Poison Heart (2 page)

Katy – Be the first to see the new studio XXX

In my eagerness to answer I overstretched and knocked my phone off my bedside table. There was a loud thud and a reverberating series of smaller thuds, because I ripped up my bedroom carpet last year and stained the floorboards an amazing shade of indigo, my favourite colour. I hardly dared look in case it was broken, and when I did my hands were shaking. Merlin’s text held the promise of something I was too scared to think about, but not going just wasn’t an option.

I was ready in less than fifteen minutes but it wasn’t cool to appear too eager, so I twitched, bit my nails and changed clothes six times before setting off to his house. Mum watched me leave wearing her abandoned face, but nothing could make me feel guilty today. I quickened my pace, not wanting to talk to Luke, my next-door neighbour, because he always teased me and I couldn’t have handled that right now. I was so strung out with anticipation that
all my senses were super-alert. It had been a wet summer and the landscape was so lushly green that it almost hurt my eyes. I could hear creatures moving about in the grass, leaves rustling in the breeze and a bird cry from far away. A faint rainbow beginning just behind Merlin’s tall Victorian house spurred me on. I never quite wanted to believe that if I ran far enough and fast enough I wouldn’t eventually reach it.

‘Hello, Katy … I’ll show you through.’

Merlin’s mum smiled as she opened the front door. She was tall and slim, with long glossy hair coiled on top of her head. She wore a kimono-style robe and looked great without a scrap of make-up. I knew she was a sculptor who had commissions from famous people, which made me a little in awe of her. I followed her up to the attic room, which had now been converted into a studio for Merlin. She gave a discreet knock on the door.

‘Merlin, it’s Katy.’

He hadn’t heard us because he was so engrossed in his painting – the tip of his tongue just visible, eyebrows knitted together and deep-set grey eyes focused yet far away at the same time. His features were sharply interesting and full of angles, with razor cheekbones and a deep cleft in his chin. His skin seemed exceptionally pale in contrast to the dark tangled hair that fell into his eyes and was impatiently brushed away with a flick of his wrist. I could have watched him all day, but a hand in the small of my back urged me to go in and a voice whispered, ‘I’ll leave you two alone.’

I didn’t want to shatter the moment because Merlin appeared so self-contained, but after a minute it felt wrong, as if I was spying on him. ‘Merlin … your mum let me in.’

‘Katy? You’re here.’

He got up quickly and covered his canvas with a sheet.

‘Can I see it?’

‘Not until it’s finished,’ he insisted. ‘Well … like the space?’

‘It’s fab,’ I said, knowing that even if it was a shed at the bottom of the garden smelling of cats, I’d have said the same thing. ‘The windows are huge and the view’s amazing.’

We both moved towards the angled roof windows, my shoes echoing on the paint-splattered floor. ‘The light is perfect,’ Merlin admitted. ‘I could stay up here all day.’

This was the closest we’d ever been. Our arms were touching and I didn’t dare move in case I ruined the moment. Sometimes when I was with Merlin I found it difficult to breathe. Neither of us spoke. A century ago I’d have probably swooned because my corset was too tight, and Merlin – who had the looks of a brooding romantic hero – would have swept me into his arms as if I was as light as a feather. But girls weren’t supposed to pass out any more just because they were close to a member of the opposite sex.

One of his fingers began to stroke the palm of my hand and the other joined in. My heart was beating crazily. My hand moved its way into his, but we both still stared out of the window, frozen.

Why did this always happen? I couldn’t stand it any longer and had to say something this time
.

‘Why don’t you kiss me?’ I blurted out.

I couldn’t believe I’d said it, but it seemed to break the ice. He turned and slowly bent his head, his six foot one inch versus my five foot five, until our lips touched and the room became a kaleidoscope of different colours.

‘That was worth the wait, Katy.’ His gorgeous face was instantly lit by a smile, as though the sun had burst through a cloud.

‘You’ve been waiting for it to happen?’

Merlin said just one glorious word. ‘Desperately.’

I still needed reassurance. ‘When did you first think about me like that?’

He sighed. ‘The first time you walked by I felt something weird happen. I was pulled towards you like … you were a magnet.’

I tried not to grin insanely but failed miserably and, even better, Merlin hadn’t yet finished with the compliments.

‘You had almost a glow surrounding you. Does that sound stupid?’

‘It sounds amazing.’ This was an understatement – I could have died of happiness on the spot. I nervously studied my feet. ‘Does that mean we’re … you know … together.’

He squeezed my hand and stared directly into my eyes. ‘We’re together.’ He didn’t look away for a second and I was drawn into the intensity of his gaze, noticing the
perfect arch of his brow and his ridiculously thick lashes. ‘There’s something I have to tell you.’

‘What’s that?’ I was instantly worried.

His lips curved upwards. ‘The painting … it’s of you.’

I covered my face. ‘When can I see it?’

‘Not until it’s finished … I’m painting it from memory.’

The idea that he knew my face well enough to paint was completely mind-blowing. I wanted to savour the moment, but he made a sudden suggestion that sounded more like a command. ‘Let’s go out.’

With barely enough time to grab my bag, I felt myself being dragged out of his studio and down three flights of stairs. ‘Where to?’ I panted.

‘Anywhere.’

There was a fleeting glimpse of Merlin’s mother taking her art class in the conservatory, the living room with its mismatched furniture, brightly coloured canvases and oriental rugs, the dining room with an enormous trestle table and the kitchen with an original range oven, quarry tiles and giant dresser. There were humane mousetraps in a couple of the corners and the weird thought came to me that even the vermin in Merlin’s house were hopelessly cool.

We finally stood outside, breathing in the last rays of summer, which seemed more special somehow because it was a last farewell to the sun before winter killed everything off. We dawdled along the canal and then through the railway arch into the town. Merlin stood out from the crowd, and people stared at him and then at me because I was with
him. I laughed and moved as close as I could to him. We reached a cafe, La Tasse, a trendy espresso-type place filled with businessmen with their laptops and ladies lunching. We sat in a booth by the window on cream leather seats positioned back to back like in a railway carriage. We were newly together, and I figured we must be generating some kind of energy. Even the waitress did an about-take when she noticed us, and I rested one hand on Merlin’s arm as he ordered our drinks.

This was how it felt to be one of those bright girls with the world at their feet, the type who expected to be happy instead of just apologizing for taking up space in the universe. At a party once, something strange had happened to me – I actually sparkled. Everyone laughed at my jokes, girls talked to me like I was someone and boys wanted to dance with me. I knew something magical was in the air and I wasn’t really me that night – invisible Katy. This other person was still there inside, but she never came out again. When I was with Merlin I almost dared to dream I could be the other girl – the best of me.

Merlin watched me drink my latte and kissed the froth off my top lip. With flushed faces and excited smiles we sat side by side in the booth and talked about our plans for the future. We imagined his first art exhibition and my first fashion show. We talked about Rome, Venice and Paris as if these amazing cities were there just waiting for us to conquer them. Merlin looked down at the table and fiddled distractedly with a spoon.

‘There’s something else, Katy.’ For a moment he struggled to continue, and his face was so attractive, his eyes wide and beseeching, generous mouth parted slightly, his voice husky. ‘I’m not great at relationships … girls expect me to phone when I’m painting, and they seem to get so jealous over nothing …’

‘I don’t get jealous,’ I interrupted hastily. ‘I’m the least jealous person around.’

‘I sensed that,’ he answered with relief. ‘I felt you were different … and completely special.’

I was dreamily hanging on his every word, happy that Merlin seemed to be letting his guard down, but something distracted me – a flash of green – except that when I looked properly the green must have been in my mind. Walking past the window next to me was the girl, and she was dressed in blue denim. She swivelled around to stare at me.

‘Did you see her?’ I asked Merlin. ‘That girl with the green eyes.’

He hadn’t taken his eyes off me for a second. ‘I can see her now. You have beautiful green eyes.’

‘Not like these,’ I protested. ‘They’re really … impenetrable and creepy.’

He laughed, kissed my hand and went to the counter to pay for our drinks. I shivered, realizing she must have been in the cafe at the same time as us.

‘Excuse me,’ I asked the waitress. ‘My … friend was in here, but we must have missed each other. She has straight dark hair and she was wearing jeans and …’

‘She was sitting over there,’ the woman replied, pointing to the end booth. She gave me an odd look and I began to cough to cover my embarrassment.

I felt spooked again, thinking of
her
sitting close to us, although, thankfully, not close enough to hear our conversation. Merlin walked me home and I tried to push her to the back of my mind. It wasn’t hard – with him beside me I was almost floating. When we reached my road I pulled Merlin into a small alleyway that ran along the back of my house, the entrance flanked by a two-metre wall, just the right height to keep us concealed from prying eyes. It took us ages to finally say goodbye. Whenever I tried to prise myself away, Merlin would pull me back again. My face and neck burned as if they were on fire. I rubbed my cheeks self-consciously, wondering how to explain away my kissing rash, but when I finally got inside Mum didn’t seem to have noticed. She gave a brave smile when I asked how her day had been, but I could detect an undercurrent of reproach.

I hummed around the house, delirious with happiness, reliving every minute of the day and texting Nat and Hannah to tell them about it. Midway through my exclamation marks, Mum called my name. I raced into the living room to find her waving a packet of cigarettes in the air, her face like thunder.

‘I’m very disappointed, Katy,’ she said, lowering her voice to a hush that was somehow worse than being roared at. ‘You’ve always promised not to take up such a disgusting habit.’

‘They’re not mine,’ I replied incredulously. ‘Smoking is horrible.’

‘They fell out of your bag,’ she continued, her eyes boring into mine. ‘I suppose Merlin’s convinced you it’s fashionable or something and you want to please him.’

‘Merlin hates smoking,’ I insisted, growing more and more indignant. ‘All my friends do … I can’t think how they got there.’

Mum cut an imaginary line in the air with one hand. ‘End of discussion, Katy. If Merlin
is
involved, I won’t hesitate to stop you from seeing him. You can count on that.’

There was no point in arguing further. Mum always had the last word. It was a mystery how the cigarettes had got into my bag to make such a sour end to a perfect day, and I felt aggrieved to have been accused so unfairly, but Mum had made it clear that the subject was closed. I had the definite impression that she wasn’t happy with me seeing Merlin and this had provided an excuse to express her disapproval.

It took me ages to drop off to sleep and I tossed and turned all night. That dream always came when I was feeling stressed and it had never changed … until tonight. This time, when I grabbed the figure sitting at the mirror and forced her to look at me, the face wasn’t mine, it belonged to the girl on the bus. This time her eyes were green and fathomless. I stood back, drowning in her hatred.

No matter how busy I kept myself, a nagging sense of foreboding lurked deep inside, but I tried to suppress it and concentrate on Merlin instead. It was official – we were a couple. There was no need for an announcement at college – word soon spread and my popularity soared. We spent every minute we could together, and Nat and Hannah joked that they were sick of seeing us mooning about and gazing into each other’s eyes.

Merlin made arrangements to call at mine on Saturday, which was nerve-wracking because Mum had already judged him. I was on pins all morning, and when I peered out of our front door for the twentieth time to see if he was coming it was impossible to miss the sight of Luke unloading his ancient car of all the stuff he’d brought from his flat. It was filled with boxes, plastic bags, crumpled clothes thrown into a heap and there were plates, cups and a kettle rattling around on the back seat.

‘Where’s my favourite Kat?’ he called over.

I smiled at his usual nickname for me and went over to him. ‘No more student life,’ I taunted, flinching as a glass smashed on to the pavement. ‘Now you’re a proper grownup.’

‘Not in a million years,’ he scoffed. ‘You’re talking to the guy who used to put snails down your back and spiders up your nose.’

Luke Cassidy was five years older than me and had spent the last ten years terrorizing me in every way he could. I spent my childhood trailing after him and his friends, but they always managed to shake me off. Then he went away to university and I was surprised how much I missed having him around. But he was back and still teasing me.

‘Little Kat’s grown up too,’ he said, gingerly picking up the broken pieces. ‘I saw you with your boyfriend and waved, but you were kind of occupied.’