Playing for Hearts (16 page)

She knocked on the bedroom door, and walked in without waiting for an answer. Belinda sat on the edge of the bed, a ball of toilet paper wadded up in her hand. She dabbed her eyes, and stood up. Shauna closed the door, glancing away from her mother.

“Shauna?”

She nodded. “I've come to tell you that I'm okay with you staying at the house. I've got my own place, or I will soon.”

“This is your home. Your dad wants you here.” Belinda stood up. “I want you here.”

Shauna schooled her reaction. “Dad and I are fine. That's something that'll never change no matter where I am.”

“I know, but I want … ” She approached Shauna. “I want to get to know you.”

Shauna stood up straighter. She stood a few inches taller than her mom, and she wondered when that'd happened. Last time she'd seen her, she was still young enough to crawl onto her lap and enjoy her mother's comfort.

“Gosh, I'm swamped at work with the fundraiser in two weeks, and I have to find time to interview a realtor to work with. Not to mention I have an active social life.” She shrugged. “Now's not a great time to start something new.”

“Shauna. Please.” Belinda reached out, surprising Shauna with the firm grip on her arm. “There are things I'd like to explain. I know you're mad. You have every reason to hate me, but I need to do this for myself.”

Shauna shook her head in disbelief. “It's always about you, isn't it? You want to give me an excuse for why you stopped loving me, so you can go on lying to my dad and eventually kill him?”

“No,” Belinda said. “I don't want to hurt you or him. There are reasons why I left and stayed away.”

“You know what?” She blew her breath out and smiled. “It doesn't matter. It seems you're back. That's great. Dad's accepted you. Even better. You want to prove you don't want to hurt him? Then stay here and make him happy. Leaving him is only going to hurt him more.”

Belinda nodded. “I'll stay.”

“Great.” She turned and walked through the door.

“Shauna.”

She stopped, but refused to turn around.

“I'd like to talk to you … someday soon.”

Shauna glanced over her shoulder. “I guess I'm more like you than I realized. It doesn't hurt me to walk away from you.”

On the way out of the house, she kissed her dad and told him she loved him. He never stopped her from leaving, and she never looked back. She had someone waiting for her, and she would not disappoint him. That was what real love was all about.

The cooler air outside Grayson's home, underneath the canopy of trees, kissed her overheated skin. Her steps faltered. Grayson was leaning against the doorframe, the same intense expression written on his face that he'd had earlier.

Except, he'd removed his shirt and shoes, and the sight of him barefooted, wearing only his shorts, had her imagining what it would be like to finally see his hard body naked, with nothing between them. She slowed down, suddenly nervous. He was a lot of man to take in all at once, especially when he focused all his attention on her.

A small grin curled the sides of his mouth and she moved forward. She needed him. Now. So she could validate her feelings. So she could move on. So she could tell him how much she loved him.

“Are you okay, Shauna?”

His voice, soft yet gravelly, rode over her, caressing her skin. The nerves in her stomach flittered, sending shivers throughout her body. Not once had she strayed from her feelings when it came to him. Oh, she'd tried everything she could think of to stop loving him. There were a handful of boyfriends in college and lately, John, but deep down she'd used each one of them to try to forget about Grayson. It never worked. Grayson was the one she wanted.

“I'm wonderful.” She didn't stop until she was in front of him, and then she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him for all it was worth.

When she thought she'd pass out from lack of oxygen, she kissed her way down to the hollow of his throat. The heat of his skin, mixed with the slight taste of salt, warmed her insides and she pressed against him.

Her tongue darted out and stroked his collarbone. Grayson groaned and swept her up in his arms. She continued exploring his body as he carried her up the stairs and laid her on the bed.

He hovered over her, staring down at her. She stretched, reaching for him.

“You know what you're doing.” A slow smile came to his lips.

“Mmhm.” She nodded. She knew they were different people. He was famous and rich. She was a determined small town girl. But their wants were the same. They both needed each other.

The chemistry between them exploded whenever they were around each other. If she was going to break through the hard shell he kept his heart in, she'd have to prove to him, tonight, that she was worth loving.

Her legs loosened, and she arched. Every cell in her body pleaded for more. She wanted to touch every part of his body. She knew when they did come together, they'd fit perfectly. He was her missing part. They belonged together.

She slipped her finger between his hard stomach and the waistband of his shorts, and slowly dragged them down. His breath grew ragged, and she looked into his eyes as her fingers wrapped around his hardness. Surprised when he grew even larger in her hand, she arched her pelvis up, wanting him inside her.

The way his arms quivered to hold himself off her and keep himself in check had her smiling. She pressed her hand against his chest, his heart beating wildly in her palm, and she smiled. She was right. No words were necessary.

“Roll over,” she whispered.

He took her with him, until he was flat on his back with her straddling his thighs. A thrum of excitement at the new position encouraged her to go on. She crossed her arms, grabbed the hem of her blouse, and removed it over her head. She tossed her hair behind her back, wiggling her skirt bunched around her waist. The thong she wore left every inch of her bare to feel the heat coming off him.

“Jesus … ” Grayson ran his hands up her flat stomach and cupped her breasts. “You're beautiful.”

With him, she wasn't an innocent. She'd made love to him in her imagination many times, and knew how the night would end. Yet, really being here, being with him, was different than she'd ever dreamed. The heady sense of control and the powerful way her body responded was something new. Her hips instinctively shifted, seeking him. The pressure built within her body, urging her on.

“I want you inside of me.” She rubbed against him, enjoying the way he teased her body into accepting him.

“Let me enjoy you.” He rolled her nipples between his thumb and finger. “You're shaking.”

“I need you.” She arched back, trembling. “All of you.”

He settled her on top of his hardness. She moaned. The heat coming off him singed her skin and pleasure shot through her.

“Grayson … ” She panted. “Please.”

“God, I like when you beg.” His gaze darkened.

He slipped one hand down between them, and in a move that left her gasping for breath, swept the thin slip of material to the side and positioned the head of his erection into her moistness. She held herself still, wanting, needing, but hesitant to plunge herself onto him. He moaned and gripped her hips with his experienced hands, thrusting off the bed and filling her completely. She gasped and froze.

Grayson's gaze lifted to her face and darkened. “Dammit, Shauna.”

She might not have expected the way her body reacted to all the new feelings, but she'd presumed he knew that she'd waited for her first time to be with him. His hardness pulsed inside of her, and she swallowed. Her body tightened around him, and the sharp intrusion gave way to a pleasant fullness. New sensations she had no control over sparked to life. She moved atop him, hesitantly at first, pleased when Grayson clenched his teeth together and sucked in his breath.

Growing more daring, she lifted and moved back and forth, up and down on him. Grayson's eyes closed and his jaw quivered. She sprawled her fingers on his chest, leveraging herself. Her body vibrated with growing excitement.

Grayson opened his eyes, now sleepy with passion. He ran a single finger between her cleavage and flicked open the front clasp on her bra. Her breasts spilled out, leaving them exposed to his eyes, to his hands, and she moaned as he cupped, molded, and caressed.

“Oh God.” She bit down on her lower lip and sped up her movements, straining for what she knew would be the biggest gift of all, but was dangling right out of her reach.

He leaned forward, propping himself on his elbows, and took one of her nipples in his mouth. Waves of intense need pounded inside of her with each stroke of his tongue, each gentle suck of his lips. The spasms drew a long cry of pleasure from her lips, as the zenith exploded from deep inside her core and left her completely limp.

Grayson rolled her back over, until he was above her, planted deep in her body. He closed his eyes and plunged inside of her with a groan of completion, holding himself still as tremors racked his body.

What seemed like hours, but what were really mere seconds later, they both gazed at each other as the magnitude of what had just happened struck them both. She lifted her arms, but he pulled out of her and moved off the bed, keeping his back to her.

“Grayson?” She sat up.

He scooped his shorts off the floor and slipped them on. “Don't.”

The ice coming off that one word froze her to the bed. She recoiled from his anger, and watched him walk away. Everything she'd ignored in her life came crashing down on her and she curled on the bed, wrapping her arms around her knees. She stared, dried eyed, at the white wall. He should've known she could never give herself to anyone but him.

Shauna was sleeping when Grayson came back inside a couple hours later. Her lashes lay still on her cheeks. The act of having sex came back with crystal clarity and wounded him. He couldn't blame her. This time, he'd asked her to come to the house with one thing on his mind.

The truth was, he'd known he should walk away — for her sake. But he'd wanted her too much. He was a selfish bastard.

In the dim light coming through the window from the flood light over the garage, he could see what he'd done. He'd taken her generosity, her idea of love, her goodness, and used her in a way he did every other woman in his life.

She had no indication that what he'd planned had no weight on their relationship. He was Grayson Schyler, playboy and sworn bachelor. Love, even a long-term relationship, was out of the question.

Who am I fooling?

Tonight was more than a mutual satisfaction between the sheets. Somewhere behind the primal, physical need to have Shauna, he'd recognized hope within himself. A desire to feel complete and understood by the one person he wanted more than anything. A dream he thought he'd buried a long time ago. His wish was there, waiting, right below the surface, wanting to come true.

He sank down beside her on the mattress, not touching her warm, willing body. He might never experience what he had with her again, but he was too selfish to walk away. He'd only lie beside her for a couple minutes, and then he'd leave.

Sometime later, he opened his eyes, surprised to have drifted off into sleep. For a moment, he had to remember where he was at and what had happened. He stroked the arm thrown over his stomach, and relaxed. He was home, and Shauna was with him. Then the reality of what had happened came back. He'd taken her virginity.

He scooted out from under her, hoping to have a few moments to wake up and think. He had to practice what he would say to her.

“Gray … ?” She brought her hands up to her face and rubbed her eyes, smiling at finding him beside the bed. “Come back to bed.”

“You fooled me.”

She flinched and sat up. Grayson stood, fully dressed, and glared.

“What are you talking about?” She scooted toward the edge of the bed and stood. His gaze heated as he took in all her bare skin before marching over to the dresser, removing a T-shirt, and tossing it to her.

“Get dressed, and then come down to the kitchen. We need to talk.”

“What's going on?” She slipped the shirt over her head, letting the material fall to the top of her thighs. “Are you angry at me?”

He ignored her questions. His head pounded, and he had to put a distance between them. He couldn't do that while she was standing in his bedroom.

He stepped backward, putting space between them. “I'm going downstairs. Come down when you're ready.”

“Is this some kind of test? Did I fail?” She hugged her middle, shivering.

“No. It wasn't a … test.” He gritted his teeth, and walked out of the room.

Five minutes later, she showed up downstairs. He handed her a cup of coffee, and motioned for her to sit across from him at the table.

She sat. “You're scaring me.”

“Good.” He returned to his place, and leaned his elbows against the table. “Shauna … ”

He watched her, knowing he was going to break her heart. She placed her hands between her legs and waited.

He lifted his head, miserable. There were many things he regretted in his life, but hurting Shauna topped the charts. She had no idea how much it pained him to constantly cause her more disappointment.

“Oh God.” She covered her mouth and shook her head. “You're going to walk away from me.”

“I'm sorry.” He reached across the table for her hand and waited until she placed her fingers into his palm. “I had no idea you'd never slept with anyone before.”

She frowned. “How could you not? It's always been you who I've wanted. Always.”

He physically flinched. “I don't deserve you. You're looking for a man who will come home every evening and hold you in bed until you both fall asleep. I'm … the exact opposite. I don't want to answer to anyone or be responsible for your happiness. I can't. I won't.”