Quantum Poppers (18 page)

Caroline
glanced with an uncertain look at the hand resting on her shoulder. She
followed the arm up to John, he could see the anger beginning to well in her
eyes. The relief at him returning would not last long.

‘There’s
something different about you?’

‘In what way?’

‘Your hair is
different, you seem somehow distant. The last couple of weeks haven’t been
kind. John, were you with another woman?’

And then he did
what he had thought in his darkest hours he would never do again. Without a
word he stepped forward, drew Caroline towards him, and kissed her. She was
caught off guard but instantly reacted to his kiss, stepping up against him,
her body moulding round the contours of his own. Her mouth opening slightly to
allow his tongue to briefly explore her own. Tears could have welled at this
moment, the sensation of relief was so strong, but he held them in by clenching
his eyes even tighter and allowing the pressure from Caroline’s lips to
increase and tell him in this wordless way that she was glad to see him.
Caroline tried to step back but John held her in his arms, both breathing
deeply, their faces remained inches apart.

‘I don’t think
that answered my question,’ she said, her lips red with pumping blood.

‘I swear, I was
not with another woman. I was not with anyone. Just know, the only people who
were with me at all times, were you and the kids. You never left my thoughts.’

She looked at
him, unsure of whether to continue her questioning. ‘You will tell me won’t
you, at some point, where and what you were doing.’

‘I promise.’

‘And it was
nothing I had done?’

‘Nothing. Trust
me, it was all me.’

They kissed
again, a welcome pressure. He raised his hand to her hair, digging his fingers
into its depths. Its dampness produced knots, but this just gave added
dimension to the newfound connection. He let his hand fall, stroking it across
the dressing gown, across her breast, her stomach. Caroline let out a sharp
breath of pleasure to which he smiled before clasping her hand. There was
hesitancy in her embrace but she soon locked his fingers in her own and held them
tightly. He glanced down at the hands to ensure that this bond was real, that
it was really happening. Leading her, he stepped towards the sofa, the last
thing he remembered buying with her two days before his actual disappearance.
It was the last thing they had bought, the last decision they had made
together, the last argument they had had (her wanting real leather, he wanting
the cheapest), it was amazing how much a sofa could trigger in his own mind.

He sat and
gestured with a pat of his hand for Caroline to join him. For a second she
stood, unsure. Despite the length of disappearance being far longer than she
was actually aware, two weeks was still a long time for a husband to disappear
without reason. He was failing miserably to describe exactly what he had been
up to during this time but his vague assertions that all was now well seemed to
have settled her, at least temporarily. He gazed at her, continuing to pat the
space beside him, hoping she would give in and accept his return rather than
dwell on the disappearance. She caved in and sat. John relaxed, only to take in
the item that stood on the coffee table to the side of the sofa. He reached out
and picked up a framed photo that contained three pairs of eyes staring out at
him. The metal was cold in his grasp but nothing compared to the cold that
claimed his heart, sending shivers throughout his body. Somehow this one
particular image brought down everything upon him like a weight. It cemented a
reality he couldn’t accept. They had replaced him, and the time he had spent
away from home was now clear for all to see, it was a tangible item that could
be viewed.

The picture
contained his two daughters, Jessica and Jennifer, each embraced within the
arms of their father - an intruder the exact double of himself. The location
was not clear, but blue skies back-dropped them as they stared out at him. The
two girls with beaming smiles could not possibly have been happier and their
father too was content with all he had: the love of two wonderful children and
the wife behind the camera. John shuddered as he continued to hold the frame,
not able to let go, almost seeing through it.

He had no
recollection whatsoever of the image. This must have been a recent picture, his
two girls had visibly aged. Only a year, but at their age, it was so
noticeable. The older of the two, Jennifer, would be approaching ten now and in
the past few months had blossomed into the woman she would become. Jessica,
nearing six, had lost a lot of puppy fat; her own beauty - defined cheeks and
big bushy hair just like her mother’s - had bloomed. Even the John Johnson
within the image looked well. The one holding the frame now understood
Caroline’s reaction at greeting him. The John in the picture looked healthy. He
looked happy. Not like the worn out wreck of a man sitting in the lounge in
charity shop clothes sporting a self-styled hair cut.

He snapped out
of his trance as the sofa shifted and Caroline edged closer to him. She rested
one hand on his lap and lifted the frame delicately from his hands.

‘That was a
great day wasn’t it?’ she said, looking at the photo before resting it back on
the coffee table.

John nodded.

‘I didn’t think
Jessica would have liked half the rides - she ended up going on more than
Jenny.’

John let out an
acknowledged laugh as if he were thinking the same thing.

‘I love that
photo. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you happier.’

‘And I’d never
felt it,’ said John turning to Caroline. He rested his own hand on her thigh
and looked into her eyes.

‘What?’ asked
Caroline.

‘What’s what?’

‘The way you’re
looking at me.’

‘I just want to
look, take you in. Nothing wrong with that is there?’

‘Of course not,
just not used to it.’

‘Being looked
at?’

‘Just the
attention.’

‘I’ll ensure
you’ll never want for it again.’

‘I’ll hold you
to that,’ said Caroline and finally smiled a genuine smile. ‘You seem
different, both less and more at the same time.’

‘How do you
mean?’

‘Well, you look
a state, and seem sad, but it’s like there’s a new you wanting to get out.’

‘I couldn’t
have put it better myself. This past couple of weeks has been like a rebirth.
Will be worth it all to get one more chance to appreciate life with you and the
kids.’

‘Maybe whatever
you were up to will have been worth it then.’

‘I hope so. How
have you been?’

‘These past
couple weeks? Worried sick. We tried to continue as normal, but it’s hard. Kids
need their dad. Wife needs her man.’

‘How have
things been over the last year?’

The smile
Caroline was beginning to cast faltered.

‘What do you
mean?’

‘I just mean in
general. The past year. Have you been happy?’

‘Of course...I
had you. That’s all I ever wanted. Weren’t you happy?’

‘Of course, I
had you.’
At least someone did
, he thought, briefly glancing around the
room for any more signs of a life spent here without him. He forced himself not
to look too closely, it was after all the last thing he needed reminding off.
With the exception of seeing his kids there was still one more person he needed
to find.

‘How will work
be?’ said Caroline. ‘Did you tell them you were going away?’

‘No, it all
happened rather quick. I think they’ll be fine. I want to pop there in a bit to
speak to them face to face. That will be for the best.’

‘Have you at
least called them?’

‘Of course, but
I need to see them.’

‘Maybe you
could go tomorrow?’

‘I think I
should go as soon as possible.’

‘I don’t think
one more day is going to make any difference to how they treat you.’

John nodded and
took this in, weighing up the possibilities. Returning to work in any capacity
was never an appealing option but it was the one place he felt he needed to go.
Finding his other self was still a priority, and whilst the fact that this John
was most likely in custody similar to his recent own, it was the only logical
place to go. But could he wait one more day? It was the sad smile emanating
from Caroline that concreted his decision. Finding the imposter, or even
Bartley, for any semblance of answers was secondary to one more night as family
man with his wife and kids.

‘Of course,
tomorrow, I’ll go first thing. Could you take me there?’

‘I can’t, I
have work. Laura’s off sick so I can’t be late, but you can have the car. Train
even?’

‘I suppose. Or
I could walk.’

‘Twenty-five
miles? I’d like to see that.’

‘You’re right;
I’ll worry about it in the morning. Let’s not worry about how I’m getting to
work,’ -
or where it is for that matter
– ‘let’s enjoy this moment.’

Caroline’s
smile returned and almost managed to trigger the same within him. It truly was
good to be home, despite the unanswered questions and unsure future that lay
ahead.

‘The kids,’ she
suddenly shouted, getting to her feet. ‘I totally forgot, I need to collect
them from school.’

She stood up,
her robe flapping open and her damp hair sticking to her face like velcro.

‘I’ll go,’ John
said, himself getting to his feet.

‘Are you sure?
They would be pleased to see you.’

‘Of course,
I’ll run up there now. Montgomery.’ He said this almost as a question. He may
have switched work over the last year but it was unlikely the girls had moved
schools. This was certainly in walking distance and Caroline’s vague nod and
smile indicated that his saying this name wasn’t out of place.

‘Thanks, that
would be great. I suggest you grab a change of clothes; will be quicker than me
drying off and sorting myself out.’

John agreed. A
change of clothes and comb of his hair (which still had remnants of the thick
garden brambles stuck to it like needles in a pincushion) would be a good idea.
He plucked a couple out.

Caroline nodded
and turned to leave the lounge.

‘Caroline,’
said John.

She turned
back. ‘Yes?’

‘I love you, I
always have and I always will. This past year, these past ten years, and the
future...whenever you see me, I’ll be loving you.’

‘And I love
you. When you’re ready, tell me everything.’

‘I promise,’ he
smiled, not caring when the moment of his disappearance would need to be
explained. There were more important things to attend to now. The two most
important things in the world. Caroline grabbed his hand, and together they
left the lounge and walked upstairs.

It was amazing
how refreshed and invigorating a change of clothes could be, although not as
invigorating as the glimpse of Caroline’s naked back as she dropped her robe
before entering the bathroom to finish drying down. He had only grabbed clothes
he remembered purchasing himself. The Other John had been busy with the credit
card (or more likely Caroline had for him) and had purchased a virtually new
wardrobe in the time he’d been away. John would no doubt have purchased the
same, but these represented additional reminders of decisions and events that
had taken place without him. He grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that had
been pushed to the back of the wardrobe.

On his way out
he paused on the doorstep. If they were to take him...then they could take him.
It was worth the risk just to be the person his kids saw when they left school.
There were more cars in the street, none he recognised, but virtually all would
have been from parents collecting their kids from the nearby school. Twenty Two
Brooking Lane was the marker where the double yellow lines ended and the
tranche of cars belonging to parents who didn’t believe in letting their kids
walk all the way home began.

He had taken
one last look around, still expecting masked figures to swoop down from the
trees, or mirrored cars to pull up in front of his house; armed troops shoving
his head down as he was thrown in the back. An omen-like wind had grown from
the east and the sound of approaching traffic filled the air, but all appeared
calm.

And now he
stood, outside Montgomery school, just another parent collecting their kids. A
few pupils had managed to sneak out early and John was almost taken aback twice
as cars pulled up onto the pavement beside him. Each time he expected Bartley
to step out in his calm demeanour and apologise before getting his suited
sidekicks to hustle him away to solitude. Each time, however, the passenger
door was flung open by an aggrieved parent, shouts of Tom or James would
follow, before a kid jumped in to be taken home to his evening of TV, dinner
and bed.

He checked his
watch, 3pm, and from the school came the sound of the end of day bell. He could
imagine the relief of the kids within and how unaware they were as to the
shortness of time before they returned.