Pretty Pink Ribbons (37 page)

So this is what it feels like . . .

Tears burn the back of my eyes and I swallow hard. I’ve walked past people crying in a hospital before; I’ve even seen people wailing over a loved one. But never in a million years did I think it would be me. I’ve never known how it feels to watch your loved one carted off and have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen to them, not knowing if the next time you see them they’ll be alive or . . . gone.

A gentle hand lands on my back and I whirl around, grabbing onto Mia, burying my face in her hair. Mia’s arms wrap around my neck, and for the first time since I found out Laney has cancer, I cry. My tears soak through Mia’s shirt, but she doesn’t move. She just stands there like the rock I need her to be.

“GENTLEMAN, YOU MADE THE right decision.” I grip Mark’s hand firmly in mine then move to Brady, and Mason follows suit.

“We’ve already signed, Mark. You can stop the ass-kissing,” Mason quips, earning a boisterous laugh from our two new business partners. We’ve spent the last two hours going over the contract and ironing out every little detail. My eyes hurt, my ass hurts and I’m ready for some grub. “We’re starving,” Mason says as if he read my mind. “Where can we get something to eat?”

Mark rattles off the address of a steak house down the road as we grab our jackets and walk toward the front door. I drape my coat over my arm and reach into the pocket for my phone, aggravated at myself for not checking it sooner. I know I should have, but I got caught up in the meeting and completely lost track of time. My hand comes up empty and I instantly begin to panic.

“I’ll be right back.” Spinning around, I take off down the hall to the conference room we just left. I frantically search the room but come up empty-handed. “Shit,” I mumble, running toward the door.

Mason is already outside and getting in the car when I come barreling out. “What’s up?” he asks, arm propped up on his door.

“I can’t find my fucking phone.” Yanking the door open, I sigh deeply when I find my cell wedged between the seat and center console. “How the fuck did that get there?” I growl, pressing the side button to turn it on. My screen flashes with five missed calls, but I scroll past them and click on the first text.

Mia: Laney is really sick. They’re admitting her to the hospital. Please call.

My stomach drops.
Laney.
Fuck, this is not happening. “Get in the car—now. Let’s go!” I yell. Mason must register the panic on my face because he doesn’t waste any time jumping in the car and peeling out of the parking lot.

Mia: Where are you, Levi? You need to come home
.

“FUCK!” I roar, slamming my fist into the dash. “Step on it, Mason. I need to get home.” He glances over at me but doesn’t say a word.
Smart boy.

Luke: They’re admitting Laney to ICU and running a bunch of tests. I’ll keep you updated.

That was an hour ago. What the fuck is going on? How did things go from bad to worse so fast? Is she okay? I can’t believe they needed me—that
she
needed me—and I wasn’t there.

Pulling up Luke’s name and number, I hit ‘talk’ and he answers on the first ring. “Took you long enough,” he growls.

“Cut the shit, Luke. What’s going on?”

“What? You’re the one who didn’t even have your goddamn phone on!” he yells, causing me to hold the phone away from ear. “Are you fucking kidding me, Levi?” His voice cracks and the phone is muffled.

“Are you on your way home?” Mia asks. I close my eyes at the sound of resignation in her voice.

“Yes, I’m on the way. Will you please tell me what’s going on, Mia? Please. I need to know. This is killing me. My phone fell out of my pocket in the car, and I didn’t realize it until the meeting was over. There’s a shitload of messages telling me that Laney isn’t okay, so please—”

“We’re still waiting,” she interrupts gently. A lump forms in my throat, nausea churning deep in my gut. “They took her a while ago to go run some tests and they haven’t brought her back yet.”

“What did the doctor say?”
Please tell me she’s going to be okay.

“All the doctor said is that chemotherapy causes the white blood cells to drop and that makes Laney more susceptible to infection. So they’re trying to figure out what’s wrong with her, and they’re going to keep her here until they can get her better.” A sob breaks free from my chest and I lean forward, my shoulders heaving. “Shhh . . .” Mia croons. “Just get home. Okay?”

I don’t even have it in me to respond. My mind is focused on one thing and one thing only—
Laney.
Handing my phone to Mason, I bury my head in my hands and cry like a fucking baby. If I make it to the hospital and something has happened to her, I’ll never forgive myself.

Time passes, as do the mile markers. Slumped down in the seat, I keep my eyes focused on the constantly changing scenery that is flying by. Mason doesn’t say a word the entire drive and that’s probably for the best, because right now I’m so furious at myself for leaving that I’m liable to say or do something that could irreparably damage our relationship.

At some point along the way, my phone beeps and I look at it strangely, wondering when I got my phone back from Mason.

Mia: She’s in the room. They have her on oxygen and a heart monitor, but we’re still waiting for the tests to come back.

Oxygen? A heart monitor?
Oh God.

Me: Is she awake? Has she talked to you?

My phone beeps almost instantly.

Mia: I’m sorry, no. The doctor said that her body is under a lot of stress and she’ll probably fade in and out quite a bit.

Me: Let me know if anything changes.

The next few hours are the longest of my life. Although they creep by at a snail’s pace, Mason somehow manages to make a five-hour trip in a little less than four hours. When the car screeches to a halt, I bolt out the door before Mason even has time to shift into park. I can hear him running after me, but there is no way I’m slowing down. The doors open automatically and the woman at the front desk smiles when I run in, then her eyes quickly widen. “ICU?”

“Fifth floor. Take the elevator up and then turn left.” She’s shouting the directions at me because I’m already running toward the stairs. Fuck the elevator. I bound up the steps, two at a time, and when I reach the fifth floor, I shove through the door and fly down the hall, looking for anyone that might be able to help me.

“Levi!” Turning around, I find Mia, Benny and Luke walking out of a room.

“Is she in there?” I jog over to them, but Mia shakes her head.

“This is just the waiting room.” I follow the three of them in the room and Luke immediately starts pacing, his hands planted firmly on the top of his head.

“Any news? Where is she at? Can I go see her?” I ask. Mason strides into the room, heaving and out of breath.

“We haven’t even seen her,” Luke growls. “We’ve been sitting in this goddamn room for the past five fucking hours, waiting to hear something . . . anything.”

“But Mia, you made it sound like . . .” She shakes her head and my words trail off.

“I didn’t get to see her, Levi. The nurse just came to give us an update. The ICU has really strange visiting hours and we have to wait another two hours before we can see her. And even then, we can only go in one at a time.”

“Fuck that.” I dig my phone out of my pocket, thankful that my best friend’s fiancé is a doctor here at the hospital. And right now, Tyson might be the only one who can help.

Me: Are you working tonight?

I slouch into a seat and breathe in for what feels like the first time since I found my phone. My knee is bouncing furiously. I need to see her and hold her and tell her I love her. I need to see with my own two eyes that she’s okay and that she’s still here. My phone vibrates in my hand and everyone stops to stare at me.

Tyson: Yup. What’s up?

Me: I need you to get me into the ICU. It’s Laney.

His reply is almost instantaneous.

Tyson: I’ll see what I can do. Give me ten minutes. Where are you at?

Me: ICU waiting room. HURRY.

“Well—?” Luke’s broken face is looking at me like I hold the key to all of life’s answers.

“Tyson is working tonight. I’m hoping he can pull some strings and get us in there earlier, or at least find out some more information. Did the doctors come down and tell you anything else? Anything at all?”

Luke falls into the chair next to me. “Just that they know she has pneumonia. To be honest, I didn’t understand all the medical garbage the doctor was throwing at us. But I understood that they are still waiting on some of the blood work to come back. She didn’t look good, Levi. She was so limp and lifeless in my arms, and I—” His words break on a deep sob before he stands up and walks out of the room.

“Levi!” My head snaps up at the sound of Harley’s voice as she runs in the room. I stand up in time for her plow into me, and I hold onto her with everything that I have. Her arms wrap tightly around my neck. “Tyson called me. I got here as fast as I could. What’s going on? Have you seen her? Have you gotten to talk to her?”

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks when I realize for the first time that I never said goodbye to her this morning. Sure, I told I loved her, but she was asleep. I didn’t get to kiss her one last time or tell her that she means the world to me. What if I don’t get to tell her that? What if something happens and the last thing I said to her was, ‘
Now’s not the time for jokes, Lane.
’ Gripping Harley’s shoulders, I pull her away from me, panic now in full bloom. “I need to see her, Harley.
Now.
I need to see her now.”

“Tyson is talking to the doctor and he’s going to get you back there, I promise. Just give him a couple of minutes.”

“I don’t have a couple of minutes,” I plead, needing her to understand how important this is to me. “What if she—?”

Just then, Tyson walks into the room with another doctor at his side. Luke comes in right behind them and we all crowd together.

“Levi, this is Dr. Byers. He’s been overseeing Laney’s care in the ICU. Dr. Byers, this is Laney’s fiancé, Levi, and her brother, Luke.” Warmth rushes through me.
I want that.
More than anything, I want to be Laney’s fiancé. Dr. Byers reaches a hand out to me and then Luke.

“You’ve already been informed that Laney has pneumonia?” We all nod in unison. “Okay, good. Although we’re still waiting for some blood work to come back, I believe that Laney may be septic.”

“What does that mean?” I ask.

“Sepsis is a complication of an infection—in this case, pneumonia—and the fact that Laney’s immune system is already weak from her chemotherapy puts her at even greater risk. As soon as we find anything out, I’ll be sure and let you know right away. But for now, we’re just going to watch her closely. Her oxygen level dropped quite low a little while ago, but we were able to stabilize her.”

“Is she going to be okay?” Luke asks, his eyes filling with tears.

The look on Dr. Byers’ face softens. “It’s obvious your sister is a strong woman, and I can assure you that we are doing absolutely everything we can. But sepsis can be a life-threatening condition and Laney is very weak right now.”

“Is she awake?” I ask, desperately needing to see her.

“No, she’s not. And when she does wake up, she may be extremely drowsy and slightly incoherent, so please don’t be alarmed. But I can assure you that she is comfortable.”

“Can we see her?” I ask, knowing full well that if he says no, I’ll probably do something that could land me in jail. Dr. Byers turns to Tyson and they exchange a look.

“The visiting hours in the ICU are strict for very specific reasons, but I’m aware that you all haven’t been able to see Laney since she came in so we’re going to make an exception. Just one person at a time, make sure you wash your hands and if you feel even the slightest bit sick, please do not go in there. Laney is our number one priority right now, and we don’t want to expose her to anything that may further complicate her situation.” We all nod in agreement. “Perfect. Who would like to go in first?”