Please Don't Tell My Parents I'm a Supervillain (47 page)

At one of the tables a high school girl in a black and purple dress with black and purple hair fingered wooden dolls. A twitching and elaborately engraved robot woman had its arm around her shoulders and tapped two knives lying on the table instead.

That was the kind of memory you file away to keep.

As I stared, trying to stamp into my brain the image of this girl’s shy, worried face turned up to her mechanical guardian, Claire grabbed my wrist and yanked me almost off my feet. No, she wasn’t Ray, but maybe I needed to make it a little more clear to her just how strong she’d become! I managed to stumble into a hurried trot as she dragged me over to the elevators shouting, “Come on, come on!”

We got to the top of the escalator, and she yanked me aside again. Only a few steps this time, before we pulled up short and she squeaked, “It is!”

Ray seemed to know what she was talking about. “Wow,” he echoed in a low voice.

I didn’t get it. I’d been dragged upstairs to watch a mahjong game. I wasn’t even sure it was mahjong. I didn’t know the rules, and I’d never played, I was just guessing because three men and a woman sat around a table playing something with funny little tiles.

Three men and one woman? Supervillainy hadn’t really caught up with the twenty-first century yet.

“What am I looking at?” I whispered to Claire. They were obviously rich. Their chips were actual gold coins, and the old guy with chain mail peeking out under his shirt had a suspiciously well-dressed young woman standing very close to his chair. The scarred man in military dress had two. The shriveled little man with the bulging head only had his tiny, floating attendant robots, but I did feel some amusement that the two sleekly dressed henchmen behind the muscular dark skinned woman were gratuitously pretty. At least the shallow privileges of success were equal opportunity.

“Cossack, Tyrant, the Queen of Swords, and Organism One,” she answered.

Oh. Yikes. I hadn’t known what they looked like, but I knew their names alright. My parents had kept me from going to kindergarten one day because to step outside our house would have been to succumb to Organism One’s mind control. For that one day, he’d ruled all of Southern California. Mom had been instrumental in uncovering the plot that had placed way too many of Cossack’s minions in top government positions.

They hardly ever acted publicly, but, when they did, even one of these four could be a threat to the world. That we weren’t drowning in heroes trying to bring them in said a lot about the strength of Chinatown’s truce.

They looked at us. All four stopped their game and turned to stare at me, Ray, and Claire.

Ray stepped forward, taking off his hat to wave it in a deep, florid bow. For once, his exaggerated English accent sounded perfectly appropriate. “Please accept our apologies. My friends are Bad Penny and E-Claire, and I go by Reviled. I’m certain we’ll be working together someday, but, for now, we had neither intent nor desire to interrupt your game.”

“Reviled,” repeated Queen of Swords. Gracefully, she stood up and indicated her seat. “If you want to be one of us, cash in.”

Ray hesitated. Then he lowered his head. “I said ‘someday.’ I do not gamble when I have no chance of winning… yet.”

I only half heard him, because things got very confused. In the middle of his sentence, a blur rushed past me, and pain jolted my head and neck as someone yanked my helmet off. His superhuman speed didn’t help him. Ray’s hand caught the blur’s wrist, and pulled a teenage boy up short. None of this interrupted his answer to Queen of Swords, and the thief’s butt thumped against the floor before the word ‘yet’ finished.

Without a helmet, my braids fell out over my back. Maybe only Spider was gauche enough to blackmail us with our identities, but I felt horribly exposed, and everyone around me suddenly looked much bigger and older than me. I pulled up the goggles Cybermancer’d given me and fastened them over my eyes. Much better.

The excessively curvy redhead leaned over Tyrant’s shoulder and addressed me directly. “You look great, Bad Penny. More mad scientists need pigtails. Oh, and Reviled? Good answer.”

Maybe she wasn’t just a floozy. The four evil masterminds turned back to their game, Queen of Swords sliding back into her seat as if the redhead had spoken for them all.

It still wasn’t over. A Chinese kid, maybe second grade, tapped Ray timidly on the arm. The teenage thief silently, eyes wide, handed Ray my helmet. When he had it Ray let go of the thief’s arm, and the teenager bolted away with super speed. Only then did Ray turn to look at the little boy.

The Chinese boy gave him a nervous, bobbing bow and explained, “Please, Mr. Reviled, Master Scorpion wishes to speak to you.”

He pointed, and we looked. An old man stood bare-chested on a mat at the other end of the mezzanine. Maybe he was only early middle-aged. Those rock hard muscles would have been the envy of any twenty-year-old, and, with his bald head, the only clues I had to his age were lines around his eyes and lines of gray in his pointy beard. He stood arrogantly straight, watching us with arms folded. Around him a loose circle of men in martial arts pajamas and ninja black watched us as well. No two of them looked remotely alike. Not even one of them looked happy.

“Please, Mr. Reviled, Master Scorpion insists,” the little boy urged us.

Ray dropped my helmet into my arms and walked down the mezzanine to meet the old man. “Strode” might be a better word. Ray was leggy, and he took advantage of it with long, even steps. He might not be rushing, but he clearly wasn’t taking his time.

Claire and I followed after him. Ray stopped at the edge of the mat, and Master Scorpion stared down at him. The old guy’s face was as hard-edged as his chest, and he had an impressively cold, angry stare. His voice was just as harsh. “They call you Reviled.”

Ray bowed, not floridly but deeply and stiffly, straight from the waist. “Everyone knows who you are, Master Scorpion.”

That had technically been a lie. I didn’t know who this guy was, but I was clearly the odd girl out here. The assembled ninjas watched Ray and Scorpion like the secret of life might be hidden in this conversation. Claire had her hands clasped behind her back and rocked forward and back on her heels nervously.

This scorpion guy was hard, motionless like a rock except for his eyes and his mouth—and they hardly moved as he declared, “Every week these men try to prove that they are strong enough to inherit my skills. This week you are one of them. Spar with me.”

It was very much an order, and Claire didn’t like it. She winced and took a half step closer to me. Ray lowered his head, a miniature echo of his former bow. “I could not possibly refuse such an invitation.”

Ray stepped onto the mat. Master Scorpion stepped toward him. There was no signal that I could see. They walked up to each other, and the old guy jabbed a punch at Ray’s face. It struck in an eye blink, but Ray still pushed it aside with his forearm and punched back at Master Scorpion’s shoulder. They hadn’t stopped walking. Their arms and legs tangled together, they swung around, and I saw Ray’s elbow come within a hair’s breadth of the old man’s chin. Master Scorpion didn’t miss. His hand slammed into Ray’s midsection, sending Ray flying out off the mat to hit the wall.

I hadn’t had time to scream; it happened so fast. My whole body had frozen up with tension. I forced my muscles to move. I had to check on Ray.

No, I didn’t have to. Ray wheezed and fought for breath, but he pushed himself back up to his feet. For once, I didn’t find his grin charming. It looked crazy. Still, he obviously couldn’t do anything stupid while he was struggling to breathe and stand.

Master Scorpion pointed at Ray, arm extended like a spear. His harsh voice rasped, “I want you, boy. One year. Train under me for one year, and, when we are finished, you will humiliate Joe the Fist. You will fight him, and he will look like the child.”

Still shaking, Ray bowed. His voice sounded pretty raspy too. “It was an honor to match myself against the Master, but I am not looking for a teacher right now.”

My gut tightened again. Master Scorpion did not look like the kind of guy who took refusals well. When he grinned, it shocked me, and his reply sounded almost jovial. “I can wait. There are limits to what you can teach yourself. Sooner rather than later, you will come to me.”

A clank off to the side pulled my eyes away from Ray and Master Scorpion. Lucyfar’s hands gripped the edge of the railing, and, with a fierce jerk, she pulled herself up and over onto the mezzanine.

Lucyfar was already chattering. “That was wicked! You impressed Master Crab Face? Come on. Spider told me to keep an eye out for you kids, be your welcome wagon. I’ll take you to her first, then we’ll have the whole night to party! You haven’t had your fortunes told yet, right?”

The change of conversation made me dizzy. Master Scorpion showed no sign that he resented or even noticed being called Master Crab Face. Lucyfar grabbed Ray’s hand, and my wrist when I wouldn’t let go of my helmet. Claire let out a little squeak, and I saw the flash of a black shape pushing her toward us. Claire latched onto my other arm with both of her hands. In seconds Lucyfar was pulling us all toward the escalators.

“Gangway! Official arachnid business! People cooler than you, coming through!” Lucyfar barked as she marched us down the escalators, threading us through the three supervillains who’d been content to let it carry them down normally.

We’d worked our way around to the other side of the central mall, and Lucyfar dragged us out into a cool, dark night. My pang of worry that this was too rough a pace when Ray had just been injured disappeared as fast as it arose. He might have stumbled the first few steps and breathed heavily the next few, but after that he moved normally again.

I wondered if those martial artists gathered around Master Scorpion would be angry that Ray had stolen the prize they all fought for, then rejected it. I hadn’t had a chance to see them react. Lucyfar resented every second it took to travel to some new madness. As she led us down the block, she rattled off, “Spider’s offices are underground. She never comes upstairs, not that I’ve ever seen. There are entrances all over the place, but the easiest one to use is through a garage over here.”

It crept over me. Time to see Spider already? I’d been enjoying myself. I’d let myself forget about our appointment. Criminy. On the other hand, Lucyfar thought there would be an “after” and that we’d even be in the mood for fun. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad.

She walked us down a block of relentlessly similar squat white shops, then paused at the little alley backing them up. Squinting down it, she nodded sharply. “We’ll go in the back. Might as well take the easiest way.”

She hustled us down the alley. It felt like we were being hustled. Even for Lucyfar this was too fast, too manic, and too suspicious. What could I do about it? I should say something.

Someone else spoke up for me. The transparent, gray upper body of The Apparition floated out of a wall as we passed and demanded, “Lucy, what are you doing?!”

Lucy let go of my and Ray’s arms, and scratched the back of her head. She looked completely unconvincingly sheepish. “Come on, App. Don’t make this any more awkward than it already is.”

The Apparition glared at her. “They’re our friends!”

Lucyfar held up her hands. “Spider insisted.
Really
insisted. You know?”

The Apparition gave up on her and turned to yell at us what I’d already figured out. “Kids, this is an ambush. Run!”

Too late. With a thunderous clatter, the wall next to us exploded. A mammoth, gray shape lunged for Ray, arms outstretched. The super-powered thug wasn’t fast enough, and the hit to the stomach hadn’t slowed Ray down enough. He jumped, planting a hand on the monster’s head to flip over and behind him. Ray’s foot connected in a savage kick on the thug’s kidneys as he dropped, but the thing didn’t even seem to notice.

The thug swung around. He was ugly. It wasn’t pebbly, but he had a thick, wrinkly gray hide like a rhinoceros, and from my tiny point of reference he looked eight feet tall. I’d never seen so many muscles on anything. How could his arms even move? When he did move, slits gaped like gills all over him. It was thoroughly gross and also familiar.

“Aren’t you supposed to deal with nuisances like the ghost, Witch Hunter?” demanded a screechy voice. The villain who flopped out of a window and onto the alley’s concrete behind us looked vaguely like the big guy, but with lots more fins and a rubbery round mouth with teeth everywhere.

This one was obvious. “They call you Hagfish, right?” I asked.

The hulking villain shuffled around and croaked, “And I’m Leviathan, and you humiliated my nephew in front of the whole world.” Yes, that was why he was familiar. This guy was almost as ugly as Sharky, and bigger. Way, way bigger.

And I was unarmed. And we were outnumbered. Witch Hunter stepped out of a doorway beyond Leviathan, while a window above him slapped open and a man in one of those Carnivale skeleton costumes perched on the sill. Sharp spikes that certainly looked like bone stuck out of that costume everywhere.

“Not that we’re here for anything that personal. The Council Of Seven And A Half hired us to tell you how happy they aren’t,” cut in Witch Hunter. In this narrow alley, he left his swords sheathed and had out a couple of exotic knives with multiple curving blades.

I glared at Lucyfar, standing on the other side of Hagfish. She leaned against a wall, arms folded, pretending this had nothing to do with her. After a few seconds of my stare, she spread her hands in an awkward shrug. “I was ordered by Spider to lead you here and not interfere, one way or the other.”

Claire slid into motion, ducking under Leviathan’s arms and holding up her hands to Witch Hunter and the villain in the skeleton suit as she coasted on frictionless feet out the other side. She glanced back at us, then at them, eyebrows raised in amused and friendly disbelief. “Is this the time and place for a fight, guys? You’ve delivered your warning. Not to sound too clichéd, but can’t we all just get along?”

She tilted her head to one side, smiling infectiously. I knew I would rather talk about this. At the very least we could put this off for a few minutes. These guys had to be feeling the pressure. Who could hit a little girl in bear pajamas?