Playing Passion's Game (13 page)

My father said I forfeited every right to a family life when I chose the path that led away from his beliefs. Mother said my deviant lifestyle would cause me nothing but grief and pain. My sisters didn’t even bother to speak to me. I was already cast out in their eyes.
Why the fuck would I want to open myself up to more hurt?
Trent’s thoughts shifted to Juliet, and her chest eased its tight constriction.
I don’t do relationships, and yet suddenly, I want all that and more besides with her. To be with her, to make love to her, finally, possibly, have a family to call my own.
Trent stared at her reflection in the mirror again.
I don’t recognize myself anymore. I want things I never let myself dream were possible of having
. She doused her face again roughly. “I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m bound to screw this up somehow. And what if she’s uninterested? No strings she said, and I agreed. It’s safer that way, no one gets hurt. Especially
me
.”

Leaning against the sink, Trent willed her mind to stop its racing. Only when her breathing had slowed down did she make her way downstairs to step back into the party. Music was playing and people were up dancing. Juliet wasn’t in her seat and Trent immediately searched the yard until she caught sight of her dancing with Monica. Trent was amazed that Monica apparently knew all the dance moves to a peppy pop song that played from the stereo.

“You look lost in thought,” Anne said, sliding up behind her and linking her arm through Trent’s.

“Just enjoying the party and seeing everyone here.”

“It’s not like you to turn up with someone on your arm. You usually stag it and end up carrying Elton home.”

Trent looked over to where Elton was dancing beside Monica, his moves fluid and skilful. “You’ll notice that Elton has a lady of his own present and he’s steering clear of the beer seeing as he’s too busy paying attention to her.” Trent shrugged. “He won’t be in need of my help anytime tonight.”

“I can’t honestly remember a time I’ve seen you with a woman. I know you’re a lesbian, but I did wonder if you were celibate.”

“Not celibate, merely…cautious.”

“You’re a long time out from under your father’s roof, Trent.”

“I know. But some things are hard to shake.”
And the fear never eases. I can’t lose everything again. I’ve been so careful not to let anyone too close and give them that power over me.

“Rumor has it you’re not even a love ’em and leave ’em kind of gal.”

“There hasn’t been much love, if truth be told.” Trent heard the wistful tone in her own voice and bit back a sigh. She really didn’t need Anne digging too close in the wounds Trent knew were a long time from healing. “And I don’t do things like love and intimacy. I’m not capable of them.”

Anne shook her gently. “That’s bullshit and you know it. Look around you, Trent. Your friends adore you whether you recognize it or not. And you love them back with that fiercely loyal way you have about you. You’ve loved Elton better than any of his women have ever gotten close to. Admittedly, it’s a platonic, friendly love, but it’s still a strong emotion and you feel it even if you don’t want to acknowledge it.”

Trent couldn’t look at Anne. She was too exposed and it frightened her. “I could lose so much if I let myself care, Anne.”

“You didn’t lose anything before that you haven’t regained in another form. You’re surrounded by family, Trent, a family of
your
making. You need to let go of the past.” Anne nudged Trent’s attention out into the crowd. “You care for this one, don’t you?”

“She’s the first I’ve let in my house.”

“The fact that she’s actually been in your house says a great deal. For her
and
you.”

Trent just nodded, her eyes unerringly finding Juliet again in the mass of people dancing to the song still playing. “She’s finding her way into more than just my home.”

“And you’re scared. I can see it written all over your face.”

“Terrified,” Trent said in a whisper.

“You going to invite her upstairs?”

“She’s already been in my bedroom.” Hastily, she added, “To change clothes, nothing more.” The music switched tracks and Juliet held Kayleigh’s hands in hers to dance with her. “But there’s one room she hasn’t seen yet.”

“The make-or-break room.” Anne chuckled. “That’s what Elton calls his, and I hear it’s nothing compared to yours.”

“The room that I can’t explain even if I tried to, but I think I need to, for her. She deserves to know what she’s getting into. If she wants to, that is.”

“She’d be a fool not to. You know, there were times I wished I hadn’t been straight. You were always too good a catch to go to waste.” Anne hugged Trent to her and mercifully changed her focus. “Elton’s new girl seems the perfect choice for him too.”

“She’s exactly what he needs, and they complement each other so well. And she’s incredibly talented. As well as being a landscaper, she makes all her own clothes.” Dropping this bit of information deliberately into the conversation, Trent slyly waited for Anne’s swift mind digest this fact.

“No kidding? I need a few alterations to a skirt I have post-baby that needs to be let out.” Anne mulled this over. “Do you think she’d have time to do it? I’d pay her for her work, of course.”

Trent regarded her wryly. “Go ask her. I think she’ll love the fact you’re ready to exploit her talents just like you would any other member of the family that can do something you can’t be bothered to do.”

“That’s what family is for. Just because your last name is Williams doesn’t mean I can’t expect favors from you like I’d expect from a blood relative Simons.”

“I consider myself fortunate,” Trent said. Anne pushed her away forcibly. “Hey!”

“Now go ask that girl to dance, for God’s sake.”

“You and I both know I can’t dance worth a damn.”

“Women love a hopeless case. Make her feel sorry for the fact that you may have been blessed with fingers that can manipulate a control pad, but that God left you in the back of the line for dancing genes.”

“You just want to see me make a fool of myself to give you more fodder for your rumor mill,” Trent grumbled.

“You forget, I knew you as a teenager. Been there, done that with both you and Elton. I have enough fodder for years to come to make your lives uncomfortable at the dinner table.”

Trent made a face at her and eased her way through the dancers. She dodged the flailing arms and overenthusiastic steps until she reached Juliet’s side. The look in Juliet’s eyes that she received lifted her heart.

“I got dragged onto the dance floor,” Juliet said, obviously enjoying herself.

“Trent, dance with us!” Kayleigh expertly twirled Sam in a little twist that Trent knew she’d never master.

“Wow, I am surrounded by dancing queens.”

“Who you calling a queen?” Elton said.

Juliet wound her arms around Trent’s waist and swayed to the beat. “Word is you’re way too cool to dance.”

Trent gave Elton a swift look and he slyly winked at her. Trent reminded herself to treat him to a doughnut next week. She looked into Juliet’s sparkling eyes and couldn’t lie to her. “I wouldn’t say too cool, exactly.” She leaned down to whisper in Juliet’s ear. “I have two left feet. I’m severely dance-impaired.”

Juliet just regarded her closely. “Then I’ll just hold on to you and you can follow my lead.” She rested her hands on Trent’s hips and swayed in her arms. Trent was mesmerized by Juliet’s energy and contagious joy.

“Aren’t I supposed to lead?” Trent said.

Juliet pulled her a little closer until their legs touched and their bodies pressed together. “We can take turns. Makes for a more interesting dance that way.” Juliet rested her head on Trent’s chest and they moved in time to the music, never shifting from one spot. Trent thought it was the perfect moment: Juliet in her arms, a slow song playing, and being surrounded by family and friends. She held Juliet a little tighter and luxuriated in the feeling of Juliet’s lush body pressed intimately to her own.

“See, you can dance after all,” Juliet murmured, rubbing her face against Trent’s T-shirt just above her heart.

“Who’d have believed it? Must be the woman in my arms working miracles.” Trent rested her face on Juliet’s hair and breathed in the fresh scent. “But if they start playing country, I’m sitting it out. I don’t line dance for anyone.”

Juliet chuckled against her chest. “I’ll agree with you on that.”

Trent let herself relax for a moment then bit the bullet to ask, “Would you come home with me tonight? There’s something I’d like you to see.”

Juliet searched Trent’s face closely, obviously seeing the strain that Trent feared was all too plainly written there. “I’d like that,” she said simply.

Trent nodded, her fate sealed. She’d asked, Juliet had agreed. There was no turning back. She pulled Juliet close once more and hoped she was doing the right thing. But Trent couldn’t see a way forward until she’d shared with Juliet the most important thing in her world. Trent’s hold tightened a fraction more and she willed away her fear of the unknown.

“You’re trembling,” Juliet said softly.

“Too much sun, I guess.”

“Do you want to sit down?”

“No, I like where I am right this minute. Dance with me just a little longer, Juliet.” She relaxed as Juliet snuggled closer.

“It would be my pleasure.”

Trent rested her chin on Juliet’s hair and savored their bodies touching. She feared pleasure didn’t even begin to cover what she was feeling.

*

The party looked set to go on well into the night, but Trent had other ideas. She checked her watch again and Juliet caught her.

“That’s the fourth time in as many minutes you’ve checked what time it is. Do you want us to leave now?”

Trent nodded, grateful that Juliet had instigated their departure. “I’m not going to settle until I get you home,” she said, blurting out the truth, then belatedly realizing how it sounded. Juliet’s slow blink made some of her nervousness abate, and she shrugged awkwardly at the stare she received. “Believe me, Jule, I would use a much better pick-up line if I were attempting to seduce you back to my place.”

Juliet’s face creased into a beautiful smile. “I like how you shorten my name. You haven’t done that before, and everyone else calls me Jules.”

“But you are a jewel, something rare and eminently precious.” She forced herself to sit back in her seat before she did something more than just tease Juliet.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

“The feeling is mutual, I can assure you.” Trent cast a look around the party. “They won’t miss us. They’re gearing up for the next phase—drink the party dry.” Trent held out a hand to help Juliet to her feet. Elton stirred beside them.

“You guys leaving already?”

“Heading home, dude.” Trent stretched and yawned. “Damn, Zoe throws great parties. I don’t think I’ll need to eat for at least three days after the feast her dad prepared for us.”

Elton rose and hugged Trent in farewell. “See you Monday. You’re on the early shift, don’t forget.” He pulled back and regarded her. “You okay?”

“Make-or-break room,” Trent said under her breath, and his eyes widened in realization.

“Whoa. You’re that serious, then?”

Monica was busy saying good night to Juliet and nudged Elton in his ribs. “What are you two whispering about?”

“Nothing too important.” Elton hugged Trent to him again, whispering in her ear, “You’ll be fine. She looks like a keeper.”

Yes, but will she really want to keep
me
? And can I let go long enough to be kept?

Chapter
Fourteen

The journey back in the car was strangely silent until Juliet spoke. “Trent, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so nervous, so will you please just tell me what’s going on so I can stop worrying?”

Trent rubbed her hand over Juliet’s thigh in apology. “I didn’t realize I was broadcasting. Sorry.”

“What is it? Have I done something?”

“God, no! No, it’s nothing you’ve done, Juliet, it’s just…” Trent closed her eyes and tried desperately to arrange her thoughts so she could explain. “I’ve had the best time with you today. Having you meet my family, seeing you fit right in with everyone, watching the guys trip over their tongues at the sight of you.”

“They can all keep their tongues to themselves. Yours, however…” She let her words linger in the air. “I loved meeting the Simonses. Even though it’s not through blood ties, it’s painfully obvious you are as much a part of their family as they are yours.”

“I want to tell you about that, explain some of it.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’ll understand.”

“I know you would, which is why I want to let you in—” Trent stopped in mid-sentence as her own words rang loud and clear.
Let her in.

“That’s not something you do very often, is it? Let people get close. Let
women
get close.”

“No, you’d be the first for a long time.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet. You haven’t seen it all.”

“I’ve seen enough to know I’m drawn to you like no other woman I’ve ever met,” Juliet said wistfully. “I saw you today, surrounded by your friends and work colleagues. I recognized some of the people from the tournament, people you competed against and beat, yet they congregated around you asking your advice about anything and everything. It surprises me. I’ve worked for the same company in different branches for years, and I have no one from any of them that I can truly call friends. Everyone is looking out for their own interests. It’s an old saying but true; you can’t mix business with pleasure. I never once felt I fit in. Yet you’re friends with everyone, from the older folk to the little kids. And, it has to be said, you looked so damned sweet cradling that baby.”

“
Sweet
?”

“Yes, sweet. You can be big and butch holding a baby and still be the sweetest thing I’ve witnessed in a long time.” Juliet pulled into Trent’s street. “You’re so sexy I could hardly stand it all day, being near you, touching you, but not being able to do what I wanted. Even in those crazy surfer shorts you’re wearing that only serve to make you sexier, though don’t ask me how. I lost count of the times I wanted to grab you by your dog tags and drag you off to a corner somewhere and lick the sweat from your neck.”

Trent swallowed hard against the tide of arousal that rushed to engulf her. “What stopped you?”

“I wouldn’t have stopped at just your neck.”

The air in the car grew charged and the silence lengthened.

“Have I shocked you?”

“No, I’m trying to remind myself that you need all your attention for the road and that I need to keep my hands off you.”

“Just for now, though, right?”

Trent swallowed hard. “God, you’re like no other woman I’ve ever known, Juliet.”

“How so?”

“You’re so damn beautiful you make my chest ache. And you’re funny and fucking sexy with it. And you have a rocket scientist brain.”

Juliet snorted with amusement. “I work in a bank, Trent. That doesn’t make me overly smart, it makes me a glorified bean counter.”

“Did I mention the beautiful part?” Trent worked her hand into Juliet’s hair, unable to hold back any longer from touching her. “Your hair is so soft.”

Juliet pulled the car to the curb outside Trent’s house. The second she applied the parking brake, Trent undid her seat belt and reached for her. It wasn’t a gentle kiss. It was raw and passionate and almost desperate. Juliet moaned as Trent ravished her lips; the sound vibrated against her mouth and set her body tingling. She traced her tongue over Juliet’s full lips, slipped inside to caress and deepen the kiss. Juliet clung to Trent, one hand reached up to spear through her short hair and tug at it gently. Trent shuddered, the gentle eroticism of such a simple act nearly undoing her. She pulled back gasping for air, her eyes searching Juliet’s bruised lips and dazed face. Juliet touched her lips with a shaking hand.

“Next time, I’m just dragging you away by the dog tags, I don’t care where we are.” The hand in Trent’s hair tugged her down so that Juliet could rest her lips against Trent’s. “Your lips are so soft,” she whispered, causing a shudder to race through Trent’s body, then purposely flicking her tongue against Trent’s lips. Juliet’s satisfaction was noticeable when Trent reacted again.

Trent angled her head so that Juliet’s fingers could continue their foray through her hair. “Your touch drives me crazy.”

Juliet’s hand drifted down to cup Trent’s face. She kissed her again, a fleeting press of her lips that touched Trent deep inside.

“We’d better move inside before we give Mrs. Tweedy a heart attack should she catch us steaming up the car windows.” Juliet unfastened her seat belt and pulled away from Trent.

Fumbling one-handed for her keys, Trent led the way up the path to her front door, all the while firmly holding Juliet’s hand. She gestured for Juliet to precede her once she got the door unlocked. Trent closed the door and swiftly turned off the annoying alarm that sounded way too loud in the silence. She turned to find Juliet right in front of her, barely a breath between them.

“Why do I get the feeling this isn’t a simple social call, Trent?”

Trent took a deep breath to quell her nerves. “I want to show you something. I need to.” Chewing at her lip nervously, Trent reached out to snag Juliet’s hands.

“Whatever it is, it’s okay,” Juliet said, searching Trent’s face.

Trent looked straight into Juliet’s concerned eyes. “I had the most amazing time with you today, and I’m not used to doing that.”

“Having fun?”

“Spending time with a woman outside of what I take from them and what they want from me. I don’t do what we appear to be doing.”

“And what are we doing?”

“I think we’re dating, and I never do that. It’s too complicated and difficult, but with you it’s so easy to fall into.” Trent focused on their hands, linked between them. “You said no strings, but there are already more strings than I’m used to.” She let out a low moan as the strength of her feelings threatened to engulf her. “You’re tying me in so many knots, Jule.”

“Are you saying you don’t want to see me anymore?”

Trent flinched at the misery in Juliet’s voice, knowing she was the cause. “What? No! I’m trying to say I want to spend more time with you, and I’m screwing it up just like I knew I would.” The air was knocked out of her lungs as Juliet launched herself into her arms and gripped her tightly.

“Jesus, Trent! You really do suck at this, don’t you?” Juliet grumbled against Trent’s breast.

“I know, but I haven’t had much practice so bear with me.” Trent knew she was pleading but didn’t care. “I’m set in my ways, Jule. I’m solitary and my sex life before has consisted of no fuss, no ties, no swapping numbers. You’re the first woman I’ve wanted to spend time with, to get to know. I told you before, you were worth more than a quick fuck no matter how hot you make me or how desperate I am to hold you down and make you mine.” A flash of fire ignited in Juliet’s blue eyes. Trent’s body reacted by growing tight. “I need to show you something first, then you can decide.”

“Decide what?”

“If I’m worth it.”

*

Juliet could almost feel Trent’s trepidation radiating off her as she led Juliet up the stairs. Instead of heading toward the bedroom, Trent walked a little farther down the landing to another door. It had an elaborate lock system on what was obviously a reinforced door.

Juliet leaned against the wall as Trent unlocked it. “If you’re going to show me a highly personalized S&M dungeon set up in your spare bedroom, I’m going to be more than a little perturbed.”

Trent pushed open the door. Leaning against the door frame, she regarded Juliet steadily.

“I can’t believe I’m going to do this, but there’s a lot I’m doing that I don’t believe where you’re concerned.” Trent’s eyes rose heavenward as she seemed to search for words. “This house is my refuge, my one safe place, my home, and, for some reason I just can’t fathom, you seem to fit right in.” Trent reached out to stroke Juliet’s cheek.

“I wouldn’t betray anything you show me or tell me, Trent.”

Trent pushed the door open farther and stepped back to allow Juliet to enter. Curiosity getting the better of her, Juliet took a few steps, then stopped dead in her tracks. Her mouth dropped open.

“Oh my God, I’ve died and gone to gamer heaven!” Trent released a soft snort behind her, but she didn’t follow Juliet inside; instead she left Juliet to explore on her own. Juliet looked all around the room. The blinds were drawn, but a bright white strip light bathed the room in a clean, crisp illumination. Center stage in the room was a padded chair, beside it a small table covered in various games controllers all laid out in neat rows. A huge-screen TV dominated the room. Juliet estimated its screen was at least sixty inches. “That’s some TV.”

“You should have seen Elton and me getting it up the stairs.”

Juliet continued looking around. The wall behind the TV was a massive bookcase lined with game cases. Juliet edged closer and noticed everything was organized by console and then alphabetized. “You have your games listed by name?”

“Wouldn’t you with that many to sort through?”

Juliet had to agree. She was fascinated by the endless array of older games in their big boxes sitting next to games in newer plastic cases she was familiar with as ones now littering her sister’s room. One box, an old Space Invaders box, stood out among the rest. Juliet acknowledged its implied importance by the way it was positioned so prominently. On the wall to the right was a smaller bookcase housing consoles. Some of them Juliet didn’t recognize, but they were of every size and system. She noticed a few were the same machine, only in different colors.

“You have two of some?” Juliet asked.

“Limited editions.”

“Like a Resident Evil red.”

“Exactly. I forgot you were talking to Zoe for a while.”

A small love seat sat under the window and Juliet moved to seat herself there, aware that the chair in the room was undoubtedly Trent’s. She moved aside a few of the gaming magazines that lay on the cushions and sat back to take it all in. Her eyes fell on Trent hanging back in the doorway.

“This room is amazing.”

Trent stepped inside and Juliet saw how her posture shifted.
You feel safest in here
.
Why do you need to feel safe, Trent? What scares you so much outside this room?

“When I first moved in, I did this room and my bedroom first. It took me a while to get it like it is now, and it’s only been recently that I could afford the bigger screen.” Trent’s eyes shone with her excitement. “Sixty-two inches, HDTV, plasma screen. You wouldn’t believe how cool it looks seeing all your soldiers in high definition when you deploy them on this baby.”

Juliet was enthralled by Trent’s obvious glee. “You sound just like a guy commenting on size. Does Elton play here with you?”

“No. No one plays in my room except for me.”

Juliet wondered at the emphatic answer. She just waited until Trent seemed ready to explain more. Trent finally sat in her chair and swiveled it to face her.

“I know it sounds crazy.
My
house,
my
room,
my
games, but it’s just how I am.”

“I understand. I had my own place in Chicago and loathed to share it with anyone else. I had everything where I wanted it and hated it when someone came over and disrupted my order. Sharing with someone again has been hard.”

“Elton and I keep our homes separate from work. He does have occasional parties. He’s not quite as bad as I am.” Trent made a wry face. “If it was known I had this much space, I’d have Eddie sleeping on the living room floor every other week because his mother has kicked him out again.” Trent ran her hands over the arms of her chair. “This is my place. I grew up never having privacy. This is my chance to do whatever I want, when I want.”

“Tell me about this room.” Trent’s eyes sparkled as she warmed to having someone to share her treasures with. Her pride was obvious at what she’d accomplished with the room.

“I practically live in here, which is why downstairs is a little desolate.” She pointed to the shelves. “Those are every game I own. I rarely trade in. Sorry, but that would be too much like giving away my children.”

Juliet loved Trent’s exaggerated horror at the mere thought.

“I have nearly every console available from past to present. Some of these machines are no longer in production so are rare and very valuable.”

“No wonder you have security on the door.”

“And the high-tech security system I have on the house.” Trent pointed to her side. “These are the consoles I use for my general playing and my online gaming.” She shifted in the chair and pointed beside Juliet. “And then there’s my computer, which is also gamer friendly.” Trent sat back and faced the screen. “I compete from here. I have everything set up for easy access, and I can just sit back and play with anyone from anywhere in the world.” She looked back at Juliet. “I love this room; it’s where all the fun begins.”

“It’s the perfect reflection of you, this and your bedroom.” She studied Trent quietly. She had to ask the question that was gnawing at her brain. “Why am I the first person invited into your house? And more importantly, into this room?”

“I need you to see how much this all means to me. This is me. I play games for hours on end. Yes, it’s a part of my job, but mostly it’s because I love games. This isn’t like me coming home hours late from work. This is a dedication to something most people think is a waste of time.”