Please Don't Take My Baby (19 page)

I went with Rachel into the sitting room, where she pushed the door shut. We sat in the armchairs and Rachel tucked her briefcase on the floor beside her feet.

‘I understand Jill has explained to you the main reason for my visit today?’ Rachel said, and I nodded. ‘I’ll talk to Jade when she’s finished with Courtney and go through all my concerns then. It’s obviously going to be very upsetting for Jade and I would like you to be present.’

‘Of course,’ I said.

‘I’ve arranged an emergency professionals meeting for Monday, when a decision on Courtney’s future will be made,’ Rachel continued. ‘Based on the information we have, I think that decision is likely to be that Courtney should be removed from Jade’s care immediately. I have a baby carer on standby ready to take Courtney on Tuesday. Jade will also need to leave this placement on the same day and I shall be talking to Jackie to see if she can return home.’

I stared at Rachel as I struggled with what she’d said. Rachel looked back, serious and concerned. I knew she was finding this difficult.

‘Is there really no alternative?’ I asked after a moment. ‘Jade knows she’s been silly. I’m sure she’s learnt her lesson now. She loves Courtney and she’s trying really hard to be a good mum. Is there no way she can be given another chance?’

Rachel shook her head sadly. ‘Jade’s already been given many chances to prove herself. Now we have to think of the long-term future of her baby and what’s best for her.’

Five minutes later when Jade had finished feeding Courtney she came into the sitting room with Courtney in her arms. She was already in tears – not loud sobs but the pitiful silent crying reminiscent of the newly bereaved. She sat on the sofa and held Courtney very close, while dabbing at her eyes with the tissue she clenched in one hand. Courtney looked at her mother inquisitively, not understanding her tears, and then touched her face. Rachel, I noticed, had her eyes down and concentrated on the floor, as though she couldn’t bear to look at Jade or Courtney.

Finally Rachel looked up and across the room to Jade. ‘I know how difficult all this has been for you,’ she began in a low gentle voice. ‘Having a baby is life changing, and for a girl your age the responsibility can be overwhelming. I want you to know that no one is blaming you, Jade, but we’re having to make some important and very difficult decisions in respect of you and Courtney.’ Rachel paused to allow Jade the opportunity to say something but Jade stayed silent, head lowered and fiddling with the pattern on Courtney’s little jumper.

‘When I’ve visited you here before,’ Rachel continued, ‘we talked about how you needed to take full responsibility for Courtney, just as you would if you were living independently. I know you’ve made some changes, which is good, but I’m afraid those are not sufficient to convince me that you could parent Courtney without a lot of support. And I’m afraid support of the type you would need isn’t available long term.’

I looked at Jade and wondered if she was following what Rachel was saying: that she was leading her, as kindly as possible, down the path towards the inevitable conclusion that she was taking Courtney from her.

‘Jade,’ Rachel said in the same kind and patient manner, ‘it’s important you understand the reasons for the decisions that we are having to make in respect of you and Courtney’s future.’

Jade gave a small nod.

‘You remember the issues we discussed in relation to parenting Courtney?’ Rachel asked.

‘Yes, and I’m doing what you said,’ Jade blurted, desperation in her voice. ‘Ask Cathy if you don’t believe me. She’ll tell you.’

‘I do believe you,’ Rachel said.

‘Jade understands what is required,’ I said. ‘She’s making the necessary changes. I am doing less and less in respect of parenting Courtney.’

Rachel smiled weakly. ‘Good, but there are other issues,’ she said, returning her attention to Jade. ‘Jade, you were late taking Courtney for her second vaccination and she hasn’t had her third at all yet. In order for an infant to be fully protected the vaccines must be given within a set time – otherwise the child can contract diseases and even die.’

Jade didn’t respond and kept her head down.

‘When was the last time you went to the clinic to have Courtney weighed and checked?’ Rachel asked. ‘You’re supposed to take her every week.’

I stopped myself from saying ‘I thought she was.’ For Jade had been telling me she’d been going to the clinic every Monday afternoon. When she’d returned and I’d asked her how much weight Courtney had gained, she’d given a figure, which I now realized must have been made up.

Jade couldn’t look at either of us but carried on fiddling with Courtney’s jumper.

‘I’d like to see Courtney’s red book, please,’ Rachel said.

‘I haven’t got it,’ Jade said.

‘Can you arrange to get it for me, please?’ Rachel asked.

‘No. I lost it ages ago,’ Jade said, which added to the deceit. Jade had been telling me that the nurse at the clinic had been recording Courtney’s weight and measurements in the red book. I’d trusted Jade and had never thought to ask to see the book.

‘We’ll need to get another red book,’ Rachel said, and taking a sheet of paper from her briefcase she made a note. There was then a short silence as though Rachel was summoning her thoughts and courage to continue. ‘Jade, you and I have spoken previously about your behaviour when you are away from Cathy and outside this house. I understand you’ve been telling Cathy that you’ve been going to your mum’s regularly – sometimes twice a week. But Jackie says she hasn’t seen you for at least a month. However, you have been seen in a gang hanging around the mall, the bowling alley and on the forecourt of the Queen’s Head pub. Those are not suitable places to take a young baby. Do you know a member of the public was so concerned to see a little baby in the care of a group of teenagers who were smoking and drinking that she called the social services? I’m sorry, Jade, but you need to see your behaviour as others see it.’

Rachel paused and Jade’s face crumpled. Without raising her head, Jade wiped away the fresh tears that now fell.

‘I’m sure you didn’t intentionally mean to cause Courtney harm,’ Rachel continued. ‘But some of your behaviour has put Courtney in danger. My job is to protect your baby as well as looking after you. At least twice to my knowledge you have left Courtney in the care of Chelsea’s little sister, who is eleven years old. Do you think that was responsible behaviour, Jade?’

Jade didn’t look up or say anything, but I could tell from her anguished expression she understood what Rachel was saying and bitterly regretted her actions.

‘There are other issues too,’ Rachel said. ‘Managing a budget is as an important part of parenting as making sure your baby is fed and warm. Jade, in addition to the money Cathy gives you from the fostering allowance, you are in receipt of benefit. You were also given a maternity grant of four hundred pounds, which was supposed to buy essential items for Courtney like a pram and cot. But I understand you are still using Cathy’s baby equipment. Where is that money, Jade?’

There was a silence before Jade said: ‘I haven’t got it.’

‘Where is it?’ Rachel asked.

‘I’ve spent it.’

‘On what?’

There was another pause before Jade said quietly: ‘A new phone and other stuff.’

‘Oh, Jade,’ I sighed, as Rachel wrote.

‘And Courtney was supposed to sleep in a new phone, was she?’ Rachel asked without any trace of humour.

Jade shook her head and more tears silently fell.

‘You’re in receipt of benefit now,’ Rachel continued. ‘That money is to buy food and clothing for you and Courtney, as well as nappies, creams and so on. But I understand Cathy still buys these things in her weekly supermarket shop.’ Rachel looked at Jade for a response but she kept her head down and shrugged.

‘What are you doing with all that money?’ Rachel asked.

‘I don’t know,’ Jade said gloomily. ‘It just goes.’

‘On cigarettes and drink?’ Rachel asked.

Jade shrugged.

It was now obvious to Jade, as it was to me, that her behaviour had fallen a long way short of what was required to take care of and protect her baby. I knew Jade loved Courtney but I was having to accept, painful though it was, that her love alone was not enough for Jade to be allowed to keep Courtney. I’d fostered children before whose parents loved them but for various reasons couldn’t look after them. It‘s always dreadfully sad when a child cannot live with their natural parents, but sometimes there is no alternative and adoption is in the best long-term interest of the child. Whether the parents ever recovered from losing their child I didn’t know, but I doubted it.

As Rachel finished talking the room had fallen silent except for Courtney’s occasional chuntering. I braced myself for what Rachel was going to say next. Jade must have anticipated it too, for, hugging Courtney protectively to her, she looked up at Rachel and begged: ‘I’ll do anything, but please don’t take my baby.’

I saw Rachel’s bottom lip tremble and she paused to compose herself before replying. ‘I’m not taking your baby now, Jade. There is a professionals meeting on Monday and they will make a decision on what is best for Courtney then.’

Jade’s brow creased in pain and I swallowed hard. ‘Will you tell the professionals that I’ve changed?’ Jade pleaded. ‘Tell them I know what I’ve done wrong and I’m very sorry. I promise it won’t happen again. Tell them I love Courtney. Please tell them. If they give me another chance I’ll be the best mother ever. But don’t let them take my baby. Please.’

I felt my eyes brim. Rachel was struggling to contain her emotion too. ‘I’ll tell them,’ she said quietly, her voice unsteady. ‘I promise I will.’

Looking down, Rachel slipped the paper she’d been writing on into her briefcase, and it was a moment before she could look up again. I looked at Jade, who was holding Courtney very close and gently rocking her back and forth, as much for her own comfort as for her baby’s.

‘Do you have any questions?’ Rachel asked after a moment.

Jade shook her head. ‘Just tell them I love my baby, and I’ll look after her.’

Rachel nodded and then stood. ‘Goodbye then, Jade,’ she said. ‘I’ll see you again on Tuesday.’ Then to me: ‘Is ten o’clock on Tuesday all right?’

‘Yes,’ I said.

I saw Rachel to the front. She paused with her hand on the door before going out. ‘Look after them both,’ she said. ‘Sometimes I hate my job.’

I had little doubt that once in her car she would cry, for what could be worse for a social worker than to have to permanently separate a mother from her baby?

I returned down the hall. I really didn’t want to go into the sitting room and face Jade. My usual optimism had gone and I couldn’t think of a single word that would offer her some comfort or support. There was nothing I could say that would ease her pain and I was acutely aware that we had five agonizing days until Tuesday, when Rachel would return to take Courtney.

In the sitting room I looked at Jade. She was on the sofa, still holding Courtney very close and gently rocking her. ‘Do you want a drink of water or anything?’ I asked quietly.

‘No,’ she said, and fresh tears fell.

I went over and sat beside her. I put my arms around her shoulders and gently hugged her. Courtney was now growing restless and I thought we needed to continue with her usual routine.

‘Courtney usually has a nap now,’ I said to Jade. ‘Do you want to settle her in her cot?’

Jade nodded and without saying anything stood and carried Courtney out of the room. I heard her footsteps on the stairs and then go round the landing and into her bedroom. When she hadn’t returned downstairs fifteen minutes later I went up to her room. Her bedroom door was closed and I knocked lightly. There was no reply. I knocked again and then opened the door.

Courtney was asleep in her cot and Jade was lying on her bed, watching her. ‘Are you all right?’ I asked quietly, taking a couple of steps into the room.

Jade gave a small nod.

‘Are you coming downstairs now?’

‘No. I want to stay with Courtney.’

‘All right, love. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.’

I came out and quietly closed the door. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing in leaving Jade lying there, watching Courtney, but I didn’t have any other suggestions, and I could appreciate why she wanted to be with Courtney and make the most of every minute she had left with her.

Jill phoned as promised during the afternoon. ‘How are you?’ she asked. ‘Rachel said it was a difficult meeting.’

‘Yes, it was,’ I agreed. ‘Very difficult.’

‘Where’s Jade now?’

‘In her bedroom, watching Courtney sleep.’

‘Keep an eye on her. Make sure she doesn’t do anything silly.’ From which I assumed Jill meant running away or trying to harm herself.

‘I will,’ I said.

‘And Cathy, Rachel forgot to tell Jade that she’ll need to make a statement to the police about the shoplifting incident. Could you tell her, please? And that Rachel will arrange to go with her to the police station later next week or the following week.’

‘All right,’ I said, feeling that Jade really didn’t need this on top of everything else right now. ‘Did Rachel say anything else to you that she didn’t tell us?’

‘No. Just about having to make a statement.’

‘So am I right in thinking that Rachel will definitely take Courtney on Tuesday?’ I asked. ‘She told me she had baby carers on standby.’

Jill paused before she replied: ‘Yes, that’s the plan. Cathy, I know how much this is hurting you, but some of Jade’s behaviour has been so unsafe it has put Courtney at risk of harm. Many social workers would have made the decision to remove Courtney before this. Rachel has given Jade extra chances.’

‘I know, I understand,’ I said. ‘Tyler asked me if I could adopt Courtney, but that isn’t a possibility, is it?’

‘No,’ Jill said kindly. ‘But the social services will find Courtney a family as loving as yours is to adopt her.’ Which was supposed to cheer me up but didn’t.

Jill finished by reminding me to call the agency if I needed any help or advice tomorrow or over the weekend.

‘I will,’ I said. We said goodbye and I replaced the handset.

The weekend loomed and I was dreading it.

Jade stayed in her room until Courtney woke and then she changed her and brought her downstairs. She sat on the sofa for most of the afternoon, deep in thought and holding her baby close. A couple of times I asked her if she was all right, which was a daft question, but I didn’t know what else to say. She said she was, but clearly she wasn’t, and we both concentrated on Courtney. But being with Courtney was bittersweet now we were aware it would be short-lived. All her charming little ways, which previously had been so endearing and made you love her even more, now seemed a torturous reminder of what we would be missing in the future. In some ways it would have been better if Rachel had taken Courtney with her that morning, to get it over and done with.

When it was time for me to collect Paula from school I asked Jade if she would like to come but she didn’t want to. I was reluctant to leave Jade alone with Courtney in case she did something desperate like snatching her, but I couldn’t force Jade to come with me. I waited until the last possible minute to leave the house and I took the car to school instead of walking. I was home again fifteen minutes later and to my relief Jade was where I’d left her: in the sitting room with Courtney on her lap.

Paula was pleased to see Jade, as in the past she’d often been out when Paula had arrived home from school, and Thursday had been one of the days Jade had supposedly visited her mother. However, Paula soon realized that Jade wasn’t her usual chatty self and left her alone and went off to amuse herself. Indeed Jade hardly said a word to anyone. Dinner was another gloomy meal as it had been the evening before and I was pleased when we’d finished and I could clear away the dishes. I then helped Adrian with his homework and Paula with her reading, which redirected my attention, for a while at least, away from Jade and Courtney and the huge dark cloud that hung over us and seemed to be growing denser by the hour.