely. It was hard, but it’s the only way to get myself out of the situation I put myself in. I wanted no part in the drama between Austin and Cassidy and their love child. A clean break is the only way this will work. If I keep talking to him or seeing him, then I would never be able to leave and move on.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that we had
no real future anyway…how would I be able to keep up with a big time movie star like him? Could I live in his mansion in the Hills and have the tabloids and the rest of the public pick me apart? They could think I’m a gold digger or question why a guy like him would be with a girl like me…especially if they think I broke up his relationship with America’s sweetheart, Cassidy Evans. I’m not pretty enough or rich enough for it to make any logical sense, and I don’t think I could withstand the ridicule and scrutiny that would come with being Austin’s girlfriend. It’s better off this way…at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

“Fine, but I’m not dancing with any guy
s. You can have them all,” I reply, succumbing to the pressure.

“It’s not about dancing with guys. This is about celebrat
ing you, and your last night in LA. I’m going to miss you so much!!!”

She
arrives at my apartment and dresses me up in one of her trendy outfits – a black dress with all sorts of crazy cut-outs. I feel extremely exposed, but Mandy claims that it’s “hot.”

I
t doesn’t take long to get to the club, and she grabs my hand as we enter the sleek Hollywood hot spot. Mandy orders us two cocktails and pulls me out to the dance floor. The music is so loud that I can’t hear a word she says even though she’s shouting in my ear. I nod and smile, playing along, and dance close to her. We’re jumping up and down to the beat and pumping the sky with our fists. The waitress brings us our drinks and we guzzle them down way too fast.

“Don’t leave
me all alone in this city full of assholes!” she screams. I frown and throw my arms around her neck. She really is the best friend I always wished I had. We’ve only known each other for six months, but it feels like it’s been a lifetime, like we’re sisters.

I pull back and move to the music again, feeling it vibrate through my bo
dy. Suddenly, a large hand grips my shoulder. For a brief moment I expect to turn around and find Austin, but instead turn to find a large, dark-featured man gesturing for me to dance with him. I smile, but decline his advances.

Mandy raises h
er eyebrow…he is pretty good looking.

“He’s all yours,” I shout into her ear.

She squints at me, waiting further confirmation.

“Tak
e him, I need a breather anyway,” I say, passing him over.

I head to the booths near the back where the music is a little softer and the crowd is less dense, and take a seat at the end of one of the plush couches.
I watch the sea of club-goers dance together in a wild mess. There are groups of girls and guys dancing together, smiling, clinking glasses. The go-go dancers gyrate on the stage as the strobe lights bounce off the walls. I should be having a good time, but I can’t seem to enjoy myself.

I check my phone and find that it’s only midnight…much too early to call it night. I order another drink from the waitress and sip it slowly. A
few guys pass by and try to catch my eye, but I keep my gaze down, hoping they’ll get the picture and keep on walking.

I rise to find the restroom and
pass some time. As I make my way through the crowd, I’m stopped by someone grabbing my arm from behind.

“Since when do you go clubbing?”
a familiar voice asks.

My stomach immediately leaps into my throat and my breath is caught in my windpipe
. Am I imagining this? I can’t turn around…I don’t want to make it real.

His fingers dance
up my arm to my bare collarbone, brushing my curled hair aside. Now I know it’s him. I shudder, but keep my eyes forward.

“
I’m leaving,” I respond loudly, hoping that he hears me even though I haven’t turned to face him.

“I’ll come with you,” he responds.

“No, I mean…I’m leaving California.” I slowly turn around as my eyes begin to burn. “I’m moving back to Florida.”

Austin
shakes his head and quickly grabs my wrists. “No, no, no, you’re not going anywhere. I gave you your space and now you’re supposed to come back…to me.” He stands there completely still, towering over me. The lights bounce around him and the music fades to the background as I stare up at him. It’s like we’re the only two people in the club. He places his hand over the left side of my chest. “Listen to your heart, Olivia, not your head.”

Did he
think it would be that easy? Three weeks of radio silence and then we could pick right back up where we left off? The point of ignoring him was to help me rationalize our situation without my emotions, or my hormones, getting in the way.

I step back so that his hand falls from my upper body.
“It doesn’t work like that, Austin.”

He scowls and raises his hands in the air
. “Fine, I’m out of here. Have a nice life, Olivia.”

As he
turns, I drink in his long, lean body, filling out a pair of dark denim and a black v-neck t-shirt so perfectly it should be illegal. My brain tells me to ignore him and get back to Mandy, but after seeing, hearing and touching him for a few seconds, my body feels drawn to him, like there’s a magnet pulling me in his direction.

I chase after him until we’re outside the club where the paparazzi immediately descend upon him.
Grabbing me by the elbow, he quickly leads me to a parked SUV and I willingly follow. I get in as the flashes go off before my eyes.

“Just drive,” Austin instructs.

“Wait, Mandy’s still in there,” I protest, pointing back to the club. Maybe this was a bad idea. Actually, I know it’s a bad idea.

“She’ll be fine,
” he says, eyeing me up and down.

I cross my arms
and stare up at the roof of the car. I don’t want to look at him. I don’t know what to say. We drive around in silence for what feels like the longest few minutes of my life.

“We can make this work,” he
finally states, reaching for my hand again. “Just stay.”

“I
already made up my mind, Austin. I’m going back home. It’s easier that way.”

“Since when is life supposed to be
easy?” he snaps.

I drop my head
down and fidget with my seatbelt. “I don’t know, Austin, okay? I’m not strong like you. You’ve been through a lot of tough shit in your life and I don’t know how you’ve survived it, but you have. And I love you for that. I love you for your resilience, for your passion, for you not giving up on me, like I have on you…”

My hands can’t cover my eyes fast enough. I’m a sobbing mess and I’m sure it isn’t pretty.

“
You can be a tough bitch, Olivia. I’ve experienced it first-hand boss lady,” he says with a laugh. He tries to pry my fingers from my eyelids, but I don’t want him to see me like this. “I won’t let you give up.”

He kisses each finger that blocks my face from his and I slowly drop them away.
I nearly forgot just how gorgeous he is as I stare into his deep blue eyes, glimmering like the ocean under the moonlight. Before I can study them further, he closes his eyelids and locks his soft lips with mine. As his tongue slips through, the sensation makes my insides tingle like the first time we kissed. I grab for his mess of unruly hair, tangling my fingers in the familiar waves.

Austin
unbuckles my seatbelt and quickly pulls me on top of his lap. He rolls up a privacy window between the driver and us, and the outside windows are tinted so that there’s no way you could see inside. His hands slide through the cut-outs of my dress and find their way to my breasts. I don’t stop him.

“Easy access,” he says with a smirk.

I flash him a smile and grind my pelvis into his, feeling his erection through the denim fabric. I’ve missed him so much, his touch, his smell, his taste. Everything with him feels so right, even though I know it’s wrong. I know I’m just setting myself up for disappointment, and I hesitate initiating any further contact.

“Stop thinking,” he whispers in my ear before kissing my neck.

“But we can’t do this….” I grab onto his shoulders tightly.

He interrupts, unzipping his fly beneath me.
“We can, right now.”

Picking me up by my waist, he effortlessly lowers me down on top of him, sliding my panties aside. My eyes close on their own accord as he enters me, taking me to another world. This is the only thing that can stop my thoughts as my brain clouds over with sensory overload. His finger nails scrape against my arms and his teeth tug on my lower lip. His hips buck up and down, bouncing me in a quick, steady pace, filling me with pure, unfiltered bliss.

My hands leave his shoulders as I grab
for the headrest behind him to keep myself steady. I break my lips apart from his to tug on his earlobe with my teeth and he moans softly, thrusting harder.

“I love you,” I mur
mur, wrapping my arms around his neck securely.

He tilts my head back to stare directly into my line of sight. Biting the side of his lip, he grins so wide I can’t imagine anyone looking happier or more satisfied. “I love you too.”

As our mouths collide again, he drives himself up into me at a quicker pace and grabs a fistful of my long hair. My resulting release is more than just sexual; it’s a release of all the feelings I’ve been holding inside for the past few weeks. I sigh loudly, as silent tears roll down my cheeks.

Austin is quick to follow
, and finishes, resting his forehead against mine. I stay still, keeping him inside as I stare into his eyes. I see a man who’s scared, who doesn’t know what to do, but would do anything…for me.

“Don’t go,” he pleads, embracing me in the tightest, warmest hug I’ve ever received. “Don’t leave me.”