Prayers and Lies (21 page)

Harley just turned the page. He didn’t even look up.

June 26

Dear Diary,

I told Caleb today that I want to do it lots of times so it will stop hurting sooner. This morning was are 3rd time but I still bled some. He said thats because he is so big he has to strech me out. I hope it happens soon.

The best part is after he is done and then he holds me tite and he talks real sweet. I like resting my head on his arm and he has his other arm around me. Its the best thing ever.

Mama came home early last nite and almost caught us in my bed with my pants off. Caleb says from now on we can only do it here til I am 13 and we can get married.

June 28

Dear Diary,

I wish aunt Helen would go home and take Nancy back with her. Today she came in the store and was hanging all over Caleb. And he liked it. I saw he did. I got mad at him and told him he sholdn’t act like that with Nancy if he loves me. Then he got mad and told me to shut my mouth. He said I was just a little girl and not his wife. And he can do what he wants. That made me cry.

So then I came here and then he came to. And he told me he loves me. But he said he is a man and I cant understand what he needs becuse I am just a little girl. But I told him I am a woman, and I took off his pants and put my mouth on him and sucked on him til he came in my mouth. So that shows him I am not a little girl. But I still wish Nancy was not around here.

June 30

Dear Diary,

I dont think I am going to like sex very much if I have to do it like today. Caleb told me get down on my knees and bend over like a dog. And then he got behind me and I coldn’t see him in the face or anything. I hated it.

But I still liked after it because he layed down and held me tite and said he loves me and wants to marry me when I am 13. I love him so much.

Harley slammed the small book into the hard dirt with a strangled kind of sound in his throat. His face was brick red, and a small muscle twitched on one side of his neck. Ruthann leaned toward him with her arms open, but he shoved her away with such force that she fell backward onto the mattress. I backed away from him, away from the mattress and the diary and the clearing and the knowing. I wanted to run as fast and as far away as I could. Before I could move, Harley Boy let out a roar I was sure they heard all the way to Huntington. Then he turned and ran deeper into the woods, straight through the brambles and bushes. We watched until he was out of sight.

Ruthann rose silently and began rearranging the little clearing, trying to erase any trace of our being there. She straightened the pillow and blanket, then placed the diary under the bush where Harley Boy had found it. I stood mutely, watching her, willing myself not to throw up. When she had finished, we ran as fast as we could back the way we had come. We didn’t stop or speak until we reached the road. Then Ruthann took my hand, squeezed it hard, and whispered, “Don’t say nothing to no one, you hear? I got to find Harley Boy.”

With that, she turned and padded down the dirt road. I didn’t follow her. I figured she knew where to find him. I’d just be in the way.

I walked back toward the beach. When I got there, I headed straight for the cold, dark water—not stopping to answer my sisters’ questions about the scratches and blood on my legs. I swam straight across the river, heaving myself onto the shore on the far side, away from everyone else. There, I collapsed to the ground and cried—huge, gasping sobs that shook me to my toes.

18
Fireworks

W
hen I swam back across the river, it was early evening and a crowd had gathered on the beach. Uncle Hobie had lit the bonfire, and some of the little kids were cooking hot dogs on sticks, their faces glowing red with the heat.

Ruthann was sitting on a towel, squeezing ketchup onto a hot dog for her little sister. Lottie was an energetic four-year-old now—full of piss and vinegar, as Belle liked to say. I dropped down beside them. “Where’s Harley Boy?”

Ruthann just shook her head grimly.

“There,” she said, handing the hot dog to her sister. “Don’t drop this one.”

Lottie toddled away, her mouth happily stuffed full of bun and ketchup.

“I don’t know where he is,” Ruthann whispered. “I looked everywhere I could think this side of Beckley, but I couldn’t find him.”

“Maybe he just needs some time to think,” I said hopefully.

“I just hope he don’t think up something evil, that’s all.”

“Well, here you are, Bethany.” Mother stood over us, smiling. “I was beginning to wonder where you’d gone to.”

“I swam across.” I smiled back.

“Our hamper is over there.” She pointed to the big picnic basket sitting under a nearby tree. “Why don’t you get something to eat?”

“I will,” I lied. I wasn’t at all hungry. I felt like something heavy was camped out in my belly.

“Reana Mae was looking for you a while ago,” Mother said. “When you see her, you make sure she gets something to eat. Caleb, too,” she added as she turned away.

Ruthann and I stared at each other glumly. “Oh, Lord,” she whispered. “I didn’t reckon on him bein’ here.”

“Maybe it’s a good thing Harley Boy’s not,” I said.

“Probably you’re right,” she agreed. “But I wish I knew where he was.”

“Hey, ya’ll!” Reana Mae’s voice was bright. She dropped down onto the sand beside me. “I been lookin’ for you.”

“Oh! Uh, hey, Reana,” I stammered, not meeting her eyes. “Where you been?”

“Oh, you know, I had to work at the store today. Lots of folks in buying stuff for the picnic.”

Ruthann rose abruptly and stalked away, dragging her towel behind her.

“What’s eatin’ her shorts?” Reana asked, grinning at me. “Can’t she find ole Harley Boy? I swear, that girl better learn to hide her heart away before she makes a fool outta herself.”

I bit my lip, my mind spinning. Should I tell her what we’d found? That we knew? She leaned back on her elbows, arching her back slightly, and smiled at me. I thought again about how grown up she looked. It made my stomach churn.

“What’s wrong, Bethany? You look like you seen a spirit.”

I shook my head, letting my wet hair hang over my face. “Nothing,” I lied. “Mother said to tell you she packed stuff for you … and Caleb, too,” I added reluctantly.

“Did she? That was real nice of her. I got us some wieners at the store, but that’s all I brought,” she said, holding out a small bag. She rose and stuck her hand out to me. “Come on, then, lazybones. Let’s eat.”

I let myself be pulled to my feet and followed her to the hamper. We skewered a couple hot dogs and pushed our way in close to the fire. It was roaring now, the flames dancing orange against the deepening indigo sky. Beside me, Reana Mae leaned close to the fire, her face flushed red. I watched her closely, looking for some sign of … I don’t even know what. And she looked just like herself right then, just like my own cousin, my own Reana Mae. I closed my eyes and breathed heavily, willing my stomach to quiet down.

“Well, hey there, you!” Reana’s voice purred happily.

I looked up to see Caleb standing over Reana Mae, grinning down at her.

“I cooked you a wiener,” Reana said. “And Aunt Helen packed us a whole bunch of food.”

She rose, extending the sizzling wiener toward him. He took the skewer from her and turned without a word, knowing she would follow him. I watched them walk to the hamper, then stared as Reana Mae fixed a plate for her uncle, her lover. She piled on potato salad and coleslaw, loaded ketchup, mustard, and relish on the hot dog, and poured him a soda. Finally, she took another hot dog from the cooler, skewered it, and walked back toward me.

“Lord God Almighty, Bethany.” She laughed. “Are you fixin’ to eat that thing?”

The hot dog on my stick was black, its skin split wide, dripping fat into the fire.

“Here, you take this one.” Reana took the skewer from me and handed me hers. “I’ll get me another one.”

She ran back to the hamper while I absently stuck the hot dog into the flames. When she returned, she squatted next to me and laughed. “Are you okay, Bethany? ’Cause you’re acting like one of them voodoo zombies.”

“I guess I’m just tired,” I said. I wanted to slap her hard, to shake her, to drag her away from the river and the damned valley and most of all from Caleb. Instead, I turned my hot dog on the skewer so it would cook evenly.

When our dogs were done, we walked back to the hamper to fill our plates. Reana Mae’s eyes scanned the beach quickly. I knew she was looking for Caleb.

“There he is,” I said dully. My throat felt tight, like someone was squeezing it. I pointed to where Caleb sat with Nancy and Melinda, laughing at something. Reana Mae drew her breath in sharply. She grabbed a can of soda and walked quickly toward the threesome. I trailed behind her.

“Hey, ya’ll,” I heard my cousin say as she dropped onto the sand next to Caleb.

“Oh, hi, Reana Mae.” Melinda’s voice was surprised. “Can’t you find Bethany?”

“I’m here,” I said miserably, dropping down beside my cousin. I don’t know why I followed her. Maybe I thought I could protect her—maybe I just had to see what would happen next.

“Anyway,” Nancy cooed toward Caleb, “I told that boy he could take his ring right back, if that was how he was going to be.”

Caleb laughed, his eyes never leaving Nancy’s face.

“But you never did give the ring back,” Melinda added.

“Of course not!” Nancy was indignant. “It’s just a figure of speech, you know, ‘Take the ring back.’ No one ever actually gives back the ring. It’s mine. He gave it to me for keeps.”

She leaned toward Caleb and placed her hand on his shoulder. “You wouldn’t expect a girl to give you back a ring, would you, Caleb? I mean, it’s not like you can give it to some other girl, right?”

“Why not?” He grinned at her.

“Well, because, silly”—she laughed, her black curls tumbling about her lovely face—“no girl in her right mind is going to accept a ring you bought for some other girl.” Her hand still rested on his shoulder.

“Hey, Caleb.” Reana Mae laid her hand high up on her uncle’s thigh, almost to his crotch. I could see her fingernails digging into his leg. “You want another soda pop?”

“No, thanks,” he said, his eyes never leaving Nancy’s.

“How ’bout some more corn chips, then?”

“No.” He shook his head.

Nancy leaned back on her elbows, her breasts arching toward the darkening sky. “Hey, Reana Mae,” she cooed. “If you really want to do something nice, how about cooking me a hot dog?”

Even in the gathering dusk, I could see Reana Mae’s face turn a deep, dark red. Her lips formed a thin line. I held my breath, watching her nails dig deeper into Caleb’s flesh.

“Yeah.” Caleb turned toward us finally. “Why don’t you cook me another wiener, too?”

I could see the struggle going on inside Reana Mae. She pulled back from Caleb, her hands clenching and unclenching. Her breath came in ragged little gasps. She laid her plate down on the sand and rose, walking briskly back toward the hamper to skewer two more hot dogs. I knew she was furious, and probably hurt badly. But I didn’t follow her. I couldn’t. Instead, I sat with my big sisters and Caleb, crunching potato chips.

“Hey!”

Reana Mae’s voice rang through the air, startled and angry. I turned to see her pulling her arm from Harley Boy’s grip. His face in the firelight was frightening. His red hair hung low over his forehead; his mouth was set in a furious grimace; and high on his cheeks, two spots of red glowed.

“Let go of me, Harley Boy! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“You better just come with me, Reana Mae.” Harley Boy grabbed her arm again, pulling Reana toward him.

“I said let go!”

Reana Mae jerked herself backward, stumbling dangerously close to the fire. Everyone on the beach stared from her to Harley Boy. Even Caleb had pried his eyes from Nancy, although he made no move to intervene.

“You better just come on with me right now!” Harley Boy’s voice was loud, his speech slightly slurred. He didn’t sound at all like himself.

I looked around for someone to help, but most of the men had already rowed across the river to set up the fireworks. Down the beach behind Harley Boy, I saw Ruthann running toward the fire. I rose to join her, but before either of us could get there, Ida Louise reached Harley Boy, grabbing him by his red hair and his sunburned shoulder.