Pure Illusion (27 page)

R Is For Bleeding

After
Hero leaves, insisting he walks home, I called Max. He agreed to have me over
at his house. Now, I sit across from Max at his kitchen table. I told him everything
I’ve been hiding: the cutting, Hunter giving me a concussion, Hunter spanking
me, Hunter fucking me, Green Frog telling me to get close to Rex, the photo
album in my mom’s closet. Once information starting spewing from my mouth I was
helpless to stop it. I had to come clean about everything, except Hunter and
Sally’s personal business.

His
periwinkle-colored eyes are focused on mine, his expression indecipherable. He
doesn’t say one thing when I finish.

My
throat tightens and my heart constricts. Unable to take the deathly silence
anymore, I reach across the wooden table and squeeze his hand. “Say something,
Max.
Please
.”

His
brows furrow, forehead creasing as he stares down at where my hand is. “Just
out of curiosity…what were you expecting me to say? Because what you are
expecting and how I feel are probably two very different things.”

“I
don’t know. I didn’t really think about it.”

His
heated gaze flickers up to my face. “It doesn’t seem like you
think
a
lot.”

Swiftly
removing my hand, I recoil away from him. “Ouch.”

He
sighs and irritably rakes his hands through his wavy hair that has grown a few
inches from the last time I’ve seen him. The hair only adds to his allure.

“Look,
Max. I’m so very sorry. I didn’t know who to trust when all this madness
flipped my world. You’re the only one who knows it all. I can use your help.”

He
eyes me for what seems like forever. “Fine, but we’re doing it my way. You’re
staying here with me.
Your safety in my priority now.
You don’t talk to anyone else about what we just spoke about. In case you
didn’t notice, someone
is
trying to kill you. I’ll go in my father’s
office and see what I can find; if he has tapes of what happened on the bridge
the night your brother died, he would hide them there. As for Hunter, stay away
from him. Dude sounds obsessed. You should file a restraining order, but I know
you never would.”

“He’s
not obsessed,” I mutter defensively, quickly coming to Hunter’s rescue. 

His
eyes narrow slightly and then he surprises me by smiling, but his smile is a
mocking and deceitful one. “I’ve been keeping a little secret as well, Isabel.”

“What
are you talking about?”

“Just
stay where you are.” He strolls out of the kitchen disappearing from my line of
sight. Max reemerges with a faded piece of white paper in hands, smirking down
at it. “Back in high school, Hunter kept notebooks by his side at all times. He
was secretive about them, never let us read what he would spend most of his
time writing. But I think it’s time for you to take a look at one of his pomes
that I tore out a long time ago.” Max passes the paper to me:

 I hate you.

But I love you.

I love you so much that my heart stops
beating.

The fact that you’re untouchable has my
head fucking screaming.

When I hear your name it’s difficult for
me to breathe.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

But I love you.

The thought of you being with him makes
me want to vomit.

I see you and you kiss him.

He smiles and kisses you back.

It makes me sick with fury.

I’d kill both of you just to stop it.

Stop it.

Stop it.

Stop it.

I love you so fucking much and you don’t
even know it.

I watch you while you sleep and you
don’t even know it.

I can touch you where he touches you and
you wouldn’t even know it.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

But I love you.

When the time comes, I’ll make you mine.

MINE.

MINE.

MINE.

MINE.

Look at what you’ve made of me.

I’ve turned into a scary monster, but
not really.

I was born with a few screws missing,
silly.

Your skin is peachy soft.

And your hair is dark silk.

You smell like sweet berries.

I want you so bad.

I don’t think I can control myself any
longer.

A madman free
from the crippling defect of a tortured mind.

He’s delirious and he’s thirsty of
forbidden hunger.

I hate you.

But I love you
ISABEL
.

I love so much that my heart is
bleeding.

Bleeding.

Red.

Red.

Red.

Every time you cut yourself, I die a
little inside.

And each time the pain is worse.

You are splitting my soul into shreds.

Stop before you kill me.

I’m hardly alive as it is.

Please don’t hurt me like I hurt you.

I’m sorry.

I
jolt out the chair and run to the bathroom, pressing the note to my chest. Max
shouts and tries to catch me but I reach the bathroom and lock the door before he
can. Tears stain my face as I lean my back against the door and sag to the cool
tile beneath me. Soothing black wings wrap around my body and I pass out.

Forgetting How
To
Breathe

My
eyelids fly open and my body sharply jolts forward, lungs desperately seeking
air. I suck down as much of the precious oxygen I can hold. Every inch of my
skin is drenched with sweat and badly trembling. I’m only in my bra and
underwear.

Max
undressed me last night?

A
ball of warmth is comfortably nuzzled into the pillow next to my head. Birthday
sleeps peacefully, entirely unaffected by my movement. I notice an empty wooden
chair from the kitchen table at the head of the bed, dark grey duffel bag
stuffed with my clothes in the corner of the room, and the pleasant aroma of
cinnamon and bacon and coffee wafting from the kitchen.

Max
must’ve watched over me the entire night and called either Harmony or Falcon to
drop my things off.

Inhaling
deeply, I lie back down and stare at the ceiling. I passed out last night.
Seeing that note was just too overwhelming, knowing that Hunter knew everything
about my cutting, understanding that I caused him pain each time I did it,
crushed my world. Max knew how I would react and he did it anyway. He
deliberately hurt me. He didn’t care that he caused me pain; Max’s sole goal
was to hurt me. Every male in my life so far has harmed me one way or another.
Will it always be like this? I’m always going to encounter and be surrounded by
spiteful, sadistic men who only intend to damage me?

I’m
already fading into dust…

“Morning.
I brought peace
offerings.” My eyes slowly flicker down to Max. He wears a simple white cotton
shirt and dark jeans. Max has a pale orange plate that’s stacked with food in
one hand and the other holds Tyler’s brown teddy by the arm.

I
swallow past the huge lump in my throat. “Is it really a peace offering if I
own one of the items? And, let’s face it,
your
cooking really sucks ass. So I don’t think that counts, either.”

He
snorts, amused and smiling. “Touché, Isabel. The good news is that I didn’t
cook a single thing. My mother is the responsible one, and for the bear, I
thought you could use better company.” He passes the plate to me, careful not
to let our fingers brush. Then he lays the bear in my lap. Max takes a seat in
the chair that’s facing the bed, intently watching me as I devour the sweet
cinnamon bun, crispy bacon, and cheddar omelet.

Mmm
.

This
food is heaven.

Taking
a huge chunk from a bacon strip, I yank it from my mouth, suspiciously eyeing Max,
who is staring at me as if fascinated to witness a reclusive creature from the
wild.
“What?!”
I snap.

He
cracks a smile.
“Nothing.
You can put it away for a
little person.”

“Well,
excuse me if I’m not allowed to show my enthusiasm while I eat food that
shouldn’t qualify as food but as delicious edible art.”

He
chuckles, placing his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his knuckles.
“I’ll tell her that you like her cooking. I’m sure she’ll be over the moon
about it.”

“I
should tell her myself. Where is she?”

“She
came over before the sunrise to cook you breakfast because her son is an idiot
and my cooking does quite suck ass.”

Nodding,
I take bites of the creamy egg and almost moan.

“Isabel?”

I
glance at Max, feeding an eager Birthday a tiny morsel of bacon.

He
holds my eyes and swallows nervously. “I was a dick last night. I’m sorry. I
shouldn’t have acted so juvenile. It makes me look pathetically jealous, which
I am.”

Pushing
the plate away, I grab Tyler’s bear. “What are you talking about?”

Max
shrugs. “Seeing you and Hunter back together is difficult. I truly think you
should let him go, Isabel. And I would be lying if I said I’m not serving
myself in the process, but there’s more to it than just my infatuation with
you. I’m telling you to let him go for your sake. Do you understand what I’m
saying?”

I
do understand but how will I do something so impracticable.

Letting
go of Hunter Knight is like forgetting how to breathe. Once you take your first
breath, it’s impossible to stop until one day you just do…until your last
heartbeat.

“I’ll
try,” I say, giving him a ghost of a smile.

“Can
I touch them…your scars?”

Shrugging,
I thrust my arms on top of my lap.

The
bed concaves as Max settles next to me. He studies them before he traces the
pale faint marks of flesh with the tips of his fingers. Little shivers ripple
throughout my body. I try to stop it from happening but it’s useless to do so.
I inhale sharply when Max holds both arms and kisses each scar. I try to shake
him off but he doesn’t budge.

His
eyes fickler up to mine with a sudden extreme desperation that leaves me
breathless, then he squeezes my arms. “Let me do this, Pumpkin.” Max’s
extremely determined gaze moves down to my battered arms, he resumes kissing my
wounds that are bare for all to see.

I
struggle with letting him do this. Tears stream down my cheeks and soft protest
escape my trembling lips. Max rains tender kisses on my scored skin, shushing
me at the same time. He speaks to me in what I think is Arabic and I’m
instantly stunned into silence and fascination. Hearing his native tongue is
like being wrapped in warm silky protective wings that caresses my very soul.

Max
is dealing with a person that he didn’t break.

***

The
days drag by as I am imprisoned in this rustic haven. Every morning I wake with
the same gasping and choking. No doubt that it’s trauma from surviving the
cliff “incident.” I keep in minimal contact with Falcon and the crew. Max asked
me to the Winter Ball, but I think he only asked out of guilt. I agreed to go
to at least get out and experience joy, even if it’s not my own.

Pure Illusion

Isabel
age nine

Tyler
age six

Hunter
and Hero dash to hide in my closet as my father opens my bedroom door. I can
feel him smiling at me and Tyler as we lie cuddled in my bed, pretending to be
asleep. “There are a lot of giggles in here. More giggles than two giggle
monsters are capable of making.” 

We
hear him crack the door and his heavy footsteps creak against the wood panels
as moves towards us.
“Hmm.
Though my eyes see two, I
wonder if there’s more giggle monsters hiding somewhere in this room. My
children should know I’m always the winner when it comes to hide-and-seek. They
better tell me now before it’s too late. Because when I win, the two extra
giggle monsters will have to go home instead of staying the night.”

I
jolt up, breathing hard. “Dad, they’re in the closet.”

Tyler
sucks his teeth, pinching my arm.
“Tattletale.”

“Ouch!”
I rub my stinging skin, scowling. “Dad would have made them go home. Now they
can stay, right Daddy?”

“Right, baby.
Boys, out this second.”

They
come out of the closet with their heads bowed and their eyes downcast.

My
father grins down at him, sitting in the rocking chair by my bed.
“All right.
Don’t look so pitiful. You guys can stay the
night. Climb in bed.” He scans my bookshelf as Hunter and Hero crowd us,
snatching covers. “What will it be, guys?”

“Pure
Illusion!” everyone yells in harmony.

“We
seem to have a popular theme. Pure Illusion it is then.”

Deep
within the snowy mountains and green valleys, a twelve-year-old princess named
Zel came upon a shiny golden egg while playing in the meadows of the deep
forest. The egg was a tiny thing that could easily fit into the palms of her
hands. She concealed the egg well within the fabrics of puffy dress and hid it
if from the guards. In doing so, the princess was able to take it home to her
lavish room within the stoned walls of the massive castle that ruled the sky
and land.

The
golden egg was so smooth and shiny she could see her reflection in it like a
mirror.

Because
of her status in Seaberia, Zel had no friends. She spent most of her days
playing in the forest and singing to wild animals. Her parents with the rest of
her family were slaughtered by a rival kingdom named Attuqius.
Attuqius enslaved her people and allowed Zel limited liberty, but
freedom all in the same.
Little Zel truly had no one. So throughout time
the princess would talk to the egg and sing to it. Zel told the egg all her
dreams and wishes and all her secrets. The golden egg was her only friend.

On
her sixteenth birthday, Zel woke and found fragments of golden shell sprinkled
across her bed. Right at the foot of her bed stood a baby dragon. Zel was told
that dragons were just a folktale, a myth that only existed to entertain. The
princess was astonished to take in the sight of a fire-breathing dragon.

 In
time Zel and her dragon grew close and formed a powerful bond not even fire
could destroy. Her dragon developed and matured rather quickly. Zel concealed
the dragon until she could no longer. The dragon grew to be just as big as her
castle.

Word
spread quickly to the royal family of Attuqius. The little heir of Seaberia was
no longer harmless. Zel was a threat. She was an enormous hazard that could
destroy their entire empire. The army of Attuqius wanted to terminate Zel along
with the rest of her people. Seaberia would be no longer.

Before
the night of the war, Dailah, the princes of Attuqius came to warn Zel. He was
fond of the princess and never wanted to cause her harm. He informed Zel about
everything and that she needed to flee while her heart was still beating. But Zel
wanted to stay. She wanted to protect her people. She wanted to save her
kingdom. She wanted to make them see reason.

On
the day of the battle, Zel faced the ocean of soldiers with Dailah strong at
her side and her dragon on the other. She tried to make the royals see reason.
But how can they reason with something as destructive as death? But the royals
did devise a plan. Zel and her people were allowed to live in their kingdom.
Seaberia would burn to ash and Dailah would be killed for treason. The only
thing she had to do was relinquish her beloved dragon.

Zel
commanded the dragon to move to the opposing side. Dailah appeared ill but he
would just have to trust her. The scene was misinterpreted. This was all pure
illusion. Though Zel trained her Dragon very well, she had no control over what
it did. Therefore, she could not offer aid when the soldiers went up in walls
scolding flames.

The
royal family of Attuqius was finally defeated. Together, Zel and Dailah
restored the balance of both kingdoms. Her people no longer suffered or lived
in fear.

The
lonely girl with a golden egg, no family, no friends and little freedom became
a queen of the most powerful kingdom of all. Zel and Dailah wed and had an army
of children of their own. Her dragon lived happily along with them.

Every
day was filled with laughter and love.

Zel
never craved for more than what she already had.

The End.

My
father finishes and kisses us all goodnight; he even kisses Hunter and Hero on
the forehead. They are both eager for the kisses. Hunter told me once that his
mother never hugged and kissed them and he never wanted hugs and kisses from
his father.

“Night kids.
Hunter, you’re
in charge. Take care of my babies.”

Hunter
gives my father a solemn salute.
“Yes, sir.”

“What
about me,” Hero whines. “I want to protect them, too.”

“Of course.
Hero, you are
next in line.” My father smiles at us and then gives his head a slight shake
before closing my door.

Tyler
and Hero tussle with the blankets and Hunter can’t stop staring at me. “Why are
you staring at me like that?”

“I’m
just making sure your breathing.”

“I
can take care of myself, Hunter.”

“A
princess always needs a knight to look after her, even if she’s stronger than
he will ever be.”