Pretense (10 page)

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It had been her plan to ask Rose questions that were sure to put her on the spot, but all such arrogance left her. When she couldn't sleep that night, she opened the paperback New Testament the pastor had given her and read the book of Luke.

Sharon Elliot was never so taken with anyone the way she was taken with the life of Jesus Christ. He was amazing. She read with horror and delight, with tears and joy, to the last chapter, where Jesus Himself said in verses 25 and 26:
foolish men and slow of heart to believe in all that the prophets have spoken! Was it not necessary for the Christ to suffer these things and to enter into His glory?
And further on in verses 46 and 47 He spoke again:
Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and rise again from the dead the third day; and that repentance for forgiveness of sins should be proclaimed in His name to all the nations.

Shay had felt the air leave her in a rush. She was a sinner. It was clear to her for the first time. She didn't care how anyone else might take this. It was crystal clear to her. Jesus Himself had said that this was the very reason He had to die. How arrogant she had been! At the moment, however, Shay had never felt so small and unimportant. She was so proud of her business and her lovely furnishings and clothing, but in light of who God was and what His Son had done, they were nothing.

With a heart wrung with desperation, Shay had prayed and told God that she needed rescuing. She had told God she was ready to repent and be forgiven.

"All this time," she prayed softly as she sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes closed, "I thought that bad things just happened to good people, but there's nothing good about me. I need You, God, and I never knew it. Please forgive me; please let me share in the life You've given to Rose and the others at her church. Please, God, forgive my sins and make me Your child."

Shay hadn't slept for hours after that, but when the alarm rang she was not tired. She readied for work, hoping that Rose's curtains would be open and she would be up. Still in shock when she rang her neighbor's bell, Shay blurted out what she'd done. Rose had hugged her gently and not been able to stem the tears. After hearing the whole story, she had also advised her to get involved in one of the church's Bible studies. Just three days later Shay attended one for the first time.

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"Does spending time with Marrell cause you to sin, Shay?" asked Mrs. Timm, the pastor's wife, who led the study.

"No, but it's like we don't have anything to talk about anymore."

The older woman was thoughtful for a moment. "There is a barrier between believers and the world, Shay, but we have to be careful not to cut ourselves off. If Marrell still wants to see you and be with you, that's wonderful. She'll learn more from watching you than anything else. For that reason, I think you should try to keep the friendship alive. If Marrell is involved in things that will drag you down spiritually, then you're wise to stay away. We'll be praying for wisdom for you. God will show you what to do."

"Thank you," Shay said sincerely, listening while a few more women shared. The routine was to start the evening with prayer and then continue on in their study of Romans. It was not the easiest book for Shay to comprehend, but she was learning things about herself as well as God. One of the greatest helps to her, however, was not in the study itself. It was listening to some of the women when they prayed.

Originally Shay had panicked. Between the day Rose had invited her and the night she was actually to attend the study, Shay told herself she didn't know enough to go, but one of the women there had rescued her. When prayer time came, the first two women had prayed with large words and a reverent tone. The third woman had spoken to God as though He were in the room. Shay had even opened her eyes and stared across at her when quietly, her voice utterly normal, she thanked God for all the things He had provided, and then asked Him for a mattress for her bed. Shay didn't hear anything else for a long time.

That night on the way home in the car, Shay found herself glad that she and Rose had not been able to share a ride. Shay poured her heart out to God, speaking to the windshield as though she could see Him sitting on her hood.

I've had so many wrong impressions. I've been so confused, and now I see how huge You are. You love all of us. You 're big enough that we can pray to You in our own way. I've been afraid of not being good enough. I've been so selfish and wrong with so many things in my life, but Your forgiveness is bigger than all of that.

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It was the start of a wonderful pattern for Shay. She fell asleep with her heart right before God and soon figured out that she could do that every night. Tonight she had done the same thing, but Marrell was on her mind more strongly than ever before.

I
miss her, Lord. I miss her and the girls. I realize now that I rushed in and overwhelmed her. Help me to find a way back. She was here for me before I found You, and I love her so much. I know she thinks I've just run off on another spree; she couldn't think anything else. Help me to know how to approach her. Let her be receptive when I call.

This was the last thing Shay asked of God on this night. Her schedule at work and all the changes in her spiritual life were exhausting. She would be halfway to work before she remembered what Mrs. Timm had said, and in turn, figured out how she must approach Marrell.

"I don't know why I didn't try to talk to you before, Marrell. I guess I knew how you would respond, and I was just afraid."

"I don't want you to be afraid to tell me anything, Shay." Marrell's heart was in her eyes. She had missed her friend so much, and now they sat across from each other in the same restaurant Shay had first taken them.

"I appreciate that, Marrell, but I've handled this so badly. I know you think I'm just into my next 'thing. But the truth is, I've been helped at Rose's church. I think that when I invited you to come, I made you feel that unless you did, our relationship was over. And that's not what I meant. I've just never seen things in my life so clearly before ... my past ... all of it. In my enthusiasm," she admitted softly, "I was overzealous and obnoxious."

Marrell reached across the table and touched Shay's hand. "Thank you for explaining, Shay. I've missed you terribly, and the girls ask about you a lot."

"After practically ordering you to church, I didn't think you would want to see much of me."

Again Marrell's look was compassionate. "Like I said, I'm not interested in your church, Shay, but that doesn't go for you. You'll always be welcome. In fact, I think you should come to dinner this weekend."

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"I'd love to, but do you know what I just thought of? I've never had you guys over-at least not all four of you. Why don't you come to dinner on Saturday night?"

"We would love to," Marrell was very pleased to tell her. "Can I bring something?"

"Nope. The evening is on me, and I've eaten with you enough to know what you like. How's six o'clock?"

"We'll be there."

"Good, now what are we having for dessert?"

"I'm too full."

"I guess I am too, but I do want some coffee."

"When do you have to be back to work?"

"I don't. I cleared my calendar so that we could talk all afternoon."

"Oh, Shay," Marrell whispered with relief. "I'm so glad you called me."

"Me too." The new believer smiled across the table at her friend. She didn't know how and she didn't know when, but remembering what Mrs. Timm had said, Shay Elliot determined to witness to her friend by the life she lived. It didn't matter if it took ten years; she was going to show Marrell Bishop the way to Jesus Christ.

May 1980

"Oh, Paul." Marrell's voice sounded hopeful for the first time all day. Apartment hunting was proving to be tiresome. Paul's next posting was unaccompanied to Germany, which meant that Marrell and the girls would be alone for a year.

"It's so spacious and clean," Marrell said as she took in the nice living room, large windows, new carpet, and spacious kitchen, which had plenty of room for their table and chairs.

"Three bedrooms," Paul added rechecking the ad, "and the price is pretty decent."

Marrell looked around the apartment a little more. The bedrooms were nice-sized, and with three of them, the girls could still be on their own. The bathroom appeared to be freshly painted, and the vinyl on the floor looked new as well. The door and window locks, however, were the most important things to her.

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"It seems pretty snug," she said as she pulled at the window edge.

"Yes, and the owner told me there's an alarm system."

Marrell nodded and then just stood looking at her husband.

"Where did the last three years go?"

"I don't know, but the next year will go just as fast. Before you know it, the girls will be out of school for the summer and then back in again. Then I'll be home for Christmas, and that will be the halfway mark. Not to mention, I don't leave for six weeks."

Marrell nodded and made herself look away. It was not the first time Paul had been given a posting overseas, but this was different. This time she had the girls' schooling to consider, and neither of them had wanted to move to Colorado Springs while their father was in Germany. After Paul left, they were going to visit her grandmother, but only for three weeks.

"I'll be okay," Marrell said, more for herself than Paul. "I've decided to ask Shay if she can use me in the office."

Paul's brows rose, and Marrell nodded.

"I didn't decide until yesterday, and by then I realized I hadn't even told you I was thinking of it."

It took Paul a moment to adjust, but as he thought about it, it sounded like a good idea.

"Do you think her offer still stands?"

"She's never asked me again, but she told me just last week that one of the secretaries wanted to go part-time, and that was going to leave the office short-handed. I'll wait until school starts again and probably just be part-time myself, but if I don't do something with you gone and the girls in school, I'm going to lose my mind."

Paul came then and slipped his arms around her. "It's a great idea. I'm glad you thought of it. And if for some reason Shay can't use you, I think you should look for work elsewhere."

"Thank you, Paul," Marrell whispered. She had needed his approval so much, and for an instant wasn't sure what he would say. He kissed her cheek.

"I'd like us to rent this and move here ASAP."

Marrell frowned up at him. "I thought you would want to stay at the base as long as possible."

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Paul shook his head. "I need to live here with you before I go. I'll be able to picture you here, on the phone, in the kitchen, or in our bed. It'll help the ache when I'm so far away."

Marrell went up on tiptoes to kiss him again.

"Let's go talk to the owner." Paul took Marrell's hand in his and led the way toward the door.

Just an hour later they had paid the first and last months' rent as well as a cleaning deposit. They drove straight back to the base, knowing the girls would be home any time. Both younger Bishops had known their parents' plans for the day and didn't hesitate to ask what they found.

"Is the apartment in the same school district?" This came from Delancey.

"Yes. It's not that far from here or Shay's."

"Good."

"You'll even have your own rooms," Paul added.

Both girls shrugged over this, and Marrell smiled. Somewhere along the line they'd grown up a little. Mackenzie would be 12 the next month, and Delancey's eleventh birthday was in July, but it was more than age. Neither girl had a single qualm about sharing the same room, each other's clothes, books, or anything else that came to mind. It wasn't that one never had a cross word for the other, but no grudges or bitterness lingered. Indeed, both were still strongly competitive, but not with each other. There were even times when Marrell heard them talking in one of the bedrooms and felt left out, but all in all, she was glad they enjoyed each other so much.

"How would you like to see it?"

"Yeah," Mackenzie didn't hesitate.

"Right now?" Delancey asked.

"Sure, why not?"

"I think Eric is going to call."

"Well, he'll have to try again." Paul speared her with a look. "I'm not sure I even want you getting calls from boys at your age."

Delancey had nothing to say to that. If she had to visit the apartment in order to have phone privileges with Eric, she would do it.

As it was, she had a wonderful time. Both girls did. They liked the apartment and even learned that a girl from Mackenzie's class lived in the complex as well. They returned home in high

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Spirits, the thought of moving momentarily overriding the dread of their father being gone for a year.

Neither girl saw what Marrell saw-a year without her husband. And before that year could begin, three years of possessions had to be gone through as quickly as possible so the move could be made in a timely fashion. That night Paul stayed up late watching a movie. Marrell didn't join him. She turned in early, knowing the real work would start in the morning.

"I think this is the last one marked 'Kitchen,'" Shay said as she deposited yet another box on the kitchen table. The movers weren't coming for two days, but Shay and Marrell had decided to get a jump on the boxes Marrell had packed and taken over to the new apartment.

"Okay. Thanks, Shay," Marrell said tiredly as she unpacked a box of odds and ends. Shay joined her and looked down at the contents.

"What are you going to do without your spatulas and spoons for the next few days?"

"At present we're living on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

"You poor thing. I'll bring something over tonight, okay?"

"Oh, Shay, Paul would love it. He's very patient, but I can tell he's starting to loathe the taste of peanut butter."

"What day did you tell me he's leaving?"

"June 13- Five weeks from tomorrow."

"And back at Christmas for a few weeks?"

"Yes. We'll probably head to Lake Tahoe to ski, at least for part of the time."

"And you leave for Colorado on July 1."

"Yes. We'll be back the twenty-second."

"And what day do the girls go back to school?"

"Labor Day is early this year. I think they go back September 2."

"And will you want to come to the office right away or have some time to yourself for a while?"

"That's a good question. I don't know if I'll be relieved to be on my own or not." Marrell suddenly shook her head. "No, I won't like being alone. I'll probably come as soon as I can that week."

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"Well, Marrell," Shay said as she pushed a few red curls from her face, "just know that no matter how much time you can give me, I can use you."

"How much will I have to answer the phone? My biggest fear is that I'll be asked for information I'm not familiar with."

"Not much, but you'll learn as you go along. Most of the questions concern buildings, and we design everything short of bars and nightclubs. A few months back we were even commissioned to put together a doghouse."

"You're kidding."

"No," Shay grinned. "The lady was thrilled with the work and even sent some business our way."

Marrell shook her head. "I can see why you enjoy it."

"I do that. Well, I'm going now. I need to get in a few hours at the office and then make dinner for some poor starving Army officer I know."

Marrell laughed. "What time will we see you?"

"About six o'clock."

"Okay. Thanks, Shay."

"You're welcome. Don't stay here and work too hard."

"I won't."

Shay let herself quietly out of the apartment but did not immediately rush away when she gained her car. With her eyes on the building, she began to pray.

I'm glad that Your timing is perfect, Lord. I would have had the whole family saved and turning the world upside down by now, but You've asked me to be patient. They all mean so much to me, Lord. Help me to keep on for them.

Lately I'm so lonely. I ache for companionship and someone to share my life, but You know all about that. It's been so long since I've been touched or held. I think I'm very vulnerable in that area right now, Father. Please protect me from myself. Don't bring anyone along who spins my head. I've got to think clearly.

Shay started the car and pulled from her parking place, but her mind was still prayerful. It would be very easy to envy Marrell right now. She had a husband who adored her. But Shay did not want to settle for envy and discontentment. If and when God had a partner for her, He would reveal it.

By the time Shay came to this peaceful conclusion, she was back at the office, her heart making a deliberate effort to turn her mind to business.

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Six

"You
can't have both, Shay," Paul spoke tolerantly. "IfGod is both loving
and
all-powerful, why is there so

much pain in the world?"

They had had this discussion before, but Shay still patiently answered. "You want God to fit into your own plan, Paul. You believe you know what's best for this world, and you want God to put His stamp of approval on your blueprint."

"That's not true, Shay. Anyone with eyes can see what a sick world we live in. If God was all-powerful and all-loving, He would do something."

As with their previous conversations, they got nowhere. Shay's answers were the best she could manage, and she knew that Paul was not just being argumentative, but tonight she had nothing more to say. It was a great relief when the girls needed their father.

"Does it upset you that we disagree?" Marrell asked almost as soon as Paul left the room.

Shay tipped her head to one side and said softly, "Tell me something, Marrell. If you believed with all your heart that tomorrow San Francisco would have the worst earthquake ever, would you leave the city?"

"Of course."

Shay nodded. "Would you be upset if your own daughters wouldn't listen to you? Would you be afraid for them if they refused to leave the city?"

Marrell didn't answer. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see where she was headed, but she still had one question.

"What is it that Paul and I should be so afraid of?"

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Shay answered as best she could. "I mostly used that example to show you how strong my belief is. I know you haven't had your marriage break up, and you haven't made some of the foolish choices I have, but I still believe that all people need Christ. I also believe that someday God will return for His people, and that's where I think you need a sense of urgency. No matter what you believe, Marrell, I'll be your friend and love you, but I don't know how long God will wait for you to make up your mind. For all you know, you could die in a car accident tomorrow."

"But I'm not afraid to die."

"If you're counting on going to heaven because you're a good person, you should be."

This was the bluntest statement Shay had ever made about her beliefs. They had talked on many occasions, and Shay had always been very sensitive about giving Marrell time. Marrell listened to her friend but truly believed she was fine.

"I don't know what you mean exactly," Marrell finally said quietly, "but I'm not sure I want to talk about it right now."

A look crossed Shay's face that swiftly made Marrell say, "No, Shay, not because I'm upset with you, but because I'm tired, and to be honest, I just want to concentrate on my time with Paul right now. I don't have that many more weeks with him."