Purgatory: A Prison Diary Volume 2 (29 page)

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Authors: Jeffrey Archer

Tags: #Biography & Autobiography, #Prisoners, #Prisons, #Novelists; English, #General

BOOK: Purgatory: A Prison Diary Volume 2

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2.00 pm

I call Mary to warn her that I’m probably being transferred
to a prison over a hundred miles away from London. She tells me that Ramona, my
solicitor, has tried to phone Wayland, but the governor is refusing to take her
calls, which seems in line with her apparent policy of remaining anonymous.

DAY 86 – FRIDAY 12 OCTOBER 2001
9.00 am

I turn up at the gym and wait for my little special needs
group to arrive. It will be the last time I’ll work with them. Without warning,
two drug officers appear by the side of the running machine and tell me that my
name has come up on the computer for an MDT (Mandatory Drugs Test). Five names
come up every day so I can’t complain if, after nine weeks, it’s my turn. I’m
taken to the medical centre to join four other prisoners in a waiting room. Two
look distinctly furtive, while the other two appear quite relaxed. When the
officer puts his head round the door he asks if anyone is ready. Like a
greyhound in the slips, I am through that gap before anyone else can reply.

Mr Kelvin Cross introduces himself and then proceeds to read
out my rights before asking me to sign a green form (see overleaf). I ask – for
research purposes – what would happen if I refused to give a urine sample or
sign the form.

Twenty-eight days would automatically be added to your
sentence.’

I sign the form.

I disappear into the lavatory while one of the officers
watches me through a glass pane. After I have handed over my sample, I comment
that there is no soap in the wash basin. Mr Cross explains that soap added to
the urine sample would cloud it, and as a further test is not permitted again
for another twenty-eight days, any drugs could have cleared themselves through
your system.
Can’t argue with that either.
By the time
they’ve finished with me it’s nearly eleven. I return to my cell and make notes
on the MDT experience, only disappointed not to have been able to say goodbye
to Alex, Robbie, Les and Paul.

1.00 pm

The news is full of riots in Pakistan, anthrax in New York
and food parcels being dropped on the wrong villages in Afghanistan. I check my
canteen list before spending the afternoon writing.

DAY 87 – SATURDAY 13 OCTOBER 2001
2.00 pm

Visit. My son James and our mutual Kurdish friends Broosk
and Nadhim have driven up from London to see me. The talk is mostly political,
and they describe how it feels to live in London during the present crisis.
Nadhim adds that he attended the Conservative Party conference in Blackpool
(he’s a councillor for Wandsworth) and he couldn’t help comparing the gathering
with his first conference in Brighton twenty years ago when Margaret Thatcher
was the prime minister.

‘Same people,’ he tells me, ‘they’re just twenty years
older.’ ‘You included,’ I remind him.

Nadhim’s a great fan of IDS, but admits his conference
speech wasn’t inspiring.

James is still enjoying his new job in the City and takes me
through a typical day. We then discuss my appeal which doesn’t now look as if
it will be scheduled before the
new year
. The law
grinds slowly…

Broosk is full of news, having just landed two big contracts
to decorate large homes in London and Nice. I first met these two young Kurds
twelve years ago – ‘Bean Kurd’ and ‘Lemon Kurd’ – when they helped me organize
the Simple Truth campaign, and they have remained friends ever since.

8.00 pm

After a few games of backgammon with Darren and Jimmy I
return to my cell to be banged up for another fourteen hours. I’ve become
hooked on Who Wants to be a Millionaire
?.
I would have
failed to make more than £2,000 this week because I didn’t know the name of the
actor who plays the barman in EastEnders. However, I was able to answer the
£4,000 question, ‘Who is the current leader of the Conservative Party?
a
) Michael Howard, b) David Davis, c) Iain Duncan Smith, d)
Kenneth Clarke.’ The father and son contestants picked David Davis. Hmm, I
wonder if this is an omen or a
prophecy?

DAY 88 – SUNDAY 14 OCTOBER 2001
11.00 am

I’m called to the hospital wing to fill in some forms to
confirm I’m fit to travel. When I return to the spur, Darren tells me it shows
that I’m being transferred tomorrow. I find this hard to believe; surely Mr
Carlton-Boyce would have warned me. I ask several officers, but as no one has
informed them either, I assume Darren must be wrong.

2.30 pm

Exercise.
I visit Shaun at his cell
window, and talk through what work will be required for this diary just in case
I am shipped out tomorrow: one watercolour of the prison, one pastel of a cell,
plus drawings of Dale, Jimmy, Darren, Jules, Steve and Nigel. If I suddenly
disappear, Shaun promises to deliver them to my agent just as soon as he’s
released.

DAY 89 – MONDAY 15 OCTOBER 2001
8.15 am

Mr Newson arrives outside my cell door to tell me that the
Group 4 van has arrived and is waiting for me in the
yard,
they are ready to transfer me to North Sea Camp. He seemed surprised that I
haven’t been warned
,
I dash upstairs to see Mr Tinkler
in his office, who confirms the news, and adds that I must start packing
immediately.

‘And if I don’t?’

‘You’ll be put on report and may have to stay here
indefinitely,
and not necessarily on the enhanced wing.’

So much for my so-called ‘special treatment’, as regularly
reported in the press.

I try to say goodbye to as many inmates as possible –
Darren, Jimmy, Dale, Nigel, Jason, Jules, Monster and Steve. Darren helps me
pack my large plastic bag and then carries it down to the reception area for
me. There are three other plastic bags awaiting me in reception. They are full
of presents from the public – everything from Bibles to tea towels.

I thank Darren for his kindness and help over the past nine
weeks. He smiles, and offers one last piece of advice.

‘Once you’ve settled in North Sea Camp, contact Doug. He’s
the hospital orderly, and can fix anything for you.’ I try to thank Darren –
inadequately.

The Group 4 guard who will accompany me to Lincolnshire
introduces himself as Andrew and kindly carries two of the plastic bags out to
the van, so I don’t have to make several journeys. To my surprise, I’m to
travel to my D-cat in a sweatbox, as if I were a rapist or a murderer. Andrew
explains that he has to drop off another prisoner on the way, who is being
transferred to a C-cat near Stamford.

‘Why are you taking someone from one C-cat to another?’ I
enquire.

‘We’re having
to move this
particular prisoner every few days,’ Andrew explains. ‘He keeps telling
everyone that he’s a supporter of Osama bin Laden, and it seems that not every
other prisoner is in favour of freedom of speech. However, it still remains our
responsibility to keep him alive.’

On the journey to Stamford, the bin Laden
supporter demands that the radio be turned up.
Andrew tells him that
it’s quite loud enough already, for which I am grateful, as it’s a long, slow
trek across Norfolk and on to the plains of Lincolnshire.

I enjoy seeing tall trees and acres of green English
countryside, even though it’s through a glass darkly. We arrive at the ‘bin
Laden’ prison, where my cohabitant departs. He’s handcuffed and led away. I can
just glimpse him through my little window. A round, colourful hat covers his
head, and a black beard obscures most of his face.

We move off again, but it’s another hour before I see a
signpost: North Sea Camp, one mile. I begin to think about starting all over
again. I’m somewhat fearful. Belmarsh was hell, Wayland purgatory. Have I
finally arrived in heaven?

When the van comes to a halt outside the prison, the first
thing I notice is that there are no perimeter walls, no razor wire, no barred
gates, no arc lights, no dogs, not even any sign of a prison officer. But when
I step out of the van, I still feel the terror that gripped me on the first day
at Belmarsh, and then again on my arrival at Wayland.

I walk into reception to be greeted by Regimental Sergeant
Major Daff, Royal Marines (Rtd).

‘We’ve been waiting for you for fuckin’ months, Archer. What
fuckin’ took you so long?’

Table of Contents

DAY
22 – THURSDAY 9 AUGUST 2001

DAY
23 – FRIDAY 10 AUGUST 2001

DAY
24 – SATURDAY 11 AUGUST 2001

DAY
25 – SUNDAY 12 AUGUST 2001

DAY
26 – MONDAY 13 AUGUST 2001

DAY
27 – TUESDAY 14 AUGUST 2001

DAY
28 – WEDNESDAY 15 AUGUST 2001

DAY
29 – THURSDAY 16 AUGUST 2001

DAY
30 – FRIDAY 17 AUGUST 2001