Preservation (24 page)

“Hmm, no wall. So what about bugs? You hate bugs.”

“I’m making do. They’re everywhere, but the bed has nets over it.” As I tossed the salad, a bird flew into my room and landed on an end table. “Besides,” I turned to stare at it over my shoulder, “the no-wall thing has its perks. It’s not just the ugly stuff that makes its way inside.” Keeping my eyes on the bird, I listened as he chirped a musical sound and stared back, tilting his head. “Anyway, I’m about to eat some dinner. Long day tomorrow and then I have to find out what to do for my first whole weekend off on the island.” Plopping down at the kitchen table, I poured myself some wine, scaring the bird off. It zipped over the living room and then the pool, back out into the wild.

“Maybe you can pick up a new boyfriend, mon,” his voice transitioned into an awful Jamaican accent.

“Carter, you are aware Jamaica is not the West Indies, right?”

“Can’t you just let a man have a little fun?”

“Be my guest. Have a blast. But I’m going to eat my meal now.”

“Okay. Call me tomorrow.”

“Mmkay.”

Setting my phone down, I sipped some wine and peered out to take in the view of a bright blue sky and a sun on the brink of sinking down behind the Pitons. Quick, quiet tears suddenly spilled over my lids and onto my cheeks.
All the life one wall’s absence brings into this room.
It overwhelmed me, penetrating walls of my own, enticing the life behind them to brave its way through the rubble and seek its own spectacular view of the world. One with its own ocean and setting sun, signaling the promise of a future sunrise, another day. Picking my phone back up, I scrolled to Ryan’s number and pressed “delete.”

20. POUND OF FLESH

“I can’t,” Nanette said to me, her tiny hands gripping the ends of the book with frustration. Every few seconds she’d peel the corners of the pages, then look up at me with the same question in her eyes. “Can we stop now? I don’t wanna do this anymore.” I exhaled and leaned back in my chair, then in again, crossing my arms on the end of the table to peer into her dark brown eyes.

“We can stop after this page, but you can finish this sentence. I know you can. You’re doing so well and I’m so proud of you today. Do you know how far you’ve come in a week’s time?” I slid the book closer to her chest and she kicked her legs under the table, swinging them back and forth, shaking her head. “Well, you’ve made me so proud this week and you’re learning so quickly. Before you know it, you’ll be reading this to yourself before bed time, just you wait.”

Pointing to the last sentence, I nodded my head to encourage her and gave her a warm smile. “Start with this word right here, just this word. Sound it out like I taught you.”

“I can’t.”

“Sound it out just as you have with the last five pages. Take your time, there’s absolutely no rush, and I’m right here to help you.”

“You’ll make fun of me.”

“Have I made fun of you yet? I have no reason to make fun of you. You’re inspiring me, Nanette. Learning to read is brave. You’re a very brave girl.” Reaching out, I playfully flicked her braid with my pencil and coaxed a small smile from her. “When you want to learn, sometimes you have to take risks. Someone might laugh at you; your feelings might get hurt. But then you’ll feel good because you were brave enough to try. Whether you pronounce the words right is not what will matter—not right now. What will matter is that you tried.”

Her dark eyes found mine and held them for a moment before she scooted in closer to the table to look at the sentence. “But what if I mess up? Can’t I just read it to myself in my head? I don’t need to know how. Please, Kate?”

“You do need to know how. You can’t just hide in the corner of the classroom and never learn because you’re afraid to fail.” I lowered my head and leaned in, whispering softly. “Pretend you’re in a secret fort. A tree house. I knock and you invite me in. It’s only me and you inside, surrounded by cozy walls and curtains, and we sit down to read together. We’re way up high and no one can see us, only the birds and the squirrels climbing up the branches, peeking through the fort windows. And me, the birds, and the squirrels all get together and make a secret pact to never tell a soul if you can’t pronounce a word. Think of us as a team, cheering you on, there to help you when you make a mistake, and there to give you great big hugs when we see you get it right. Nothing that happens here, during our reading time, will ever leave the fort.” With a tiny nudge to her elbow, I gave her another warm, encouraging smile, then lowered my eyes to the book, waiting. “Trust me. Now, will you let me into the tree house?”

Her eyes darted to me, then down to the book. She hesitated, then her lips parted. “Be-be-beck...beck-uzz?”

“Very good. Because. Now, the next word.”

We went on for another twenty minutes, word by word, her need to look at me for assurance lessening with each new word, until slowly, she finished the page without one peek in my direction.

***

Rushing into my hotel room, I dropped my bags and darted to the bathroom to shower. I had a half hour to dress and meet my coworkers at the resort restaurant for dinner and drinks. It was my first Friday night off on the island and my first time out with people from my new job. Knowing I only had a few months with them, I wanted to make the experience count and get to know them outside of work. There was Janine, the third grade teacher, a native islander; and Tanya, the principal’s assistant, who I’d shared my lunch break with all week long. Both sweet, both not much older than me.

Smiling to myself as I mentally replayed the day’s events and my time with Nanette in my mind, I rinsed and threw on a white halter sun dress and a pair of gold sandals. Grabbing my clutch and checking my makeup in the mirror, I dashed to the front door, stopping short when something hit the tips of my toes outside the doorstep. My fingers gripped the door frame when I saw the shiny, crystal globe atop a stack of papers. A paper weight of some sort. Slowly bending down, I picked up the globe, reaching for the globe pendant around my neck, rubbing my fingers over them both, swallowing hard. Feeling the weight of the crystal in one hand, I dropped the pendant from the other and turned my attention to the stack of papers, running my fingers over the front page. My knees met the wooden floor when I saw the words. A dedication. A familiar one.

To Jamie. Without you, this novel wouldn’t have been possible. Without you, I wouldn’t have found the love of my life. Without you, well... my life’s a hell of a lot clearer. Thanks for everything, and for nothing. You don’t even deserve this mention, but I do.

And to Kate. You are the greatest accomplishment of my academic career. The world is at your feet, just as I am, always and forever.

A soft murmur escaped my lips, my hand cupping my mouth as my eyes darted from side to side, searching the hallway. Grasping the doorframe with one hand, I pulled myself up, holding the globe and manuscript in the other. Feeling behind me to pull the door shut, the ring of my cell phone demanded my attention. I started meandering down the hall toward the restaurant, struggling to flip open my cell, thoughts scattering in a million different directions.

“He-hello?”

“Kate, where are you? We ordered you a drink but we didn’t order dinner yet. Get down here, girl!”
Janine.
Her name barely registered as my gaze swept the lobby and the entrance to the restaurant.
What does this mean? What does he want? Why
—

“Kate?”

“Oh, um...sorry. I’m here. Yes, I’m right outside. Be inside in just a sec.”

“Okay, hurry! We’re starved!”

I hung up and hesitated, before my phone rang out again and made me jump.
Oh, what now?
Answering without looking at the caller ID, Carter’s voice filled my ear.

“Kate?”

“Hey Carter, can I call you—”

“This really can’t wait. Where are you right now? Are you back at the hotel?”

“Yeah, Carter, listen,” I pinched the bridge of my nose and shut my eyes, “I’m about to head into this restaurant to meet some friends for dinner and something just happened—look, I’ll call you back when I can think straight.”

“Okay, but Kate—”

I hung up and turned for the restaurant door. Spotting Janine and Tanya at the bar near the back of the restaurant, I hurried toward them, shimmying onto the stool and nearly losing my balance.

“Hey, you okay?” Janine asked.

“Yeah, you look awfully flustered, girl,” Tanya chimed in.

“I’m okay, I just...” I pulled the manuscript from under my elbow and plopped the globe paperweight on top of it, my eyes fixed on the crystal, the message before me. “Someone delivered this to me, but it wasn’t in a package or anything, and he’s my—was my—is my...” the tears started and I dropped my head into my hands.
Get a damn grip, Kate. You don’t know what this means.

“Oh, honey...what is it?” Janine stood and came to my side, picking up the globe, scanning Ryan’s name on the manuscript. I lifted my head and tried to speak, but a half sob, half erratic giggle interrupted me.

“Oh, sweetie,” Tanya cocked a brow and stood to wave to the bartender. “We’re going to need something stronger than this,” she lifted her strawberry daiquiri and downed the last of it, ordering shots instead.

“Come on, girl, tell us. Who is this Ryan guy and what does he want with you?” Janine asked, flipping through the first few pages. Tanya scuttled next to her, eyes popping wide when she read the top page. Nudging Janine, she smoothed the page over the others and pointed to the dedication.

“Ah,” Janine shook her head in understanding. “
Men
.”

“Pppfftt. Look at him, all poetic.” Tanya dismissed the page with a wave of the hand. “He burned you, I take it?”

“Of course he did,” Janine answered for me. “Tssk.”

“No. I mean, yes,” I finally answered, pushing through the sobs. “But I burned him, too. I never trusted him, kept pushing him—”

“Is there a Kate Parker here?” The bartender’s voice rang out, holding the phone to his ear. “Kate Parker?” Still hazy from the shock of my afternoon delivery, I turned and waved my hand, and he mumbled something into the phone, hanging up before walking toward me. “You’re wanted down on the beach, miss.”

“Sorry?”

“Someone just rang for you and asked you to head down to the beach.” He must’ve noticed my mess of a face because he reached under the bar and pulled out a cloth napkin, then handed it to me with a kind nod. “You’ll have to catch the shuttle out front. It’s the last one for the evening.”

“The person didn’t give a name?”

“No, ma’am.”

Who else could it be? I didn’t know anyone else on the island.

“Okay...thanks,” I blotted my eyes and cheeks and grabbed the globe and manuscript, turning to find Janine and Tanya staring at me, wide eyed and curious. “Oh my God. I think that’s him...I think I need to go—”

“Oh honey, go! Go! Go!” They shooed me toward the doors, squealing and gabbing away behind me as they saw me off.
What will I say to him? What does he want with me? Why can’t he let me grieve him in peace?

None of that mattered now. He was here. I was still in love with him, and from the sound of that dedication, he was still in love with me. The love was there, just like the chemistry on our first date. There was no denying it, and once again, the circumstances surrounding it would have to work themselves out on their own.

A myriad of questions continued to swirl around in my head as the shuttle jerked to a stop and snapped me back to Earth. Slipping out of the bus, I hurried toward the ladder that led down to the beach, peeling my high heel sandals off to jet across the sand. My eyes roamed everywhere; left and right, then right again until I saw him.

He was more gorgeous than he’d ever been before, standing beneath a palm tree, the sun’s rays cracking over the Piton Mountains behind him, filtering down and dancing over his bare shoulders. I drank in his blue board shorts and then his hips and abs, my eyes moving up to find tanned, sculptured cheekbones and a pair of sunglasses dipped low on his nose, the sun bringing out the blonde hues in his sandy brown hair. Wiggling his hands anxiously at his side, he scanned the perimeter, doing a double take when his gaze caught me from a distance.

I froze.

Lifting his shades, he raised a hand to shield his face from the sun, squinting to get a better look. The corner of his lips curled into a tight smile. We stood there, a stretch of uncertainty between us, heaven incarnate all around us, and all I could manage was lead feet, anchoring me into the sand, and a slack jaw desperate for words.

Then I decided.

“What are you doing here?” I called out, shielding my own eyes from the sun.

“You really have to ask that question?” he shouted back.

“What is it you’ve come to say?” Stumbling closer, I held up the manuscript, the pages flapping frantically in the wind. “I take it this is a murder mystery? You killed the ex-fiancée and thanked her in the dedication? Mighty dignified of you, I must say.”