Player in Paradise (17 page)

I sob into h
is shoulder as he keeps me confined between his biceps and chest. I turn my head and gaze out onto the side streets we’ve been circling. It’s not fair. I want to return these feelings to him, and I would, but I’m terrified of what could happen if we try to stay together. It will hurt less to just get out now.

I finally calm down and ease myself off Austin’s lap. Wiping my eyes, I stare out the window again. “Just take me back to the club.”

He grabs my hand and squeezes it. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Yes
, I do.”

He shuts his eyes and breathes in heavily. “
I’m not going to stop loving you. Even if you’re not here. Even if I never see you again.”

“I know,” I say, slowly letting go of his grip
. “Me too.”

The SUV parks
about a block away from the club. “Behave, okay?” I say, my lip already trembling. “Don’t drink too much. Don’t party too much. Just take care of yourself. Promise me you’ll take care of yourself?”

He nods, blinking fast. If he cries I’ll lose it.
It’s too hard to say the word “goodbye,” so I just open the car door and hop out without looking back.

I walk down the street toward the club and re-enter, searching for my friend.
“Where the hell have you been?” Mandy shouts as I catch up with her near the bar. “I’ve been looking all over! I thought you were kidnapped.”

“I sort of was…”

“What?”

“Austin was here,
at the club, near the VIP section. So we went outside…to talk.” I don’t want to elaborate on our other activity…she’ll think I’m crazy.

“Oh God, please tell me you stuck to your guns.”

“Yes, I did. It was hard, but I did tell him I was moving, and that this was it...”

M
andy pulls me in for a brief embrace and hands me a tequila shot. “Good. Drink this; it’ll make you feel better.”

I swallow the alcohol down and return to dancing. The last thing I want to do is go home right now and face the
reality of what the rest of the week will bring.

The day has come and the airport is bustling as
I lug my heavy suitcase to the counter. Picking up my tickets, I remember the last time I was at LAX. Everything here reminds me of Austin. I can’t escape him even if I tried…his photo is on the cover of every tabloid magazine in every newsstand. I guess Priscilla conveniently leaked the news about the pregnancy, but I doubt they will officially confirm it until Cassidy’s further along.

I try to sleep on the plane ride
back to Florida, but it’s useless. Watching TV, listening to music, and reading are good distractions, but nothing will be able to distract me enough to get my mind off of him.

Finally, I arrive in Jacksonv
ille where my mother is practically jumping with joy at baggage claim.

“
Livvy!” she screams, running to greet me.

I
walk with her to grab my bags from the carousel. As we head to the car, she spews question after question. All I really want to do is sleep, but I try to answer as much as I can without giving too much away. I’d rather have my relationship, or non-relationship, with Austin remain a secret.

We arrive at the house thirty minutes later and I stumble back into my childhood bedroom. There’s still a few
boyband posters on the walls and photos of my high school BFFs…who turned out not to live up to the “forever” part of that acronym.

I text Mandy to let her know I arrived safe an
d sound. I want to text Austin so badly, but force my fingers to back away from the keyboard. I should just delete him out of my phone, but I can’t bring myself to do that yet.

Mom takes me out
to dinner, but I just push my food around my plate. “What’s wrong?” she asks.

I spin my spaghetti around my fork. “I met a
guy in LA and I guess I sorta miss him.”

“A guy?
Was it serious? Tell me about him!” she says, excitedly.

“It’s nothing,” I respond. “We just hung out
a few times…I didn’t realize how hard it would be to be so far away from him though.”

“I’m sorry. Well, you can always visit, right?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” I take a sip of wine and chew on a piece of bread. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“Ok
ay,” she says. I’m not convinced…I know she’ll worry about me all night, and probably the rest of the week, or maybe until I get back to acting “normal.”

“You know, the school is looking for a new assistant office admin; would you be interested?” Mom asks. She’s a nurse in our town’s middle school. I smile and nod, but jumping into a new job isn’t exactly high on my priority list.

The next few weeks are so monotonous that I can’t fathom how I used to live like this every day. After living away from home for so long, coming back isn’t easy. Mom’s always on my case about cleaning up the house or pitching in to cook dinner. I’d rather be scouring the web applying to PR jobs, but unfortunately there aren’t many opportunities in this area.

Mandy sends me a text on
e night while I’m out shopping.
“Austin’s going to be on Entertainment News tonight. Just thought you might want to know.”

Just what I
needed – more Austin, but I can’t pull myself away from the TV when I get home. I don’t want to see him, but at the same time I do. Even though I’ve had a pretty clean break from him, it’s still hard to get through the day without him; much, much harder than I thought it would be. I miss seeing his stupid, devilish grin. I miss his carefree style…no one here dresses like him. I haven’t spotted one boy in a beanie in Florida.

The hosts queue up the segment, saying that they caught up with the stars of
the new movie, Connected, at the premiere tonight. I knew that Austin had finished filming a movie a few weeks before we met, and this must have been it. Video of Austin and Cassidy pops up on the screen. He’s patting her belly, which has a small, yet visible bump. It’s real. She has a baby bump. She’s going to have his baby. Oh God. I don’t think I can watch anymore.

Mandy sends another text.
“I’m sorry. Call me if you need to.”

I close my eyes and try to stop my mind from racing. This
was part of the reason I left in the first place though. He needs to raise his baby and grow his career without any distractions. If he leaves Cassidy now, then he’ll get major backlash from the press. And I want him to be a good father, a great father. Maybe it will give his life a new purpose…he can be the type of parent that he never had the chance to have. He’ll be a great dad, I know it.

The reporter asks Austin some questions
and I open my eyes to watch. His voice makes me jump…it’s been so long since I’ve heard it.

“
…Yeah, everything’s really great. This was a fun film to shoot and I think the audience will really like it. And of course I’m taking good care of Cassidy; we can’t wait to be parents.” He’s smiling with a bright, toothy grin, but his eyes don’t light up in the same way. I hope I’m the only one that notices.

My stomach sinks and I want to scream
as I continue to stare at the screen. Why did I have to fall in love with someone I can’t have? I still want him, and I know Austin will say everything worth having is worth fighting for….but I’m more concerned about his life than mine. His life could be ruined, and he’s already had to go through so much turmoil that he deserves to have fame and fortune now.

“Who’s that? He’s cute!” Mom says as she walks by the family room.

“Oh, that’s Austin Ford. He was one of my clients,” I respond.

“You knew him?”
she asks, shocked.

I nod and try to smile, but just saying his name out loud makes my voice shake.

“What’s wrong honey?” She takes a seat on the couch next to me.

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” I turn the TV off so I don’t have to see him
anymore.

“
It doesn’t look like nothing.”

I sigh, resting my head on her shoulder. “That was the guy I was telling you about…the one I liked.”

“You were dating an actor? I don’t trust those Hollywood types. Good thing you left.”

“Mom!
He was different…he was nice. He cared about me.”

“W
ell, maybe he did, but he looked pretty happy with that blonde girl on TV.”

“
Yeah…it’s a long story.”

She gets up and takes a basket of laundry left on the floor with her.
“Well, I’m all ears for whenever you feel like sharing.”

“Ok, Ma, I’ll keep that in mind.
” I respond as she leaves the room, but I don’t think that will ever happen. It’s hard enough just thinking about what happened, there’s no way I could share it and have to re-live the experience again.

Whoever said that time heals was a liar. They were obviously never in love. I would like to slap that person in the face because as time goes by
, I only miss Austin even more than I did the day before. Of course it doesn’t help that I’m surrounded by his presence everywhere I go. His movie was a huge box office success, and Cassidy’s been on “bump watch” in every major tabloid, so of course he’s been on all the covers. I’m sure Priscilla is pissing herself with joy.

School started in mid-August and I’ve been working in the office. At least I get a temporary reprieve from Austin-land as I file papers away, but I’m so bored.
So. Fucking. Bored. I need to get back into the PR industry somehow, and soon.

Mom
tried to set me up with some of her friend’s sons, but I’m really not in the mood to meet other guys. Besides, there’s no one that could possibly compare to Austin -- everyone else would just be a letdown. Who else could have rock hard abs, perfectly sun-kissed skin, pelvic v-lines so indented that I could run my fingers down the grooves, and such shiny, silky, touchable hair? But it’s not all about looks…I had a real connection with Austin, and I’m scared that I’ll never find that feeling with anyone else again.

Mandy keeps me up to date on all the latest Cassidy shenanigans, like the outr
ageous baby shower she had that was sponsored by ten different baby product companies and featured in one of the largest lifestyle magazines. She’s supposed to pop any day now. I’m freaking out. I shouldn’t be freaking out, but I am. I can’t help it. I’m so nervous for him. I hope he hasn’t been in a drunken depressed state since I left. I hope he’s healthy and happy.

A few weeks later, Mandy sends me a text letting me know that Cassidy’s on her way to the hospital
. It’s really happening. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat…I feel like I’m the one about to give birth. I wonder how Austin is feeling right now. I want to call him and make sure he’s alright, but I can’t. I’m sure he’s a mess, and he probably has no one there with him. There’s no one from his side, besides maybe his manager, that would be there to make sure he’s staying sane and taken care of.

I finally manage
to fall asleep, but when I wake up the next morning, there’s breaking news over every blog, TV and radio station. Cassidy had the baby last night. It’s a boy, but no photos have surfaced yet. I call Mandy after reading a few of the articles.

“I heard the news,” I say after she picks up.

“It’s been so crazy over here! I had to stay in the office overnight!”

“Ouch, that sucks.”

“Yeah, I’m so tired, I could fall asleep at my desk right now.”

“So, any d
etails I can know about?”

“He was born around midnight last night and they named him Canyon.”

“Canyon?”

“Yeah, Canyon.
Poor kid, right?”

“Awful, I’m sure that was all Cassidy’s doing.”

“Yeah, probably. She is crazy.”

“Do you know how Austin’s doing?”

“No, I haven’t heard from him or his people.”

“Well, I hope he’s happy being a dad.
God, this is so weird.”

As I’m chatting away, there’s a knock on my bedroom door
. “Um, Livvy, there’s someone here to see you…” Mom says.

Who would come see me at my house
without calling first?

“I
gotta get the door. I’ll catch up with you later,” I say to Mandy, ending the call.

I follow my mother
to the front door and jump back when I find Austin standing in the doorway. Yes, Austin fucking Ford is at my house. What. The. Fuck.

I scan him up and down
three times, making sure this not an illusion. His eyes are covered by aviators and he’s wearing a plain white t-shirt, black jeans, and black Converse sneakers. It’s him, it’s definitely him.

I
can’t speak. I just stand there, on the other side of the threshold with my mouth wide open. It’s been nearly six months since I’ve last seen him in the flesh, and now he just shows up at my door unannounced?

Before I can ask him
any questions, he swoops in, encircling me in his familiar embrace. He rests his head on my shoulder, and all of our memories rush back into my head as I breathe him in. I’m in shock. I must be dreaming.

He steps back and pushes his
sunglasses up to rest on top of his head. “Hi,” he says softly, biting his lip.

“
Hi,” I whisper back. I want to reach out and touch him again just to be certain that he’s real.

After a few moments of silent wonder, I burst out with all of the questions swirling around my brain.
“What the hell are you doing here? In Florida? At my house? How did you even know where I live?”

He chuckles an
d shoves his hands in his pockets, raising his shoulders. “I’m here for you.”

I’m flattered, but I don’t understand. “
Shouldn’t you be with your newborn son?”

Austin beams
from ear to ear. “The baby’s not mine.”

“What?” My heart races from this revelation. “But, how do you know that already?”

I slip through the door and motion for him to sit with me on the front porch. I’d
rather not give my mom easy access to eavesdrop on our private conversation.

“He has
dark skin…and I obviously don’t.”

“Oh my God.”
I’m stunned, but not surprised that she “cheated.” How could she straight out lie to Austin like that and lead him on this whole time? She’s more evil than I thought. Unless she thought it really was his baby…or maybe she just wanted it to be.

“I
’ve never felt so relieved in my whole life after seeing that baby in her arms.” He sighs and takes his sunglasses off his head, running his fingers through his unruly waves. Stubble lines his jaw, and as I study him closer, I notice his blood shot eyes, rimmed with dark circles.

“Do you know what this
means?” I ask.

“
As soon as photos of the baby surface, then the whole world will know it’s not mine,” he responds.

“And no one would blame you for leaving her.”

“And we…” He turns to face me, placing his large hand on my shoulder. His touch sends a shiver down my spine “We could be together…if you still want to…”

I had been pushing
him away in my mind for so long that I never thought this could become a possibility again. I slowly trace my finger along the waterfall that runs down his bicep. “I haven’t stopped loving you, Austin. Not for one day, not for one minute; not even for one second.”

H
e leans in slowly, pressing his soft lips against mine, needing, wanting, searching for the answer he wants to hear. I pull away and touch my forehead to his. “I love you Austin, but I don’t know if I can come back to LA with you.”

He jolts back, seemingly stunned.
“Why the hell not? I’ve been up for nearly 24 hours straight and the first thing I thought of when I realized the baby wasn’t mine was that I needed to come get you. I want you back. I need you back.”

I rest my chin on my curled fist and glance to the side. I don’t need his guilt right now.

“I don’t have a job, Austin. I have nowhere to live. Plus, the paparazzi are going to be up your ass and I don’t know if I’m ready to be in the spotlight as your girlfriend.”

He steals my arm away, twisting my body toward his again.
“Liv, you’re coming back to LA and living with me. I’m breaking my contract with the PWR Group now that this whole charade is over, so I’m going to need a new publicist. And don’t worry about those tabloid fuckers; I won’t let them hurt you.” He rubs his hands up and down my arms in a comforting manner.

“I’ll think about it,” I respond, getting up from the front steps. “Why don’t you come inside?
”

I’m hoping my mom can cause enough distraction for me to be able to think things through a bit more.

“I’d love that,” he says, hoisting himself up. We head back into the house where I find my mom standing suspiciously close to the front door.

“Mom, this is
Austin. Austin, this is my mom.”

“Nice to meet you Ms. Kelly
,” Austin says, extending his hand. I can’t believe he’s meeting my mother. This is so weird. Oh God, I hope she doesn’t say anything too embarrassing.

“Likewise,” she replies,
then turns to me. “Is this him? The actor?”

Austin laughs as my face grows warm. “Yes…”
I reply. “That’s him.”

“How nice of you to visit! I wish I knew you were coming, I would have made something to eat,” she says, hurrying to the kitchen.

“Thank you, but that’s not necessary. Just meeting you and seeing where Olivia grew up is wonderful enough.
I can see where she gets her generous heart from.”

Now my mom’s blushing worse than me. Oh dear Lord…

“Okay then,” I interrupt. “Austin and I are going to take a walk. We’ll be back later, k?”

“Alright,
well it was very nice to meet you,” Mom says.

“Nice meeting you
too,” Austin responds, shaking her hand again. He is such a charmer.

It’s an unusually non-humid day, perfect for walking around the neighborhood with a movie star who wants you to mov
e across the country with them…

W
e slowly tread down the street, kicking pebbles along the way.

“You look hot
,” he says, gripping my hand.

“Thank you.” I know he’s trying to butter me up…and
I hate to admit it, but it is working a little.

“Honestly
Liv, I was angry when you first left. But then the more I thought about it, the more I understood your reasoning. It just stung…especially after everything we discussed…you know…what I’ve been through.”

“I know, I’m
so, so sorry that I put you through that. I wanted to be there for you, really, but I thought it would be easier on all of us if I didn’t stick around with Cassidy having your baby. And I didn’t want to pretend anymore. To live a lie. It was too hard.”

He stops to face me, grabbing my other hand. “But now we don’t
have to do that. Right? We have nothing to hide. Everything’s in our favor now.”

“I know…but…”

“But what? What’s stopping you?”

“
I don’t know,” I respond. “I guess I’m just afraid to take the leap; what if it doesn’t work?”

“Well…then at least we can say that we tried.”

I stare into his bright blue eyes, full of hope. I do love him, and I do want to be with him. If being away from him for half a year has only made my feelings for him grow stronger, then maybe actually being with him would be even better.

I look up to the sky, waiting for some sort of sign, but nothing comes. I guess I have to make this decision on my own.

“Okay,” I blurt out before my brain tries to stop me.

“Ok
ay?” he asks, waiting for confirmation.

“Yes,
I’ll come back to LA with you.”

He
lifts me up by the waist and practically throws me up in the air with joy. “I honestly don’t know what I would have done if you said no,” he says, pulling me in close. “And you better not leave me ever again.”

I exhale heavily, fe
eling my own warm breath absorb into his shirt. “I won’t.”