Raining In My Heart (Book One of the McKay's) (32 page)

"The truth
,
Jim
," she whispered as she came up for air.

She thought she saw a shadow in the yard, but it was gone before she could check it out.

Someone had seen them.

Jim
squirmed
.
"I should have known better
than
to try this…" he confessed too easily.

"Try what?"
Julie
asked
,
her face screwing up into a frown.

"I got fired
,
Julie
,"
h
e admitted.

"Fired, why?"
Julie
dropped her anger and stared at him.

"I was caught in the act
,
"
h
e said simply.

"Act of what?"
Julie
asked.

"Embezzlement,"
Jim
admitted
,
turning away. "Been getting away with it for years. Why do you think I stayed with such Neanderthal people
?
"

"
Jim
!"
Julie
screeched. "But you always made good money. I don't understand."

"Dating you was frustrating to say the least. You were always so untouchable. You held yourself away from me, the only woman that's ever done that. That's what fascinated me about you."
He backed away
.
"No
,
you wouldn't understand. Naïve, innocent, I always loved that about you. When you left me, it was the last straw. I didn't care anymore. I'd been slowly transferring funds out of accounts for years. Oh…at first it was small amounts,
I thought myself pretty clever to cheat them,
but as time went on and no one caught me, I got bolder. I thought I was so smart. I'm going to jail
Julie
, prison."

"I-I don't know what to say. I'd never imagine. Is there anything I can do?"
Julie
asked.

"I wanted to use you
Julie
, like everyone else that got close to me.
And you stand there and ask if you can do something. Incredible, even now.
I figured if you still cared for me, my troubles might be over. But looks li
ke I can't walk away this time."
Jim
moved toward the yard. "I did love you in my fashion. As much as I could love any woman
,
I suppose. I was callus to think you might still care.
I'm no good
Julie
, never have been.
"

"
You're wrong
Jim
, I do care.
"
Julie
reached to touch his hand. "But I
don't love you
.
I know that now.
I am sorry for your trouble. Can't you make restitution for some of it at least?
Perhaps they'd go easier on you if you could repay some of it.
"

Jim
blinked and backed away again
.
"No… I'm afraid I can't.
The money is gone. Partying like I did all the time,
I picked up a cocaine habit along the way, that and gambling.
Besides, I embezzled over a million dollars over the years
;
there is no way I could pay that back.
"

"Gambling, drugs,
Jim
…"
Julie
cried.
"That's why you proposed, to get the money to pay them back. Why didn't you…why didn't you just ask me for the money
?
I'm sure I could have arranged something for you."

"
Naturally
,
I was t
oo ashamed and embarrassed. Besides, I figured once you heard the truth you wouldn't want anything to do with me.
You were my last hope
.
"
H
e smiled sadly. "I'll be going now. I'm due in court next week. I've got a lot to get in order between now and then. I'm sorry for the ruse,
Julie
. Sorry for a lot of things. I see now just how genuine you are, now that it's too late for us."

"
Jim
…I want to help you."

"Know any good lawyers?" he asked with a sardonic chuckle.

"Yes, I do as a matter of fact
;
I'll have them get in touch with you, how's that?"
Julie
asked.

"Better than nothing, I suppose, although I feel it's all pretty hopeless."

Hearing the dejected voice had
Julie
nearly in tears. "I'm sorry
,
Jim
. It's the best I can do."

He nodded
.
"Thanks
.
"
He then
walked off.

Julie
turned to go inside.
Then
,
on a
n
afterthought
,
she whirled about to ask, "The ring, where did that come from?"

"My mother's. She left it to me. Might get a few bucks for it, though
,
"
Jim
said
,
patting his coat pocket and shaking with mock laughter.

"Well, I guess that sums it all up," came a deep
,
timbered voice that sent goose bumps through her.

"Cade? What are you doing up at this hour?"
Julie
turned to see Cade leaning against the porch.

"Watching a touching love scene play out, I guess
,
" Cade spoke softly.

"It wasn't a love scene…"
Julie
insisted.

"No?
That kiss looked pretty convincing to me
.
" Cade came closer.

"It's not what it looked like, I can assure you."

"Doesn't matter, it tells me all I need to know
,
"
Cade
insisted and after staring at her through the darkness he started to turn and leave.

"Wait…Cade, please, you misunderstand
,
"
Julie
cried
,
reaching to pull him by the arm to face her once more in the moonlight.

"I got no ties to you
,
Julie
. Never have. I knew that from the beginning. But after you returned and we…dated, I thought maybe things could change. Dreamin'
,
that
's
what I was doin'. I've been a fool, but no more."

"Fool, in what way?"
Julie
asked.

"It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me. Tell me
,
Cade
. How have you been the fool?"

He whirled about to face her, his hands going on each side of her face, his thumb stroking her cheeks. "How? I've loved you for twelve or thirteen years now. Yes,
Julie
, loved you. Loved you so much I've wasted most of my good years pinning for you. For what?
Well, not any more. No more
,
Julie
. I've tried to be the nice guy. The one you could always come to. What I feel for you is so damn frustrating I can't begin to tell you. It's been raining in my heart a long time, and it's gonna rain a lot more. I thought
Kellie
had the right idea. Date you, sensibly, not touching you, not holding you, not having you,
and
then maybe you would see. But you didn't. I never wanted the
McKay
money or even a
McKay
girl, but you worked your way under my skin for years. So deep, so embedded. No more. Now all I want is equal custody of my daughter." He stalked off.

"
Cade
…wait!"

But he was gone and she was left with tears streaming down her face.

She wanted an admission, she got one. So why wasn't she happy?

Chapter
Nineteen

Julie
couldn't reach her bed fast enough
;
she flung herself across it and cried aloud. So much so she woke
Kellie
.

"Mom? What's wrong?"
S
he rubbed her eyes as she came to sit beside her on the bed.

"I've messed things up royally now
,
"
Julie
cried.

"It can't be that bad. I've seen how Dad looks at you. He's in love with you. How could you mess that up?"
Kellie
asked.

"By seeing
Jim
tonight, that's how,"
Julie
cried.

"You went out with
Jim
tonight?"
Kellie
asked.

"Yeah, he asked me out f
or dinner, and since he'd come
all the way out
here
, I figured I owed him that much
,
"
Julie
said through her tears.

"I guess."
Kellie
nodded. "So what went wrong?"

"Everything…he proposed, kissed me, and
Cade
saw it. Now he thinks…"

Kellie
leaned against the bedpost
.
"He thinks you love
Jim
?"

"Yes."

"Do you?"

"Heavens no. I love Cade, but with all that's happened there is no way he'll believe me
,
"
Julie
cried.

"But he loves you, I know he does
,
"
Kellie
protested.

"If he'd have said that years ago, it might have made so much difference, but he didn't
,
"
Julie
cried.

"Why didn't you tell him you loved him?"
Kellie
asked.

Julie
rose
up, dried her eyes with the back of her hand and looked at her daughter
.
"Well, a girl doesn't just blurt something like that out. Especially when she used trickery in the first place. I didn't think he'd believe me then and I know he won't now."

"Oh
M
ama, why do grown-ups play such games
?
It's simple, you love him, he loves you, neither want to admit it."

"Oh he admitted it tonight, admitted he'd been a fool for years. I've hurt him
for
so long he'll never forgive me
,
"
Julie
insisted.

"If he really loves you, he will
,
"
Kellie
assured her.

"You can't keep hurting a man's pride and expect things to just work out, honey. It doesn't work that way."
Julie
grabbed
Kellie
to her, glad that for once
Kellie
was comforting her.

"Then we'll just figure out a way to make it work."
Kellie
glanced up at her mother with a smile.

Julie
stared down at her daughter
for
a moment then smiled sadly
.
"You are sounding more and more like your Aunt Letty."

Kellie
smiled and hugged her.

***

Julie spent the next week going about her business, and watching Cade's frown get bigger. He was in the worst of moods, biting everyone's head off and ignoring her at all costs.

Julie
's sisters were in full sympathy, but no one had any suggestions until Letty pulled her into the kitchen one morning with a suggestion.

"You've been going at this all wrong and I should have seen it and done something. Now
,
I'm going to tell you like it is."

Julie
looked completely puzzled
.
"What are you talking about?"

"It's simple. I've got the solution to your problems."

Julie
shook her head
.
"I don't think…"

"That's right, you haven't been thinking or you would have come up with the same idea as I have
,
" Letty insisted.