Raising Rufus (21 page)
Authors: David Fulk
1.
An adult
T. REX
was more than 40 feet long, weighed 7 tons, had 6-inch-long teeth, and could swallow 500 pounds of meat in one bite. No other dinosaurs ever made fun of T. rex.
2.
Though
STEGOSAURUS
was as big as an elephant, its brain was the size of a kumquat. It also wandered around eating plants all day. So what did it need a brain for, really?
3.
ORNITHOMIMUS
could run over 40 miles per hour. In a footrace with Usain Bolt, it would eat his lunch. Then it would eat him.
4.
Of the more than 900 species of dinosaurs that have been discovered, over 100 were found in Great Britain. Scientists have determined that these dinosaurs enjoyed tea and crumpets and walked on the left side of the migration path.
5.
The largest known winged dinosaur,
QUETZALCOATLUS
, had a wingspan of up to 40 feetâas big as an airplane. There is no evidence, however, that they had retracting wheels or overhead storage bins.
6.
Based on brain size relative to body size,
TROODONS
are considered to have been the smartest dinosaurs. They almost always won on Paleo Jeopardy
.
7.
The biggest dinosaur discovered so far is
DREADNOUGHTUS
âan 85-foot-long plant eater that weighed as much as 77 tons. Even T. rex probably didn't bother trying to chow down on that oneâit would be like a human trying to take a bite out of a 900-pound cheeseburger with a gigantic swinging tail.
8.
The smallest known dinosaur,
ANCHIORNIS
, was about the size of a robin and was covered with feathers. In fact, a lot of dinosaurs had feathers. But they never figured out how to make a duster or a pillow.
9.
Some dinosaurs had big hollow crests on their skulls, which may have helped them trumpet loudly to attract a mate. Some of their favorite songs to sing were “I'm Just a Big Lonely Lizard,” “Look So Fine, My Six-Ton Valentine,” and “Let's Get Together Before We All Go Extinct.”
10.
Contrary to common belief (and the previous sentence), dinosaurs did not really go extinct 65 million years ago; they evolved into birds and still live with us today. So, yes: hummingbirds, penguins, ostriches, turkeys, your pet parakeet, Big Bird, the Aflac duckâdinos all. Consider
THAT
the next time you sit down for Thanksgiving dinnerâ¦.
No doubt there are writers who can take a rough pebble, retreat into a dim cubby, exclude the rest of humanity from their process, and emerge some weeks or months later with a perfectly polished pearl. I'm not one of them.
Robert Newcombe, your contributions in turning an idle thought into a real thing on paper were invaluable. My unending thanks.
To the early road-testers of the first tentative fragmentsâDan and Harrison Hirsch, Emily and Dominic Fulk, Marcia Midkiff, Steve SprungâI am grateful. Here's the rest of it for you.
Dave LeLacheur and the whole LeLacheur clan (Sam and Gwen, you're still the first!), your feedback and moral support have been golden. Many, many thanks.
To the “Greenline” critique groupâJennifer Mann, Leslie Caulfield, Shari Beckerâmy gratitude.
Michelle Poploff, editor
extraordinaire:
a giant THANK YOU for adopting this bad boy and expertly guiding it to the finish line. You'll be my hero for the duration.
And Krista Vitola, your insights and positive energy have been a perfect finishing touch, and I appreciate it.
It's been a grand journey. I'm glad you were all a part of it.
DAVID FULK
is an award-winning playwright, screenwriter and director, and novelist. One of six children, he grew up near Chicago and has lived in Missouri, Louisiana, Michigan, California, Pennsylvania, New York, Texas, Belgium, India, and (yes) Wisconsin. He currently lives near Boston with his pet T. rex, Rosie.