Raw Desire (21 page)

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Authors: Kate Pearce

BOOK: Raw Desire
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“That would be awesome,” Ally said quickly. She'd taken up knitting in the rehab place when she'd needed something to do with her hands and had come to love it. “I didn't know my mom knitted.”
Another link to Ruth and, perhaps more importantly, an opportunity to get reacquainted with some of the town residents who might have stories to offer about Ruth to help her understand her mom better. And she needed to do that. She realized it now. Perhaps coming back to Spring Falls hadn't been all about Rob after all. . . .
Nadia was still speaking. “Don't forget about the job, either, will you? I don't think this town would survive now without my baked goods and my husband's coffee.” She patted Ally's arm. “I don't want this nonsense to make you leave again. It will all settle down. I'm sure of it.”
Ally wasn't quite so certain, but she took the muffin and coffee and found an empty seat in the corner. Yet another example of a mother she didn't know and had never been allowed to know . . . She checked the time and blew hard on her coffee. Lauren had given her half an hour, but she still didn't want to be back late, and she had to check the library for the book she'd requested online.
“Hey, Ally.”
She looked up to find Jackson smiling down at her.
“Hey.” She tore her gaze away from his and stared at her coffee. He didn't seem to take the hint and instead pulled out the chair opposite her and sat down.
“You're still mad.”
She flicked a glance at him. “Well, duh.”
“And if I tell you you're overreacting?”
“I'd tell you to mind your own business.”
“It is my business. I'm part of this. I'm not going to let you or Rob take over again.”
“Rob's the only one who does that.”
“You're both behaving like idiots.”
“He used me, Jackson.”
“And have you let him explain anything?”
“What is there to explain?”
“How did you feel when he wouldn't listen to you on the night you left?”
“I felt awful. That's one of the reasons why I ran so far and didn't come back until now.”
“And now you're doing the same to him? Shutting him down before he can explain? Getting your own back before you walk out on him again and break his heart?”
“It's not like that. He only wanted sex. He told me so.”
Jackson reached across and took her hand. “Ally, you know that isn't true.”
“What do you want me to do, Jackson? Go and kiss his ass and tell him he's right and I'm wrong? I can't do that.”
“I don't expect you to. I just want you to think about talking to him before you make any firm decisions about leaving. Is that too much to ask?”
Ally looked into his dark eyes. “This is such a mess. I didn't mean to drag you into this either.”
His smile lit up his face. “You have given me my life back. I don't want you to leave town.” He squeezed her fingers hard. “Do you want to stay?”
“How can I?”
He stood up and put his sunglasses back on. “You can—you just have to want it.”
Ally stared at his back as he went up to the counter to get his coffee. How dare he make it seem so easy? She knew what he really meant. She should forgive Rob and everything would be fine again. Well, she couldn't do that. Rob had stepped over the line one too many times for her liking.
She bit into her muffin and envisaged leaving town, the house sold, and enough money in her pocket to do whatever she wanted. But all the people she truly loved were right here in Spring Falls. Ally almost choked on the crumbs. She didn't love Jackson and Rob; she was just using them for sex like they were using her. Even her conscience laughed at that lie.
Ally stood up, her stomach churning and her mind in chaos. She didn't want to love anyone. Love hurt like crazy, and she didn't want to go through that again. She threw the rest of her muffin in the trash and walked out, her coffee gripped in her hand. Outside, she breathed in the hot, dry California air and fought to regain her composure.
In the distance, she watched Jackson cross the square and head into the old courthouse. He was right about one thing: She would have to make some decisions soon, and all of them would require some sort of compromise.
She turned to the library, which faced the courthouse across the square, and made her way through the wide oak doors. As usual, Mrs. Orchard manned the front desk, her poppy-patterned blouse a riot of color over her imposing bosom.
“Good afternoon, Ally, and how may I help you?”
“Hi, Mrs. Orchard. I ordered a book online, so I've come to pick it up.”
“Slide your card for me dear and I'll check.” Mrs. Orchard tapped away on the keyboard and then nodded. “It's here. I'll go and find it for you.”
Ally waited patiently at the desk, the quiet solitude of the library easing her mind and making her relax.
“Here you are.” Mrs. Orchard waved the book at her. “Now here's a funny thing, Ally. The last person to get this book out was your mother, Ruth.”
Ally glanced at the title of the book; it was one Jill had recommended. “My mom read
Stop Repeating the Same Destructive Relationships and Become the Woman You Were Meant to Be?
”
Mrs. Orchard lowered her voice and leaned in closer to Ally. “She read a lot of these kinds of books. I don't really believe in them, but they certainly seemed to help her. She became a much better person after you left.”
“So everyone keeps telling me.”
“Now, Ally, I know you had it rough, but at least your mom tried to turn her life around at the end.”
Ally managed a tight smile before she walked out. Anger sat like a lead weight high in her chest. She didn't want to hear about what a great person Ruth was ever again. Ruth had been a terrible mother and hadn't even protected her own daughter from harm.
Ally veered off the path and took a detour into the small grassy sitting area in the center of the square. She clutched the library book to her chest and sank down on the grass, her back against one of the old oak trees. The light dazzled her eyes, and she closed them tight, bringing up memories of her childhood and of her mother.
With a groan, Ally wrapped her arms around her knees and rested her forehead on them. What weird instinct had made her jump to defend her mother when all the evidence suggested she might at least have been involved in what had happened to Susan? Just because she was identifying with her mother's struggle with addiction didn't make them exactly the same. Ruth hadn't been aware of much that went on in her own house, hadn't listened when Ally had desperately begged her not to allow some of the men to stay.
Logically she knew Rob had a point, but it was difficult to hear her mother being vilified again. She'd tried so hard to pretend that everything was normal and that her mom wasn't a crazy, spaced-out mess. She'd even wanted to believe in the new Ruth, the clean, drug-free friend to all. But she couldn't. She just couldn't. Ally raised her head and stared at the old courthouse. And that meant she needed to grow up and help Rob sort this out.
19
“Y
ou don't have to do this, Sheriff.” Ally glanced behind her as Rob followed her into the kitchen. “When you said you were going to keep a close eye on my house, I didn't think you meant this close.”
“I'm just going to walk through the rooms with you to make sure everything is secure, and then I'll leave, okay?”
“I was just about to go to bed.”
His measured blue gaze swept over her. “So I see. By the way, that's my T-shirt.”
“I'll wash it and give it back to you.”
“Whatever.” He sounded way too calm and reassuring for her liking, but she couldn't deny that it was kind of comforting to have an officer of the law looking out for her on such a personal basis. She waited by the table until he moved past her, the scent of his lemon aftershave a tantalizing breath away.
“Do you do this for all the town's citizenship?”
“If I can. Spring Falls is a small town.”
He kept moving up the central hallway and stopped at each closed door to open it and survey the contents of the room. By the time they came to her bedroom, Ally was right behind him. She reached for the door at the same moment he did.
“I think I can take it from here, Sheriff.”
As she opened the door, something clattered against the glass. The next moment she found herself pinned under Rob's weight on the bed. She managed to look up to see that one of the windows was slightly ajar.
“Rob, get off me. It was just the blind banging against the window.” He didn't move, and she shivered as he buried his face in the crook of her neck and simply breathed her in. “Rob . . .”
He placed both his palms on the bed on either side of her and levered himself away as if he were doing a push-up. “I don't want to get off you. I want to take off my belt and use it to tie your wrists together and secure them on the headboard. Then I want to fuck you until you beg me not to stop.”
Ally tried not to breathe as she imagined him doing what he suggested and found her body responding despite her best efforts to remain still.
He bent his head and nipped her throat, his voice a low, rough sound that barely reached her ear. “You'd let me, wouldn't you? I bet you're wet now just thinking about it.”
He shifted his stance and climbed off the bed. Before she could roll over, his knee drove between her thighs, spreading her legs. His fingers drifted over her wet core, and he sighed her name. “Yeah, you're wet. I could fuck you right now without any foreplay and you'd take me easily.”
He stepped away from the bed. Ally rolled over onto her back and stared up at him. He met her gaze, his own somber. “But that's not going to work, is it? I can't keep you tied up and naked all the time. I can't make everything right with sex.” He nodded to her. “Good night, Ally. Call me if there are any problems.”
Long after he'd gone, Ally still stared at the door, her mouth open and her emotions in a riot. Rob had backed off even though he'd known he'd won, that she wanted him despite everything. Ally curled up into a ball. Had he tried to show her that he now understood the difference between binding her to him with sex and allowing her to make that choice with her head and her heart?
Ally punched her pillow. “Damn you, Rob Ward.” She didn't want to believe that he'd meant it, because if he understood that, then he really did own her, and there was no reason for her to hate him at all.
 
Jackson paused at the entrance to the family room and stared down at Rob. His house buddy lay stretched out on the couch, wearing a pair of tight white boxers, a bottle of beer in one hand, watching baseball on TV.
“You okay, Rob?”
There was no answer, and Jackson abandoned the doorway and came farther into the room. At least three empty bottles lay on the carpet, and Jackson breathed in the seductive smell of alcohol and imagined the beer sliding down his throat. He pushed that dangerous thought away. “Are you drunk?”
“Not drunk enough.”
Jackson sat on the other end of the couch right up close to Rob's bare feet. “Four's enough. You've got to work tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah, at six, but I don't think I'll be able to sleep, so I might as well get wasted first and then walk it off.”
“Why won't you sleep?”
Rob took another swig of beer. “Because I just walked out on Ally, and I'm so fucking horny I can't see straight.”
“Ally hates your guts.”
“But she'd still let me fuck her.”
“And you know that, how?”
“Because I was just at her place and she made it very clear that she'd let me.”
“And you walked out.”
“Yeah, because I was trying to prove a stupid point, that it's not just about the fucking, it's about everything.”
“That was very . . . noble of you.”
Rob glared at him. “Sure. Laugh.”
“Actually, I meant it.” Rob held Jackson's gaze, his blue eyes widening. Jackson's thumb connected with Rob's ankle bone, and he made small soothing circles on it. “Ally's got herself all mixed up about this shit with her mother. She's so used to defending the woman that she does it automatically.”
“And?”
Rob didn't pull away from Jackson's touch, so Jackson kept it up. “And you did the right thing. You gave her space to sort it out for herself. We all need space sometimes.”
Rob glanced down at Jackson's moving fingers. “Like you're giving me now?”
“I'm . . . a fool.” He went to move his hand, and Rob stopped him. Jackson slowly raised his gaze to meet Rob's pale blue stare. “I've been so busy telling you and Ally to be honest with each other that I've forgotten to be honest with myself.”
“About what?”
“About you.”
Rob's fingers tightened over his. “What about me?”
Jackson exhaled. “How I feel about you, and what I want to do to you when you tell me you're hard.”
“I thought you just fucked other guys.” Rob cleared his throat. “I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me.”
“I like fucking.” Jackson hesitated, trying to find the right words. “But with you? It would be a lot more complicated than that.”
“Because we're buddies?”
“Because if you turned me down, I'd lose you as my friend, and I convinced myself I'd rather not risk it.”
“Yeah, I can see that.” Rob nodded and took his hand away. “You should've seen Ally, Jackson, wearing just my old T-shirt, her ass raised in the air, her pussy all wet . . .”
Despite the sudden change of subject, Jackson's cock kicked against his cotton shorts at the salacious image. He managed to mutter a reply. “I wish I'd been there.”
“She'd probably have let you fuck her.”
“I'm not sure about that.”
Rob shifted in his seat and cupped his balls. “I'm so fucking hard, Jackson.”
Jackson glanced at Rob's groin and then looked away. “Yeah, I can see that.”
“Seeing as how I was so noble, I guess you should repay me somehow.”
Jackson went still. “Like how?”
“You could suck my cock.”
“Didn't we just touch on this and you brushed me off?”
“I'm not brushing you off. I'm asking you to help me out.”
“And what about what I said?”
“About this meaning something to you?” Rob stroked his thumb along the hard ridge of his arousal, and Jackson practically salivated. “I get that it's a risk, but it's one I'm willing to take.” He hesitated. “It's not as if I hadn't guessed how you feel. It's just not the sort of thing a guy can bring up in conversation, is it?”
There was a challenge in Rob's stare that made Jackson shake with a mixture of excitement and dread.
“You'd let me suck your cock?”
“Sure.”
Immediately Jackson's shaft went from semierect to painfully aroused. But this wasn't about him; it was about Rob. He surveyed Rob's position on the couch and wanted to moan with anticipation. He turned sideways and knelt between Rob's outstretched legs.
He leaned forward and kissed his way up the growing bulge behind Rob's white boxers. Rob groaned and his hips rose off the couch. Jackson used his tongue to dampen the cotton and clearly outline Rob's thick, pulsing cock.
“Yeah, that's fucking good, Jackson.”
Rob was watching him, and that made Jackson even harder. He licked Rob through the cotton again, felt his friend's shaft grow even more as the wet purple crown tried to force itself out of the tight waistband.
“Nice,” Jackson murmured, and swirled his tongue over the wetness, until Rob grabbed his hair. Jackson slid his tongue into the slit, and Rob's grip on his hair became painful.
“Take it out—put me in your mouth.”
Jackson was more than willing to oblige. He pulled Rob's boxers down and off and settled between his thighs, licking a slow, wet line down the thrusting shaft of Rob's cock and then nuzzling his balls.
Rob tugged on his hair again. “In your mouth, suck me.”
Jackson levered himself onto his knees and bore down on Rob's cock, swallowing him deep and hard until Rob groaned. He loved the taste and texture of Rob's heated flesh, the way the blood pumped so close to the surface, the urgent way Rob thrust upward, drilling himself farther down Jackson's throat.
Yeah, this was everything he'd ever dreamed of. Jackson closed his eyes and simply lived the moment; he brought his hand up to cup Rob's balls and massage the soft skin between his ass and sac with his thumb. Rob groaned out some obscenity and started thrusting upward. Jackson took it all. Setting his teeth lightly on Rob's flesh, he held him deep until his friend climaxed, his come so far down Jackson's throat that he hardly tasted it.
“That was fucking awesome.”
Jackson slowly released Rob's cock from his mouth and moved away from him, one hand rubbing over his lips to keep that scent and taste with him when he . . .
He couldn't speak. Jackson nodded at Rob and got off the couch. His cock ached so bad he needed to attend to it right now, and no way was he begging Rob to touch him. He'd never expected this to be reciprocal.
Jackson stumbled into his bathroom and turned on the shower. It took way too long to ease his shorts down over his swollen shaft. The water still wasn't that warm when he got in, but it didn't matter. Hell, he needed cooling down. He braced one arm against the wall and rested his forehead against the coolness of the tile. He grabbed the soap and stared down at his pulsing cock. He licked his lips, tasted Rob there, and wrapped a shaking hand around his shaft.
 
Rob watched Jackson disappear and hurriedly sat up. “Hey, wait.”
But Jackson either hadn't heard him or didn't want to hear him. Rob glanced down at his cock, which was still throbbing with pleasure. Jackson's touch hadn't felt weird at all; in fact, he'd fucking loved it, that strong mouth, Jackson's fingers on his balls. . . .
And just like that, he was hard again. Rob got up and stormed after Jackson. He could hear the sound of the shower going but barged right on in. Through the steamed-up glass, he could see Jackson about to yank himself stupid. Without allowing himself to overanalyze it, Rob stepped into the shower and turned it off.
“I'm not good enough to touch you, then?”
Jackson raised his dark gaze to Rob's face, his black hair dripping from the shower, sending rivulets of water down over his muscled chest. “I didn't ask for anything in return. I just wanted to make you feel good.”
Rob looked down at Jackson's cock. “And if I want to play with your dick?”
Jackson tried to turn away from him, and Rob followed him, shoving his buddy up against the shower wall. Rob slid his hand around Jackson's hip and wrapped his fingers around Jackson's shaft. It felt right in his hand. Jackson groaned as Rob started to move his fingers, hard, sharp thrusts that made Jackson tremble. Rob moved in closer, his erect cock pressing against Jackson's ass.
“God, I'm coming, Rob.”
Jackson's hoarse shout made Rob tighten his grip until he felt Jackson's hot come drench his fingers. He didn't release Jackson, just stood there, his face buried in Jackson's neck while his friend panted and shook under his hands. Yeah, it felt right, and he wanted it, wanted more. Reluctantly he took his hand away, and Jackson stirred.
“Thanks, Rob.”
There was a note of finality in Jackson's tone that made Rob tense. He set his teeth on Jackson's ear and bit down. “We're not done.”

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