Playing the Game (25 page)

I’d forgotten he knew just exactly how to
ruffle my feathers. I had to take a couple deep breaths before I
could speak.

“
I came here to talk to
you.”

“
So talk,” he said.
Amusement sparkled in his eyes, infuriating me. Where had his anger
and frustration gone? Had he dismissed our argument that easily?
Did it not matter to him that I was on the verge of the biggest
decision of my life?

“
I…aren’t you…still…mad?”
I stammered.

He lifted a shoulder, eyes still on me.
“What’s the point? Sure, I was mad, but it didn’t solve anything,
did it?”

“
I…er…well…no,” I
stuttered, still not able to form a coherent sentence. My anger was
evaporating only to be replaced by uncertainty.

“
So I’m not mad. You’re
obviously not ready to make a decision and it’s wrong of me to try
to push you,” he said so simply I wondered if maybe we’d blown the
entire thing out of proportion.

“
But why did you storm out
of the room with a pillow?” The words sounded totally ridiculous as
soon as they left my mouth but it was much too late to call them
back.

He laughed and my anger returned. “I wanted
to get comfortable on the couch and watch the sports scores before
I came to bed.”

My burning eyes made me wish that I could
shoot razors from them. My hand itched to slap him so I clenched it
into a tight fist to ward off temptation.

“
You made me think you
were mad at me.”

“
Well, I was, a little,”
he admitted. “So I came out here to cool off.” He got to his feet
and took my hand, lifting it to his lips. “I’m sorry, Aubrey Rose.
I shouldn’t have put pressure on you like that.”

“
It’s…um…okay,” I said,
feeling incredibly more stupid each time my mouth opened. I decided
to take a tiny step back, metaphorically, and clear my mind. I
needed to tell him how I was feeling and I needed to do it right. I
couldn’t stammer or blurt out the wrong words. I needed to be clear
and concise.

“
Jess, I do love you and I
do want to marry you.”

“
So what’s the
problem?”

“
I guess I just worried
that… well you said you were drunk.”

He laughed again and my heart lifted. He
placed his hands on my hips and tugged me closer, brushing his lips
against mine. “What if I told you that I already bought a ring a
few days ago? When I was sober?”

My stomach flopped and I froze. I opened my
mouth to utter something – anything – but words wouldn’t come.
They’d stuck to the roof of my mouth like soft bread. I swallowed
several times. “You, uh, have a ring?”

His smirk grew to Olympic size. “I do.”

I knew I should be angry at his
lackadaisical attitude but I couldn’t summon the energy. Besides, I
was simply astounded that he’d actually bought a ring. And I really
wanted to see it.

“
So, you do want to marry
me? You’re not saying it because you’ve been drinking?”

“
Damn it, Aubrey Rose,” he
said without a hint of annoyance. “When have I ever, drunk or
sober, said something I didn’t mean?”

Before I could answer, he kissed me and my
resolve wavered.

“
I don’t want to be taken
care of, Jess,” I mumbled.

“
I know,” he said with an
over-exaggerated eye roll. “I kind of thought you’d take care of
me.”

A hysterical giggle escaped my lips and I
didn’t exactly know what I was feeling. I looked into the eyes I
adored.

“
I’m a little scared,” I
whispered.

“
I’ll be gentle,” he
assured in mock sincerity. I laughed again, hollowly. “Listen, I
understand you’re finally living your own life and that doesn’t
have to stop. You can go to school, work, whatever. I’m not going
to stand in your way.”

“
Why?” I prodded. “Why are
you so intent on getting married?”

“
Is that what’s stopping
you from agreeing?” he asked. I nodded, a little shy. He released
me and took a step back. “When I was on that last road trip, I saw
Kendra and Troy together and I was actually,” he shrugged,
“jealous.”

My heart was on its last straw. It couldn’t
take much more. How the hell could Jess be jealous of anyone? And
did he only want me because he only wanted what Troy and Kendra
had? Or was I thinking too much?

“
What do you
mean?”

“
What I mean is that I
wanted you there with me. I
missed
you.” He released an agonizing breath and ran a
hand through his already messy hair. “At first I thought I just
wanted you there because most of the guys have their wives or
girlfriends there but then I realized that that wasn’t true. I
wanted
you
there.
And it shocked me and pissed me off. I mean, who the hell were you
to do that to me? Yeah, I love you and all but I didn’t think it
was that deep.”

He must have read the hurt on my face
because he reached for me and drew me to his body.

“
Aubrey, I don’t mean that
in a bad way. I just mean that I finally got that slap in the face
that made me see how much I loved you and how bad I wanted this
thing between us to be permanent. Then the accident happened and
you flew out to be with me. When I saw you in the hospital room,
crying because I’d been hurt and you were worried, I knew it was
time. So when we got back in town, I went out and bought a ring. I
planned to give it to you that night. I wasn’t planning anything …
mushy or anything. But I wanted it to be nice.” He frowned a bit.
“Then your mom called.”

My poor, abused heart stopped. “I’m sorry,
Jess.”

“
Nah,” he said. “It wasn’t
a big deal. But it did screw things up. So, I been trying to figure
out what to do and I decided to come home tonight and just ask.
Sorry it wasn’t eloquent but you know me.”

I did know him. And I loved him. I couldn’t
refuse. He was my life – the rest was just minor details I’d work
out sooner or later. With him.

I stood on my toes and kissed him. “I’ll
marry you, Jess. Whenever you want.”

Chapter Twenty

Sitting in my parents' driveway, I tapped on
the steering wheel, desperate to control the hyperventilating that
threatened to take my lungs hostage. I leaned back in the seat and
twirled the diamond Jess had placed on my finger the night before,
mesmerized by the kaleidoscope of brilliant light smacking the
interior of the car.

“
Just do it you big
sissy,” I breathed, staring at the house.

I grabbed the door handle and applied slight
pressure. As if I was in slow motion, I opened the door and stepped
out of the car. I slammed it shut before I could give in to
temptation and hopped back in. I ambled up the walk and pressed the
bell, twiddling my thumbs.

They had to home – where else could they be?
But they were certainly taking their time answering the door.
Unless they’d gone out for dinner. Or shopping?

“
Aubrey? Why are you
ringing the bell?” my father asked as he stood in the doorway.
“Just come inside.”

“
Thanks, Dad,” I smiled. I
kissed his scratchy cheek and shuffled nervously to the living
room. “Um, is Mom here?”

“
No,” he answered slowly
as he gestured toward the sofa. I sat. “She ran out to pick up a
pizza. She should be back soon.”

“
Oh,” I said, losing my
nerve. I clasped my hands together and drew inspiration from my
ring. Straightening, I smiled weakly at my father. “So, guess what,
Dad? I’m engaged!”

His jaw fell but his face brightened like
the sunrise on the horizon. “Really now? To Jess, I hope?”

I giggled. “Of course.”

I showed him my ring and he admired it
properly, kissing my hand and giving it a squeeze.

“
Are you happy, Aubrey? I
mean, really happy?”

“
I am, I promise,” I said.
I described what I’d been doing since I’d stormed out of the house
and he nodded.

“
I knew some of it,” he
admitted. “I talked to Gwen. I wanted to call you myself but I
thought you might want a little space.”

“
I appreciate it, Dad, but
I wasn’t running from you. Or Mom.” I swallowed and studied the
meticulous carpet. “I guess I was running from myself. Or toward
myself – whatever metaphorical phrase you want to use.”

“
Are you enjoying
college?” he asked, sitting on the edge of his recliner. “And your
job?”

A good question and one I’d been asking
myself since I sat down for my first lecture.

“
I like my job, a lot,” I
started. I explained the different things Jon had me doing in great
detail. I’d learned quite a bit already and Jon raved constantly
how quick I was to pick up on things. “And he’s going to teach me
the ropes in the sound room next week.”

My father nodded, queer smile on his face.
He scooted back and scratched his temple with his index finger.
“Sounds like you found your niche in the world.”

I gaped at him, certain I
resembled a goldfish in a bowl, as I digested his comment. Maybe
I
had
found my
place. Maybe I
was
meant for music. Jon was so happy with how well I was doing
that he hardly pestered me about recording. And to be perfectly
honest, I did sort of miss singing. But I was determined to at
least give college a try and since I’d already paid for the
semester, I wanted to finish it. I’d decide then if I wanted to
continue.

“
You know,” my dad said,
as though reading my thoughts, “life wasn’t meant to be decided at
once. That’s part of being human; you decide as you go along. Sure,
it might make life easier if you have everything mapped out ahead
of time – but it can also make it pretty dull.”

I smiled at him and sat on the arm of his
chair to give him a hug. “How come you never offered me this advice
before?”

His face flushed as he sputtered. “Well, I
guess I’m just the strong, silent type.”

We both laughed as my mother walked through
the door, steaming pizza in her hands. The room fell quiet as she
stood, gawking at me.

“
Aubrey Rose,” she said
stiffly. She hurried to the kitchen and I groaned, rising to
follow.

She dropped the pizza on the table and
opened the cabinet to fetch three plates. “You’ll stay and eat,
won’t you?”

“
I’m not really hungry,
but thanks,” I mumbled. I watched as she put one plate away and
tossed a couple slices on another. She carried the plate to my
father, along with a can of soda, and returned to glare at
me.

“
So, you’ve decided to
finally return my call in person? Or did…Jess…not give you my
message?”

I swallowed as I grabbed the back of a
chair. “He gave me the message. I just…I didn’t know what to
say.”

She sucked in a breath and I jerked my head
up to catch such a look of astonishment on her face, I was clueless
to what caused her reaction.

“
Mom? Are you
okay?”

“
You…” she stammered,
pointing at my hands. “Is that an engagement ring?”

“
Oh,” I flushed, tucking
my left hand into my right. “Yeah. Um, Jess asked me to marry
him.”

“
And you said yes?” she
accused, face devoid of all color. “You’re going to throw your life
away for that man?”

“
I love him,” I yelled.
“Why can’t you see that? He loves me, too.”

“
So he says,” she
continued. “He’ll use you then turn you loose, just
watch.”

“
He won’t,” I said, voice
shaking but growing in volume. “And so what if he does! It is my
life, Mother. Not yours. Why don’t you let
me
live it for a change?”

I pushed at the chair, emitting a frustrated
groan, and headed for the door. I was determined to leave before I
said something else I would regret.

“
Wait, Aubrey,” she said.
I stopped but didn’t face her. I didn’t want to see the hurt on her
face - I’d probably collapse at her feet. “Don’t go. I’m sorry.
We’ll talk about this.”

I took a couple of deep breaths before
nodding and returning to the table. She pulled out a chair and sat,
indicating I should do the same.

We both studied the pizza in the box,
slowing losing its warmth. Its smell wafted to my nostrils and
nauseated my stomach. I longed for Jess, wishing he were here to
hold my hand, but knowing it was for the best that I was alone. Not
only would he probably open his mouth and make things worse, but I
needed to do this on my own. It was between me and my mother,
anyway.

“
I didn’t mean to hurt
you, Mom,” I said, anxious to break the tension hovering over us as
thick as fog. “I just didn’t know what I wanted out of life. I
wanted to try other things.”

“
And have you?” she asked,
the edge in her voice only slight. “Have you found something you’d
like to do?”

I lifted a shoulder, eyes still on the slimy
mushrooms on my father’s half of the pizza. “I’m taking a few
college classes but I’m not sure that’s for me.” I glanced at her
briefly but she was avoiding eye contact just as fiercely as I was.
“And I got a job working for Jonathan Spitzer. I’m working in his
studio.”

That was all it took to get her to look at
me. Her eyes sparkled. “Really? Are you going to sign with him
after all?”