Protect Me (16 page)

After using the bathroom and brushing my teeth, I head out to the kitchen to see what kind of deliciousness Nate has cooked up. My stomach growls loudly as I turn the corner and stop dead in my tracks. The sight before me is so damn sexy that I can’t even laugh at how comical it is.
 

Nate stands at my stove, frying bacon, and wearing nothing but my white apron. And I mean
nothing
but my apron. The ties are wrapped around his lean waist and tied around his amazing lower back. Muscles move and strain as he works the tongs, flipping the bacon.
 

Nate’s back is a-freaking-mazing! There is no other word to describe it. I’ve never seen anything like it
before in my life. I had no clue that definition and muscles like that existed. The tribal designed tattoo spread across his shoulder blades is dark with hard lines and looks so astounding stretched across his taut muscles.
 

But the muscles of his ass are what hold my attention right now. I wish I had a quarter because I’m pretty sure I could bounce it off his rear and get some serious air. Below his butt are the most well-defined, muscled thighs and calves I’ve ever seen. They scream power as he stands there in front of my stove.
 

I will never be able to wear that apron again. The mental image I will carry with me for the rest of my life of Nate wearing it this morning is something I will never, ever forget. It’ll be one of the happiest memories I will cherish as I continue to move from place to place, searching for the life I know is out there. One that makes me feel safe and sound. One that is so very close to how I feel with Nate.
 

He moves towards the skillet, grabs the spatula, and flips what appears to be French toast. I have died and gone to heaven. I don’t know when it happened, but there is no way this is actually happening in real life.
 

“Hey,” he says with a huge grin and sparkling eyes, breaking me from the trance of my private thoughts.
 

“Huh?” I ask, wondering how long he’s been talking to me and I’ve been staring at his bare ass.
 

“Enjoying the view?” he asks with another hint of laughter.
 

“I never thought my apron would look so good,” I reply with pinked cheeks.
 

“Well, bacon grease isn’t something you want splattering in this region,” he says waving a hand at his white apron covered package. A package that is thickening and saluting me before my lust-filled eyes.
 

“Breakfast first, beautiful,” Nate says with a smirk, drawing my gaze back up to his handsome face.
 

“Are you sure?” I ask, walking towards him and stopping right in front of him. I run my hands up his bare chest and along his well defined shoulders.
 

Nate clears his throat before replying, “Yes. You need food.” He leans forward and kisses me square on the lips. “And energy for what’s going to happen as soon as I take my shirt back,” he says with a wink.
 

I haven’t had anyone cook for me in nine months. Not since Gretchen, the housekeeper and cook. Technically, she was mine because I lived in the house, but nothing ever felt like it truly belonged to me. And I definitely didn’t get to make any decisions on anything.
 

Nate lays the platter of hot French toast on the table. I quickly grab two plates, forks, and coffee mugs from the cabinets and set them on the small table. The bacon is placed on the table, and I can’t help but sneak a piece from the heaping pile. Nate fills the two cups with hot coffee, and we both sit. I splash a little milk in my
cup, more to help cool it off faster than anything else.  We both dive in like we haven’t seen food in days. Nate can do some serious damage to half a dozen pieces of French toast and a mountain of bacon. I guess it takes a lot of fuel to keep that body going.
 

And boy can that body go…
 

“I’ll clean up the dishes. You go get in the shower,” he orders as he starts to clear the empty plates and dirty utensils away.
 

“I’d rather you join me in the shower,” I reply with as much confidence I can muster up as I walk forward, removing Nate’s t-shirt as I go. Before he can say anything, I reach around his back and pull the apron strings, untying it and sending it fluttering to the floor. Nate’s hands are around me a split second later, hoisting me up.  I wrap my legs around his waist as my lips crash into his. His long, powerful legs waste no time getting us to the bathroom. Within seconds, the small room is filling up with steam. Steam from the shower, yes, but also steam from us. Nate and me. We definitely create heat together.
 

I know I can’t think past this moment, so for now, I will just enjoy it. I will enjoy this time with Nate for however long I get.
 

And, right now, I’m going to get lost in a very naked and wet Nate in my shower.
 

For the past hour, I’ve been trying to figure out how long it’s been since I’ve felt this deep down contentment that I’ve been feeling lately. Ever? I thought I had it with Jill, but as I sit here on this lumpy, worn out couch in the recreation room of the fire station, I’ve been trying to remember. No. I’ve never felt this before, even with Jill.
 

And that scares the shit out of me.
 

Jill was my high school sweetheart. We started dating our sophomore year of high school. She was the popular girl and head cheerleader that all the boys wanted. I was the star running back of the football team and became instantly mesmerized by her beauty and grace.
 

Rivers Edge is a small town where everyone knows everyone so I had known Jill practically my entire life. However, one morning, I woke up and saw her differently. She was funny, beautiful, and smart, and when she smiled at me in the hallway before English class, I thought my heart was going to explode in my chest.
 

I watched her for days before working up the
courage to ask her out. I was completely surprised when she actually said yes. I mean, here was the girl that all the boys were drooling over and asking to the movies or to weekend parties, but she always politely declined their offers. But for some reason, she told me yes that day.
 

I fell fast and hard for Jill Feldman. We spent every waking moment of our high school careers together from that day on. Dances. Study groups. Graduation. Many nights tangled up in each other’s arms in the bed of my old pickup truck along the riverbank. She was my everything, and the only one I wanted.
 

Immediately after graduation, something changed. Jill put distance between us and I couldn’t comprehend why. I had been saving up every penny I could since the summer between my junior and senior year to buy her that teeny, tiny solitaire diamond. I had it all planned out perfectly. We’d been growing apart lately, but I knew that if I proposed to her, we’d be back on track and mapping out the rest of our lives together.
 

So, the day finally came. I was going to be leaving for the fire academy in two weeks and didn’t want to go without cementing our love. I stopped by the flower shop and picked up a dozen red roses before driving my old truck over to the Feldmans’ house. Jill hopped inside the cab, but didn’t slide over to the middle like she always did. She stayed plastered to the passenger door the entire trip to the river. I recall how
my palms were wet and my hands were shaking as I drove down the long, bumpy lane to the place we used to go to make out, away from the world. Hell, half the school used to go back there and make out. Today, however, we were completely alone.
 

I slid out of my truck and walked around to the passenger side, taking the roses from the bed of my truck as I went. When I opened the passenger door, Jill barely made eye contact with me. Something was definitely wrong, and I could only think of one way to fix it. So as I pulled Jill towards the water’s edge, I handed her the flowers. She smiled a small, sad smile at the flowers in her hand. It was now or never.
 

I dropped to one knee in the dusty grass and took her other hand in mine. I’ll never forget the words that were spoken.
 

“Jill, my love. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We don’t have to get married right away, but I want to marry you as soon as we both graduate; me from the academy and you from Eastern. Will you marry me?” I asked, holding my breath while I waited to hear that one word.
 

Jill’s eyes filled with tears, but the smile never came. Neither did that one word that I was sure would be coming from her sweet lips. “No,” she whispered as the tears rolled down her cheek.
 

I was dumbfounded. I was shocked. I was completely speechless. My heart cracked wide open and
hemorrhaged all over my chest. Devastation set in. An uncontrollable ache so deep within me that I was certain I’d never be whole again.
 

“I can’t marry you, Nate. I can’t spend the rest of my life wondering if you are coming home at night. I thought you’d eventually get over this whole fireman obsession and want a safe career, becoming a banker like my dad. I can’t spend the rest of my life in constant fear that today is the day you don’t come home.”
 

“I’ll quit,” I cried as I stood in front of her. “I don’t have to go,” I replied as I fought to keep my own tears at bay.
 

“No,” she cried. “This is want you want. I couldn’t live with myself if you gave up on your dream for me,” Jill cried.
 

“But, you are my dream” I countered back. “You are the one I want.”
 

“But maybe you aren’t the one I want,” she whispered and averted her green eyes. Green eyes that used to bring me so much happiness and laughter. Now, those eyes are filled with pain and uncertainty.
 

“What do you mean?” I whispered hoarsely.
 

 “I’m going off to college in two months, Nate. You’re leaving in a few weeks for the fire academy. We both know that so many things can change in college. I want to experience life, Nate. I want to have fun and maybe even date. I don’t want to get married,” she said as the tears continued to stream down her pretty face.
 

I stared back down at the only face I’ve ever kissed. The only face I’ve ever loved. And it was the face that I would always associate with the day my heart was broken beyond repair. The day my dream died along the riverbank with a dozen red roses.
 

I shake off the memory and look around the firehouse. This is exactly why I can’t let my guard down and get too personal with Lia. She doesn’t want to be a fireman’s wife. No one does. I put my life in jeopardy every day when I walk into the building. Every day, I walk in knowing that this might be the day I might not walk out.
 

Even though I’ve spent the past two weeks wrapped up in Lia’s arms, I know that it can’t go further than that. Sex. That’s it. That’s all it can be.
 

Jake and Erin’s wedding is in two days. This is my last shift before the big day and I couldn’t be more excited for this weekend. I asked Lia again to be my date the morning I cooked her breakfast, and she seemed a little hesitant to say yes. Maybe that’s a sign that I need to start distancing myself from her. Time to start pushing her away before either one of us finds ourselves more involved than we want.
 

I reach for my phone in the early morning darkness and find the battery dead. Great. The one day I leave my charger at home, my phone dies. I’m instantly saddened with the realization that I can’t text Lia. I want to send her a message so that she knows I’m thinking
about her as she wakes up.
 

Fuck. Talk about mixed signals. I want her and I want to push her away at the same time.  Talk about confusion. I can’t even decide which direction I want to go myself, so how in the hell is Lia supposed to know?
 

I run my hands through my hair and glance up at the clock on the wall. Four-fifteen. Almost time for Lia to wake up and get ready for her morning shift at the bakery. At least I’ll be seeing her in a little over two hours when I stop by for another cup of decaf coffee. I’ve been drinking more of it lately. Could be due to Lia’s amazing cup o’ joe, or it could be because I just want to see her. Take your pick. I’m leaning towards the latter.
 

I should head back into the bunkroom. I hate sleeping on those little cots, but fatigue is starting to set in. Just when I start to stretch my arms over my head, standing up to awaken my weary muscles, the familiar siren sounds. The ear-piercing wail sends me instantly springing to action. My fellow brothers and sisters wake up and start to pull on their uniforms, grabbing what equipment they need as we all race towards the ready trucks.
 

Chief Hernandez is already standing next to one truck, talking to dispatch and taking notes. I quickly grab my gear from the stall with my name above it and move to the truck. Chief hops in the passenger seat and starts bringing up the address on the small GPS
computer screen in the cab of the truck. Collin Smith jumps in the driver’s seat while Ben Jaskula, Griffin Peterson, Selena Diaz, and I file into the back. We’re pulling out of the open bay before our belts are securely in place.
 

“Large structure fire on Conkland Drive. We have a twenty unit apartment building and the fire is no longer contained to the apartment of origin. Station Six called for backup as soon as it spread to the adjacent unit and the unit directly above it. No word yet if all the residents have been evacuated. Station Six was in the process of clearing the building when the fire jumped and they had to pull back,” Chief reports in his no-nonsense tone.