Pretending Hearts (2 page)

To be honest, I had doubts over my ability to love someone completely. There were too many skeletons lurking in the Bridges family. Shutting people out had become second nature.

The conversation between my mother and me was put to an end by the doorbell. My mom stayed in place while I jumped out of my seat and rushed to the door. As I pulled open the door and saw my dad standing awkwardly on the front stoop, I thought about how surreal my father must have felt to ring the door of the house he lived in for more than fifteen years.

My unease faded when he gave me a disarming smile. “Today’s the big day. My little girl is all grown up and off to college.”

“Hopefully, I won’t be home with my tail between my legs after the first week of classes,” I said. Academics didn’t come naturally to me, despite my father’s background as a math teacher. My grades were decent, but I worked my ass off for every B grade I received. Taking college level courses had me quaking in my faux fur boots.

“You’ll do fine,” my father said with confidence. An uncomfortable silence settled between us. He shifted from side to side until I finally cleared my throat.

“I’ll just grab my things and we’ll go.”

“Your mom ready?”

“Mom’s not coming,” I spat out before rushing back inside. My father followed, but luckily didn’t force me to elaborate. I went in the direction of my room to grab my suitcases while my dad headed into the den to join my mom. A few minutes later, I heard harsh whispers dripping with venom coming out of the room. The words were muffled, but I assumed the argument stemmed from my mother deciding to skip the trip to the college.

My goal was to say a quick goodbye to my mom and get out of the house before the fight turned vicious. I could feel the toxicity levels in the air climbing as my parents shared the same air. At eighteen, I thought my parents’ divorce wouldn’t affect me much. However, being older seemed to make the situation harder. My parents didn’t bother with a filter or try to shield me from their acrimonious feelings for one another. I got to hear from each of them about all the ways they were wronged. Being mediator was exhausting and another reason college was my getaway plan.

And I was escaping for good. Clark held nothing for me except memories of being an outcast because of my father. I had switched schools to try and escape the stigma of being the daughter of the infamous Thomas Bridges, but the scandal was always nipping at my heels. As soon as I had settled into a new school, an old news report would resurface and the rumors would start up again. However, Blake had carved out a new life for himself at Cook University and I was determined to do the same.

My father’s eyes were watchful as he unloaded his station wagon in front of my new dorm building. While he manned the car, I had signed in at the registration desk and received the key card to my dorm room. With the building having ten floors, I lucked out by being placed on the third. I had seen the line for the elevators and the wait would’ve prolonged the move-in process. My dad wouldn’t say so, but he was edgy since arriving on campus. His eyes darted in every which direction and I had a feeling I knew whom he was searching for.

With our arms overflowing with my belongings, my father and I climbed the stairs to the third floor. I was breathless by the time I reached the top. My heart thudded as I anticipated meeting my roommate for the first time. The back of my neck was damp as I dragged my suitcase across the linoleum floor.

After receiving my freshman roommate assignments over the summer, I had spoken to Georgia Cartwright by phone. Our conversation consisted mostly of finding out the bare minimum statistics about one another. “Georgie” as her friends called her would bleed blue if anyone cut her open. She was the daughter of prominent Manhattan lawyers who summered in the Hamptons. Georgie was devastated over having to leave her brand new BMW coupe at home since freshmen weren’t permitted to have a car on campus.

Georgie and I were poles apart, but I didn’t let on to that fact. I commiserated over her devastation about leaving her car at home while inwardly wishing something so trivial could be my biggest problem. She asked about my parents and I told her a half-truth: my father was a math teacher and my mother worked as a receptionist. I left out the part about my dad being required to register with the state and having his whereabouts listed in a public database.

After noticing the door to my assigned room was wide open, I took a steadying breath and lumbered inside with my arms aching from the boxes I carried up three flights of stairs. I plastered an enthusiastic smile on my face as I searched the quarters for my new roommate. A figure was prone on the bed closest to the door and sifting carelessly through a magazine. My noisy entrance seemed to startle her and she sat up straight. The magazine slid off the bed and onto the floor.

“Hi, you must be Delia,” she said and climbed to her feet. “I’m Georgie.”

I had done a bit of Facebook stalking after my roommate assignment so I had an idea what Georgie looked like beforehand. However, her Facebook profile picture hadn’t done her justice. Georgie was a natural beauty: wide brown eyes with dark and full lashes and a mane of jet-black curly hair cascading down her back. She was at least half a foot shorter than me with a voluptuous figure. Her skin-tight tank top and low-riding shorts put every admirable curve on display. With my body frame long and lean, I would never manage to have breasts the same size as Georgie’s.

The dorm room was tiny, but I’d been expecting the cramped space. Blake had lived in the same building his freshman year and I anticipated having to shove my life into a shared thirteen-by-thirteen-foot room. Each side was a mirror of the other: same twin bed, dresser and desk.

Georgie had arrived early and set up her side of the room. The bed had already been swathed in her black and gold designer sheet set. A MacBook was set on the desk next to the bed. A bulletin board hanging on the wall displayed a pinned collection of photos of Georgie and her apparently large circle of friends.

“It’s nice to meet you,” I said sweetly. I was struggling to keep my smile natural-looking and I was able to do so by practicing a modeling trick my mom taught me that required sticking my tongue behind my front teeth.

Georgie looked around the room before turning back to me with an apologetic expression on her face. “I hope it’s okay that I unpacked. My parents needed to go to some boring convention in Boston today, so they greased some palms to get me into the dorm early.”

“It’s fine,” I said and ventured further into the room. My father sidestepped me and unloaded my suitcases and bags onto the free bed. Once his hands were free, he looked toward Georgie and me. When they both stared in my direction, I belatedly realized they were waiting for an introduction. “Georgie, this is my father Thomas.”

My father held out his hand while Georgie shook it with enthusiasm. His hand stayed circled around Georgie’s for a beat too long and I forced myself to not react. He smiled at her until the skin around his eyes creased. After a pause, his eyes started to wander and I felt hyperaware of her exposed skin. I circled around my dad to stand between them. My smile was wide enough to hurt my cheeks. I addressed my dad first. “Why don’t you head down to the car and grab a few more of my things? I’ll be down to help in a sec.”

“Of course, hon,” he said and ruffled my hair. I relaxed as I observed him closely. He looked the same as always and I hated myself for doubting him. He had lost weight in prison, but gained it back in the year since his release with his paunch returning. His receding hairline had retreated further in recent months, but his face remained youthful despite all of the hardships he faced while imprisoned. Quietly, I watched his retreating back disappear from view. Eventually, I turned back to face Georgie when I realized she had been talking.

“I bet you can’t wait for him to leave,” she was saying.

I was caught off-guard and my smile slipped. “Huh?”

She arched an eyebrow and gestured toward the doorway my father had just departed through. “Your dad. I bet you can’t wait for him to leave. I was counting the seconds until my parents split.”

I nodded absentmindedly. I did want him to leave, but my reasons were likely different from hers. “I better go help him.”

There would be time to get to know my new roommate later. I was growing paranoid with each second my father stayed on campus. His ex-convict status wasn’t visible to all, but I suddenly felt like a sign was hanging around his neck advertising his purported crimes. I believed in his innocence, but my opinion didn’t matter much in the public school of opinion. I didn’t want to be ashamed of being Thomas Bridges’s daughter, but Autumn Dorey hadn’t given me much choice.

***

My dad lingered after unloading his car, but I hustled him out of the dorms. I explained my need to bond with my new roommate and he eventually left after I promised to call him later that night. I couldn’t help but note the crushing sensation making it hard to breathe had dissipated some once my dad was gone. Again, I felt like I was a disloyal daughter.

Georgie was a talker and regaled me with story after story of her city upbringing. She only required I nod from time to time as proof I was listening. From what I gathered, she was painting me a caricature of who she was and not giving me her real biography just yet. Georgie’s story featured herself as the wild child whose parents forced her to pick a college in a rural setting as a way to tame her. But Georgie planned to relish her newfound freedom and had already found out the scoop on the best frat parties on campus.

“Hey, do you have an early class tomorrow?” I shook my head and Georgie continued, “Great. You can come with me to the Alpha Gamma Rho house. They’re having a party tonight.”

“I’m not sure. If the frat house is off-campus, how are we going to get there?”

Cook didn’t have fraternity and sorority houses on campus. Instead, the brothers and sisters rented houses throughout the surrounding town of Fairfort. The fraternities were known to have parties often since they weren’t policed by the campus administration.

“I have a friend who is a junior and she can drive the three of us. You’ll still have plenty of time to settle in. She’s not picking us up until after ten.” Georgie’s full lips broke into an inviting smile. I was wary, but found myself smiling back. Over the course of the day, Georgie had been growing on me. I liked her fearless attitude and her readiness to embrace the college experience.

The truth was female friendships had never come easy to me. I never seemed to know the secret manual on the ways of female solidarity. Growing up, I thought I was the cool girl with a lot of guy friends—being a hanger-on with Blake and his buddies as they watched the Sunday game. But I wanted girlfriends—friends I could cry with when I became disposable to the latest boy in my life. Georgie could be the one to help me open myself up to new experiences.

Georgie let out a whoop when I agreed to go. At the very least, a party would be a distraction. I’d been checking my phone religiously since arriving on campus. If I stayed in the dorms, I would only obsess over whether or not my brother would take time out of his
busy
schedule to call to see how my first day at Cook was going.

Blake not being around as much hurt more than I let on. He had been my surrogate father for so long, and my natural instinct had been to seek him out whenever I had a problem. He’d been the only one to keep me sane when reporters were hiding outside my window and trying to snap a photo of my father.

***

By the time I finished unpacking, the sun had long set. I wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed. But with my phone silent, I understood I would only lie awake waiting for my brother’s call. The reality was the call might never come.

Georgie was attractive in her casual clothes. But as she finished getting ready for a night out, she became even more startlingly beautiful. She had put on a floral camisole top embroidered with fringe and a pair of high-cut black knit shorts. The outfit accentuated her flat midriff and large chest. I wore a pair of denim shorts and a cream-colored lace tank. I dressed up the outfit with a layered silver chain necklace and the charm bracelet my brother had given me for my birthday. Since the temperature was still in the high eighties, I decided to keep cool by securing my blonde hair in a clip at the base of my neck.

My palms were sweaty as Georgie and I locked up our dorm room. I tried to keep my expression neutral, but my insides were twisted up over being thrust into a completely foreign social situation. But as I took a few calming breaths, I decided to slip into my latest role. Instead of Delia Bridges, daughter of the scandalized teacher, I could be Delia Bridges, new wide-eyed freshman.

Georgie grinned in anticipation as I followed her down the stairwell to the dorm building’s parking lot. Earlier, she had given me the lowdown on her friend from back home who’d be picking us up. According to Georgie, Fallon Johnston was a junior political science major and a closeted kleptomaniac. Georgie and Fallon had their ups and downs—a cycle starting two summers ago when Fallon would steal jewelry and cash each time she came over to Georgie’s summer home. Fallon was the daughter of a senator and her addiction to stealing was apparently her way of getting her father’s attention. But since Fallon was at Cook and had access to a car, Georgie decided to look the other way when it came to Fallon’s shortcomings.