Private Sins (Three Rivers Series: Book 1) (10 page)

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Kelly watched her husband wearily. He had been acting strangely ever since the music day or was it since he dropped his mother to the airport? He was acting as if he had the cares of the world pressing on his shoulders.

For the past three weeks he hardly spoke to her or looked her in the eye, he was rarely around, the communication between them was never this bad and she wondered what on earth was eating him. She could barely get a word in edgewise because he used every excuse in the book to get away from her.

He had been lounging in the settee, the Bible opened on his knee.

“I am going out,” he said turning to look at her and pocketing his key in his jeans. The baby began to cry and he hesitated before slamming out of the house the sound reverberating through the house and causing the baby to cry even louder.

Kelly put down the dishcloth she had in her hand and went to attend to the baby. He was six and a half months old and already he was sitting up in his crib without support, he had a miserable look on his face and was jabbering ba-ba-ba.

It sounded like Dada, something she had pointed out to Theo but he had turned around as soon as he came home and slammed the door so hard, the sound had reverberated through the house.

Was he having an affair?

Kelly sat down in the rocking chair across from the crib with the baby in her lap and rocked him for a while. Thoughts about Theo having an affair ricocheted through her mind and built into a crescendo. The more she rocked the baby the more certain she was that Theo was acting like a man who was seeing someone else.

He barely touched her or talked to her and he wasn’t giving her his itinerary as he usually does. Usually she would know exactly where her husband was during the day or what he was doing but since the music day she has been clueless, even just now he just got up in his casual clothes and declared vaguely that he was going out. Theo never just announced that he was going out, usually he bombarded her with too much information about his whereabouts.

Kelly put back the sleeping baby in the crib and tried to stop her running thoughts. She went onto the veranda and found that she could not stop the thoughts, or the tears.

That’s where Theo found her—almost inconsolable—doubled up on the lounge chair at the back of the house. She was sobbing like her heart was broken.

He stood at the door, trying to harden his heart against her but decided that despite everything she was still his Kelly.

He sat beside her on the lounge chair and she looked up tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Are you hav…having an affair?” Kelly hiccupped.

Theo had tears in his eyes too, “It would hurt, wouldn’t it?”

Kelly nodded, “So bad.”

He hugged her to him and rubbed her back, “I am not having an affair.”

“So why have you been so cold and where have you been disappearing to?”

“I needed to escape,” Theo sighed, twisting himself around so that he could see her face to face.

“Escape from me?” Kelly squeaked.

“Yes,” Theo grimaced, “and to pray. I don't think I have prayed so much in the last few years as I have done in these three short weeks.”

“Why?” Kelly sniffled, “what did I do?”

“You had an affair with Chris and had his baby and lied to me about it,” Theo said matter of factly, all emotion stripped from his voice.

Kelly gasped and struggled to get up from the lounger. “You know? Oh my…I am so…I have to get out of here.”

“No you don't,” Theo said with a sigh, “sit down.”

Kelly stopped struggling and hung her head.

“Look at me Kelly.” Theo's voice was tremulous.

Kelly reluctantly raised her eyes to his.

“Is there any other devastating secret lying around that I should know about?”

Kelly shook her head.

Theo sighed. “Have you stopped this affair or is it an ongoing thing?”

“I broke it off before the contract for the villa ended. I am so sorry Theo… I…”

Theo held up his hand, “I know you are sorry. I just want to know things. I have been lied to for so long that I just want to know. Just help me to know.” He pleaded.

Kelly nodded.

“Are the other two children mine?”

Kelly gasped, then seeing his tortured expression, said “yes.”

“How long have you and Chris had this…this…affair?”

“When I started working on the contract for the villa, I hadn’t cheated on you before either,” she hurriedly squeezed that in.

Theo looked miserably at her, “how Kelly?”

“How what?” she whispered.

“How will I ever trust you again? Do you even love me or do you feel a sense of obligation to be with me because we have joint property and children together? Is that why you are here right now?”

“Theo, listen to me, I love you. I am so sorry, I was weak and lonely and ready for someone who gave me the sort of attention that Chris did. I wanted to feel like Kelly, not just mommy or pastor’s wife but desirable and the center of someone's universe. I have never really felt that I was that important to you. I have always felt that on your list of priorities I was way down somewhere on there with take out the trash.”

“Kelly,” Theo looked at her pained. “How could you even think that?”

“I am a person too,” Kelly hiccupped. “I may not be as needy as some of your parishioners, but Theo, you must realize that witnessing and nurturing begins at home. I got tired of being reliable Kelly, understanding Kelly or last minute Kelly. I wanted to be precious to somebody. I realize that I was wrong to turn to Chris, I should've shouted loud enough for you to hear about how I felt. By the time I came to my senses, I was pregnant, and I realized without a doubt that you and Thea and Matthew meant the world to me and that I was not only an adulteress, but a deceiver as well. I just did not want to lose my family.”

Theo wiped away the tears that were coursing down his cheeks unchecked and stood up, his back hunched. He could barely see the view in front of him. Every word Kelly spoke was a jab to his heart.

“What about the baby?” Theo turned round to her. “Does Chris know that he has a son?”

Then he closed his eyes, “Of course he does. Everybody knows but me.”

“Theo,” Kelly pleaded, “I am sorry.”

Theo sighed, “Kelly I have looked at this over and over again. For three weeks I mulled it over and over in my mind. I could easily move on from adultery, I know I could, it would be hard but not insurmountable. I could understand your motives somewhat, knowing that you and Chris had a past, but Kelly there is a constant reminder in that house that you lied to me, slept with somebody else and for the love of God Kelly, the older he gets the more he'll look like Chris.

Before long there will be nobody in church who won't be speculating about that boy's paternity, that’s if they haven’t done so already. The whole situation stinks to high heaven. What would you do if you were me?”

Theo looked at her fiercely. “If I carried a little boy in this house and said, Kelly, here is my son from a church sister, what would you do?”

Kelly hunched her shoulders, “I'd be devastated and humiliated, I'd probably leave.”

She closed her eyes, an ache heavy like a fist pressed on her chest.

Theo sat down in a single chair across from her and folded his arms. “I didn’t want to make this decision in pain. I wanted to pray about it and have a calmer approach when I finally talked to you about this whole situation.”

He sighed and removed an envelope from his pocket. “Two weeks ago when I was at the height of my feverish prayers, I got this in the mail.”

He handed it to Kelly and she opened it slowly.

Greetings Pastor Theo Palmer,

We are in the process of recruiting for a chair for our Psychology and Counselling Department at Windsor Christian College. We are aware that you have an MSc in that area and that you have actively practiced counseling as part of your ministry. We would appreciate if you could present yourself as a candidate for this position…

Kelly continued reading and then looked up, “Windsor College? That’s in the Cayman Islands.”

Theo nodded.

“The pay is certainly more attractive than the one you are now getting as a minister.” Kelly handed back the letter to him. “Are you considering it?”

Theo heaved himself out of the chair and began to pace. “Ministry for me has never been about the money, I get a certain satisfaction from spreading God’s word and not just preaching it, but living it and showing others to do so. This whole situation with you will derail my efforts in this community for years to come, so this letter was an answer to prayer. I could work in a place where I can start afresh. I know there is no guarantee that I will get the job but I called in yesterday and confirmed that I was available for a telephone interview tomorrow. If short-listed, I go to Cayman for another interview with the board.”

Kelly realized that he said “I will start afresh,” not we and her heart gave a little jump. Theo was leaving her, as sure as the sea waves hit the sand far below in the distance her husband was going and it was her fault.

She had managed to break up her family.

She'd be left in a hostile church community that would always be pointing fingers at her as the lady who broke the pastor's heart and broke up her home. The thought was enough to render her speechless.

Theo would leave; maybe send for his children when he was settled. They would want to know why Mommy and Daddy were not living together, before long they would know the truth and she would be an outcast to her own children when they realized that she was the reason the family was torn apart.

Good job, Kelly,
an insidious little voice whispered in her ear,
you managed to mess up your life.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

After the intense discussion on the back porch, the children had arrived home from school; their chattering had effectively ended the discussion. The word divorce was floating on the air, unspoken but very present in the room.

The baby had cried and Kelly had gone for him, putting him in the playpen in the living room. Theo had sat down across from him, and then, as if on impulse, had taken him out and hugged him tightly. A look of pain convulsed against his features and Kelly had to run to the bathroom to hide her teary swollen eyes from the children.

She left the bathroom with her eyes puffy and red, and headed for the kitchen. The open plan of the living room and kitchen meant that Theo could watch her as she walked toward the counters. He had put the baby back in the pen and was talking to Matthew; Thea was reading to her baby brother while he slapped the pages with his hand and jabbered ba-ba-ba-ba.

The scene was so heart wrenching that Kelly went into the fridge just so that Theo could not see the tears that were pooling at the sides of her eyes. The phone rang and she closed the fridge door and went to answer it.

“Hello,” her voice was husky.

“Girl, why do you sound so stuffy, are you coming down with the flu?”

It was Erica.

Kelly shivered and then started to cry. “He is going to leave me.”

She sobbed on the phone as she leaned weakly against the wall, she never heard a word Erica said, she didn’t even realize that Theo had taken the phone from her or that Thea and Matthew were crying too.

She slumped to the floor inconsolable wails escaping her lips. The sheer intensity of her pain meant she could hardly breathe.

Theo tried valiantly to hear what Erica was saying, while around him was pandemonium.

He took the phone out to the patio and closed the door.

“Erica?”

“Yes.” Erica sounded like she was sniffling too.

“It’s a tough time.” He sighed.

“I know,” Erica cleared her throat. “Where are you leaving to?”

“It’s not concretized yet but I am going to do an interview with a school in Cayman.”

“Oh,” Erica said and then there was silence on the line.

“Can't you forgive her?”

Theo rested his head on the wall, “I am working on it…forgiveness is a process. The process for me is just beginning. The pain of it is still very fresh for me. What Kelly did was not just to cheat on me. Honesty, trust, all the things I took for granted in this marriage were smashed—like an elephant walking in a china shop. My new reality is a far cry from the old one. Can you understand that?”

“Yes,” Erica said sadly. “I am calling from my parents’. They want to know if they can come over this evening.”

“Sure,” Theo said, “I won't be here though. I have a meeting with Pastor Henny at six. I need some prayer and counseling and he is my personal pastor and prayer partner.”

After he hung up the phone with Erica he went into the kitchen and scooped up Kelly. She was whimpering like a baby, the loud cries were now soft but still gut wrenching he placed her on the bed in their bedroom and then he went to calm down the children. By the time he reassured them that Mommy was not dying and that all was well in their world, he gave them supper, feeding the baby with mashed bananas and laughing at his expressions. He really loved this child, and though he was not his biologically he was still a part of Kelly and God knows he loved Kelly.

The very thought of living apart from her—or any of his children—made him feel a little fearful inside. There was nobody on the planet who couldn’t see this whole scenario from his point of view. He had all right to leave and forge a new life for himself.

Eventually the hurt would ease, he'd find someone new. Someone who wouldn't even think of breaking his heart as thoroughly as Kelly had. He'd have another family and he would be able to trust his new wife and she would not lie to him about the paternity of his children.

She would find no other man attractive. She would be his, he would be hers and they'd live happily together until they grew old or until God comes.

The problem with the whole scenario was that in his perfect life his new wife had Kelly's face. Besides, what would happen if he left her alone? Chris would demand visitation rights for his child; they would see each other constantly and start up a relationship again
—his children would be Chris' stepchildren.

He'd be the visitor Daddy who jumped ship, he would hardly know them when they grew up and he hated the absentee father relationship with a passion. His father had abandoned his mother when he was little and he had felt it acutely when growing up. He was in a little predicament here. He removed the baby's bib and snuggled him to his chest.