Professional Boundaries (23 page)

“So you never wanted me?” I cried.

He shook his head. “I didn’t say that.” He took my hand up again. “I never wanted another woman more than you, but I wasn’t ready for you and you lacked experience with men and relationships.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

He stood up and began pacing my floor, just like he had the night it all fell apart. He didn’t speak for a couple of minutes, and when he did, he still kept pacing. “It means I wasn’t ready to get married, especially to a girl that hadn’t even experienced life.”

“I didn’t ask you to marry me. I knew you didn’t want to then.”

He finally stopped pacing and he looked directly at me. “The problem was, I wanted to marry you.”

I shook my head in confusion, well as much as I could. My head was pounding. “I don’t understand.”

He came and knelt beside my couch; we were almost eye level. “I loved you and I wanted nothing more than to be with you, but I had nothing to offer, and you were too young.”

“Then why didn’t you just tell me that instead of walking away like I didn’t matter to you at all. Wait … did you just say you loved me?”

He reached up and kissed my forehead and lingered for a moment before he answered. “Yes … I loved you, but I couldn’t tell you because I knew you and how you would respond, and I knew it wouldn’t take too long before I would have been begging you to marry me.”

“And that was just too horrible a thought for you?”

“Kelli, you were nineteen and I was barely out of grad school,” his voice pled for understanding.

But I wasn’t sure I could understand that. “So, just because I was young, you decided to toss everything we had together aside, all while knowing how I felt about you? Do you even know how much you hurt me? Did you even care? Did you really even love me?”

He didn’t answer, he just kept gazing into my eyes.

“I would have waited,” I said through tears. He still didn’t say anything, so I lay back down. “I don’t feel good.”

He got up and walked toward my kitchen. Soon he was back with water and more painkillers. I gratefully took both and closed my eyes again.

I didn’t hear him get up. I could still feel him by my side on the floor. Seconds later he caressed my cheek. “I loved you more than you know, and I’m sorry I hurt you. I thought I was doing what was best at the time.”

I didn’t respond, other than to let the tears continue to fall down my cheeks as I waited for the medicine to kick in again. It took a long time, or what seemed like a long time, to fall asleep again as I pondered everything over in my head. I just couldn’t reconcile him walking away because he loved me. And what about Marissa, aka big boobs, and what about Ms. Dumber? It all made my head hurt, and when I did fall asleep, it was fitful, even with the medication.

I was awakened to the smell of something wonderful, but as soon as I sat up, I remembered who was here and all that was said in the middle of the night, right down to the big boobs. I wanted to crawl back under the covers and die. This right here was the reason why my dad warned me never to drink or let men stay the night before I was married.

I wondered if Ian would notice if I crept to my room and just locked the door and stayed there until he left. I contemplated dropping to the floor and army crawling my way over there, but I knew in my condition that was a no-go. And knowing my luck, he would probably notice and I would look like a bigger idiot crawling on the floor. Then I thought I could just keep pretending to sleep, but my bladder wasn’t too fond of that idea.

I decided I needed to be a big girl, so I sat up slowly and then painfully stood up, none of which went unnoticed. There was a clear view from the kitchen to the living room, and before I knew it, he was by my side asking if I needed help. I couldn’t help but look at him and think,
So this is what it would be like to be married to him
. He was still in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, and his hair was a little ruffled; he had the perfect amount of scruff on his face, but then I remembered how dumb he was and stood up taller. “No,” I firmly said and walked off toward my room.

“Breakfast is almost ready,” he called out.

I just closed my door and let out a deep breath. I decided then and there I was only taking Tylenol or Advil and that I didn’t need a baby sitter.

I headed straight for my master bathroom and looked in the mirror. To say I looked horrible was putting it nicely. The right side of my face looked like a paint palette. No amount of make-up would help the monstrosity that was my face. Only time and ice would help, but I did the best with what I had. I brushed my teeth and my hair, and then I painfully threw it up in a bun. Thankfully my hand was working a little better. I washed my face, and then for fun I threw on some lip gloss and mascara. I figured it couldn’t hurt. Then reluctantly, and slowly, I walked back out to tell Ian his services were no longer required, and I thought about quitting again, which I guess in essence made me the boss, but I was torn on that. Unfortunately, Ian was good at what he did, and he was opening doors that I never could or didn’t even have access to. But how could we work together now?

Ian was still in the kitchen when I came out, but his face brightened upon seeing me. “Sit on the couch and I’ll bring breakfast to you.”

Why did he have to be so kind this morning? I just stood there and stared at him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Maybe you should go.”

He set down the plate he had in his hand and walked over to me and gently took me up in his arms. That wasn’t helping the situation. I meant what I said; I didn’t like him, so I didn’t reciprocate, but I didn’t push him away like I should have either. I blamed it on the pain medication that was still lingering in my very sore body.

 “I think we need to talk,” he said against my ear. 

“Yeah, about last night, maybe we should just forget about it.”

He laughed and led me over to the couch where I obediently sat while he went to retrieve our food. He brought me a plate filled with homemade coffee cake and fresh fruit. It smelled fabulous, and I knew it would taste just as good. Ian was an excellent cook. His momma had raised him right.

I took no time tasting his offerings, and I was not disappointed. “It’s delicious, thank you.”

He smiled sweetly. “You’re welcome,” he said from where he sat, next to me. We both ate in silence for a few minutes before he set his plate down on my coffee table. I wasn’t putting mine down until it was all gone. I had missed his cooking, and I was starving.

Charlie decided to jump in the middle of us. He typically didn’t like company, but I guess as Ian had been there all night, he was tired of waiting to be adored. Ian did the honors and scratched his head while I continued stuffing my face. With Charlie purring and my mouth full, Ian took his opportunity.

“I’m not going to beat around the bush anymore. I’m hoping for a second chance here.”

I lowered the piece of pineapple I had in my hand waiting to be inserted into my mouth. “So you lied to me?”

He shook his head. “I’ve never lied to you.”

“Ha! You told me the first day you were here that you working for Chandler had nothing to do with me!”

“It didn’t and it doesn’t. I was hoping to woo you outside the office, but you’ve made that nearly impossible. Hell, you would barely even acknowledge that you knew me previously. You’re the most stubborn woman I know.”

I had to smile at the irritation that I had apparently been causing him and the title he had just given me. I took it as a compliment, but he was still a liar.

“So you’re telling me you just by happenstance came to work for Chandler and it had nothing at all to do with me?”

“Heading up Chandler made it convenient, but I could have and would have come to Nashville regardless.”

“I don’t find your Greyson white lies charming anymore.”

He gently took my head in his hands. “Kelli, can you please just forget about Chandler and tell me how you feel about us.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Not until you admit you lied to me.”

He groaned. “I didn’t lie to you. When I met Gary last year, I had no idea at first that you worked for Chandler, but when I found out, I felt like maybe it was Kismet or something. Like the universe was giving me a second chance. And I meant what I said, your software idea is unique and challenging; I didn’t want to mix business with personal, I still don’t, but I want us to be together.”

I sighed deeply and looked into those chocolate eyes of his, full of concern. “Ian, you’re my boss and you left me.”

He still had a gentle hold of my face and he began to softly rub his thumb across my cheek. “I’ll resign right now and then spend the rest of my life trying to undo the past.”

I sighed again, “Ian.”

I guess he took that as an invitation as he leaned in and gently rested his lips upon mine and then glided them across as he moved his hands to behind my neck. His lips got greedy, and he applied more pressure, and my lips parted in response. He responded by kissing me deeply and thoroughly. My sister was so right; it was all in the kiss, and no one could kiss like Ian. His kisses were making me forget that we were crossing professional boundaries and that I hurt physically and emotionally. All I could think was how much I had missed him.

As the kiss slowed and his hands once again found my face. His whole face grinned as he looked at me. “Can I take that as a yes?”

I pulled away from him so I could think.

He continued to grin like a fool.

I bit my lip. “Maybe”

He kissed me, just once, on my lips. “I’ll take it.”

Chapter 18

We spent the rest of the day talking, well mostly. In between the talking, there was some kissing and sleeping in his arms. We talked about the past, and I got him to admit that I was part of the reason he came to Chandler, but he was adamant about keeping professional boundaries in the office. Apparently he was still reeling from mixing business with pleasure at IAG, even though it didn’t sound very pleasurable. That’s why he had gone back to Colorado. He and his ex-wife were still in litigation over the sale of his company. He didn’t go into too much detail, but from the sounds of it, his marriage was more of a business contract.

We also discussed Alexa. I guess she really helped him out in the beginning of IAG, doing a lot of work for free or for a very small fee. She’s also the one that introduced Ian to Marissa and her dad. I guess that initial investment made by the Randall’s Venture Capital Firm made all the difference. It sounded like he still felt he owed Alexa a debt, and I guess she had hit a little of a rough patch, so he was trying to help her out by giving her some work.

“I think her plan was to get a permanent type of situation, the kind where she wouldn’t have to work, if you catch my drift.”

 He smiled at me wryly. He knew I was right. “You don’t need to worry about Alexa anymore. Just know I never cared for her, and her advances were unwelcome.”

I could tell that was his final word on the subject. That was fine with me. I never wanted to think about her again.

That night after dinner, as we sat on the couch, he was desperately trying to get me to commit fully to the whole second-chance thing. I still wasn’t sure, but every kiss on my neck moved me more to giving in to him.

“We’ll take it as slow or as fast as you’re comfortable with,” he promised over and over. Then he pulled out a piece of paper and placed it in my lap. “We need to talk about this list.”

I pulled up the paper, looked at it, and laughed. It was my husband list I had stuck to the refrigerator. 

Top Ten Husband Qualities (in no particular order)

1.  Gainfully employed.

2.  Good kisser.

3.  Must want children.

4.  A non-yes man.

5.  Handsome and well groomed.

6.  Must adore me.

7.  Someone that challenges me to be better.

8.  Preferably never married.

9.  Minimal baggage. See number 8.

10. Above all faithful to me.

He took the list back went down each number, one by one. “Number one, no problem.”

He kissed me and smiled. “I’ve got two covered.”

“Uh, don’t you think I should be the judge of that?”

He smiled sexily. “Believe me, I can tell you agree with me.”

I just shook my head. It was so true.

“Number three, yes.”

I don’t know why, but the thought that Ian wanted children, and perhaps with me, made me blush, but I didn’t say anything. I just let him continue.

“Number four, for sure as well as five.”

I just rolled my eyes at his arrogance.

“Number six.” He smiled. “I completely adore you.”

“Number seven and ten are not problems, but we need to talk about number eight and nine.”

I’ll admit his past made me wary, and it was a sticky point in my mind.

“Do you still love her?” I asked.

He sighed. “The question you should ask is if I ever did.”

“That’s kind of worse in my mind. Why would you marry someone you didn’t love?”

He took my hands in his and rubbed them nervously. He wouldn’t even look at me. “I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve done things I’m not proud of. Remember when I told you that I tried to forget about you and that’s where I went wrong?”

“I remember you saying there was a woman.”

He looked at me and shook his head. “In my pursuit to get over
you
, I made some very poor choices, Marissa being one of them. But in my defense, she didn’t really love me either.”