Purple Haze (Blue Dream Book 2) (11 page)

Presley tilts her head at me with a viscous scowl. “You wanna keep being in a relationship with me?”

“Yes.”

“Then talk to me,” she pleads a little sharpness to her tone. “What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing!” I explode louder than intended. “
You
didn't do anything wrong! I fucked up! I should've been there for you in college so you didn't have to work so hard! I shouldn't have been running drugs for motorcycle clubs! I should've had my ass in class! I should be the one offering
you
support for whatever the fuck it is
you
need not the other way around. I shouldn't be a pathetic piece of shit who needs handouts from his girlfriend. I should be man enough to be the one to take care of her. Not the other way around.”

Silence inserts itself between us. My chest heaves heavily while Presley's face seems to oscillate between confusion and crushed. The sight wastes no time acting as an accelerant on my sizzling resentment.

All of sudden she says boldly, “I'm not going to apologize for being a successful person.”

Her words furrow my eyebrows.

“And you know what else, Ryder? I
never
wanted you to take care of me like that.” Stunned by her response, my mouth cracks open. “But you never asked me that. You just assumed. You assumed I wanted to just be a happy house wife. Have a house full of kids because that's what
you
wanted.”

The information sends my head whirling through time for evidence she's wrong. That I did ask. Any proof I wasn't an even shittier boyfriend than I remember.

“I'm not saying I don't want kids, I'm just saying...I
like
working. I like being able to support myself. I like being able to make it on my own,” she continues her tone now softening. “I'm glad you weren't around to baby me. I learned to stand on my own two feet. I needed that.”

I run a hand through my hair to give it a tug in an attempt to relieve some of the frustration.

“And for the record, there's nothing wrong with asking for help. It actually takes a real man to do it.” With a deep breath and step forward she declares, “So, if you wanna go back to school, I'm first in line willing to mentally and financially be there for you. If you don't then don't. It's your decision either way, but don't be angry because people want to support you.”

It's not enough she's stunning and rich, she has to be intelligent too?  What the hell am I doing here? What the hell is she doing with me? What the fuck am I bringing to this relationship? What the hell did I bring to the old one?

My own angst reverberates, threatening to burst my ear drums. Unconsciously I mutter, “Fuck, I want a cigarette.”

Presley drops the bear, lifts to her toes, and presses her lips forcefully on top of mine. Taken off guard by the unexpected action, I stumble backwards as I wrap an arm around her waist for stability. Feverishly her tongue attacks mine, swiping sexually, tearing apart the restraint I'm barely holding onto. Her mouth keeps control until mine is submitting.

On a nip of my bottom lip she pulls away leaving me in a bewildered yet successfully subdued state. “Better?”

I watch her lower herself back to her feet before answering, “Better than any goddamn cigarette could ever be.”

With a crooked smirk she retorts, “Thank you.”

“It's the truth.”

She places a hand on my chest. “For not smoking. For not giving into the craving.”

But I am. Every day we spend together I'm surrendering to the most prominent drug of them all. Presley's like a speedball. Ultimate high and most likely to kill me.

Clearing my throat, I swiftly pick up the dirty prize, and hand it to her. “We should get to the bull competition. You don't wanna miss a minute of it.”

Joy jumps back into her eyes as she leans into me. I drop one arm around her shoulder and use the other to check my vibrating phone.

Kara: It's a good night to watch Netflix and chill.

Presley questions sweetly, “Important?”

I clear the text away and slide it back to my pocket. “Not even a little.”

The two of us exchange smiles without another word. Kara is far from important. She's history hissing at its request for repetition. She's the real cigarette in the toy pack. I don't need what she's trying to offer. She's not even worth mentioning. Soon enough our late night confidant conversations will be faint echoes like the rest of my past. Soon enough Presley's voice of reason will drown out the unwanted lingering temptations for anything more other than a healthy future. Obviously, I'm not there just yet, but I will be. I know it.

Presley

Katherine stabs at her salad with a devious smile on her face. “You do know you're going to end up in my book one way or another.”

I roll my eyes and place down my own. “Don't I have to consent to these things?”

“Artistic observation and my team of overly paid lawyers would be glad to dispute that with you,” she chortles as she crosses her legs. When she catches a glimpse of my annoyed stare she sighs, “Relax, Presley. I'm just mentally noting the changes in your behavior from being single to being in a relationship.”

There have been many, most are obvious. I smile brighter. Laugh louder. Giggle like a school girl. Pretty much every cliché is met, so why she needs to document it is perplexing.

“Don't worry. I never use your real name. I think this time I'll call you Petunia.”

“First I was stuck up now I smell odd?”

“Everything has to be literal?”

Ignoring her comment, I playfully poke, “And why do I have to belong to the P family? Do I need to get you a baby names book? Wait. Shouldn't you still have yours from when Angel was born?”

Katherine rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “I threw it away. The last thing I needed was David seeing it and getting the desire for more children.”

I lightly chuckle as I turn my company computer back on.

A hum comes from her. “Back to work already?”

“I've got four emails I need to send before my next appointment.”

“Been too busy making other
appointments
to finish your work again?”

The implication causes me to shake my head while typing in my password. “Not at all. Actually, it's been the exact opposite. I haven't seen Ryder all week.”

She sounds surprised. “Blowing you off?”

“Other way around,” I mutter.

My eyes scan for the starred documents that need my immediate attention as Katherine questions, “Are you two okay? You having troubles? You've only been dating a couple months. Seems too early to be having big issues.”

Clicking the first one open I deny, “We're good. We're actually really happy.”

“Then why haven't you seen him?”

“Because I have a business to run,” I answer and give her a warm look. “And if I would like to keep it going, there's work that needs to constantly be done. Weren't you the one preaching about finding a balance not just jumping from one extreme to the next?”

She leans back in her chair with a clever smirk. “I don't preach. I teach. Educate.”

“Exaggerate.”

We both giggle and I reply to the first email. Truthfully, it hasn't been the easiest not seeing Ryder every day, but it hasn't been as difficult as I imagined it would. None of the high has worn off, yet I've managed to find a way to focus on what else I've deemed important to me. I meant what I told him about enjoying my independence. I don't want to be taken care of like a trophy who only wishes to stay polished. I want a partner. I want my other half to function as that and I know he will. He's...still adjusting to life's disappointments. Sometimes I wonder as much as he loves me how much resentment he holds inside for the fact my life went forward. I kept moving. Even while missing the hell out of him in the marrow of my bones, I didn't just give up. I made something of myself. And I know he says he's proud and happy, but I can't help feeling like it reminds him of what he
didn't
accomplish.

“What's been going on around here?” Katherine questions at the same time I open the next email to answer.

In the process of replying I explain, “Everything. It's time for the buses to be checked and registered. There were seventeen families who needed to be filed and updated on the wait list. Decor proposals from Merrick about Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Proposals and research for the Christmas charity event, plus I've got two teachers leaving at the end of the school year, so resumes have been piling up-”

“That's in May. Why would anyone apply this early?”

“The same reason families put in a request for their babies when they find out they are officially pregnant,” I brag and hit send. “We're the best.”

“Your confidence is nauseating.” With a wide grin, I turn my attention to her. “But...more than well earned.”

“Thank you.”

My eyes cut back to a new unexpected email I'm tempted not to open. After a long pause, I open the message unprepared for what's inside.

Presley,

I've tried calling. I've tried texting. I know initially you wanted space, so I restrained myself. I'm now asking, do you think you can find it in your heart to give us a moment to chat? Hope the flowers I sent found you well.

Xander

I flop my face into the palm of my hand. They did find me and I distributed them among the teachers, using the ones that remained as a sensory activity for one of the younger classrooms. The last thing I wanted was a reminder of my ex-boyfriend just sitting in my office, especially when there's not even a reminder of my current boyfriend in it. Besides, where was this Xander when we were together? Where was the effort then? Why did I have to walk away before he could do better? Not that any of those answers matter. Ryder's the one I wanted then and now. Still. The part of me that spent five years with Xander, the part of me that sometimes misses not worrying where my significant other is when he says 'with a friend', wants to carve out a few minutes to acknowledge him. Check on his well-being. Maybe be friends?

There's a knock on the cracked open office door that diverts my thoughts. Startled at the sight, I close the email and question, “Ryder?”

Katherine spins around in her seat to get her first glimpse of him.

“Hey,” he cautiously greets.

Unable to stop myself from smiling, I ask, “What are you doing here?”

“I haven't seen you in four days and needed a fix.” His smile tugs up higher. “Busy?”

In a defeated voice I reply, “I have a meeting in about six minutes.”

“Oh.” His shoulders slump as he nods.  “I understand. I won't stay in your way. It was nice to see your face, baby.”

“Yours too.”

There's a sharp clearing of a throat diverting both of our eyes to Katherine. Amazed I forgot she was in the room, I motion a hand towards hers preparing to introduce them.

“I'm Katherine.” She extends her hand for him to shake. “You must be the one and only Ryder.”

He shakes in return. “Hopefully the one and only everything.”

I bite my bottom lip to stop myself from swooning. He says those things with so much hope, I just want to offer him sexual reassurance since my words don't seem to be enough. Most would probably find it strange that during sex his mind is completely free from self-doubt or fears, but I find it the most scintillating. Ryder in his purest, most confident yet vulnerable form is seducing within itself. While we are struggling to understand our roles in each other's lives, the sheets is one place where we seem to meet on mutual ground and respect. Mutual attraction and consumption. Equal partners in praise, attitude, and determination. God, why didn't we start having sex sooner?

“Aren't you in love?” Katherine giggles in a charming way.

Ryder blushes but admits, “For years.”

Quickly I insert myself before this conversation can get out of control. “My afternoon is filled to the brink, but I'm free tonight.”

He pulls his blue eyes from my best friend and into mine. “I have plans...”

I do my best to not be offended. “Gotcha.”

It's wrong to assume he should be around for my every beck and call just as much as it is for him to assume that about me. He's not Xander. I'm not
that
version of Presley. It's alright we have separate lives. It's a good thing.  

“Can't you change them?” Katherine rudely questions.

Ryder smiles at her pushy tendency yet I snap, “Katherine!”

“I can't.” He clears his throat. “Prior obligations. I haven't always been the best about keeping my word in the past, so I'm working on that.”

She nods in understanding the way she does when she's making mental notes. I don't think he's going to enjoy finding out he's a study subject without his acknowledgment.

“I'll call you later tonight and we'll figure out something for the weekend?”

“Yeah.” My body hits the back of the chair. “Sounds perfect.”

With a short smile, he strolls over, slips around my desk and lowers his lips onto mine with eagerness. The unexpected force causes me to grip his shirt to save myself. Briefly but intensely our tongues roll around one another.

Ryder pulls away and whispers, “That's what I
really
came for.”

On a giggle I push him backwards as Katherine questions, “You drove all the way over here just for a kiss?”

“I did,” he answers eyes still lingering in mine. “And I'd do it again.”

Watching him make his way back to the door, I sigh, “You headed back to work?”

“No. I took the afternoon off to look at a few technical schools in the area.”

The information lights up my face. “Really?”

“Yeah. No harm in looking,” he says with a hint of defensiveness in his tone. “And I'm just looking.”

I offer a smile of support. “That's good. You're going alone?”

Ryder's eyes fill with the details I know his lips won't confess. “No. With a friend.”

Instead of pushing, I fold my hands into my lap, and do my best to keep my expression steady. He's allowed to have friends. His friend could easily be another male he doesn't want me around for whatever reason. Friend doesn't have to mean female and even if it does, it doesn't automatically mean he's sleeping with her or thinking about it. However, the lack of information he provides about this 'friend' doesn't make me comfortable. Dating Xander I knew there was never anything to worry about. An affair would require more effort than he could muster up. One relationship was enough to keep the pawns in his life moving where he needed, two would over complicate it. Jealousy like this is almost as foreign as the passion pumping through my veins. I wonder if you can have one without the other.

“Well text me if you find anything worth a harder look,” I casually suggest. “I'd be more than willing to take off an afternoon and go with you.”

“Thanks for your support, Pres.” He gives me a wink and exits.

After she feels she's waited a significant amount of time, Katherine ponders, “And you're fine with his vagueness?”

I glance at my computer screen where my own secret is waiting for an answer. In a less than convincing voice I state, “I trust him.” Or at least I want to. I owe it to him to. Hell, I owe it to myself. Besides, he's obviously not the only one keeping some information close to the chest. We're working on communication. Funny thing about us being together this time around? We're back to learning the basics. Assuming it wouldn't be as difficult starting a new relationship with him because we had already done it once, was my mistake. In ways it's more challenging not to repeat past errors. But it's beyond worth it. Or at least I feel it is, which is all that matters.