Psychology for Dummies (47 page)

Meeting expectations

Going with the flow

Being a groupie

Persuading with power

Acting hostile

Helping others

Unless you’re a hermit, and you live in a shack in the middle of the desert, you exist within a
social matrix
— a multi-layered configuration of social relationships ranging from parent-child to coworker-coworker relationships. Picture yourself in the middle of a huge multi-ringed circle with each ring representing a level of social organization.

Each of these circles carries a set of expected behaviors, rules that dictate what each individual is supposed to do. Each social group’s rules or behavioral expectations are called
norms.
Cultures have norms, families have norms, and even subcultures have norms. A subculture may consist of a small social group, often organized around a recreational activity. A gang may be considered a subgroup with its own subculture. Gangs have their own language, clothing styles, and rituals that delineate clear rules for the behavior of each individual member.

Americans prefer to see themselves as rugged individuals; we wince at the idea of following norms. But norms are not all that bad. They simplify complex social situations, allowing us to think of things other than how we should act and what we should say. Social situations operate more smoothly when norms are clear. Argote for example, found that groups that work together do so more efficiently and effectively when there are clear and agreed-upon norms.

I think you would be pretty hard pressed to find a culture in this world that has a norm of punching someone in the face upon greeting that individual. In fact, some norms seem to be universal, unlike punching someone in the face. Brown in 1965 found that people almost universally speak more respectfully to others of higher status and more casually to those of lower status. This manner of addressing others can even be seen in the structure of some languages, such as Spanish or French, in which the way a verb is conjugated depends on how well you know the person you’re speaking to.

Certainly, universal norms exist, but some variations exist as well. If you’re a Palestinian Christian, you’ll firmly resist any food offered to you while visiting someone’s home and only accept after much counter-insistence by the host. Americans on the other hand, may even ask for something to eat or drink without thinking twice. Another common variation in a cultural norms concerns waiting in line. Some cultures don’t seem to appreciate the orderliness of waiting in a single-file line when ordering food at a fast-food establishment, but others do. The norm of
personal space
(the physical space or area around us) too can vary by culture. Some cultures seem to need less personal space than others.

A
role
is a specific type of norm that defines how a person should act in a specific situation. Each of us has certain roles we play (student, employee, brother, sister, parent, and so on) that dictate different behaviors for different situations. Typically, there are clear roles to be played. A classic example of these clear rules being bent is when a parent tries to be a “friend” to their teenage child. Being a parent is not the same thing as being a friend, and when the lines are blurred, the so-called parent is violating the parental norm. Of course this begs the question as to why an adult would want a wacky teenager for a friend in the first place.

A powerful role that determines our individual behavior is our
gender role
— the behavioral expectations outlined for males and females. Boys wear blue; girls wear pink. Boys are tough; girls are soft. Girls are caring; boys are selfish. The list goes on and on. Society is full of gender roles that determine appropriate behavior for girls and boys. I always get a kick out of watching old movies where the women had to sit sidesaddle when riding a horse. Apparently, it wasn’t lady-like for a woman to spread her legs in order to straddle the horse. I guess they didn’t have many female rodeo stars back then — it would be pretty hard to ride a bull sitting sidesaddle.

A lot of changes have occurred in the definitions of gender roles over the years. Men with earrings or men wearing makeup are good examples. Women wearing pants? The nerve! Today, women routinely work outside of the home, and I’ve even seen a man cry once or twice. He must have had something in his eye. Regardless of the specifics of each gender role, we are a long way off from androgynous roles for both men and women.

Getting carried away

Role definitions are a powerful determinant of our behavior, and the definitions sometimes overpower our individual personalities and preferences. In 1972, Phil Zimbardo conducted a famous experiment known as the
Stanford prison experiment
that illustrated the power of roles. College students were recruited to participate in a mock-prison situation in which they were randomly assigned to be either guards or inmates. The experiment took place in a makeshift prison in the basement of the psychology building at Stanford University.

Each of us seems to naturally know what the roles of both inmate and guard entail. Zimbardo had to discontinue the experiment within a week because of what he saw happening. The otherwise normal and healthy college students began to take their roles far too seriously. The guards treated the inmates inhumanely and with harsh disdain, and the inmates began to truly hate the guards and focus only on the circumvention of the “prison” system and survival. In other words, they really got caught up in their roles and forgot about the reality of the situation.