Quiet Country (Satan's Sinners M.C. Book 2) (13 page)

All the brothers are on our bikes and the other chapters have come to give their final goodbyes to one of the best brothers we had. Chatty can't get through her eulogy so Crazy Girl steps up to help her. Hanger sang
Knockin' on Heaven’s Door
, which made even the biggest of the men lose their shit. I saw Jacey standing off in the distance. She’s wearing a long loose fitting black dress and it looks like she’s gained some more weight. I hadn't really paid attention the night she came and got me. Jacey usually always wears clothes that show off her sexy figure, but the dress she is wearing today is big, hangs straight down. Just knowing she was there was enough for me, and she left when it was over without a word to me, or anyone else for that matter. I don't know what the hell is going on with us, but I'll leave that up to her.

After the funeral, we go back to the clubhouse and have a bonfire for Ripper. Chatty and Crazy Girl stayed inside, with Chatty going right back to bed. All the guys stood around the fire drinking beer and telling stories about Ripper from his twenty-some years as a patched brother.

About a week after the funeral, Chatty left, just like I knew she would. She didn't say goodbye to anybody except Crazy Girl, which doesn't surprise me either. Losing Ripper and then leaving all of us, it would have been too much for her. When she comes back, and one day she will, we’ll be here welcoming her with open arms. She will always be a part of this family.

I spend my days going to work at the garage. Once a week, I go to the cabin to keep up on the maintenance and yard work. I don't think I’ll ever live there, but I like to keep up on it, just like my dad did. I spend my nights working on my truck. I do all this shit so my mind can stay the fuck off Jacey. I've texted and called her several times, which she doesn't respond to anymore. I know something’s up, and for her not to show up to Ever's graduation party isn't like her. For her to just quit answering my texts or calls isn’t normal either. Fuck, for all I know, she moved the hell on. The graduation party has been going on for a few hours, and I'm pretty fucking wasted when I decide it's time to ask Crazy Girl what the fuck is going on. I walk up to her trying to stay calm, asking, "Crazy Girl, why's my Lil Mama not here?"

"Well, she said she had some shit to do." She can't even look me in the fucking eyes when she says it.

"Crazy Girl, you’re lyin' to me. You know you’re a shit liar. Jacey hasn't been here in months."

"Bear, I can't tell you. If she wants you to know, she will come and tell you."

This is so fucked. I should’ve known she wouldn't tell me shit. "I call her, she doesn't fuckin' answer, and she’s stopped comin' ‘round. Somebody needs to tell me what the fuck’s goin' on!" I'm getting pissed because now I know she is keeping something from me. I've been sitting ‘round here for months, waiting for her to make up her goddamn mind.

Hanger looks over and very calmly says to me, “Bear, you need to watch yourself. Watch how you talk to my Ol' Lady." I know I need to, but I can't bring myself to give a shit right now. I just want somebody to tell me what the fuck is going on with her.

Crazy Girl says, "Bear, I would tell you if I could, but it's not my place. You guys have got your club rules, well, us girls have our girl code. Just give her some time. I think she will come to you."

"You know what? Whatever. Fuck it. I'm so fuckin' done with this shit. I'm outta here." Fuck them and their girl code. I'm done waiting. If she can't have the fucking decency to call me and tell me about whatever is going on, I'm done with waiting. I storm out to the garage, turn on
Disturb’s Down with the Sickness
and start looking at my truck. Somebody puts their hands on my back, running them up and down. Those hands, I haven't felt them in months. I turn and look down at Morgan. I haven't had pussy since I was last with Jacey and I don't want this bitch’s pussy either. I'll take her mouth though.

"On your knees." She drops down, like a good little whore, with a smile on her face. I pull my cock free. It's not hard, but she can get it there.

"Put me in your mouth, suck me until I cum." She does exactly what I say.

After a few minutes, my shit's still not working. She pulls out and asks if something’s wrong, her voice grates on my nerves. "No, keep suckin'."

I know what I gotta do. I think of the sexy little brunette with the two-toned eyes. In no time, I'm shooting my load into her mouth. I look down at her.

"Get the fuck up and get outta here." She stands and scurries away.

Over the next month, I’m with all the whores. I can't bring myself to fuck them, and I don't pleasure them, but I’ll have them suck my cock all day long. Every single time, I think of my Lil Mama. I think I’ve even called out her name a few times while I was at it. I thought it was done between us. Little did I know, at the end of the month she would come back, pregnant, and my whole life was about to change once again.

Present Day

Jacey

Once the guys got us to the hospital, the baby and I were rushed to the labor and delivery unit. Dr. Greene checked us out and we were both healthy. Bear went between checking on me and checking on the baby. They had to take him to the nursery for a while to clean him up and weigh him.

Bear sits in a chair next to the bed, and I scoot to the edge, patting the bed next to me. "I don't think that's a good idea Jacey. I don't wanna hurt you."

"I’m fine. Now get up here." He comes over, carefully sitting down. I lay my head on his chest, putting my arm around his waist. He wraps me in his arms and kisses the top of my head. "I'm sorry Bear, for everything I fucked up."

"Hey, look at me.” I lift my head to meet his eyes. "Yeah, you did. You really fuckin' did. I'm serious though. No more fuckin’ games, no more lies, and you don't run from me anymore. This is the last time. I know I've said that a lot, but I'm serious. Don’t fuck it up." I feel the tears burning my eyes, as I nod. "First, we need to name our boy,” he says, with pride in his eyes. “Do you have any names picked out?"

"Depends," I say, smiling. "What’s your name, Bear?"

He bursts out laughing, then replies, "We really did this wrong, didn't we?" I can't help but laugh too. "My name is Kellen Rhodes. Damn, it's been a long time since I've said my real name."

"I love it!"

He looks shocked at first and then it hits him. “Wait? You wanna name the baby after me?"

"Well, yeah. You’re his father. Now if you had a horrible name, I would’ve had second thoughts." That makes us laugh again.

"I guess it's a good thing my parents gave me a
good
name then," he says with a smile, then it falls. "Ripper's real name was James, but I always called him Jimmy. I wanna name him after Ripper." That brings the tears back and I nod.

"We are not calling our son Jimmy, but how about Kellen James Rhodes?"

"I like it." He leans down, taking my mouth with his.

"How did you get the name
Bear
?" I wonder why I never asked before.

He starts laughing. "Well, when Ripper took me to the clubhouse that first day, I had to wait outside until the club voted if I could stay, and Ripper took me out back where Hanger and Gunner were shooting BB guns. They asked what to call me, and since Ripper called me ‘Kid’, I told them to call me the same thing. They both laughed and said they couldn't call me ‘Kid’ because I was way too big. I was always bigger than most kids my age, and Hanger took notice. He said he was gonna call me ‘Bear’ and it stuck."

"But when you took me to the diner, Ma called you Bear. Didn’t they know you before the club? Why wouldn't they call you Kellen?"

"Yeah, at first they did. I couldn’t prospect for the club then, so about six months after I was there, I got put in charge of watchin' out for Hanger and Gunner. I would take them to the diner with me. One day, Ma asked them why they call me Bear. Hanger told her that I said to call me ‘Kid’ and he couldn't do that, but took a look at how big I was compared to the two of them. She thought that was the funniest shit ever and it stuck with her too. What was so bad, was Hanger and Gunner were two scrawny fucks then so I looked even bigger."

The door opens and the nurse walks in holding our baby. He has a little blue hat on and is wrapped in a light blue blanket with bears on it. I can’t help but chuckle that he’s wrapped in bears. "Hey mom and dad, we got a healthy eight pound, twenty inch, baby boy here.” She hands Kellen to me. "Do you have a name for him?"

We look to each other, smiling, and look back to her, at the same time saying, "Kellen James Rhodes." Smiling, she nods and walks back out. Bear runs out to tell all the guys, and when he comes back in, he sits next to me and stares at his son. I ask him if he wants to hold our boy.

"Yeah," he says, while smiling from ear to ear and nodding his head. I hand Kellen over. "This is unreal. I never thought I could love anyone so much. I do, Jacey, I love him. I'm gonna be the best father I can be."

"I know you will."

Once Kellen has eaten and gotten changed, we laid him in the bed they wheeled in for him. Then Bear looks to me. "I think it's time we have that talk."

"Yeah, it is," I tell him. "What do you want to know?"

"How exactly did you get pregnant?"

"Well, you remember that first time, the condom broke. Before I met you, I had been sick and was taking antibiotics. The kind I was taking made the birth control not work." I already know what his next question is going to be.

"That explains a lot," he says, smiling. "How do you know Snake?"

He thinks I had sex with him and that is a disgusting thought. I look down and start fidgeting with the hospital gown. "He's my father."

"What!?" He all but shouts.

"Bear, quiet, the baby," I reprimand. “Snake is my father."

"How is that even possible?"

"I'll start from the beginning. I lived in Kansas until I was six, when my mother took me away and moved me to California. Over the years, she did her best to make me forget him, but I dream about him, and in my dreams he loves me and was a good father. My mother tells me things like he is trash and scum, that bikers try to take ownership of you, and they cheat and abuse the women they are supposed to love. She said he never wanted me, and I believed her because if he did, why didn't he come get me or at least come see me?”

He looks at me with understanding in his eyes. "That explains why you were always runnin' when I said shit like ‘you were mine’ and ‘you belong to me’."

"Yeah. My mother is a monster. That’s why I never want you to meet her. She’d be so mean and I can’t let you go through that. She kept me sheltered my whole life, thinking we were better than everyone else. Hell, she wouldn't even let me play with other kids! I had to study all the time to become a doctor. That’s why I love music and cars so much. She could hear the music, but could never knew about the cars, she would've flipped so I kept it a secret. I became smart, like, really fucking smart and I graduated high school when I was sixteen just so I could get away from her."

"So that's why I was the first?"

"No, my mother and father were never married. She didn't have to go through a divorce or anything like that when she took off. When I was ten, she married a guy that I absolutely hated. He wanted me to call him dad, and I just couldn't do it. The dreams kept me from that, I was hanging on to something I wanted to be real, you know? Well, as the years went on and I got older, he started looking at me differently and not in a fatherly way. The night of my graduation, something happened, and I left the next day and never went back."

Bear has a hard look on his face. "What happened Jacey?" he asks. "I know he didn't rape you, so what happened?”

"I’ve never told anyone this, not even my mother.” He nods, encouraging me to go on. "I went to a party that night, the first one I had ever been to, and I got drunk. When I got home, he asked me come into the study, where he tried to rape me, but I stopped him by hitting him with a lamp over and over again until he got off of me. I ran into my room and locked the door. The next day, I blackmailed him. I told him I would tell my mother and the cops if he didn't give me money and pay for my schooling. I had to get out of there, and I didn't have the money to leave." His features are hard, his jaw tense. He’s pissed.

"I'm so sorry that happened." He squeezes me tight in his arms, giving me a hard look, letting me know he’s not happy.

"Bear, you can't do anything. He’s very well known in California, and he’s rich. No, you can't do anything to him."

"I'm not gonna do anything," he reassures, looking kind of scary. "How much did he give you?"

"Two and a half million."

"Holy fuck, Jacey!”

"Yeah, I used some for school, my car, and the clinic building. That's it though, the rest is in an account. I don't touch it."

"Okay, so you lost trust in people and were scared of men. That's why I was the first?"

"Yeah, I mean, I had opportunities before, but I never felt anything for them, so I couldn't do it. When I first saw you, it was like something out of my fantasies. You made me feel all sorts of things. Did you know you were my first kiss?"

That makes his smile return.

"I kinda thought so. You’ve made me feel all sorts of things for a while now, Lil Mama. I'm gonna have all your firsts, and you can take the ones I’ve got left. I wouldn't want anyone else to have them."

A smile overtakes my face. "Your firsts? Like what? Your ass?" I bust out laughing.

"Fuck no, smartass! I was talking about you bein’ my first baby mama!” He smiles and my laughing stops.

"Excuse me? Listen here you prick..." He stops me from continuing.

"Jacey, I’m kidding! You’re the only baby mama I want."

"You’re not helping yourself, mister. I’m not your ‘baby mama’, I’m the mother of your child, Baby Daddy,” I huff out.

"Okay, okay, Lil Mama.” He throws his hands up in surrender. "I was just kidding. You could never be just my ‘baby mama’. I'm serious though, whatever I have left to give is yours."

"You know you can be pretty great?"

"I know," he says, showing off that cocky smile. "So why did you come back to Kansas instead of just going to a different city in California?"

"I wanted to get as far away from my mother as I could and I know she hates Kansas. Plus, I wanted to find my father."

“I guess you accomplished that tonight."

"No, I found him a while ago, but I can't bring myself to talk to him. I'm scared he's not going to want anything to do with me, just like my mother said."

"It might be good to talk to him though. Find out how he feels."

"Yeah, I'll think about it. I've seen pictures of him on the computer and he looked happy."

"We’ve covered a lot, Lil Mama. Why don't you get some rest before Kellen wakes up?"

"That sounds good. Can I see your phone first?"

He hands it to me and I open up his YouTube app. I look up at him, close my eyes.

“This is from me to you.” I hit play on
Nickleback's Far Away
.

We listen to the song, while he holds me close, and I finally realize that this is where I should've been the whole time. Once the song is done, he tells me to look at him so I lift my head, meeting his eyes once again.

"No more runnin', let me love you now."

"Okay, no more running and I’ll try." I lay my head back down and fall asleep.

"Did you get the songs I sent you when you never answered?" I look at him once more, smiling.

"You mean
Eighteen Days by Saving Abel
,
Push
and
Chains by Nick Jonas
?"

“Ah, so you did,” he chuckles.

"You know, that's three songs of his you’ve had me listen to. You got a thing for Nick Jonas?" I bust out laughing again.

"Shut the fuck up," he starts laughing himself. "Not my fault they’re good songs and fit your ass."

"So true." I close my eyes, enjoying being back in his arms while he runs his fingers through my hair until I fall asleep.

We’re exhausted. Kellen didn't sleep at all last night so we started taking shifts. I feel like a weight as been lifted off my shoulders after telling Bear everything. We can only move forward from here, and I finally feel like I'm ready to take what he has been offering for so long. It was surreal seeing my father that close. I remember every feature to his face and the way he smells: oil and leather, even after all these years. I’m not sure what will happen with my father now, but I guess time will tell.