RAGE: President & First Lady Of The Death Dealers MC (39 page)

***Raven***

I’m standing outside Gage’s office, staring at the door. I
don’t know if I should go in or just leave him alone. Well, leave
them
alone. I saw him go in there with Britney. Who can blame him after what I did
tonight? He should probably be having an orgy right now. I’m still trying to
decide what to do when the door opens and I come face-to-face with Britney.
She’s surprised at first but then gives me a cocky smile. I’m no idiot. They
weren’t in there long enough for anything to happen. I’ll give her the
satisfaction of thinking she has something to smirk about. She saunters off,
swinging her hips and humming to herself. I take a deep breath, shake her out
of my thoughts, and push the door.

When it clicks closed behind me, Gage growls, “I told you to
get lost,” not even looking in my direction. He raises a bottle to take a sip
but his hand freezes mid-way when I speak.

“It’s me.”

He still doesn’t look at me, only taking a swig from the
bottle. “What do
you
want?”

I make my way over and stand before him awkwardly. He keeps
his eyes down, probably thinking ignoring me will make me go away. I will after
I apologize.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over
me. It was like… I wasn’t even in my own body. I zoned out, and it’s like you
weren’t even there. I’m sorry, Gage. For everything.”

He takes another swig from the bottle. “Okay.”

“That’s all you’re going to say?”

He finally lifts his head and his glare makes me wish he
hadn’t. “What the fuck do you want me to say? That what you did was okay and
everything’s going to be fine? I’ve said it a million times and it made no
difference. Well, guess what? I’m tired of saying it. I’m tired of trying to
help you and the only thanks I get is you trying to kill me.”

Every word is like a blow to my body. If he had hit me, it
would have hurt less. He’s right, though. I can’t argue with the truth. I need
to do something. His attention is back on the bottle, so I take it from his
fingers.

“What are you doing?”

I place the bottle on his desk and climb onto his lap,
straddling his hips. He looks to the ceiling in exasperation then shakes his
head, but I don’t let it deter me. I cradle his face in my hands and press my
lips to his. He pulls back, grabbing my arms and keeping me away from him.

“It’s what you want, isn’t it?”

I shake free of his grasp and pull my top over my head,
tossing it to the floor. His gaze drops to my breasts momentarily then he looks
away. With newfound determination, I wrap my arms around him and start to kiss
his neck. I inhale deeply, breathing in his scent, hoping for the old feeling
to return. I’m desperately wishing for the days not so long ago when all I had
to do was think about him and I’d get wet. His fingers dig into my hips,
pressing me down on his hard dick. I know it’s Britney’s doing, but it doesn’t
matter. I move feverishly, licking, biting, and sucking on his neck. As I trail
back up to his lips, he pushes me off him, onto the couch, and jumps to his
feet. He keeps his back to me, hands on his hips, head down in disappointment.

I ruined everything. He doesn’t want me anymore.

“Do you want me to send Britney back in?” I ask in a quiet,
shaking voice.

He turns to face me, his anger returning. “Britney? I give
zero fucks about that bitch! I want
you
, Raven, but apparently, you
don’t want me. How could you when you don’t even want to be alive?”

I approach him carefully, placing my hands on his chest.
“I’m sorry. I…”
Don’t know what else to say.
I just need him. There’s
truly nothing worth living for anymore if I lose him, too.

His gaze hardens, and I watch the muscles in his jaw work.

“Go, Raven. Just leave me alone.”

***Gage***

I’ll never forget the crushed look in her eyes before she
walked out of my office. I know I’m doing the opposite of what she needs right
now, but my anger won’t let me be there for her. I finished the bottle of Jack
and still feel no better than I did before.
I need another one.
I pass
my room, and a nagging feeling makes me turn around. Pushing the door, I step
into darkness.

“Raven?”

Nothing. I flip the light on and see her lying haphazardly
at the foot of the bed, one arm hanging over the side. An empty bottle of Jim
Beam lies on the floor beneath her fingertips.
Great
. I move toward her
with the intention of positioning her properly, and an object crunches under my
boot.
What the fuck?
I pick it up and inspect it, reading the label.
It’s one of Raven’s prescriptions. Sleeping pills. And it’s empty.

“Fuck!” I frantically turn her over and cradle her in my
arms. “Raven? Raven!”

I tap her cheek a few times, but she doesn’t stir. Feeling
for her pulse, I press two fingers to her neck. It’s still there, thank God. I
rush to the bar, spotting E sandwiched between two Hounds. I pull him up by his
cut and drag him to the room.

“What the fuck, Gage?” he exclaims when we’re in the
corridor.

“It’s Raven.”

That gets him moving. In the room, I show him the
prescription bottle. He immediately starts throwing out directions as he picks
her up, heading to the bathroom.

“Go get my bag. I need salt from the kitchen and grab one of
the girls to help me.”

I grab the salt and the first girl I see—Super Head. I
didn’t want to rush into the bar with E’s bag, so I get that last. Once he has
everything he needs, he bans me from the bathroom. I pace the room, praying to
God she’ll be okay. This is my fault. She needed me, and I chased her away.
Everything
is my fault. I should have just stayed away from her.

Chopper walks into the room with a concerned frown. I should
have known he’d realize something’s wrong. The retching sounds start coming
from the bathroom.

“What’s going on, Gage?”

I turn to him feeling utterly defeated. “I fucked up, Pop.”

He grabs me, slamming me into the wall. I don’t resist
because I deserve much worse.

“What the fuck did you do?”

“I….”

I don’t get anything else out because Chopper slams his fist
into my jaw. My head snaps back and bounces off the wall. I grab the back of it
and slide down to sit on the floor.

“She better be okay, motherfucker,” he issues a warning.

I watch him sit on the edge of the bed, staring at me, his
only son, like he’s about to rip my head off. If Raven dies because of me, I
won’t try to stop him.

***Raven***

God, I feel like… like I just slept for ten years. My lids
are so heavy, I can’t get them open. My throat is raw, and there’s a nagging
pain in my arm. I also have the headache from Hell. It feels like Thor and Mjölnir
are playing whack-a-mole on my brain.

“I think she’s waking up,” someone says. A female someone.
Where
am
I?

“Raven?”

Gage. I turn my head in the direction of his voice and force
my eyes open. They stay that way for only a second. After multiple tries, I
finally get them to remain open. Gage is leaning over me with a relieved smile.
Deena is on the other side of the bed, smiling down at me, too. What… in… the…
world?

Then, I remember—bits and pieces really. Gage chasing me out
of his office, swiping the bottle of whiskey from the bar… the pills.

Oh, God. I tried to kill myself. I tried to kill myself
and I didn’t succeed. Great. One more fuck-up to add to my ever-growing list.

Gage takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “Hey, babe.”

“Hey.”

“How do you feel?”

“Sleepy.” Yeah, that’ll happen when you take a whole bottle
of sleeping pills. “Can I get some water?”

“I’ll get it,” Deena volunteers.

When she leaves the room, Gage kisses my knuckles again.
That’s when I see the IV needle in my arm and realize that’s where the pain’s
coming from.

“Why do you keep scaring me?” he asks.

“
I
scare
you
?”

“I’ve never been afraid of anything in my entire life… until
I met you.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“Losing you.”

He rests his forehead on mine and flattens his palm on my
sternum. I close my eyes, absorbing his words. He’s scared of losing me. But
why? Why would he still want me after everything that’s happened? I tried to
kill him twice, for God’s sake. I can’t even think about it right now. My brain
already hurts.

“Sweetest sound I’ve heard in a long time,” he mutters.

“What?”

“Your heart beating. I’ve been listening to it for the last
twenty-four hours.”

Deena comes in with my water, hands it to me, then backs out
of the room. “Call me if you need anything.”

“Thanks.”

I down the contents, hand the empty glass to Gage, and
settle back into the pillows. Gage strokes my cheek as my eyes begin to close
again.

“Sleep, babe. We’ll talk when you wake up.”

***Gage***

I’ve been checking her heartbeat every couple of minutes. I
know she’s just sleeping, but I need the reassurance of her pulse beating
beneath my fingers. E says she’s going to be fine. He brought in one of his
doctor friends and we managed to get her out discreetly so they could run all
kinds of tests on her. I had to pay him a hefty sum to do it and keep quiet,
but it was worth it. Apparently, I found her before the pills could have caused
any serious damage to her organs.

I drag a hand down my face and close my burning eyes for a
few seconds. I haven’t slept, and I’m beginning to feel the effects.

“You should go take a nap,” Gina suggests. “I’ll watch her.”

“I’ll just rest my eyes for a bit. Thanks.”

I settle into the chair, lean my head on the back, and close
my eyes. When I open them again, Raven is sitting up in bed, drinking soup and
talking to Gina.

“I love your perfume. What is it?” Raven asks.

“It’s not perfume. I’m allergic. I mix essential oils and
different lotions together to get the scent I want.”

I shake away the sleep and sit on the edge of the bed,
halting their conversation. “Why didn’t you wake me?” I ask Gina.

“I told her not to,” Raven answers. “You looked tired.”

Gina takes the bowl from Raven and leaves. I climb in next
to her and wrap my arm around her shoulder as she leans in to me with a sigh.

“How do you feel?”

“I’m okay… worried about you. Deena said you hadn’t slept…
and your face is bruised.”

“Who’s Deena?”

“We’ve been through this before. The woman who just left
here… Super Head?”

“Fuck me.” I chuckle. “I’ve been calling her ‘Gina’ all this
time. She didn’t even say anything.”

“Now, who would dare correct the mighty Reaper?”

I inhale deeply, squeezing her shoulder. “Not so mighty. I
haven’t been able to save you.”

She sits up, searching my eyes as she lays a hand on my jaw.
“None of this is your fault. You’ve done everything you can do. The rest is on
me.”

“Tell me what to do. Tell me how to help you. I can’t help
if you don’t talk to me. I need to know, Raven. I need my baby girl back.”

“You’ll get her back, I promise. I’m not going to let this
thing rule my life anymore. I’m taking back control. I think that’s what Dr.
Jayne said. I should have listened to her a long time ago.”

“You still need to let me in.”

“I will,” she promises. “But… maybe you should let go of the
search. Even just for a while.”

“You can’t ask me to sit around and do nothing, Raven.”

“I’m not. Just… suspend it for a while. Let’s focus on
us
.
This thing has been controlling both our lives. We just need to step back,
regroup.”

I’ve been thinking about doing just that since E suggested
it, but I didn’t want her to think I’d given up. I don’t want to sit around and
let that fucker think he’s gotten away with putting his hands on my woman.

“Please, Gage. I need you.”

I search her face and her expression breaks me. Her eyes are
tearing up, her bottom lip trembling. I can’t say no to her. “Okay, doll. I’ll
give it a rest.”

There’s a knock at the door and Pop comes in without waiting
for an answer. Other than E and
Deena
, he’s the only one who knows what
happened. I’ve kept her mother and friends at bay, but I don’t think I could
have done it for much longer. I spend the next couple of hours listening to
Chopper fawn over her. I’ve never seen him like this, not even with Mom when
she was alive. It was instant, too. He’s been smitten with her since the
beginning.

“Are you trying to steal my woman?” I joke.

“If I were a little younger, I’m sure I could. Youth is the
only thing you got on me, son.”

“Is that so?”

“Why don’t we ask the lady?” He turns to Raven. “What do you
say, lil darlin’?”

Her eyes dart between us as she bites her lip, trying to hold
back a smile. I wish she wouldn’t. I’d give anything to see that perfect smile
of hers.

“One thing I can say is you’re definitely father and son.
He’s you,” she jerks her head at me, “only younger. So, if you
were
trying to steal me away, it would probably be a tough decision.”

Chopper throws his head back and laughs, but I’m not amused.
No one’s taking her from me—not Chopper, not anyone.

“I knew you were a keeper, lil darlin’.”

“Yeah? How’d you figure that out?” she asks.

“Well,” he moves closer, “that first night I saw you two
together, I thought ‘this should be interesting’.”

“Because he’s such a man-whore?”

“Hey, I’m right here!” I exclaim.

She gives me the side-eye. “You know it’s true.”

“I can’t help it if I’m irresistible to the entire female
population.”

“Whatever. Go on, Chopper.”

“As I was saying,” he gives me a dirty look. “You’re right.
He
is
a man-whore. Hell, we all are, but I thought you might give him a
run for his money. Then, you shot a man who was trying to kill my son. Around
here, we protect what’s ours with our lives. That’s what you did. That’s how I
knew you fit.” He points to me. “That’s when I knew you were his future.”

Well, damn. Where did that come from? I’ve never heard him talk
like that before, either. Is he getting soft in his old age? Whatever the
reason, Raven’s falling for it. She scurries to her knees and throws her arms
around him.

“I knew Gage got his little sweet streak from you.”

“I am
not
sweet,” Chopper and I say at the same time.

Raven laughs. She fucking
laughs
. I pretty much gawk
at her as she falls back on the bed, downright hysterical. It’s like music to
my ears—the second best thing I’ve heard today next to her heart beating. It
gives me a glimpse of my sunshine. It’s not much, but when it’s been raining
for so long, a single ray is like a fucking miracle. Fuck, I’m sick of the
rain. This? This gives me hope.

“See? I told you! You’re totally twinsies!”

Right now, I couldn’t care less about being like Chopper. I
may be getting my hopes up over nothing, but this feels like progress. For the
first time in months, she seems like her old self, like my little bird is
coming back to me.

At least, that’s what I thought. After Chopper leaves, she
goes right back into her shell. I try to comfort her, but she won’t talk to me
or even let me touch her. She turns her back to me, curling up in the fetal
position. I just don’t know what to do.

I leave her to take a much needed shower. Maybe I should
give her some space. Plus, I just need some time to clear my own head. She’s not
in the room when I return. I dress in record time and hurry out to the bar,
searching for her. I walk in and feel like I stepped into the twilight zone.
The soft notes of some love song echo from the speakers, and the guys are all
sitting around quietly. Some are just staring into space, but the others are
focused on something. I follow their gazes straight to Raven. Who knew it would
take this little woman to tame this wild bunch? She has her hands in the air,
waving them slowly from side to side like she’s at a concert. She takes a hit
of the joint between her thumb and index finger while she twirls. Her eyes are
closed, seeming enchanted by the music. Pursing her lips, she blows the smoke
into the air.

I make my way over to her and remove the joint from her
fingers. Her lids flutter open and she stares up at me, her eyes glazed over.
It’s an empty stare, like she doesn’t see me. Then, there’s a flash of
recognition and she smiles. She smiles and my fucking heart skips a beat. It’s
weak, barely there. It’s not the hundred-watt smile I love, but I’ll take it.

She runs her hands down my cut then grabs both sides,
pulling me to her. It’s her signature move, I guess, sliding her hands under my
cut and around my waist. She lays her head on my chest and hugs me tightly. I
take a puff of the joint and wrap my arms around her. She sways against me, her
nails dragging across my back as she clutches my shirt. The words of the song
register in my brain and I pull her closer. I want her to look to me for
everything she needs. I want to be her home. I want her to know she’s never
alone. I want to be the man she turns to, no matter what. I want to be all
those things and more for her. She looks up at me, her eyes beseeching, needing
me to understand. It’s then I realize she already sees me that way.

“I know, doll.”

I pick her up, one hand on her back, the other under her
knees, and she lays her head on my shoulder. I hand the joint to Ron and take
her to my room. As I lay her on the bed, she grabs the sides of my cut.

“Why are you still here? Why are you still with me?”

“You’re mine, Raven. What happened didn’t change that.”

“But I’m—”

“
Mine
. As long as you need me, and even when you
don’t, I’ll be here.”