Playing Doctor (10 page)

In the weeks that
followed, letting go proved harder than Lauren had thought it would be. Even long walks with Rufus didn't help. She had gotten too used to having Court's company on those evening strolls. Although she had promised herself she wouldn't feel sad, there was still an empty place in her life that was particularly poignant during the long nights alone in her bed.

While she truly cared for Court, she knew the loss of the excitement and romance was what really left her feeling forlorn.
And who am I kidding?
Lauren thought. It was also the loss of the hot sex. She felt bereft, knowing it might be a very long time before she again felt a man's warm body next to hers.

Feeling ho-hum and wondering what to do about it, Lauren walked down Plum Banks's short main street to run a personal errand during lunch. It was then that she noticed activity at a closed medical clinic that had stood empty for years with a “For Sale” sign in front. The sign now said “SOLD,” and she could see workmen moving about inside. Lauren started wondering if she going to have to deal with competition, and anxiety replaced her ennui.

The small town really wasn't big enough to support two medical practices, and if she lost any business, the clinic would no longer be profitable. Lauren decided to meet her competition head-on and walked up to the front door. Knocking loudly, she plastered a welcoming smile on her face that she didn't really feel.

The door opened and a man answered. He was fairly good-looking and probably in his mid-thirties, she noted.

Smiling, he said, “Hi, I'm Sam Townsend. Can I help you?”

“I just wanted to stop by and welcome you to Plum Banks,” she replied, reaching out her hand to shake his. “I'm Lauren Marks, and I've got the other medical practice here in town.”

Lauren was feeling more and more anxious. As he stepped outside into the sun, she could see that he was a
very
attractive man, tall with shaggy, thick brown hair that framed his friendly face. Glancing down, she noticed there was no ring on his finger. Hmmm, single maybe? She could imagine her female patients leaving in droves to get the chance to meet a single, good-looking doctor in this small town.
Heck, I would want to do it too!

Taking her hand in his, Sam shook it warmly as he closed the door on the paint fumes and noise. “It's very nice to meet you,” he said. “My practice will open in about three weeks, once I get the final permits and inspections done. I'm looking for an assistant or maybe just a receptionist. Can you recommend anyone?”

Oh
great
, she mused.
Now
I'll lose Jessica too!

But Lauren replied, “Ah, not really, sorry. If there is anything else I can do for you, let me know.” She turned to go.

“Well, it was very nice of you to stop by. I knew that moving into a small town like Plum Banks was going to be a terrific change from the big city. Maybe I'll see you around,” he said as he opened the door to go back inside. “Oh, wait. I have some flyers for my practice. Maybe you could put them up at your office. Just a minute, I'll get them,” he added, disappearing inside.

Lauren was now thoroughly annoyed.
I
can't believe he wants me to help advertise my competition! Well, I know a circular file that will hold them just fine.

He returned quickly and handed her some green sheets of paper. Glancing down, Lauren choked out a surprised laugh.

“You're a veterinarian!” she announced, looking up at him.

“Yes, what did you think?” he replied.

“Oh, it doesn't matter, really. I'm so glad you are setting up shop here. I've had to take my dog, Rufus, thirty miles for his shots and visits. I'll be your first client,” she finished, beaming at him.

Inside, Lauren was breathing a sigh of relief. She couldn't help but glance back at his wedding-ring finger.
Nope, still no ring there.

“That's terrific,” he replied, smiling. “Ah, hey, would you like to go out to dinner sometime…with me?” he asked. “Unless you are seeing someone already, that is.”

“I'd like that very much. I've got to run, but I'll post these on our bulletin board as soon as I get back to the office…the
human
medical clinic at the other end of Main Street,” Lauren said, pointing.

Before she could turn away, Sam stopped her, taking her hand again and giving it a long, unhurried shake. “It
really
was very nice meeting you, Dr. Lauren Marks. I look forward to dinner,” he said, smiling into her eyes before slowly releasing her hand.

Lauren walked back up the street, flyers in hand, errand forgotten. She felt fresh hope for the future. The past summer had been a real blast with so much hot, energetic sex—a real summer of bliss. She suddenly realized that all that wonderful lovemaking had also been cathartic, providing a lot of emotional healing. She knew that she was now ready for a deep, loving relationship—looking forward to it, actually—whether it was with the handsome new veterinarian or someone she had yet to meet.

Life
is
good
, Lauren mused as she smiled gaily to herself and looked eagerly toward her future.

I am sitting here
on the cold exam table, alone in the doctor's office, and waiting anxiously. Maybe I should just get up and leave. I don't really need the foot surgery, do I? I am really scared of all things medical. Jumping a little on the table as the door opens, I watch the doctor walk into the small room.

Wow!
My breath catches momentarily.
Wow, wow, wow!
The doctor is tall, dark, and handsome, a total cliché, I know, but that's the only way to describe him. His age is hard to guess but maybe mid- to late thirties. He is trailed by a male intern who is also exceedingly handsome but so young he could be my nephew. But really, I hardly notice the younger man. My eyes are frozen, locked into the eyes of my gorgeous new surgeon.

He is not movie-star good-looking—more dark, almost swarthy, sensual with thick, black hair, a little unruly. Even though I am sitting down, I can tell he must be tall. His presence fills the small exam room. The other younger guy is still here, but almost invisible next to this older, self-assured man.

The doctor gives me a quirky smile and begins talking about my case, but I can't seem to focus on what he's saying. His voice is soothing with maybe a hint of a foreign accent, I notice absentmindedly. So this is my podiatrist, Dr. Luka Czerny.

Shaking off my silly distraction, I make a real effort to pay attention. We agree on a course of action, and even though I'm anxious, his confidence helps me agree to go forward. I had broken my big toe years ago and it didn't heal correctly, causing discomfort for years. When all is done, I'll have a straightened toe with a permanent screw in it. The very thought makes me slightly queasy, but I feel better as I listen to the doctor's deep, calm voice.

“Valerie, my nurse will schedule your pre-op and surgery. It was nice to meet you.”

“Great,” I respond, plastering an overly big smile on my face.

Dr. Czerny gives me a comforting pat on the hand before he leaves the exam room, trailed by the forgotten intern. Looking down at my hand, which seems to be tingling slightly, I leave thinking,
Wow, wow, wow.

Tomorrow is the ambulatory
surgery to fix my foot, and I am looking forward to seeing “him” again for my pre-op appointment. A quickening inside me that has nothing to do with surgery fears is making me a little high-strung and anxious. Or perhaps my fear of the surgery is causing me to focus my thoughts on the handsome doctor rather than the operation. Either way, I anticipate his gentle touch on my foot again—and hopefully on my hand too. I can almost feel it already!

“Good morning, Valerie,” Dr. Czerny says as he walks into the small exam room. “Are you ready for surgery tomorrow?”

“Umm, yes,” I mutter, startled from my daydreams. “Will I see you before the surgery?” I realize that I'm leaning slightly toward him.

Reaching forward while looking deeply into my eyes, the doctor gently pats my hand. “Yes, and it's all going to be fine, I promise,” he says in his wonderful, soothing, foreign voice. Ah, the tingling starts inside me again and I am loving it.

I want to grab his hand and hold on tightly, not because I'm scared but because I want to extend the time he is with me and keep him touching me. His bedside manner is probably meant to be reassuring, but for me it feels almost erotic, a guilty pleasure. The rest of the appointment is spent going over my X-rays and the pre-op procedures at Boston's Massachusetts General Hospital. I struggle to pay attention. Dr. Czerny smiles at me as he walks out of the exam room and the smile is dazzling. As I drive home, I can't resist calling my friend Laura and telling her all about the good doctor and his sexy bedside manner.

Well, it is late
the next afternoon, and the surgery must have gone well, because I am home now and on some really strong meds. My family is taking care of me, and I have nothing to do for the next two weeks but lie around and eat, watch TV, read, and daydream about the good doctor.

My son's worn high-school copy of
Walden
captures my attention, at least for the moment. Not exactly easy reading for a morphine-addled mind, but Thoreau's ideas of retrospection and self-exploration stir something within me. “‘We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake.'” No easy feat when the strong meds keep putting me to sleep, but I know Thoreau doesn't really mean that. While I'm mostly content with my life, somewhere deep inside lies a need that I can't quite identify—
can't quite
wake
up
to
—except that it seems tied to my fascination with the handsome Dr. Czerny.

Maybe it's the morphine, but I'm enjoying some rather naughty fantasies about him as I mostly sleep my days away. Early in our marriage, Elliott and I were more adventurous in the bedroom. Some might even say a little kinky. I can't help remembering some of those nights and wondering what it would be like with the good doctor. The erotic visions are not fully formed, just fleeting glimpses of what we could be together.

They have neither a beginning nor an ending, but rather shift randomly from one shadowy fantasy to another. Dr. Czerny kissing and caressing me in a darkened exam room, his hand slipping under my blouse, frantic groping somewhere private outside the hospital, writhing on a soft bed…all of it in dreamlike nowhere. The images are
hot, hot, hot
, but strangely Elliott is always there in the room with us…watching, and it only adds to the thrill.

I must admit that mixed in with the sexy feelings is some measure of guilt, because I am married to a kind, attractive man. We have built a life together for more than nineteen years and have two teenage children. However, I've been a good, loyal wife all this time, and he hasn't always been so faithful to me. Certainly Elliott can't begrudge me a few morphine-induced sexual fantasies, especially when he's right there in them.

***

Today is my first follow-up appointment after surgery, and I am looking forward to seeing Dr. Czerny. It's a chilly October day in Boston, which is why I have goose bumps on my arms—at least that's what I tell myself. The plan is to remove my cast, x-ray my toe, and then put on a new cast. My closest friend, Laura, drove me here and is being a good sport about pushing me around in a wheelchair.

She's heard from me about the good-looking doctor and his attractive male interns, and said jokingly, “Of course, I can take you. Do you think they'll mind if I bring my camera?”

Laura is my age, also with teens, and I guess we don't get out much anymore. That's not really true, of course, but being in the vicinity of multiple handsome men is rare for us, actually probably rare for anyone not in the movie industry. She, like me, exercises and takes care of her looks, but as married women in our forties, we're spending most of our time as afternoon chauffeurs or family drill sergeants. And, anyway, I would never go out of my way to ogle younger guys—or any other man, for that matter.

Truly, I'm happily married, even though Elliott and I have had our issues. Who wouldn't, after living two lives together for so long and facing the conflicts inherent in marriage and child rearing? Today, however, I can say we have a good marriage and surprisingly good sex. Sometimes it's hard to come up with new positions after all these years, but even so, we manage to have nights that I'm sure these younger guys would envy.

Before I see the good doctor, the cast comes off in a large room with many beds. The technicians are all men, all with friendly personalities, and several are also good-looking. Back in the waiting room, my foot begins to throb.

I'm in pain, but Laura is having fun and whispers playfully into my ear, “Hey, do they only hire attractive men here? Maybe they have to submit a photo with their job application.”

Looking up at her from my wheelchair, I laugh and whisper back, “And you haven't even seen the doctor yet.”

Speak of the devil, and he shows up.

“Hi, Valerie,” Dr. Czerny says in his caressing, sexy voice as he comes over and smiles warmly down at me. “We'll get your X-rays done, and then I'll see you in the cast room.”

Leaning down toward me, he looks into my eyes. He's one of those unique individuals who can seem to focus all their energy in your direction when they are talking to you. The other patients in the waiting room—and Laura standing right behind my wheelchair—all fade away, and I feel like I'm his only patient…ever!

“How are you doing?” he asks. “Is the pain manageable?”

I respond breathlessly that it's okay and I'm fine. He's still bending down toward me, and as he straightens, he soothingly, gently rubs my shoulder for a moment. The spot where he is touching me tingles and I want to lean into his hand. I don't do it, but I surely want to.

“Good,” he responds, smiling. “I'll see you in a few minutes.”

As he walks away, I become aware of all the people around me and feel like I was openly drooling over this striking man.

Laura leans down and murmurs, “Valerie, would you just roll that wheelchair back over my foot? I'd like a little of his bedside manner directed my way, if you please.”

“Didn't I tell you?” I breathe back at her. “I wasn't kidding when I said he was good-looking…and that sexy voice. What is it about that voice?”

“Like warm honey,” whispers Laura.

A woman technician does the X-rays, and I realize this is the first female worker I've encountered here. How unusual. They should market their practice that way—a medical office staffed only by attractive men ready to serve.

In the exam room, Dr. Czerny lives up to my expectations once again. As usual, he is trailed by a young male intern who is worthy of barely a glance from me. Dr. Czerny fills the small room with his presence. Even in his staid, white lab coat, my swarthy hero stands out as something earthy, potent, and exotic. With his Eastern European accent and old-world manner, I can easily envision him as a seventeenth-century pirate captaining his own vessel, and yet I think he would be equally at home in the most cosmopolitan of modern nightclubs. There is just something about him that catches my fancy…that draws me in.

However, right now I really don't want him to touch my swollen and painful foot, even as his gentle, reassuring caresses on my shoulder leave me breathless with tiny stirrings of desire. In response to his doctorly inquiries, I smile back at Dr. Czerny and assure him again that I'm doing well. The sensual haze he always brings me is so stirring that I would probably say I was doing fine no matter how my foot felt.

Okay, I'll admit, if only to myself, that it is nice to feel, however briefly, another new man's hands on my body after so many years. It's all very safe and innocent, but still kinda nice. At the age of forty-four, I'm beginning to feel that my life is going to start slowing down, whether I want it to or not. There may not be that many more opportunities for stimulation such as this. So, really, what's the harm in a little sexy flirtation? Nothing's going to come of it anyway.

Later, as Laura wheels me out to the parking lot, she exclaims, “Wow. That doctor gives good bedside manner!”