Prayers and Lies (14 page)

I had the sudden notion that I might never see Reana Mae again. And in a way, I was right. The shy little girl I had teased and loved and shared so many secrets with would be gone before I returned to the Coal River Valley. In her place would be a pretty young woman with secrets she did not share with me—or with anyone—for a long, long time.

The drive home was long and dull. Mother was as lost in her thoughts as I was in mine. I stared out the window as the scenery changed from tobacco barns and rolling hills to flat farmland.

It was suppertime when Mother finally pulled the station wagon into the gravel driveway. She honked the horn, and Daddy immediately appeared on the front steps, followed by Nancy and Melinda.

“I’m sure glad you’re home.” Daddy grinned, enveloping Mother in a hug. “I don’t like you being on the road all by yourself.”

“I wasn’t by myself,” Mother said with a smile. “I had Bethy with me.”

Daddy laughed and turned to hug me. “Sure enough you did! I’m glad you were along to keep your mama company, Bethany. I imagine you were a real help to Reana Mae.”

“Yes, she was, Jimmy,” Mother said, smiling down at me. “She surely was.”

“How’s Jolene, Mother?” Melinda asked as she pulled the big suitcase from the back of the car.

“She’s going to be all right, honey. She just needed a little help getting back on her feet. But Bobby Lee is home now, and he’s brought Caleb home. I think they’ll work it out.”

I saw Mother looking at Daddy as she said this. Her look belied her words. I knew she didn’t believe in Jolene’s new attitude any more than I did. Daddy took her by the hand and they walked into the house together, her head resting lightly on his shoulder. I stood in the driveway, holding my pillow and blanket, and watched them.

Nancy and Melinda walked into the house, too, and I trailed after them. As I came in the front door, the first thing I heard was Tracy’s voice chirping, “Oh no, we didn’t miss you at all. I took good care of Daddy, just like I said I would. Didn’t I, Daddy?”

She turned to my father and took his arm in hers.

“Yes, darlin’, you sure did.” Daddy grinned down at her.

“But,” he continued, drawing Mother close, “I sure did miss you, Helen.”

Tracy turned on her heel and walked into the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, “Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”

Mother looked inquiringly at Daddy and he grinned again.

“She’s been cooking every night.” He laughed. “I think she’s found her calling.”

“Well, she certainly thinks she’s an expert chef, that’s for sure,” Nancy said tartly. “Every time Melinda and I went in the kitchen, she chased us out like she owned the place.”

Mother laughed and gave Nancy a quick hug. “I imagine it wasn’t
too
hard, was it, having someone else do the cooking?”

Nancy’s cheeks colored and she grinned. “No, it wasn’t too hard, I guess.”

“Anyway,” Melinda chimed in, “Tracy’s not a bad cook. But she sure is a messy one. We didn’t have to do the cooking, but we had to clean up after her.”

At that moment Tracy’s voice trilled from the kitchen. “Dinner’s ready. Come on and eat before it gets cold.”

The kitchen table was set for four. I stared as Tracy sat down in Mother’s chair. Then I noted the two chairs set back from the table under the window.

“Tracy, you forget to set places for Mother and Bethany,” Daddy said.

“Oh yes, I suppose I did,” she said. But she didn’t move from Mother’s chair.

“That’s all right, Jimmy,” Mother said, “I’ll get it.”

Nancy and Melinda scooted their chairs over to make room for Mother and me. I stared at Tracy, sitting at the head of the table, holding a serving spoon poised over a big dish of egg noodles.

“Would you like some noodles, Daddy?” she asked sweetly.

Melinda rolled her eyes at Nancy and both of them giggled.

As we ate, Mother told Daddy what had happened in West Virginia. She didn’t tell him everything, of course. I knew she was saving the details until they were alone.

“Well, I don’t blame Jolene for not wanting that big oaf in her house,” Nancy opined. “I bet it’s a nuisance having him around.”

“Now, Nancy, don’t be that way,” Mother scolded. “Caleb is just a boy, and he needs a home. He’s Bobby Lee’s family, and family matters more than anything else. You know that.”

I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure how I felt about Caleb, but I thought Mother was probably right. He was just a big boy, and he was good to Reana Mae. Maybe he just needed to feel at home someplace.

After supper, I retrieved my pillow and blanket from the sofa and trudged up the stairs to the attic room. At the top of the steps, I stopped in amazement. Everything had changed. The furniture had been rearranged so that Tracy’s things occupied the front of the room and mine were squeezed into the small alcove at the back. My books, my pictures, my stuffed animals and dolls were stuffed willy-nilly into a small bookcase. Even my clothes had been moved from the big closet we had shared into the small closet at the far end of the room.

I stood in stunned silence for a moment. Then I began yelling, “Mother, Mother! Come look what Tracy’s done!”

Mother came up the stairs with Tracy right behind her. She stood staring, too, as Tracy said in the same sharp, bright voice she’d used since we got home, “I rearranged things. Doesn’t it look nice, Mother? See, all of my things are here at this end, and Bethany’s are at that end. That way we each have a space of our own. Doesn’t it look nice?” she repeated, looking up at Mother.

“Well, Tracy … I think maybe you should have waited until we were home and let Bethany have some say, too.”

“But I wanted to surprise her,” Tracy said sweetly, her hazel eyes sparkling innocently.

“Don’t you like it, Bethy?” She turned to me now. “See, all of your stuff is together now. And you have your own closet, too, so we don’t have to share anymore. And look,” she said triumphantly, lifting the quilt on my bed, “look what Daddy got for you to keep your extra things in.”

Under the bed was a large, flat wooden box with a hinged lid. Tracy pulled it out and lifted the lid. Inside I saw my summer clothes, folded neatly.

“Daddy helped you do this?” Mother asked incredulously.

“Oh yes, Mother. When I told him how I wanted to surprise Bethy and give her some space of her own, he said that was just the nicest idea he’d ever heard. He helped me move all the furniture around. I certainly couldn’t have done it myself.”

Tracy turned back toward her side of the room. I noted grimly that she commanded the lion’s share of the space, and that my posters had been removed from all the walls.

“Don’t you like it, Bethy?” She looked at me again, and I could see the spite in her eyes. “It will be so much nicer if we don’t have to step over each other all the time, don’t you think?”

Mother was looking at me, too, waiting to see what I would say. We all made allowances for Tracy. And even though it wasn’t fair, I knew Mother would go along with it if I would—as long as it kept Tracy happy.

I looked around the room again. My stomach churned; my fists and teeth clenched tightly. Just for once, I wondered what would happen if
I
threw a fit, if I lost control and screamed and threw things out the window.

But even as the thought arose, I knew it would never happen.

I sighed. “Sure, Tracy. I like it just fine, I guess.”

“Are you sure, Bethany?” Mother asked softly.

“Yes, Mother.” I nodded. “It’s fine.”

I carried my pillow and blanket to the bed at the far end of the room. That’s when I realized that Patsy wasn’t in her usual place on the bed. I had put her there when we left for our trip. I knew she had been there, tucked under the quilt in her flannel nightgown. I turned in a panic to look at Tracy and caught just a trace of a smile on her face before her eyes widened in mock dismay.

“Oh, Bethy, I’m so sorry,” she gushed. “When Daddy was moving your bed, Patsy fell off and her head broke wide open … just shattered right there on the floor.”

I stared at the spot on the floor where she was pointing, as if I might see some remnant of my Patsy. Of course there was none.

“He felt so bad about it, Bethy, he really did. I don’t know how it could have happened. I guess she must have been right at the edge of the bed.”

I shook my head. Patsy hadn’t been on the edge of the bed. I had tucked her in myself in the early morning before we left.

“Don’t be mad at Daddy,” Tracy continued, her voice sweetly pleading. “He felt so bad about it. He really did.”

“Daddy moved the bed?” Mother asked quietly.

“Well, of course,” Tracy said, looking right into Mother’s face. “I couldn’t move it on my own, so he came up to help me.”

“So you both moved it?”

“Well, I was helping Daddy,” Tracy said flatly, her eyes still wide and staring straight up at Mother. “But he’s the one that pushed the bed. And he feels just terrible about it.”

“I’m sure he does,” Mother said, watching Tracy’s face closely. Then she turned to me. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. We’ll get you a new doll.”

It wasn’t until Mother hugged me that I began to cry. My tears came in great, gulping sobs, and once I started, I couldn’t seem to stop.

I cried for Jolene’s lost baby, and for Reana Mae. I cried from anger and confusion and sheer exhaustion. And I cried for Patsy—my beautiful doll. I hadn’t actually played with Patsy much in the last year. But losing her felt like losing part of myself.

Mother held me until I had worn myself out with crying. Then she helped me change into my nightgown, washed my face, and tucked me into bed.

She sat on the edge of the bed and stroked my hot, flushed face, until my eyes finally closed. And as she stroked she sang, “All night, all day, angels watching over me, my Lord. All night, all day, angels watching over me.”

As I drifted off into a restless, uncomfortable sleep, I wondered what kind of angels they were to let such awful things happen on their watch.

11
Demons and Ghosts

“I
know, Helen, I know.” I could barely hear my father’s voice. It seemed to come from inside a deep well. “She’s a handful now. But it’ll pass. Just you wait and see. She’ll grow out of it.”

“What if she doesn’t, Jimmy?” My mother’s voice sounded equally far away and very worried. I struggled to wake myself from the fog of sleep. Where was I? Oh yes, at the far corner of the attic room, where Tracy and Daddy had pushed my bed. I could see stars in the night sky out the window over my bed, and I could hear my parents’ voices through the heat vent that now lay directly under the bed. I must be right over their room.

“She will, Helen. She’s just upset by this whole business with Bobby Lee and Jolene, that’s all.”

“Jimmy, did you move Bethany’s bed?” Mother asked abruptly. “Or did Tracy?”

“Well …” Daddy hesitated. I sat up in my bed, listening intently now. At the other end of the room, Tracy snored.

“Well,” he continued, “Tracy wanted to surprise you all, moving the furniture all by herself, so she and Bethany would both have some space. And she started out on her own, but then when she tried to move the bed … well, she came running downstairs in a panic, saying she’d broken Bethany’s doll. You should’ve seen her, Helen. She was so scared. She thought you would blame her for it. And she was just crying to beat the band. I thought she’d never stop. So I said I’d help her with the rest, and then I moved the bed where it is now.”

“So Tracy broke Bethany’s doll?” Mother asked.

“It was an accident, Helen. Honestly, you should have seen how sorry she was.” Daddy was pacing now. I could hear the floorboards squeaking.

“I’m sure she was,” Mother said grimly.

“Now, don’t be that way,” Daddy was pleading. “She really was sorry. And she was so afraid you’d be mad at her. Honestly, Helen, it was pitiful.”

There was a long pause. I slid to the floor, rolled myself under the bed, and laid my ear against the vent. Finally, Mother spoke.

“Jimmy, we’ve put this off for a long time,” she said. “But we both know something is not … right with Tracy.”

I could hear Daddy’s pacing. One particular board squeaked loudly each time he stepped on it.

“Jimmy? Are you hearing me?” Mother’s voice was sad and tired. “I know it’s not something we wanted to believe. But, Jimmy, look what she’s doing to Bethy.”

“No!” Daddy’s voice was so loud it made me jump. At the far end of the room, Tracy sighed and rolled over in her sleep. “I’m not going to let you make this into a crisis. So she broke a doll, so what? It was an accident, for God’s sake. And even if it wasn’t … even if it wasn’t completely an accident … Helen, is it any wonder she’s so resentful?

“Just look at it from Tracy’s perspective. First, you pay all kinds of attention to that little girl down there, not that she don’t need it, God knows. But Tracy … she just needs a little more attention from you, that’s all. That’s all she’s ever needed. And then you take off in the middle of the week—in the middle of the school year, for God’s sake—and you take Bethany with you, but you don’t take her. How did you think she was going to feel, Helen?

“Tracy would be just fine if you spent as much time worrying over her as you do over Jolene and Reana Mae. I’m sorry I ever took you back to West Virginia! When are you going to start putting your own family first, Helen?”

The door slammed, and I knew he’d left. A moment later, I heard the car start in the driveway. Then I heard my mother sobbing. She was still crying when I heard the bedsprings creak under her weight. Finally, a long time later, I fell asleep there on the floor to the sounds of my mother’s muffled sobs.

12
Pilgrimage

W
e didn’t go to the Coal River that summer. Instead, we spent the long vacation at home in Indiana. Nancy and Melinda were delighted by this change; they both had boyfriends and belonged to sororities, and they spent less and less time at home those days. Nancy took a summer job at a store in the mall, earning extra money and a big discount on clothes. I don’t know which she valued more, but my parents were amazed at how well she did at work. Nancy had never been much of a student, but she was a marvel at sales. Soon, she had customers who wouldn’t buy from any other salesclerk.