Playing the Game (24 page)

“
Jess,” I said, a little
ragged. “You’re supposed to keep that on.”

“
Not now,” he said,
running his lips over the hollow at the base of my throat. “It’s in
the way.”

He took me with such passion that I could
only cling to him, body pressed tightly against his. When it was
over, he fell beside me, gathering me to his chest. He planted
sweet kisses to my temple and mumbled incoherent things in my
ear.

I could hardly move so I allowed him to
shower all the affection on me that he wanted while I traced lazy
patterns on his chest. This was the Jess I missed – the one no one
else ever got to see.

I shifted so I could rest my head on his
chest and listen as his heart slowed to a normal rhythm.

“
What got into you today?”
I asked.

He chuckled – a little nervously it seemed-
and kissed my hair. “I’ve been an ass lately, I know.”

I snorted. “That’s an understatement.”

He kissed me again and used his right arm to
pull me tighter against him. “I love you, Aubrey. I appreciate what
you’ve done for me. I don’t want you to leave.”

I lifted my head to look in his eyes.

“
Did you hear about my job
somehow?” I asked, confused.

“
What job?” he asked. His
brows pulled together over his beautiful eyes.

I explained to him about Jon and what I
would be doing. I winced, bracing for his wrath, but he only
smiled.

“
That’s cool, I guess. But
I really don’t want you to move out, Aubrey. Just promise me you’ll
think about it.”

“
Jess,” I said, sensing
something uneasy behind his words. “What is going on? Something’s
not right, here.”

He sighed as he sat up, taking me with him.
He kissed me softly, his lips lingering on mine before breaking
away.

“
Damn. Aubrey, you’re
mother called the house today. She didn’t think you’d answer your
cell if you saw it was her. She wants to talk to you. She wants you
to come home.”

Chapter Nineteen

You’re mother called. She
wants to talk to you. She wants you to come home
.

The words echoed over and over in my head as
I tried to concentrate on the English assignment I needed to
finish.

I’d assured Jess that I wouldn’t go home to
her. I’d promised I’d figure out what I’d say before I called. He’d
nodded, though his beautiful eyes were drenched in distrust.

With a sigh, I slammed the book shut. I
closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. I knew I needed to get to bed
but sleep would not come easy.

Glancing at the microwave clock, I shoved my
book next to the others on the kitchen table, wondering vaguely if
Jess would be home soon. He’d followed me around the house
relentlessly the past two days, afraid that I’d run back to my
mother. It was a relief when Troy called and asked him to come by
when the team returned from the road trip. The season was days from
being over and Jess wanted to spend a little time with his
teammates before they all scattered for the winter. I practically
pushed him out the door, happy to be rid of him for a few
hours.

I leaned on my arms and contemplated my
living arrangements. A few notices had appeared on the bulletin
board regarding apartments and I’d taken tabs from every one of
them. Pulling them out of my pocket, I spread them out on the
table. I glanced at the phone sitting on the counter where Jess had
left it and bit my lip. I had a job. I’d enrolled in college. Now I
could potentially have a place of my own.

Groaning, I slid my head to the table.
Images of Jess’s face before he left earlier that evening flooded
my mind. His eyes had searched my face as he’d leaned in to plant a
firm kiss on my lips. For the first time since I’d known him, I’d
spotted fear.

“
He doesn’t want me to
leave, does he?” I asked no one in particular. And if I’d only
allow myself to dig deep down, I’d realize that I didn’t really
want to leave, either. “But how can I just…live…with
him?”

You already are,
cookie
, an annoying voice told me. I
sighed, gazing at the books piled beside me. I thought I had my
life neatly in order, finally, but I felt totally lost inside.
Would I ever know what I wanted?

***

Flipping to my back, I stared at the ceiling
in the dark. Sleep lurked around the corner but continued to play
hard to get as I waited for Jess to get home. I groaned and pounded
on the mattress. First I wanted him to leave to get him out of my
hair and then I couldn’t wait for him to get home? What was wrong
with me?

Sitting up, I listened as the floor creaked
beyond the cracked door. Heavy footsteps stopped right outside the
bedroom, blocking the hall light from filtering into the room. I
fell back to the pillows and closed my eyes, waiting for him to
push the door open and plop on the bed.

Finally, he did enter but he didn’t sink to
the bed like I thought he would to pull off his shoes and kick off
his pants. I gave in to temptation and opened my eyes, startled to
find him hovering over the bed.

“
You are awake,” he simply
said.

“
Jess? What’s the matter?”
My heart trembled as my shaky hand reached for the lamp on the
night stand. He grabbed my hand, sinking to the bed, and my fear
tripled.

“
Aubrey, did you call your
mother yet?”

“
No,” I said, blinking to
force my eyes to grow accustomed to the light. I wanted to see his
face so I could determine his mood. “Not yet.”

“
I saw the phone numbers
on the table. The ones for the apartments.” His voice was firm but
his tone unsettled me.

“
I didn’t call about
them,” I whispered.

“
Don’t.” He dropped my
hand so he could grab my shoulders and gently pull me upright. A
hint of beer floated in the air near his head. “Stay with
me.”

“
Jess,” I said
desperately. “I…I don’t know that I want to move out, but I don’t
know that I just want to live with you.”

“
So marry me,” he said as
if suggesting I try a new brand of toothpaste. “We’ll just get
married.”

My heart stopped as I gasped for breath.
“Are you drunk?”

“
Of course.” His laughter
shook the bed. “I’m pretty hammered.”

Pain started my heart and I preferred for it
to still – I’d take a dead heart over the pain of his declaration.
“So, you’re not serious.”

He grabbed my chin and kissed me. “I’m
serious. I’ve thought about it and I think we should just get
married. This weekend. We’ll go to the courthouse.”

I snorted, not sure if it was really Jess
talking or the alcohol. “I don’t think my parents would be too
happy if I didn’t have a big wedding.”

He released me, jumping to his unsteady
feet. Anger radiated off of him like steam from a sizzling steak.
“Who cares what they think? Must you always do things to please
everyone else? Why can’t you do what Aubrey wants for once?”

His anger seeped into my skin and I crawled
out of bed to stand in front of him. “I am doing what I want. I got
a job. I’m going to school. And I’m living with you.”

“
So you don’t want to
marry me.”

It wasn’t a question.

“
You don’t want to marry
me,” I stated as the pain increased. “You just want to do it
because you think it’s what I want. You climb on your high horse
and preach to me about growing a backbone and standing up to people
to do what I want. Look at you! You want to marry not because it’s
what you want but what you think will please me. Talk about
hypocritical!”

He grabbed my shoulders and I winced as his
fingers dug into my skin. “I do want to marry you, Aubrey. I’ve
wanted to marry you since high school but I thought it wasn’t a
good idea at the time. I thought leaving was what was best for
you.”

“
Hmph,” I managed, not
sure what else to say. “So why did you put up such a fuss when I
wanted us to be together when we finally met up again?”

“
Because I thought I would
hurt you again,” he barked. “But since I’ve had to come to terms
with my arm and the accident and now I’m facing yet another
surgery, I decided to just do it.”

“
What if I decide to sign
a recording contract?” I challenged. I had to make sure he was
sincere.

“
We’ll figure it out,
Aubrey,” he said, his voice low and defeated. “I thought you wanted
this?”

“
I do,” I whispered,
finding the words ironic in an almost comical way.

“
Then what the hell is the
problem?”

Did he want a list?

“
Jess, you’re drunk. Ask
me again in the morning.” I wanted to beg, even considered getting
on my knees, but I was afraid that would enrage him.

But I needn’t have worried – my mere words
did that.

“
I am not
that
drunk!” he roared.
“I was being sarcastic.”

A low growl rumbled in his throat as he
whipped away from me and ran his hands through his hair. I longed
to wrap my arms around his waist and comfort him – tell him I’d
marry him – but I couldn’t.

“
Why is this so
hard?”

“
I don’t know, Jess,” I
said, a little anger touching my heart. “Maybe because a few months
ago you didn’t even want me for a girlfriend and now you’re asking
me to be your wife. I don’t know what to think. I just wish I could
talk to …”

“
Who?” he demanded,
whirling around to glare at me. “Your mother? Sister? Kendra? Why
can’t you just make a decision for yourself?”

“
This is an awfully big
decision to make!” I screamed. And I was right. Deciding not to
sign a recording contract in lieu of taking college classes was
cake in comparison. “This is the rest of my life.”

“
Mine too,” he said,
lowering his voice. “I had to do a lot of soul searching, which
isn’t my cup of tea, as you well know. But I know this is what I
want. Problem is, do you want it? I’m thinking not.”

“
Yeah, Jess, I realize
that. But you had time to think about this. I didn’t.”

“
We’re going in circles
here, Aubrey. I’m getting dizzy.”

He snatched a pillow off the bed and stormed
out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Flinching, I stood
in the dark, staring in the direction of the door, hoping he’d come
back. But of course Jess was Jess and there was no way in hell he’d
come back.

I sat on the edge of the bed, cradling my
head in my hands. Of course I wanted to marry him but what would
happen if I agreed and he woke up in the morning with a clear head
and didn’t remember asking? Or worse – what if he regretted
asking?

Tears rolled down my face as I contemplated
what I should do next. I longed to find him and curl up in his arms
but that definitely wouldn’t solve anything. Oh, why did he have to
propose after spending the evening drinking with the guys?

And when was the last time
Jess said something that he hadn’t meant
?
that little voice asked. Snorting, I ticked points off my finger.
The time he said we couldn’t be in a relationship but then claimed
I was his woman. I strained to think of other times and couldn’t
remember anything.

I’m changing and so is he, I realized. We
both are.

Sighing, I drew in a deep breath, wiping the
tears away. He’d forced me to try things and to spread my wings. He
made me realize that my life didn’t have to revolve around music
and that I was in charge of it – not my mother. And even though I
was still a little lost at what to do with myself, I knew for
certain that I loved him and didn’t ever want to live without him
again.

I actually twiddled my thumbs for a couple
seconds before pouncing from the bed and heading for the door. I
pulled it open and stumbled toward the guest room. Peeking inside,
I frowned when I found it empty. Certainly he hadn’t left the
house? No, there were other bedrooms - he had to be in one of
them.

The sound of the television distracted me
from my search. I changed course to head to the living room. I
stopped in my tracks when I spotted Jess’s long legs draped over
the arm of the sofa and the TV flashing a blue light on the walls.
I shook my hair out of my face, pulled my shoulders back, and
marched into the room. I positioned myself in front of the TV and
waited for him to speak.

The pillow he’d pilfered from the bed was
nestled under his head along with his right arm. His left arm
rested on his stomach, the remote control clutched in his hand. His
lazy gaze ran over me. “You’re blocking my view.”

“
Okay, Jess,” I snapped.
“Let’s hash this out.”

“
After the news,” he said,
waving me away. “I want to see the sports scores.”

I snatched the remote out of his hand and
clicked off the TV. I slammed the remote on the table and rested my
hands on my hips. “No, not after the news. Now.”

He tilted his head and smirked. “Bossy,
aren’t we?” He slid his legs off the couch, sitting up with a
lifted brow. “What’s got your panties in a bunch?”

My jaw fell – I had no control over it – and
my eyes nearly jumped from my face. I couldn’t believe he could sit
there so nonchalantly and ask why I was upset.

“
Was I the only one in the
room a few minutes ago?” I demanded.

He rolled his eyes, smirk still toying with
his lips. “So, what, you came out here to make wedding plans or
were you just coming to inform me that you’re moving out?”