Pulse: BBW Contemporary Rock Star Romance (42 page)

They spent the day cutting wood, sanding edges into the perfect pristine shape Jaylon's boss wanted.

“I'll work down yonder,” Stetson told them, resetting his beige cowboy hat on his head and walked down several hundred yards from them.

“Are we talking too much?” Carter asked Jaylon when Stetson was out of earshot.

“No, he just needs to be alone lately. He's got a lot to think about. Give the guy a break.”

“I didn't mean to pry. Why are you so protective of him?”

“He's my friend Carter. What else do you expect? Have I told him about your friend?”

“No you haven't, hopefully.”

“Well then lay off.” Jaylon walked off to work by himself.

That night, Carter noticed after he was taking a shower that the doorway to his bedroom gave him a viewpoint straight into Stetson's room. He watched Stetson himself take off his shirt and hang up his hat on the edge of the doorknob. He didn't know he was being watched. His chest was in top shape, massive and wide. He took his pants, standing in blue cotton underwear and hung the pants on the edge of the door. He scratched his pubic hair as he took off his underwear to sleep naked. Carter surprised himself by getting a hard on for the first time since his boyfriend died last year. And Stetson reminded him so much of Maddox—he was the older, more mature, more masculine version of Maddox—yet there was no hope of ever getting a shot with the guy. Carter thought maybe the second best choice would be to simply jerk off to the idea of having sex with Stetson, as he watched him sleep naked in bed. He imagined Stetson come into the room, shirtless but still in jeans, his tan skin glowing softly in the lamplight. It was quiet outside, as he could hear the frogs croak by the lake outside. Carter was pinned frozen by anxiety on the bed as Stetson walked into the room and shut the door quietly so Jaylon wouldn't hear them. He put his black hat on the doorknob and finally locked eyes with Carter. His eyes were a bright blue, full of affection for Carter, but also a sexual hunger. Carter could feel the air tight with sexual tension, and vibes of hunger emanated from Stetson's body. At this point in Carter's imagination, he was fully erect in his bed, lying only in his underwear.

Stetson sat on the bed without saying anything. His breathing was soft but firm and strong. He looked at Carter as he reached down as planted a kiss on his lips. Carter practically came in his underwear, but couldn't touch himself as he wanted to.

Stetson put his hands on Carter's chest and began sucking on his nipples. At this point, maybe because his sexual vitality had just reawakened, Carter came on himself, breaking the fantasy abruptly. He lay there with his hand on his dick and come on his stomach for several minutes before cleaning up and going to bed.

The next day, as they were working on the fence, which was almost done at this point, Jaylon worked alone, and Stetson worked on the fence not more than ten yards away from Carter. Carter painted in silence, catching glimpses of the guy in his peripheral vision. He thought of Maddox and how much he missed him, and what they'd be doing if things had not gone so terribly wrong.

A truck gate closed abruptly, snapping Carter out of his reverie.

“You coming with me?” Stetson addressed Carter.

“Um yah,” Carter could barely get the words out of his mouth as he half skipped half ran to the truck as Stetson put the gear in drive.

They sat in silence as the blue truck traveled down the mountain. Carter started to roll down the window before worrying about whether Stetson would want that. Maybe he should ask him, he thought.

“Is it OK if I roll down the window?”

Stetson didn't even look over, much less answer. There was nothing but silence between them. That Stetson wouldn't even bother answering him was bothersome to Carter, who wondered why Stetson hated him. He didn't even know him!

Carter rolled the window down anyway as the wind pushed back his hair, revealing his forehead.

They pulled into the hardware store where a crowd of people were migrating from the local flea market. Stetson put the car in park and slammed the door to the truck, leaving Carter to wonder whether he even wanted him to follow after. He rolled up the window and sat there in anger for a few moments. Through the window he could Stetson stop at the door of the store, as he stood awkwardly waiting for Carter to get out of the car and follow him inside.

He followed behind Stetson in lock step down the narrow aisles as he searched for the right tool for the job. They went down the aisle toward the nails, walking faster and faster until Stetson stopped.

“Damn,” he said.

“What is it?” Carter asked.

Stetson once again didn't answer.

“Sir can I help you find something?” the clerk behind Carter asked. Stetson finally looked up over Carter's shoulder at the clerk behind him.

“Phillips head. You got 'em?”

“Yes sir, one aisle over, right here hanging off the edge of this clip.”

Stetson moved past Carter in the narrow aisle and his hand brushed over Carter's thigh. The place where his hand touched stung with chemistry. Carter's penis began growing ever so slightly.

“Not here,” Carter thought. “Not here of all places.” He dreaded having to hide his erection in front of Stetson.

He followed Stetson to the register, putting his hands on the counter, child-like, as he watched Stetson pull out the cash from his back pocket. Several people were laughing through the window loudly. But the laughs turned very quickly into screams. The screams grew more in number, and it became clear there was something the matter going on outside. The screams triggered the same panic Carter had felt the night he lost Maddox. Those moments, which had plagued Carter in the months after the trauma, thankfully had grown smaller in frequency by the time he'd moved in with Jaylon. But this was noticeably more alarming, and he could see people fighting outside the door as he forgot about Stetson for the moment and walked out of the store. The panic he felt grew horrible when he caught the sight of a familiar black-haired, green-eyed devil. It was, of all the people he could meet, Jaidon Marsh.

VI

This time the group was far less static, because the townspeople hated Jaidon Marsh. Two boys were fighting him, and he was beating the shit of them. When he finally had them down for the count, he looked up at the crowd.

“You got anymore, bitches!?”

The group backed off, now somewhat frightened. Jaidon brandished that same familiar glimmering piece of metal from his pocket. He locked eyes with Carter and instantly recognized him.

“Well if it isn't that little bitch. How's your boy? He six feet under? You're about to join him.” This time, Jaidon didn't even waste any time with small talk and barreled in Carter's direction. Before he came close enough to cause any harm, though, a giant hand grabbed Jaidon's knife out from his hand and knocked his lights out.

Stetson came to Carter's rescue this time.

He crushed Jaidon's fingers with the immense power of his paw.

“Oh God stop. It hurts.”

“I'm gonna say this once boy. So you listen good. If you so much as look at that kid again I'll come find you and finish this here hand and whatever else you got to crush. You hear? I know you and your kind. You don't know me and you don't want to neither.”

Jaidon had tears of frustration running down his cheeks. He nodded quickly, then Stetson let him go. Jaidon ran off wailing in pain.

For the first time, Stetson looked in Carter's eyes.

On the drive home, they again sat in silence. There was a different air, though. Before Carter wondered if Stetson hated him, but now he could tell instead the silence indicated something a little more affectionate on Stetson's part. He was protective of Carter. So he knew he could roll down the window without worrying about offending Stetson.

“Why'd you do that?” Carter asked.

“Do what,” Stetson said.

“Help me.”

“You needed it,” Stetson said. He spit in his dip cup without saying anything more.

Later that night, Stetson, Jaylon and Carter sat around the kitchen table of the cabin eating chicken fajitas in silence. Stetson got up and went out on the back porch to dip his snuff and watch the stars.

“Well I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted,” Jaylon said. He got up and shut the door to his bedroom, leaving the dishes to Carter to clean up, like usual.

Carter looked out the back window at Stetson's silhouette. He debated on whether he should just go to bed like the past nights, or whether he should try to strike up a conversation with Stetson. If the past week was anything of a prediction, the bed was the only choice that made sense. But he couldn't figure out what about his past Stetson was hiding or why he refused to speak to Carter. Sometimes people do the opposite of what they want to do, so that others won't know they want to do them, he thought.

He got up, walked to the back door, and put his hand on the doorknob, his erection growing with every step. He couldn't help himself, there was something so magnetic and forbidden about the guy, and he couldn't not try to figure him out. Carter took a deep breath and opened the door.

In the darkness of the back porch, with his feet propped up on the center table, Stetson made no acknowledgement of Carter's presence. He just sat there, still as a mannequin.

Carter sat on the wicker chair next to him. Stetson's face was barely visible in the darkness of the porch; Carter could make out the square outline of his jaw.

“Why did you help me today?”

“Told you. Don't you listen?”

“Yeah but, is that the real reason?”

“Yup.”

Carter sighed. He thought about this man, his quietness and stoicism and contained strength. He thought about how much the guy reminded him of his only true love—physically, because both guys shared the same blonde hair with the same chestnut brown eyes and the same white skin and square features, but also mentally, in that Carter could sense something about Stetson so familiar and yet so new. Suddenly Carter was overwhelmed with an urge to get closer to Stetson so he got up and walked around the table to sit right next to him. Stetson didn't budge. Carter couldn't discern whether Stetson didn't mind or was refraining from backslapping him. He'd seen him do it before, earlier that day, after all.

He knew, just knew Stetson was straight, straighter than straight. But why did his soul feel so connected to this enigmatic stranger? Why had the events of his life put him on the same path, for the next two weeks anyway, as Stetson? Carter's pulse began to race. He wanted to kiss Stetson so badly, despite the consequences of what would most surely happen. There's no hope of a relationship, he told himself. None at all. Has a straight man ever had a sliver of gayness in his soul, enough to do something he's never done in his life? Was it possible for a human being to have such chemistry with one person that they changed their orientation when they otherwise might have gone the rest of their days living a straight life?

Kiss him, a voice told Carter. Do it, now. Don't think. Just do it.

Carter then reached over and planted an awkward kiss on the man's cheek. Blood rushed to Carter's face in embarrassment, he could feel it, even if there was no one to see the redness in his face. Hot and scared shitless, Carter muttered, “Uh, s-ssorry” and jumped back into the house before he got his ass kicked. He ran to his room and jumped under the covers to hide from what he knew was coming, the biggest beating of his life. He waited for over an hour, he thought, until he heard the back door open and the sound of heavy boots walking through the house. Someone stopped just outside Carter's door. His pulse raced faster than lightning.

The door opened slightly and Stetson was standing there, large and hulking and mountainous. Stetson stepped into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. He was wearing a blue work shirt, long-sleeve with a sweat-soaked bandana around his neck. He took his black hat off and laid it on the night stand.

He stopped for a second.

“I'm sorry. Don't tell my brother what I did please. Nobody knows about me,” Carter said.

“Carter I don't trust people. I lost my lady to another guy. She was the only lady I ever knew. I been burned too many times. Don't you dare burn me too.”

“What have I done?” Carter said, panicked.

“Nothing yet.”

“I'm sorry I did that. I just couldn't help it.” Carter tried to go on but Stetson stopped him. He grabbed Carter's hand and placed it on his package, large and bulging through his jeans. His hand was practically on fire, and Carter himself was near the point of having a heart attack at this point.

“What do you mean man?” Carter was shaking. Stetson locked eyes with Carter and kept them locked while he unbuttoned his teal-colored dress shirt. He breathed through his nose in soft, consistent intervals. Stetson's torso was massive even when he sat on Carter's twin bed, his chest folded over onto his stomach, leaving a small roll of the smallest amount of fat as he bent over to pull Carter's shirt off. Then he got up and locked the bedroom door. Things were about to get serious.

“I thought you were straight.” Stetson ignored him as he sat back on the bed. He looked away from Carter for a second, and it was clear to Carter that Stetson was having second thoughts. Carter's fantasy had become reality and it was all about to fall apart. Even though this was practically the scariest moment of Carter's life, next to the incident with the Nash-Gibson gang, he could see that his own nervousness was getting the best of him and if he didn't act now, it would be too late. It was time to man up and take charge of the situation, or he'd miss the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have sex with a straight guy who'd never been with a man.